A conversation about the

UC Personal Statement

Presented bySylvia Juarez-Magana

Destination College Advising Corpssjuarez@berkeley.edu

A Good Personal Statement….

• -Is thoughtful and honestA strong personal statement is reflective; it demonstrates that you have thought about and gained a clear perspective on your experiences and what you want in your future. The focus of the essay is YOU--your achievements, your obstacles, your goals, your values.

• -Strives for depth, not breadthA reader will be much more interested in how your experience demonstrates the theme of your essay, not the number of accomplishments you can list.

A Good Personal Statement….• -Follows the conventions of good writing

A good essay uses appropriate grammar and syntax, uses precise and vivid language, and does not contain any spelling errors.

• -Answers the question!You should examine the essay question and write an essay that explicitly addresses that question. If you are asked to describe a moment in your life, then your reader will expect you to use vivid language that will enable the reader to visualize your accomplishment and share your sense of success.

A Good Personal Statement…

• -Benefits from several drafts and feedback from othersRevising is not editing; revising is the act of "re-seeing" and of looking for those parts that would benefit from more explication language, or even deleting parts that simply don‘t work. Similarly, feedback from others can help you identify those parts of the essay that work well or don't.

• Demonstrates your knowledge of the major or college Readers will want to know that you have done your homework. Engineering is a major to discuss.

A Good Personal Statement…• -Transforms blemishes into positives

It's okay to have flaws! If your essay theme is "overcoming obstacles" and you earned a poor grade in a class, it is important for your reader to know this was an example of your perseverance. The reader does not want to hear complaints about poor grades or circumstances, but rather wants to know how you have overcome them.

• Exudes confidence--you will be successful no matter whatColleges and universities want to admit the best students, and the best students are those who can demonstrate their ability to pursue their goals regardless of where they are admitted. Think of this as quiet confidence--the kind that reveals itself through your description of lifelong interests, sustained commitment, and/or perseverance in the face of adversity.

Brainstorming It is the process of gathering all of your ideas and getting them on paper without editing them. Ask yourself the following questions, and write out your answers.

• What are my strengths?• What are my weaknesses?• What is special about me?• What kind of person am I? • What do I care about?• Why is (BLANK) more important to me than (BLANK)? (Fill in

the blanks.)• What is it like growing up in (BLANK)?• What is it like going to school at (BLANK)?

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That should get you started!

• Discussion based on:

http://students.berkeley.edu/apa/personalstatement/index.htm

Good Luck!

Prompt 1 Three years ago the world I lived in was a vastly different one. School was nearly nonexistent in my

delusional perception of what was important. Instead, I shifted my focus to my friends who, like me at the time, were care-free of the consequences of our choices. To sum up my past self, I was a juvenile delinquent. Every day was the same tedious routine. I’d walk to school listening to punk music and spend the next eight hours conversing with my friends. After school hours were spent with my friends referred to as the “Cigarette Kids” by some, and for a good reason. We would usually sit around and watch television or simply just sit around. When we got the chance we would mix things up and find a location to smoke, vandalize or find another mischievous form of entertainment. I usually returned home to an angry and disappointed mother, but what did it matter? I had my friends.

Luckily, my uncle Arturo expressed his concern for me. One summer day we sat down and discussed everything: my grades, my father, my friends, and most importantly, my future. He stressed that in the long run my friends did not matter. What mattered was the work I put into my education as it plays a vital role in the world beyond high school. Like me he pissed away years of school for his friends. But he attained redemption through years of hard work and now works in a field in which he thoroughly enjoys. It seems very far fetched that I would make a sudden change in lifestyle over an uncle, but he acted as a father figure. I have not had a father figure in my life. His influence from then on has been extremely strong to the point that I am overridden by guilt every time I become lazy or procrastinate. It has become my wish to make him and anyone that is highly involved in my life proud of me.

Prompt 1 (con’t)From my sophomore year on I have spent much of my time focused on my work and

with my studious best friend Eduardo. It took two years to repair the damage. I had to retake English 9, Spanish 1 and make up for Earth Science. Even after reparations I still cannot take all the courses that I wish. But setting aside the damage leftover, my life has been pleasingly productive. These days I’d rather be out on the tennis court or practicing my clarinet than just sitting around or watching television. My mother takes pride in my accomplishments thus far and wishes that I continue my education by taking the best opportunities presented to me. And to aid me in that pursuit is my Uncle and his wife who have expressed an interest in what I am to become.

As I look back I cringe at how much was lost that year, but I take comfort in that I did not give up the golden opportunity. I’m a totally different man now while Cigarette Kids are still the same, and I am glad to no longer be associated with them socially or mentally. That being said, I am eager to finally bury the past and look onto what is to come. I have always been interested in Computer Science, which is why it is my wish to receive a good education at a university in which I am deserving of. It is my chance to make myself and my family proud.

Prompt 2I have been told that I'm very ambitious sometimes it can get me in trouble. Other times it

creates memories that I can look back on and say “I did that” with a smile on my face. One particular scenario where my ambition got some adults mad at me, but paid off in the end was when I raised $1400 for a charity. As a Key Club officer, it's my duty to look for events that can help raise money for Pediatric Trauma Prevention (an organization that fights to prevent the loss of life caused by everyday accidents). I considered holding a charity dance. Teenagers love to dance especially when they know that there won't be any parent supervision. I mentioned all of this to my fellow Key Club officers and every single one of them loved the idea, so me and my partner got straight to work. However, before I'm allowed to plan an event, Key Club policy requires approval from Kiwanis (the adult branch of Key Club). They were afraid of the risk that comes with holding a dance for hundreds of kids. They didn't allow us to promote this as an official Key Club event, which made it extremely difficult to tap into our Key Club connections in order to advertise. But that didn't stop us. We knew how much potential there was with holding a dance; so we went through with the dance but paid for it with money out of our own pocket and had to use our own resources to publicize. The end result was a studio packed with 700 people and a cashbox with $1400 that was later donated to Pediatric Trauma Prevention. Not being discouraged by lack of support from Kiwanis actually helped me quite a bit in the end. After holding the charity dance with no help from Key Club and Kiwanis whatsoever, I had more faith in my leadership abilities and started to follow my instincts more when it comes to pursuing original ideas.