Marina: Killers' Asylum?   Toast: Yup.   Marina: Killers' Asylum ? By the Professor? Are you sure? That doesn't sound right. Another thing--did she PM you about this?

  Toast: Only to ask if photobooths are legal on an Asylum lot. Yeah, weird; usually she PMs about the least little thing: "uh, ahem, may I please hook you up with my hot legacy spare?" Using simselves in an asylum, that's more like something I would do.

  Ah, but I am not using simselves in this asylum. This is my Cassius Marius Bachelor Challenge neighborhood. Both of you escaped from Cassius' lecherous clutches, and I figured you ladies had suffered enough. So none of you will be involved in any of the madness, unless you are, um, needed somehow.

  Flavius: An asylum? That does sound unlike you.   Flavius, do you have any idea how tired I get of sweetness and light? Of all that nothing

happening? Of all that pink ? I need a break, that's all I'm saying.   Flavius: But an asylum? I hope you're not using legacy Sims instead. You know that's my latest

issue--and by the way, why are we always in this neighborhood when I'm doing a mayoral campaign?

  ---Because I need a break from that, too, but don't tell him that.

  SimMe: Now, you know I wouldn't use Legacy Sims. Most of the time, I treat them better than simselves, and besides, if I were, their creators would definitely have heard from me. No, I thought that the only way I could possibly feel comfortable doing an asylum would be if the patients were all disturbed, dangerous killers.

  Flavius: Oh, well, that's good to know.

  Behold the Count Fosco Home For the Distraught. Founded by an Italian nobleman during the Victorian era, it is decorated in the most luxurious manner throughout--and the rumors that the Count had his best friend's wife wrongfully committed so that the two of them could swipe her fortune are entirely true. I mean, untrue! Untrue!

  Unfortunately, the endowment was spent long ago. Gone are the maids, the gardeners, the repairmen, the nurses who lovingly administered the latest treatments with rubber hoses. The plumbing is original--which means it was tacked on and there isn't much of it; the beds are shoddy, and the luxuries of a modern age are largely missing.

  Downstairs is the patients' visiting parlor. It is separated from the rest of the asylum by a locked door, the only one in the house. Here you will find the television, a chess table, a two-seater parlor sofa, a bookcase, and, curiously, a DJ Booth. Don't ask why the patients are allowed to have that, but they are. Coincidentally, these harmless amusements also build skills that the patients may use when they are released, which has never happened, but it's nice to think it might.

  The kitchen has two cooktops separated from the rest of the kitchen by a large space intended to protect it from fire. The dining room has only two chairs. The hall contains a dance sphere--another curious item for a Victorian asylum, and also, though it is hard to see, a little prie-dieu.

  Upstairs, the one sink, toilet, and bathtub/shower are placed in separate rooms, for modesty's sake. There are four bedrooms, with three single and one double bed.If you know the Asylum Challenge, this is a dead giveaway about the Aspiration of our one controllable Sim.

  (Player's aside: despite its fancy appearance, the place really has no more than the contents of a normal Asylum Challenge, and the bills will be heck. The beds have no more than 3 in comfort or energy; the sofa is only 8 comfort and 3 energy. The skilling objects build only one skill each; a low-fun TV, a bookcase, a chess table, a dance sphere, and a DJ booth for Creativity. The rules don't say anything about small appliances. I thought a hospital would have a microwave, a mini-fridge and a coffeemaker, and there's nothing about cars. We cheated for building, obviously, so we can't buy anything else unless we have to replace it.)

  Building completed, check; family funds reduced to 100 Simoleans--anything I'm forgetting?

  Oh, yes, Flavius, thanks for reminding me.

  I'm not taking out my mods. I don't want to have to worry about them if I play my Legacy neighborhood, and they're all either necessary fixes from MATY, things I don't have to and won't use (InSim), or things that won't make any difference at all (Replacement Pollination Technician.) But I do have one custom food, and that has to go.

