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Shame Brené Brown
Shame � “Shame is the swampland of our soul” � Guilt vs. Shame � First form of shame: “I’m not & will never be
enough” � Second form of shame: “Who do you think
you are?” � Shame is a result from fear of disconnection
Shame � Highly correlated with negative outcomes
� Anxiety, depression, addiction, eating disorders, etc.
� The warm wash of shame feels the same for all
� But gender triggers shame differently � Women: Must do it all, do it all perfectly,
and never let them see you sweat. � Men: Must never be perceived as weak.
Shame � Epidemic in our culture � To get out from underneath it, we must
understand how it affects us � Shame grows exponentially in secrecy,
silence, and judgment � Shame is extinguished with empathy and
voice
What’s Behind Shame?
Fear of Vulnerability
Vulnerability � To let ourselves be fully seen � Emotional risk � Exposure � Uncertainty � To be fully honest
Vulnerability � Fuels our daily lives � Most accurate
measurement of pure courage
Wholehearted Living � Must believe that we’re worthy of love
and belonging in order to experience a strong sense of love and belonging
4 Characteristics of Wholehearted Living: 1. Courage to be imperfect.
� Courage: to tell the story of who you are, with your whole heart
Wholehearted Living 2. Compassion to be kind to yourself first
and then to others 3. Authenticity to be who we are
� Connection happens when we’re willing to let go of who we think we should be in order to be who we are
Wholehearted Living 4. Embrace vulnerability
� Believe that what makes us vulnerable, makes us beautiful
� Willingness to do something with no guarantees, breathe through the unknown, invest in a relationship that may not be permanent
What’s standing in our way 1. We numb vulnerability
What’s standing in our way 2. We make everything that’s uncertain,
certain
What’s standing in our way 3. We pretend that what we do doesn’t
have an effect on others.
But wait, there’s another way!
� Love with our whole hearts, even if there’s no guarantee
� Practice gratitude and joy � If we truly believe “I am
enough,” we’re kinder and gentler to those we know and love
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
-Theodore Roosevelt
Comments? Brené Brown: Shame
Training Prepared by Allie Gross, MSW Intern