MY ACCIDENTAL SOLDIER…

A Victim of a Lifetime of Narcissism Overcomes and Thrives.

I have been the partner of a POW for 15 months. A prisoner of war right here on Australian soil, a 35 year battle from 1978 until 2012. A secret war with an entity hell bent on sucking the goodness and life-force out of anyone unlucky enough to be related it or naïve enough to fall for it’s fake charm. It is a greedy, unrelenting enemy. Narcissistic Supply is the target. The entity thrives on a gluttonous amount of Narcissistic Supply in the form of control, intimidation, manipulation and insatiable attention sapping. With no conscience the entity takes all it can for as long as it can, using mind games, distrust and public humiliation to confuse and stun it’s prey. When needed it will put on the charm, pretend to give a shit or be the life of the party! If it cannot charm, pretend well enough or is shadowed by another it will ignore the threat and ensure his current Narcissistic Supply continues, siding with it’s unreasonable hate for a new acquaintance.

It is desperate to fill the bottomless pit of self-adulation and god-like power and control. It is terrified of being “found out” as the flimsy scaffold it has created may be seen through at any time. The nature of the beast is addiction which is defined as repeating the same behaviours and patterns, hoping for a different outcome or result. Here in lies the insanity of this destructive disorder and unlike other disorders, if gone unchecked can deeply wound and even destroy the lives of the people it sucks dry then spits out with no remorse.

This is the worst kind of Narcissist, the Pathological, and Destructive Narcissist. An entity so rotten yet so cunning it will force the family to up and leave town at a moments notice. It took the form of a boy and reared it’s ugly head at around age 6 or 7 years old. With only a younger brother and an anxiety ridden single mother for needed N. Supply, it took control by manipulating the mother and using the younger brother as a scape goat, a forced accomplice in crime, a lookout, a punching bag both physically and emotionally…and much more hideous things.

My Accidental Solider was at war with the entity for 35 years, fighting a battle with no direct orders or defined boundaries. My Solider had no platoon leader, no allies, and no mission parameters. Rules of engagement changed at the whim of the enemy with no governing body to police the injustices to humanity which he incurred. Advancing blindly on enemy territory, he had only an internal moral compass; he developed himself and a strong sense of fair and just tactics. However looking back he sees that at points along the way the force of good allocated him protection, gave him courage, endowed him with super powers such as speed to escape certain capture, the heart of ten lions when faced with angry giants, the military training required before the surprise hand to hand combat phase. Acting on instinct alone my Solider escaped the clutches of the entity with a knowing that he would be eternally fighting for good.

Who am I to talk about Narcissism? I may not be a psychologist or counsellor but I have seen my fair share of psychologists and counsellors. I undertook CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for 2 years in place of taking Zoloft. I have been in and escaped from 2 controlling, violent partners and I have a child who was displaying all the signs of developing narcissism. I have also worked for over 17 years with children 0-6 years old and have seen disorders and delays at their infancy. As an advocate for early intervention my son got help early and is doing well.

I am diploma trained and the last 8 years of my career as the director of a centre for a community organisation in Fairfield, a highly multicultural, low socio-economic suburb. I gained the ability to see traits of undiagnosed delays, conditions, disorders and abuses in adults, as I am an advocate for early intervention in children. As both my solider and I came to see, my past was the mission training I required along with his identic memory, an ability to recall events in such detail, few could falter, we were the perfect allies.

Before I realised my partner was an accidental solider, I noticed some worrying behaviours. He would have bouts of frustration which would lead to severe anxiety and loss of impartial thinking and an idealization of suicide. These times were few and far between and 95% of the time we were able to maintain

an equal, open, honest, loving relationship. The 5% however was becoming so disturbing I was considering taking a break from the relationship.

He knew the enemy entity well but was stuck as so many are on the fact that we CAN feel, a range of emotions, it is extremely difficult to believe your brother CANNOT feel, anything…also as the old saying goes you cannot see the forest through the trees and the entity had the forest thick with choking weeds and dense scrub, almost impossible to escape on your own.

I was piecing the puzzle together and even in lou of the entity’s host being present in his life the entity was running scared and using it’s dominance in his previous life to stop transparency and education…if we recognised it and no one would supply it…I wonder what would happen? For my solider and I it was the calm before the storm where my solider seemed to be giving in to the residual Narcissistic control and was pushing me away by verbally abusing me in bouts and them sorry for it the next minute. Not a feature of our relationship, us both not understanding what was happening.

I always like to know why, so I was increasingly curious. There was something I was missing. After hearing, actively listening and believing the horrific incidents my solider had disclosed to me, (and having met his mother and toxic brother) I started to formulate a diagnosis.

My solider would at times breakdown and I would see a side of him that I knew was an effect of the oppression. His brother seemed to be at the centre of all the dramas and crisis the family had to endure, displaying strange, anti-social, destructive behaviours. Eventually the word Narcissism came to mind. I looked it up and the veil was lifted! My solider (and his mother) had been under the supreme control of a Pathological Destructive Narcissistic brother for many years. After researching for hours we came to the refined diagnosis in his brother of Pathological Destructive Narcissistic Disorder.

My innocent solider had been a victim of severe Narcissistic control from a very early age, as far as I can tell the entity was controlling it’s host and the family from the age of 5 or 6. This

coincides with my soldier’s earliest memory of his brother’s compulsion to lie and being used by the entity as the scapegoat. The 3-4 yrs old solider was forced to look out as Julian rifled through their grandfather’s tool shed. The solider was not sure what his brother was looking for, but was sure he was up to no good, his gut feeling. It found a jar of petrol. There was a small bon fire in the backyard and a lack of adult supervision. It threw the petrol at the fire not realising some back splashed on it’s legs. Suddenly the entity’s host was on fire! The next thing my solider remembers is being inside his grandparents home, with adult relatives and mother all around in a panic and his brother screaming “he did it, he burned me! he poured petrol on me.” My wrongly accused solider was yelled at and beaten for a crime he knows he did not commit, but no adult would listen to him and the entity got away with it… which was to become an astonishingly regular habit that would keep it out of jail but not out of the path of revenge of disgruntled, ripped off, burned people who unwittingly allowed the entity into their lives. It had no friends and normal girls would run. Only the toxic and broken would put up with the entity as a boyfriend. A regular pattern, it would not take long for the entity to show it’s true colours after hooking them in by ”acting” overly charming and interesting, people soon saw through the thin veil would run fast and far.

This is the first in a series of “cleansing” rights that will be posted on behalf of my soldier, he deserves rest, recognition and relief. I feel privileged to be able to express my soldiers oppression and painful memories and realizations as the it all comes flooding back, linking up and syncing with the footprint of the entity as the uncompassionate, insidious, and unrelenting enemy he was fighting all along. I am able to be bias in my analysis of Narcissism, as I have not directly encountered the face of the disorder, but I have seen it’s horrific, unrelenting effects. The good news; It is fearful me and runs. LOL. I was brought up by a strong, successful, community orientated mother and my confidence renders me useless for Narcissist supply, therefore I do not exist. I saw it in my soldier’s brother on our second meeting. He could not look me in the eye, and did not engage in any conversation…as strong as it appears, it is weak n the face of self esteem and self love! We need to expose it

and educate all, or I too can see it destroying the world…seriously slap in the face… does anyone remember hitler?