“Say that You Love Me…”

Sociology of Falling in Lovewith “Totoy Brown”

Prof. Ven O. Ballano, Ph.D.Copyright 2013

Q: Totoy Brown,

IS FALLING IN LOVE “NATURAL” OR BIOLOGICAL?

A: No. Falling in love is not a biological thing. It is socially learned in society, although it may feel like “natural” since constant exposure into it through romantic music, stories, movies, TV shows and dramas, novels, ads, cards, etc. both in the mass media and the internet can condition the mind, which, in turn, can influence the person’s emotion, feeling ,and disposition towards it.

“Kaya ‘wag mag-alala kung laging malamig ang gabi n’yo, di kayo magkakasakit kahit wala pa kayong buhay pag-ibig!” (Thus, don’t worry if your nights are always cold, you don’t get sick if you still don’t have a love life!). Look at celibate priests and nuns, they can live a perfect normal life without romatic love!

George Mead said that the mind is a social product. Thus the thought of falling in love is primarily a product of the person’s immersion to romanticism in society.

Wow! ang lalim mo Totoy Brown ah! Syempre! Seryoso to Chong!

Totoy Brown says:

Totoy Brown says:

Falling in love before marriage is a modern phenomenon in order that society can maintain the institution of marriage with the decline of the influence of kinship in marriage arrangement as society becomes more urbanized.

Come to think about it—many marriages in traditional and rural societies are arranged and determined by parents and elders. Some Chinese and Muslims practice arranged marriages with couples not falling in love before wedding !

Tip on How to Avoid the “Trap”

of Romantic LoveSince falling in love is a product of social conditioning by society, the only way to liberate oneself from its obsession and passion is to stay away from it as much as possible. Thus, seminarians, for instance, who want to become celibate priests are advised not to receive love letters and to avoid occasions and things that can lead to romantic love. Children too are advised by their parents to stay away from romantic things while still studying because they know the “trap” of romantic love.

“Pasensya na po mga chong di ko na ‘to mapigilan! Sobrang pogi kasi tayo eh!”

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How to Forget a Break-Up

Stay away from your favorite places, music, TV shows, movies, familiar people, and other romantic things if you want to forget him/her as soon as possible.

Only time can heal past romantic break-up. Since falling in love is a social experience, staying away from it can set a frustrated lover free!

Totoy, haba na ang hair ko, pa-kiss naman uli!

TOTOY BROWN:‘Wag na Teks ! Tapos na tayo no? Sunugin mo ang lahat na binigay ko sa ‘yo para makalimutan mo na ako! Di mo rin ba nakikita nagbago na ang anyo ko girl!

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Tekla:

Totoy Brown,

Does Age Matterin Romantic Love?

“Totoy Brown, type na kita!” “Tigilan mo na nga ako bruha! Mas matanda ka kaysa akin!”

There’s a saying that “Age doesn’t matter.” Sociologically speaking, this is more of an exception rather than a rule in selecting a partner in society. Age is an important social norm in choosing a partner, depending on the type of society.

As a rule, a person marries another within the same age group, maybe within 5 years gap, but not more than 10 years.

Totoy Brown says:

Totoy Brown says:

Ideally, people expect that the man is older than the woman. Following the traditional gender role, the boyfriend must be older because he is expected to be a mature and responsible breadwinner in case he becomes a husband. Of course, he must not be old enough to qualify as a dirty old man (DOM).

Totoy Brown says:

If he or she is not motivated by money, a person who prefers an older partner is more likely looking consciously or subconsciously for a “mother” or “father” figure, someone who can satisfy his/her psycho-emotional needs.

Totoy Brown says:

He or she will more likely fall in love with the person who resembles more with the parent or guardian who has given her/him the best nurturance and affection while growing up as a child and adolescent.

Totoy Brown says:

• Since age does matter in society, you better be prepared to face the consequence once you fall in love with a person who is much older than you. Maybe avoid or minimize public exposure.

• You can’t avoid negative comments or criticisms from people when seen being together in public. One groom was embarrassed in a wedding pictorial as he was mistaken as father of the bride. The groom was 60 years old while the bride is 23 years old.

Totoy Brown,

Why do People Fall in Love?

Totoy Brown says:

• Romantic love makes people believe that love is blind as the song “I Love Because” says:

“I love you because you’re you...”

• In reality, people fall in love depending on the following societal factors:

• 1) socialization or upbringing, • 2) age, • 3) social class and social status, • 4) religion, and• 5) ethnic or cultural background

Totoy Brown says:

People fall in love for various reasons. This depends on the age of the person.

The older is the person the more he or she would fall in love with a person who can provide him/her with financial security, marital commitment, companionship, and spiritual guidance.

Totoy Brown says:

• Young people fall in love based primarily on physical traits or external looks. This is not actually love but infatuation and should not be taken seriously so as not to disrupt one’s studies in school.

• Totoy Brown,

• Do you Believe in Long-Distance Relationship?

Totoy Brown says:

It’s easier to maintain a long-distance romantic relationship today than 20 years ago because of digital technology and the Internet.

Totoy Brown says:

• In general, it is easier to maintain a short-distance relationship than a long distance one especially when there is a problem in communication.

• Based on research, lovers who became married couples were physically closer with one another as former officemates, classmates, friends, neighbors, etc. Constant face-to-face encounters generate more intimacy than those mediated by the screen of the Internet or digital technology.

I remember so clearly the first time I laid eyes on you. It was that split second that everything changed. I knew instantly that I needed you, that I wanted you, that I couldn't live without you. I was blind before that moment, this was the moment I started really living. Everything before this moment did not matter.I had never believed in love, let alone love at first site. I could grasp how one person could stand to be with someone for the rest of their lives. All that has changed.You haunt me wherever I go, whatever I do. I can't get away, I want to but I can't. There is no escape. I dream every night of either kissing you or killing myself. You are perfection, but I wish I never met you because you are killing me, slowly and painfully. 

Source: http://www.experienceproject.com

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