  My Legacy family has an ice cream parlour (now at Level 10, Q very much.) Sims love ice cream. They'll fix it anytime they're hungry, and it takes zero cooking points to make. So I'm pulling my entire ice cream folder, and I'm sorry, Marina, but until further notice, this will be an ice cream free neighborhood.

  Marina: Get to the killers.

  Oh, yes. The inhabitants of the Asylum are indeed dangerous killers.

  Game killers, that is. These are the NPCs which, if you add them to one of your households via Boolprop, will make your neighborhood go up in a Fiery Ball Visible From Space. I should also point out that these are NOT the real NPCs--see above. Their Aspirations and personalities were randomly chosen by the roll of the dice, and they have default personalities.

  I don't know why people want to add Mrs. Crumplebottom to their families. She's not even a person, she's an object. Maybe years of being an object have driven her here, who knows? She's Family. Doesn't it figure? And she's also a Gemini.

  She's also the reason I allowed myself to turn aging off. Dying of old age too soon is not supposed to happen.

  MY GENETICS ARE FANTASTIC.

  Well, that's what I've always heard. I wouldn't know.

  If you've ever had all of your Sims die, you may have seen the following pop-up: "The Grim Reaper is a Taurus, he loves long walks on the beach," blah blah blah? This one isn't. He's a Cancer. And he's Knowledge.

  Sim Shrink: My genetics suck!

  That's what I've always heard. He's Popularity, and he's a Taurus.

  I'm wondering how many of my killers will meet themselves.

  Like you, for instance, Pink Social Bunny. I don't know how insane you are. It certainly makes sense that you would be Popularity and an Aquarius. But you're a game killer, just the same, so into our lovely lovely Home For The Distraught you go.

  Oh, Social Worker, I hate to do this to you, I really do. Word on your dangerousness is exaggerated. You're contactable, dateable, and Beloved Wagon married you in in his Legacy Du Jour. His version of SoWo has made me fond of you, and you're also a Scorpio Knowledge Sim, like my simself. Frankly, if I were an NPC, I'd probably be you. But you are also the Social Worker Who Takes Your Children Without Any Reason, so. . .make yourself at home

  Huh. Repo Man is a Pisces and he rolled Fortune. I sense Ironic Punishment in the wings.

  Repo Man: Where's my super soaker blast gun?

  Are you kidding? No dangerous weapons allowed.

  Headmaster: Hey! I don't kill neighborhoods.

  No. You're here because you, the Professors, and the cow mascots are tied for my least favorite NPC. And having a cow mascot here doesn't make sense. You're a Gemini and you rolled Knowledge--you should be fine.

  Oh, yes, there is one final NPC. . .

  . . . the Remote Control Car!

  Ok, ok, that was just a joke, it's going in inventory, but you don't want to add this one via Boolprop either.

  Our final patient is not an NPC.

  Cecil: This is unjust.   Pfft, like everything else that happens to you.   This is my self-centered, asexual Legacy spare, Cecil Goodytwoshoes, who takes Squeaky Cleanliness to

its logical extreme. This place has a history of wrongful commitment, Cecil, and besides, you must be out of your mind, or you wouldn't have rolled Romance.

  I'm wondering how well Cecil will do in an Asylum. I'm betting, not well. He's a Virgo, very neat, very mean, and very playful: 10/2/9/10/1. His mother painstakingly Discouraged him down to nine Playful, so that's what he is here, but still, he doesn't like skilling. His Fun drops very fast, and. . .

  Oh. Oh, I see. Your LTW is Celebrity Chef. Well, that's um, fortunate, Cecil, it just happens that that's one of the few LTWs that's Fun to skill for; you use the TV, the chess table, and the, uh, DJ Booth.

  Asylums are NOT supposed to be Fun. They are supposed to be horrible, all misery and fiery death, and Cecil is not naturally a Romance Sim. He is a Fortune Sim the way Gage is a Romance Sim, and he doesn't even like people, though perhaps he isn't as cold as I've always thought. Or maybe he is.

