PTSDThe Evolution of Lived Trauma

Today, there is a far greater understanding of the impact of trauma than there was when I returned home from my military experience in Vietnam. My discussion today will focus on my own PTSD experience.

PTSD is the result of a violation of the individual’s fundamental framework of personal reality, whether the trigger is a natural disaster, a terrorist act, domestic violence, criminal assault, or combat.

I want you to feel comfortable asking me any question that comes to mind. I am now 45 years post combat, and 30 years post significant PTSD symptoms.

Today, I want to share with you of a number of lessons I learned from my own experience, and what I have learned from other people with PTSD over my career in human services and as a member of Michigan’s disability community:

● Anyone can experience PTSD if the trauma lasts long enough or is intense enough

● The experience of trauma is entirely unique to the person● People who have traumatic experiences, but who don’t show

typical PTSD symptoms nonetheless have their brains changed permanently

● Like every disability experience, the key to expanding freedom and moving to a full life of personally chosen goals with PTSD is peer recovery and disability pride, along with customized support

● PTSD symptoms will fade over time, but substance abuse and deliberately chosen isolation can make the symptoms last much longer-maybe even a lifetime

● PTSD, concussion-based brain damage, exposure to chemicals in herbicides, riot control agents, insecticides, explosives, illegal substances, diabetes, and all other chronic medical conditions can play an important role in the severity and evolution of PTSD

● Trauma can be created by experiences that are socially judged as entirely positive-going to the moon, defeating the Nazis, saving someone’s life.

My Story

In brief:

● I came to Vietnam with pre-existing social anxiety and depression, thought he social anxiety stopped while I was in country

● I was in Vietnam for 21 months. in the First Cavalry Division. If you saw “We were soldiers once, and young…”-that was the First Cav

● I was part of what was called a chemical unit attached to the Division. We did a wide variety of fairly odd tasks:

○ Sniffer missions-looking for smoke: riskiest work I did○ Tunnel missions○ Destroying the usefulness of caves and bunkers○ Creating and installing perimeter defense weapons

called fougasse-also a kind of French bread○ Small scale use of herbicides○ Mosquito spraying

● I was involved in 2 major operations during my first 6 months:○ The relief of Khe Sanh

○ The A Shau Valley campaign● I ran a small chemical support squad for the 1st Brigade of

the First Cav in Tay Ninh for most of my second year● I left Vietnam around December 10th, 1969, and was

discharged on December 17, 1969-Two years, seven months, and 9 days after my first day in the Army.

My Symptoms:

● Depression● Anger● Anxiety● Rumination over traumatic experiences● Hypervigilance● Use of hallucinogens● Though I didn’t experience it, dissociation is also a symptom

of PTSD

The 3 Worlds of Combat Meaning

There are three systems of meaning that people experience in combat and use to interpret the experience. They don’t overlap with one another. To understand the apparent paradoxes of war experience and their relationship to trauma and PTSD, you need to understand these three worlds of meaning:

● Spectacle: Movie and video game makers never capture the spectacle of war in their creations. Arclight example

● Horror: For all the time and effort put into the visual aspects of horror, again they never touch the parts of combat horror that stay with you decades after the events. Smells, having to work and function in an environment of horror. Story of sapper.

● Shame: Not the shame of having done something immoral. I never participated in anything that could be described as an atrocity and I knew no one who did. The shame I am talking about is merely being present in combat, the way presence in combat taints and scars you, and the empathic shame that arises when you see other soldiers devalued as people by

● the violence and unavoidable circumstances of combat. Again, no one has to perform an immoral act for these things to accrue to you.

I think the same 3 worlds of meaning are part of the generation of PTSD in any trauma experience, though the specifics obviously differ enormously.

Traumas, Small and Big: Spectacle

Some Spectacles:

● B-52 Bombing● Typhoon● River Ambush● The A Shau valley

Traumas, Small and Big: Horror

Some Horrors:

● My First Rocket Experience, My Second Rocket Experience● Battalion Ambush● VN Ranger Assault

Traumas, Small and Big: Shame

Some Shame:

● JT’s injuries● Helicopter Crash● LZ Becky: Official Description of the combat

Killing As Trauma

“On Killing” by Dave Grossman:

● In the second world war only 20% of armed soldiers fired when in a battle

● Starting with the Korean war, western armies began to try to improve that rate

● In Vietnam, the firing rate was close to 95%● This increase in firing drastically increased the individual

trauma associated with killing another human being● Think “American Sniper”

● The British studied the impact of continuous combat on soldiers in WWII

● At 60 days of continuous combat, over 98% of soldiers showed symptoms of what today we would call PTSD

● The individuals that didn’t develop PTSD were aggressive psychopaths who enjoyed killing and the intensity of combat

● In other words, almost everyone will experience PTSD is the

● trauma is relentless enough

PTSD As An Ecosystem

Many threads can contribute to PTSD:

● Substance Abuse: often to go to sleep● Chemical Exposures● Brain Damage● Multiple Traumas● Stigma● The vicious circle of shame● Breakdown of the personal social network

A short overview of epigenetics:

● Biomes● Inflammation● Triggers

Recovery and Pride

Recovery:

● Recovery is not cure-The myth of cure● The dysfunction of the sick role and the way it contributes to

maintaining symptoms● Recovery is about iteratively learning to manage symptoms-

taking control, in other words● Personal and social aspects of recovery; exercising

autonomy and benefiting from mutual support● My symptoms and how I learned to manage them● The problem with trying to feel safe

Pride:

● Disability Pride is the belief that disability brings with it deeper personhood, skills for change, and unique gifts-that is, the disability is inextricably integrated with selfhood.

● Pride directly counters the effects of stigma, shame, and trauma: Her Power as an example

● Pride can be cultivated iteratively through dialogue and reflection

Apps: There are a growing library of apps to support individuals with behavioral health, substance abuse, and PTSD related symptoms

● MDRC held a webinar on the use of apps in the journey of recovery. All the materials and an audio recording are available at http://goo.gl/LlxGqm

● PTSD Coach at http://goo.gl/412ibP● Android apps: https://goo.gl/6mCMni● iSystem apps: https://goo.gl/t0Trkp

Last Thoughts

The image is from a Saturday Night Live satire of television “inspirational mesages”.

If you truly want to understand something, try to change it.– Kurt Lewin

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.― Nelson Mandela

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.― Helen Keller

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself.―Jim Rohn

Trauma fractures comprehension as a pebble shatters a windshield. The wound at the site of impact spreads across the

field of vision, obscuring reality and challenging belief.―Jane Leavy

If you read about the astronauts who went to the moon - the 12 who walked on it, and the others who orbited - all suffered serious mental trauma of one kind or another.―James Gray

Your Presenter

I am Norm DeLisle, Executive Director of Michigan Disability Rights Coalition:

Short Bio: hubby2jill, 2dogs, advocatefor45yrs, change strategist, trainer, geezer, pa2Loree, gndpa2Nevin

Email: ndelisle@mymdrc.orgTwitter: https://twitter.com/mdrcngdFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/disability.norm

Blogs: Recovery Michigan: http://recoverymi.posthaven.com/ Disability Futures: http://normdelisle.posthaven.com/ Health and Disability: http://ltcreform.posthaven.com/ Economic Justice: http://economic-justice.posthaven.com/

Thank You!

I Appreciate Your Time and Attention!

Thank You!