TMPC Leaders Training

Session 1

Introduction & Principles

The TMPC Journey

The Sofa Couple

The Facilitating Couple

Modeling a TMPC Session

Session 2

Prepare Enrich

Modeling an Evening with Engaged Couple

Logistics

Support Couple

Modeling SCAM

Programme Schedule

Principle 1: The best time to start supporting couples is before they marry

Principle 2: Christian principles are relevant to all relationships

Overview

Started at Holy Trinity Brompton by Nicky & Sila Lee in 1985 and now run by other churches around the world

Vision: A course within easy reach of any couple

Aim: to help engaged couples build foundations for a lifelong marriage

Why We Do What We Do

Overview

• No group work

• Most guests attend on recommendation of a friend

• Suitable for Christians & pre-believers

•Can be run by volunteers with support of church leader/ Relationship Central

• Easy to run in a home with a DVD Player or a large venue

Overview

1 introductory session with PREPARE ENRICH

+ 5 Video Sessions

2 meetings with support couple

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TMPC 6

Meet TMPC Coupl

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TMPC 6

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TMPC 3

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Schedule

TMPC 6

3.00 3.30 5.30 6.00

Session Timing

Tea Video Sofa Couple

Ice-breaker

3.40

Conduct as a couple

Begin with short icebreaker

Recap previous session

Encourage couples to do homework

Start and stop video

Keep time of exercises

Serve couples snacks during exercise

Facilitate sofa couple session

Role of Facilitator Couple

Karen Ann Lam

Icebreaker should be 1) done in 5-8 minutes2) easy to do3) get some laughs4) get couples talking to other couples

Sofa Couple Session

“ I like that the course allows us to discuss among ourselves privately. Feels a bit more secure. And that it’s “real”. The sofa couple and support couple really helps.

Karen Ann Lam

To make point that= no Value add needed= couples are encouraged to talk between themselves. No sharing.= role of sofa couple

Sofa Couple SessionWhy

To address issues of local context

Most participants won’t ask questions until the issues are

raised during the interview

To model a relationship based on respect, love and openness

Karen Ann Lam

Issues of filial piety, parents are not dealt with as much in the video but are very pertinent to us.

All of the couples…are very open in sharing the highs and lows of their marriage life…

Good examples are demonstrated, e.g. respect

each other when one’s talking. Show the love

languages from time to time.

Wendyguest of TMPC

Sofa Couple SessionWhy

• Between 15-30 minutes

• Facilitator couple prepares sofa couple with a list of questions

•Sofa couple must be flexible to answer any questions that may follow from response

•Questions should be related to issues discussed in the video session

•Sofa couple needs to be comfortable sharing real examples

Sofa Couple SessionHow

• Arrange seating with couples angled towards each other with the male partner sitting on the outside

•Each partner must look for opportunities to praise and compliment the other

•If sharing about a conflict, the “offending” party should start by sharing his/her role . The other party can then share his/her part in the conflict

•Sofa couple must respectfully let the other speak without interrupting. Look at the speaker when he/she is talking

Sofa Couple SessionHow


Session 1

Introduction & Principles

The TMPC Schedule

The Sofa Couple


Session 2

Prepare Enrich

Modeling an Evening with Engaged Couple

Logistics

Support Couple

Modeling SCAM

Programme Schedule

What is PREPARE?

• It is a couple assessment tool from Focus on the Family used for engaged couple.

• It is used as a foundational program for premarital counseling

• Accreditation is needed from Focus on the Family

Why use PREPARE program?

Benefits for the couple

• Helps couple to identify possible area of strengths and growths as a couple

• Encourages couple to discuss problematic issues they typically would avoid till after marriage

Benefits for the administrator

• Provides comprehensive and accurate information of the couple in how they perceive issues in their relationship

• Very quickly identifies the couple strengths, growth areas and how they function together. Timesaver!

What you need

• 2B Pencils

• Erasers

• PREPARE questionnaire

• PREPARE answer sheet

Before you start

• Write the names of the couples individually on the answer sheets IN PENCIL

• This will be translated to a Couple Number to be submitted for the computer report.

• Couple Number ensures confidentiality

PREPARE : Practicalities 1

Before they start, tell the couples:

1. It is not a test

2. There are no right and wrong answers

3. Strictly confidential

4. Do not spend too much time on every question.

5. Understand the sentence construction of each question

6. Only one response per question

7. Try to avoid the response “3” (i.e. undecided)

8. Ensure that every question has an answer. Do not leave any blanks

9. Cannot consult one another as the questions are to be done separately

10. Time frame given : recommended 45mins

PREPARE: Practicalities 2

• For each couple, submit 2 answer sheets and a fee of RM60

• Cheques payable to

“PREPARE-ENRICH MALAYSIA SDN BHD”

and mail to:Prepare Enrich Malaysia6-2,Jalan Bersatu 13/446200 Petaling JayaSelangor

• We encourage someone from your team to go for accreditation

Interpreting the results

1. Background information

2. Personality assessment

3. Item summary

Interpreting the results: Background information - 1

Interpreting the results :Background information - 2

• Gives an overview information of the couple

• Look out for similarities and differences

Interpreting the results:Personality assessment - 1

Interpreting the results:Personality assessment - 2

• Assertiveness - ability to ask what they want from their partner

• Self confidence - feeling good about self and to accomplish what they want in life

• Avoidance - tendency to minimize issues and reluctant to deal with the issues

• Partner dominance - feels partner tries to control them and dominate their life

Interpreting the results : Item summary - 1

Interpreting the results:Item summary - 2

• The positive/negative signs indicates the characteristic of a couple relationship

• The more +ve items a person agrees with, the higher their individual score for the category. And the more satisfied the person is with the particular area