  Cecil: You cannot possibly find this more distasteful than I do. Nevertheless. . .   So far, at least, I have underestimated Cecil and his Will To Win. And his luck. The weather at the asylum is not supposed

to be nice, so I set it, as you are supposed to, fall-spring-fall-spring. Here's what happens.

  It's fall, right? So everybody gathers happily around the TV and gains cooking point after cooking point. I don't know how many, because I'm not allowed to look. Grim's the first. In fact, Cecil's the only one who keeps wandering away.

  Cecil: You cannot conscientiously blame me. I cannot even see the television.

  We might as well watch TV, though, because we don't want cooking fires and we're just waiting for the Welcome Wagon. We're dependant on those for friends and networking, and well. . .you know.

  Flavius: Prof, I'm really depressed here.

  Yeah, it's probably the hearse.

  The Welcome Wagon was me, Flavius, and, um. Renee. I suppose Flavius can't resist the impulse to socialize.

  Flavius: How interesting. Meeting Someone New is one of my favorite things.

  Mrs. Crumplebottom, however, really likes Flavius and compliments him on being married. . .or on Cassius recently having gotten married, I don't know.

  Headmaster: What do you have against headmasters?

  I just seriously hate you guys.

  Cecil: Agh.

  If it makes you feel any better, I think the idea of Romance bothers Cecil, but I have to have him Check Someone Out to set his gender preferences. He's extremely conservative, and if I make him gay on top of it, he will want to kill me. I don't care what your personal feelings in the matter are, Cecil, Romance you are and Romance you're gonna stay.

  Renee: What? What did I ever do to you?   You mean on top of making me have twins with your ikky spare? Piercings ought to be a turnoff in the Sims.

Nothing, Renee. I have nothing against you. Cecil's Romance now and honestly, I was willing to throw myself to the wolves and get a knives memory, especially if he rolled something like WooHoo 20 Sims or 20 Simultaneous Lovers. It's an Asylum and I can't afford to be picky.

  Renee: Gage babies! I'm gonna give you so many Gage babies. . .   Hey, everyone knows I make fugly babies anyway. It's your eyesight.

  Akk. This is so weird. What makes it worse is that Cecil's father is an import from the *Ten Caesars* legacy, and um, Renee was his grandmother, so Cecil is hitting on his own great-grandmother.

  I warn you that as in many asylums, dark and horrible things occur in this story. Sensitive readers should use caution.

  Oh, *great.* He has negative chemistry with her, too. Poor Renee. . .first she was in the Bachelor Challenge with Cassius in this neighborhood and now this.

  Well, he can't get a job till tomorrow anyway, so might as well kill three birds with one stone; skill, make friends, and um, do the spadework for later.

  Creepy creepy creepy.

  On the other hand, it is nice to see that the Count Fosco Home encourages religious tolerance and a flexible outlook.

  What? What did you think Cecil's pyjamas were going to look like? You think he runs around with a bare torso?

  Perverts.

  Ah, good, I see he's dreaming of his very favorite person.

  Meanwhile, our killers are getting acquainted and making themselves at home.

  Social Worker: May we use the tub please? If you're quite finished playing in it.

  The Sim Shrink does this all the time. If I don't know where he is, that's where I look.

  Now, that’s a sight to make you spork your eyes out.

  I thought they were supposed to have trouble feeding themselves? Mine don't. Some of this may have been my fault, as you'll see, but mostly they fixed themselves cereal and other easy things. Maybe the cooking points they got made them just smart enough to know not to set fires? I don't know.

  This is the beginning of a very frustrating week.

  Ok. They aren't perfect at looking after themselves, but pretty darned good.

  Grim: I TRULY ENJOY THIS TIME BONDING WITH YOU.

