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Shame Resilience-Heroic Families-Parallel Processes
Dr. Louise A. Stanger LCSW, CIP and Jeffrey M. Merrick Esquire
Jeffrey J. Merrick, Esq.
Attorney / Interventionist Hollywood, California (949) [email protected]
Dr. Louise A. Stanger, Ed.D, LCSW, CIP
Interventionist, Author, SpeakerWest Hollywood, California(619) 507-1699Allaboutinterventions.com
Objectives Identify external motivators and
collateral processes for the resistant client
Learn alignment strategies using Motivational Interviewing and Solution Focused Therapy
Practice the art of Crucial Conversations
Practice Parallel Processes Identify Emotional Attunement Practice Reflective Listening and
Speaking Identify Ways to Integrate these
strategies into your practice Care Advocacy for the client in
treatment
Superwomen Counselor
Superman Counselor
How do our clients arrive ?
Family History
Dance
Mental / Physical Health Issues
Substance Abuse
Sudden Death
Financial Crisis
Legal Crisis
Family Strengths
Communication Caring Health Commitment Resilience Spirituality
Attributes of Healthy Families ( McMannis PHD & McMannis MSW)
Talking & Loving Expressing
Language Adapting to Change Sharing Time
Together Who’s in Charge
Balancing Closeness & Difference
Accepting Difference Seeing The Positive Effective Problem
Solving Parenting Together
Families with SA & MH Are behavioral systems in which SA and MH-related behaviors have become
the central organizing structure
An identity is forged around this, family accommodates to the special needs of the person with SA or MH behavior
Daily rituals reflect this new identity and can alter the balance that exists between growth and regulation in the family
Families begin to count on a conscious or unconscious way of this new identity and are somewhat resistant to change -- in other words SA is actually maintained by the family
Hence the introduction of change most often appears as emphasis on short term stability at the expense of long term growth.
Family distortions
Good - Not So Good
Families and Confabulations
Family Fusion
Lack of personal space Taking over-Controlling Blurred Lines Blaming Power Denying Rescuing / Faulty
Reasoning Boundaries Getaway Driving Bailout
So What Type of Families Do You Encounter? Agreeable Family –Does everything
you ask The Invisible Family-always in the
background The Questioner- calls all the time
and emails … The Know it all-Knows everything
about everything The Talker – Talks –Talks and Talks
The Complainer- Nothing is ever good enough
The Worrier The Micro-Manager The Confuser-- says one thing
does completely the opposite. Analysis / Paralysis
What’s your Attitude ?
Families are Hurting / Experts (SFT)
1.Client is the expert about their own life
2. Professionals adopt posture of not knowing (easier said then done)!
Solution Focused Coaching
Not necessary to understand deeper cause or meaning
Goals are defined by client, focusing on the possible and changeable, honoring client choice
Small change is often all that is possible
Families/Clients are experts 3. Counselor expertise
is called along the way.
4. Remember this is not about you
5. Avoid one upmanship
Assumption: Families are Motivated Probability of behavior
change or movement toward or against goal
Extrinsic…….
Intrinsic ……
What are they motivated to do?
Braving- Trust- Brene’ Brown…….. B-Am I clear in helping client
respect their own boundaries? R-Am I reliable did I do what I
said I was going to do? A-Did I hold myself accountable V -Did I respect confidentiality
and share I- Did I act from integrity? N did I ask for what I needed-
Was I nonjudgmental ? G-Was I generous in my
interpretation of myself and others
Parallel Processes Families must have opportunities
to grow alongside their loved one that is in treatment
The Truth is all parents fail their children …
The Task of growing is to find our own ways of parenting ourselves
To Parent from a Place of Love
Krissy Pozatek. LICSW
Parallel Process Letting Go of the reins
Emotional Attunement
Listening-Reflective
Learning how to speak
Shifting Responsibility Back to your loved one
Separate but coordinated processes -- bringing in our clients’ motivators
Who Moved My Cheese? Traps to Avoid
Expert Question- Answer Labels Taking sides Blaming Others Runaway Defense – Healthy versus Unhealthy
Help? Know your boundaries
Intervention
Treatment Indicated / Client Unwilling Client in Trouble / Loss of Control Family Focus Higher/ Problem More Visible Court Involvement / Assistance Maximum Consequences / Leverage / External
Motivators In Custody / Threat of Custody / Return to Custody Access to client over time / Single location More Willingness / Freedom vs. Treatment Needs Attorney, Bail, Etc. Redefining Freedom Fear – The Great Motivator
External Motivators
Assumptions To Avoid Person OUGHT to
change Person WANTS to
change Persons health is prime
motivation factor If she/he decides not to
change consultation is a failure
Individuals are either motivated to change or they are not
Now is the right time to consider change
A tough approach is always the best approach
I am the expert and know best
I am right my child, young adult , grown child is wrong
A equalitarian approach is always best
Strategies for Handing Resistance
Clarification Shift focus away from
stumbling block Emphasize Personal
Choice and Control What Are The External
Motivators?
Crucial Conversations Client is always right
Agree with clients goal, its about choice
Use client’s language
Develop Compliments to support change
Case Examples
I want to know everything that is said in treatment
You are not responding to my child’s needs
You call yourself a case manager?
You can’t talk to me?
BBC- Bars- Boardrooms and Court
Bar InterventionSubstance Abuse- Alcohol & Other Drugs
Mental Health
Breast Cancer Survivor
Intergenerational Issues
Relational Attachment Issues
In The Law Office………….
Alice - 42 Alcohol Dependant Divorce Falls Asleep on Desk Empty Bottles in Trash Can Work Complaints Security Complaints Partner-Super Lawyer
In the Courtroom……
Mother of Defendant –Psychic
Defendant- Drug Charges SA and MH issues
Case Example: “Phil”
King Baby I am very
important and only can talk with the CEO at least 3 times a day at my loved one
Queen Baby The problem is you, your treatment
center does not understand our daughter. She is unique
My daughter must talk to me at least once a day
My daughter demand s a special diet My daughter wants her phone What you need to know about my
daughter is … You’re my lawyer – I hired you! Oh no you don’t! That’s not the
outcome I like!
Family’s After Treatment –Heroic Operate from a Place of Love Shift Responsibility from bailing
out to responsible choice Attunement Individualization Healthy Boundaries-enforce
consequences Own Recovery Talking care of themselves Good physical health Emotionally sound Acting from ones values
Heroic Counselors Help Create Heroic Families
Stanger Books
Resources The Daring Way- Raising Strong -Brene’ Brown Crucial Conversations – Patterson etal The Parallel Processes- Kathy Prozatek LICSW The Journey of The Heroic Parent –Brad M Reedy PHD If You Meet The Buddha On The Road-Kill Him- Sheldon Kopp Motivational Interviewing- Miller and Rollnick http://www.motivationalinterviewing.org Solution Focused Therapy- Young and Berg Dr Louise Stanger http://www.allaboutinterventions.com