• The more –ve items the person agrees with, the lower their individual score for the category, and the more dissatisfied the person is with the area

Interpreting the results: Item summary - 3

PREPARE - Summary

1. Provides accurate assessment of the couple’s growths and strengths area. PREPARE is one of the tools available. A simpler on line version is COUPLE CHECK UP

2. More effective Support Couple sessions

3. Don’t have to go through all the results – normally pick on top 3 growth and strengths from Item Summary

4. God is the changer of hearts

Overview

1 introductory session with PREPARE ENRICH

+ 5 Video Sessions

2 meetings with support couple

1 Party-----------------------------------------------------------------------

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TMPC2

TMPC 1

TMPC 3

TMPC 4

TMPC 5

Schedule

TMPC 6

Meet Engag

ed Couple

Meet Engag

ed Couple

Modeling Meeting

with Engaged Couple

Discussing Results of the Assessment

State Support Couple’s roles • Sounding board• Scenarios• If need be, will push for

actions (not decisions)

Engaged couple to separately list 3 strengths and 3 growth areas of their relationship.

Facilitate discussion of their perspective vs assessment results.

Affirm strengths

Get them to agree on which areas to focus on

Meeting with Engaged Couple

Give couples a model of a real family committed to loving one other in a real setting

Establish personal relationship with couples Pray before couple arrives

Meal with family

Discuss results of “PREPARE”

Karen Ann Lam

Saying grace

Meetings with Engaged Couple

Respect privacy with no family member being around

Aim to end on time

Pray before couple arrives

With permission, pray for couple before they leave

Pray for cleansing of home after couple leaves

Logistics

TMPC Party

Couples encouraged to invite family and friends to the party

Prepare couples to share about their experience of TMPC

Held on the same day as the last video session while lessons are still fresh in their minds

Dinner

Sharing by 1 support couple about why

they do what they do

Sharing by each TMPC couple about what they learnt during the course

Introduction of TMPC & support couples for

benefit of guests

Encouragement by support couple to their assigned couple

Running the TMPC Party

TMPC PartySharing by Engaged Couple

Room Setup

Groups of twos

Set seating apart to ensure privacy

during discussions

Play instrumental music during exercise

Place small table for notes & food

Play video off hard drive rather than DVD

Karen Ann Lam

– make sure music is loud enough to prevent conversations from being heard by others.

Encouraging Mingling Before the Session

Encouraging Mingling Before the Session

Provide name tagsMake introductions

among couples

Place chairs close together

Ensure space is closed and cosy

Publicity

Facebook/Blogspot

Visits to cell groups and camps of young

adults

Publicity blitz among cell leaders

List course on http://

relationshipcentral.org/register-your-course

Church bulletin

Karen Ann Lam

To stress that the target group is the friends of the churched

Support Couple

Married for at least two years

Attended The Marriage Course

Happy to talk about marriage

Willing to offer hospitality

Support CoupleWho Qualifies

Not perfect but growing in God’s grace

Support CouplesWhy

Most learn about marriage from parents

Good and bad lessons shape our views of marriage

Many don’t have role models of loving & respectful marriages

Model what Christian marriage looks like in practice

Provide role of extended family in a mobile society

Karen Ann Lam

Start with question: why do you want to be a support couple/TMPC leader?

A Blog of TMPC Guests

Karen Ann Lam

Read what she wrote:"Learn to Complement more than to Compromise"That was one of the few advices our support couple gave us. After doing the couple's personality test, Wei Jien and I were assigned a support couple who would help us address our strengths and weaknesses as a couple. We were invited into their home and dined with the whole family. It also gave us a sense of perspective what to expect in future.Once we were done with dinner, we discussed our test results. True enough, the results were as we predicted. Our strengths lie in our willingness to be open to each other, our understanding of one another and our similar interests. However, we need to work more on how to resolve conflicts and managing our very different personalities. Wei Jien and I are total opposites. All this while, we've learnt to work around the conflicts but never really addressed the root of the problem -- our personality. After a long discussion, we realized this problem might seem minor for now, but once we move in together and start a family, things will get complicated with the unaddressed conflicts. By the end of the night, I realized there's so much more required in a marriage than just love, commitment, compatibility, communication and patience. For Wei Jien, he has a better understanding of what to expect in the future when problems arise. Our support couple taught us this, "You build trust over trust". If your partner knows he/she can tell you anything and everything without being worried you might react badly/use it against them, then he/she will be able to trust you with their deepest emotions. They will share their problems and thoughts with you. That is one of the key foundations to a strong marriage. To me, it's easier said than done. But for the marriage to work, we're going to try our best. **We were at their place for dinner again last night, addressing issues such as managing finances and setting life goals as a couple. I found that session difficult, and the questions/obstacles given by our support couple got Wei Jien and I tongue-tied for a while. All this while, we thought we had everything covered and planned out. The fact that we failed to solve a few difficult questions made us realise, that there was still so much to learn and so many areas to strengthen.

Support Couples

Assignment by - Age- Proximity of homes- Results of PREPARE

Should at least attend first two sessions of the course

Be accountable to other Support Couples

New Support Couples to shadow the more experienced

Support Couple

Accountability Meeting

(SCAM)

TMPC2

TMPC 1

TMPC 3

TMPC 4

TMPC 5

Schedule

TMPC 6

Meet TMPC Coupl

eMeet TMPC Coupl

e

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Check on one another’s marriages

Support Couple Accountability Meeting (SCAM)

Fellowship Pray for one another & for engaged couples

Share ideas on how to help couples through issues

Sort out duties & suggest improvements

Modeling a Support Couple Accountability Meeting

Education

TMPC Leaders Training