  This makes a certain kind of wacky sense. Incidentally, this brings up the one mod I did use. Some of these Sims are completely unrecognizable out of their everyday clothes. In fact. . .

  You can't see Grim at all. So when I need to take a shot, I hit the Wardrobe Adjustor to change him and the Social Bunny into Everyday.

  Cecil, it's not nice to make fun of people when they're dancing.

  Cecil: Oh, I am not laughing at the dancing, Professor. I understand one of your main concerns was meeting our bills. You knew I could not possibly do it, but I got promoted on the first day. So I have obtained a large bonus, which I am going to use to pay the arrears and I shall frugally and sensibly invest the rest.

  Dang it! Dang it dang it dang it! He's still a Fortune Sim at heart. He hasn't gotten a job in Culinary yet. He's in Politics, so we'll simply have to wait. Meanwhile, it's fall and the skilling is relatively easy.

  Find it in the paper yet, Cecil?

  Cecil: No. Hmm. Why have I never noticed the Social Worker before? I rather like her. She's so. . .so. . .

  Yes?

  Cecil: Tidy.

  Yes, she is, but it's against the rules to date other patients, and you do need to keep your Aspiration up, so. . .

  Are you *sure* about this, Cecil? Once you start this dating thing, there's no going back.

  Cecil: I would prefer to exit this asylum as rapidly and painlessly as possible. I need to be platinum in order to achieve this.

  Grim: THIS MAKES ME SAD.

  Yeah, it makes me sad, too.

  Renee: It's the hearse. I can't resist a man with a hearse.

  This is beginning to remind me of Harold and Maude.

  It's fitting that the Shrink is spinning the disks during their date, don't you think?

  Cecil: It's this way, correct? This is a shoulder?

  Do not proceed if you have a weak stomach, Gentle Reader.

  Shrink: Mmmm, very interesting. More work for me later, wouldn't you say? My hourly rates are. . .

  Oh, jump off a cliff. Why would this bug Renee, anyway? It's not as though her legacies were exactly incest-free, and he's not related to her here, and even if he were, he wouldn't recognize her as a relative, since she's his great-grandmother, and. . .

  And I'm running out of excuses. He is platinum, though.

  Renee: Ooo! So memorable!

  Please do not tell her that Cecil rolls the want to buy a makeover station every time they have a date, and I mean every single time.

  You realize, Cecil, that you have now officially gone out of your mind?   Cecil: Or perhaps, Professor, I shall drive you out of yours.   Maybe. Asylums are supposed to be terrible! Where are the deaths? The fires?   Cecil: I think I shall be obstinately happy until you are forced to concede.   Little wretch! Everybody isn't that happy.

  For one thing, haven't you always wanted to see Grim toss his cookies? I know I have.

  Repo Man has it the hardest, as Fortune Sims always do in challenges.

  Repo Man: WORRY.

  Ironic Punishments, here we come.

  Social Worker: Oh, how happy I am, skilling away!

  She seems to be doing well. She sat there all day racking up logic points. She really does seem to be my alter ego here.

  She almost outsmarted herself, though, because she wouldn't quit until she was very tired and very hungry. She chose to go to bed first and then she fixed herself a meal. As I said. . . Good at taking care of herself, so far.

  Headmaster: WORRY.

  Hey, SoWo's Knowledge, you're Knowledge. She's skilling. She's fine. What's your excuse?

  The answer, of course, is that Scorpios are awesome.

  Crumplebottom isn't happy either, though you wouldn't guess it to look at her. She's Family. I don't know what she wants, of course, but she's not enjoying herself and hasn't since she earned those cooking points on the first day.

  Still, mostly, they are HAVING FUN. They're enjoying themselves!

  Shrink: Get get get get down to Partytown!

  You're not supposed to be happy! This is supposed to be miserable! This is all Cecil's fault!

  You know what's wrong with this place?

  Here's one thing. Grim is unbelievably neat. He follows people around so he can pick up dirty bowls and put them in the dishwasher. Even when it breaks, no problem. They all just troop up to wash the dishes in the sink and if they can't, they throw them away. He is forever scrubbing the tub and cleaning the toilet and getting the counters sparkling clean.

  Here's another thing that's wrong. SoWo gets up in the middle of the freakin' NIGHT and decides to rake the leaves!

  SoWo: They were getting terribly untidy.   Grah. There are a few things they won't and can't do, like disposing of the leaves and repairing

things, but BIG DEAL. Cecil has not used Influence one single time.

  Repo Man is miserable and he still keeps the flowerbeds all thriving and happy. No weeds, no drying up, nothing!

  The huge bust is a date gift from Renee. I wish it had been something useful, but oh well.

  Well, thank goodness somebody around here wants to be playful and messy and destructive! Thank you, Sim Shrink, you're keeping my sanity!

  Sim Shrink: It's what I do!

  Cecil: Ah, Mr. Livingston. A very good morning to you.

  Alon Livingston: Good morning, Mr. Goodytwoshoes. Gosh, you sure have a tidy yard.

  Cecil: Yes; yes, I do. I have always felt that the best course in life is to encourage industry, tidiness and thrift. Especially in others.

  Alon Livingston: But. . .but I thought only dangerous hardened psychotic killers lived here?

  Cecil: Ha ha. No, their motto seems to be "keep Cecil happy." And by the by, I trust that paper contains my Culinary job, or I shall be most

displeased.

  And it does.

  I blame myself. I put a microwave in the front room for reasons I'll probably go into later on. I wasn't going to use it for this, but you can't change your mind--you have to buy everything you need right at the beginning. That meant they kept fixing themselves Cups O Ramen and (I think) TV dinners. Nothing in the rules, didn't mean to, and too late now.

  Meanwhile, Cecil goes to his Culinary job.

  And brings home someone from work.   Cecil: Agh. Repellent.   He *must* have positive chemistry with someone, but not with anyone he's checked out so far.

  Chrissy Stratton: Uck, I find you unattractive.   Cecil: Of course you realize that this means war.   This one's fine with me. I hate Chrissy Stratton. She's hard to make friends with and a real pain, but

not to my male Family Sims, oh no. She stalks them and I swear she tries to get them to cheat on their wives. Anyway, date not happening here.

  YET.   Cecil: I would prefer to exit this asylum as rapidly and painlessly as possible, and I need to be

platinum.

  Oh, geez. Sorry about this, Renee.

  I am! Truly!

  Cecil: Carpe diem, do it today, and other industrious bon mots.

  Oh, YUCK, he's in love with his GREAT GRANDMOTHER RENEE.   On the bright side, I suppose this does answer the question as to whether Cecil can fall in love at

all. But. . .   Sensitive readers, beware. I warned you that dark and horrible things happened in this Asylum.

  *Shudder.* Some things are just too horrible to be shown. Or even thought about. I just waited behind the garage door, closed my eyes, thought happy thoughts, and waited for it to be over .Which is possibly what Cecil did, too.

  You know what's sad? Even, um, rather successful dating with Renee brings him up from negative chemistry to a whopping zero bolts. About the only positive aspect of this whole thing is that the Romance strut on Cecil is extremely funny. His family marries in Legacy Sims, so while his father is Gaius Caesar from Blite27's Ten Caesars, his grandfather is Spencer Fitzhugh from smoothiequeen's Fitzhugh Legacy (Marina, shown at the beginning of the chapter.) Spencer was a very warm-blooded and warm hearted Romance Sim, and the strut worked on him. Cecil's strut is a mincing, prissy version that's almost a parody of Spencer's. Which helps make this tolerable.

  Cecil: Hee hee! The Professor must be most displeased. Very amusing, is it not?

  Well, hello there, Cecil, I suppose you know that you just blew your Squeaky Clean image RIGHT OUT OF THE WATER.   Cecil: Surely I cannot be held responsible for acts commited when non compos mentis. I am tirelessly seeking out methods to. . .   To exit this asylum as rapidly and as painlessly as possible, yeah, yeah, we get it.   Cecil: As you know, Dream Dates give Sims large energy boosts. I do not have to sleep much and I scarcely have to eat at all, which

in turn enables me to keep my boyish figure. I have much more time to skill and I am always platinum, and therefore I am promoted almost every time I go to work.

  Hate you too, Cecil, but you have to admire him in a way. He's very adaptable.

  Cecil: I am Playing Chess With Death. How Russian Literature of me.   Geez.   Cecil: Why look. I do believe I am cheating Death.   Well, you'd better hope you don't have to do it for real, because you haven't bothered to make

friends with too many of the Sims who live here. Oh, there's a walk-by. You should definitely greet walk-bys, you get big boosts from Meeting Someone New.

  Hmm, it looks as though Marina is asking him what actually happened with Renee.   Cecil: You know I cannot possibly answer that, Miss Smoothiequeen. I do not bandy ladies'

names.   Marina: Oh. Oh, well, ok. I didn't really come by to get gossip. I thought I would inquire about

your health and how you are doing.

  Cecil: How kind of you to ask. I must admit that I continue to feel extremely odd, and it certainly seems to worsen in Spring. However, I have every confidence that my condition will continue to improve, and in the meantime, my fellow patients are extremely considerate. They are taking excellent care of themselves and of the house and grounds.

  Cecil: Do please excuse me. I must go and clean the plumbing fixtures. It is an opportunity I seldom have. Hoorah!

  He's at least as happy scrubbing the toilet as going on dates, and frequently much happier.

  Not so sure about his fellow inmates.

  Headmaster: We moved in. I'm not sure, I wasn't feeling quite myself, although I still enjoy skilling. I don't have the foggiest clue as to why I'm not doing it. However, Cecil is quite good at keeping us busy. Very, very busy. He says it's good for us. I'm sure he's right.

  The Headmaster is definitely not happy. They're not starving, not passing out, not even peeing themselves, but they aren't happy.

  We're almost at the end of the first week. The dishwasher's broken, but I'm not going to risk Cecil's life on fixing it, not when they're so good at tidying up after themselves. The shower breaks? No biggie. Cecil goes to work and they keep mopping and mopping and mopping until he can come home and fix it, shower, and well, um, get boosted a bit.

  The only thing that's keeping me really interested is how close they all are to Aspiration Failure. Not SoWo, and not Grim. In fact, I suspect they have a bit of a thing for each other.

  Mrs. C? Definitely not happy.

  Repo Man? Easily the most miserable of all, constantly sobbing and crying.   Cecil: Fortune Sims everywhere are duly avenged.

  Yeah, you go ahead and pillow fight with Grim in the kitchen, Cecil, it's not like you're kissing up because Death is such great pals with your girlfriend.

  Cecil: Good heavens. You make it sound so unpleasant when you put it that way.

  Cecil? Cecil?   Cecil: Quiet. I am skilling. Also, I am quite enjoying myself. However, I agree that I am in need

of an Aspiration boost again.   Why don't you call Chrissy Stratton?   Cecil: An excellent plan.

  I thought it was only fair to spread the misery around a bit. Chrissy's friends with him, easily done by chatting on the phone. She's not attracted to him, not at all, but people do weird stuff in the Spring.

  Ben: Keep me out of this keep me out of this keep me out of this. . .

  Sorry. Cecil has to greet all the walkbys he can; that's how he builds up a pool of people to be friends with for his career.

  Chrissy: Oh Cecil, I consider you to be my best friend, but I find you terribly unattractive.

  Cecil: What a coincidence, Madam, I have always felt the same way about you.

  Grim: RENEE? I'M AFRAID CECIL CANNOT COME TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW. YES, OF COURSE. I'LL TELL HIM THAT YOU CALLED.

  Cecil: Springtime makes one curiously successful at this sort of thing, does it not?   WHAT kind of thing?   Cecil: Oh, nothing. But whatever it is, I want three of it now.   It's the same thing with Chrissy as Renee. Negative bolts, and heavy successful dating only brings

it up to zero. Too bad they're both Family Sims, but Cecil can't be picky and neither can I. Still, Cecil does not find either of them nearly as attractive as a certain special someone.

  Cecil: Hmm. I wonder if I can ask myself out. Will I say yes? Who knows? I have yet to pluck up the courage.

  (Truthily, this is shamelessly stolen from Stephen Colbert's book I Am America And So Can You.)   All the dating was just bound to give Cecil a Contact sooner or later.

  Cecil: Hello? Mr. Marius? To what do I owe the pleasure? Ah, I see. My friend Miss Cowforbrains said she had a good time and you wanted to know if I would like to go Downtown. Thank you, Mr. Marius, but---first names on such slight acquaintance?--well, then, Cassius, I deeply regret it, but I am not able to leave the house just now. However, I will keep you on my list of possible future friends. No, no, thank you. Good day.–

  What on earth did he mean by "I like your work?”   Um, no idea, Cecil. You're not missing anything. My Downtown here consists of one lot with a

photobooth, a hot tub, a DJ booth, and an electronics vending machine. It doesn't even have a roof.

  Cecil: That was a very productive day. I feel this calls for a celebratory round of Red Hands with Mrs. Crumplebottom in her unmentionables.

  Where's my Asylum, Cecil? Where's all the misery and pain and death? Cooperate, Cecil!   Cecil: It is scarcely my fault if my housemates neglect their incendiary duties.   I want misery! I want pain!

  And I didn't mean a searing pain in my *eyeballs*!

  Cecil: No doubt you are impressed by me, Miss LeTourneau. I have heard of you referred to as the "Ice Queen." I am positively glacial myself, but I still do not care to be Admired.

  Sometimes the boot is on the other foot.

  Jan Tellerman wouldn't cave in no matter what Cecil tried. Since it was more important to keep her as a friend than push her as a date, and since he didn't really care, I let the matter drop.

  I said earlier that Cecil found the Social Worker to be attractive. Unsurprising, since I made black hair one of his turnons. I did that deliberately, because there are practically no black haired simselves in the neighborhood--only Sushi, in fact-- but it wasn't enough to save poor Renee.

  I don't know what the other Sims' turnons and turnoffs are. I just hit any old thing.

  Cecil: Miss Worker, I am afraid I cannot accept your Friendly Hug.

  Mrs. C: Oh, c'mon, live it up, sonny. I'm in my underwear, razzmatazz!

  WELL, FINALLY. It only took you guys a WEEK.

  I feel totally justified in having the microwave now. They haven't had any fires in the kitchen at all. And could they have their fire while Cecil was at work and cause big trouble? Oh, no, they had to do it as he was *about to leave for work* and could call the fire department. He only had a red hygiene bar and fixed that up the second he got home from work. What a ripoff!

  Cecil: Have I mentioned that I have received another promotion?   SHUT. UP. NOW.

  Cecil: Hello, Mr. Marius? I wonder if I could speak to the Professor? Ah, yes, Professor. It has been exactly a week since I arrived, and I thought you might have intended to ask about my general well-being. Things are going remarkably well. I have roughly half of the friends and skill points I need to reach my LTW, I am platinum almost all the time, my housemates are leaving me scarcely any cleaning or gardening to do, and they have not yet set themselves on fire.---No, naturally I have not needed to use influence. I seem to inspire others to do their best, I suppose.

  Smug little---Score at end of first week: Cecil: 1; Professor: 0   You just wait until everybody starts going into aspiration failure all around you! You just wait until---   Cecil: Thank you for your continued good wishes. I could not interest you in a date, I suppose? No? Ah. Give my regards to Mr.

Marius.