101 Nonviolent Communication

How to communicate without aggression with your team

Would you be able to recognize violence?

Active aggression

● threatening● emotional terror● shouting● criticizing publicly● lying● quitting● ignoring orders

Passive Aggressive

● being sarcastic● giving minimum of effort● hiding behind law● being unreceptive to change

reality● staying silent● looking the other way● accepting low standards● refusing to participate

How do you communicate?

Ask yourself

Do I help people if they ask for help or expertise?

Do I listen to other people?

As employee and employer

Am I passively sabotaging some initiatives by ignoring them or not helping them to

work?

Do I make early judgments about people, and not try to discover their potential?

There's no such thing as a conflict-free environment

NonViolent Communication at work.

Why does it matter?

What is NVC?

Marshall RosenbergAmerican Psychologist

1960 - Nonviolent Communication (NVC) to help resolve conflicts

NVC applies to many areas:

● Relationships, ● Conflict Resolution, ● Parenting and Families, ● Personal Growth, ● Workplace, ● Healthy Body Image, ● Education

Compassion communication

● framework for communicating

● what we feel and what we need

● helps ensuring understanding

Concept of giraffe and jackal

Giraffe

Language of emotions and needs

Says ‘no’ when thinks ‘no’

Says ‘I’ and talks about herself/himself

Language of requests

Jackal

‘You must…’‘You have to…’

language of demands

4 steps of NVC

Observe“I see …”

“I hear …” “The situation is …”

Identify and express your feelings

“I feel …”

Find the need behind your feeling“I would like …”

“I need …”

Formulate a clear, positive, double request

“Please will you …”“Are you willing to do this”

Examples

Jackal: “He is so rude.”

Giraffe: “When I said “hello”, he looked in another direction.”

Jackal: “Mr Abraham is not at all able to manage his team.”

Giraffe: “Mr Abraham has explained the new strategy and has been interrupted several times by different people.”

Manager: Could we meet at 5 p.m. to see how to deal with ….

Employee: I planned to leave at 5 p.m. I have been working late for weeks.

Manager (Giraffe): How are you feeling?

Employee (Giraffe): I still feel OK, but I need time for my family and friends too.

Manager (Jackal): We’ve all been working very hard. This is an urgent case and can’t wait.

Employee (Jackal): It’s always urgent. A better schedule would help all of us to be more efficient.

Request vs. demands

Are you willing to help me out? Could you please prepare the figures for the next sales report?

Open vs. close questions

A) Will you get your work done this week?

or

B) What do you need to hit your deadline this week?

A-E-I-O-U Method

AcknowledgeSee the positive intentions

ExpressWhat you see

IdentifyPropose a solution

OutcomeOutline the benefits

UnderstandingAsk for feedback

Key Takeaways● Avoid static language (good/bad, normal/not normal, correct/incorrect).

● Don’t compare

● Avoid subtle judgement words like should, ought and must.

● Avoid judgement words which are used to exaggerate, such as always, never,

ever, whenever, often, frequently and seldom.

● Always speak kindly, firmly and clearly.

● Focus on facts

● Switch on the empathy

● Double check “What I hear you saying is…”; “Am I correct in thinking that

your biggest concern is…?”

Key Takeaways

● Double check “What I hear you saying is…”; “Am I correct in thinking that

your biggest concern is…?”

● Set clear expectations around every project and objective

● When giving instruction, ask your colleagues to repeat back what you just said to ensure you were fully understood

● Give praise generously

● Pay close attention to all non-verbal communication

Thank you

Source.Book:

Marshall Rosenberg “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life”, 2003

Articles:

● http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/index.htm 2016.04● http://www.listeningway.com/cctutorial-1.html 2016.04● http://firstround.com/review/power-up-your-team-with-nonviolent-communication-principles/ 2016.04● http://jewishcurrents.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/non-violent-communication.gif 2016.04● https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201306/why-passive-aggression-thrives-in-the-workplace 2016.04 ● https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/violent-communication-work-am-i-my-peers-bartlomiej-zawadka 2016.04● https://www.americanexpress.com/us/small-business/openforum/articles/8-ways-deal-passive-aggressive-employees/ 2016.04● http://dziecisawazne.pl/zyrafa-szakal-co-znacza-symbole-porozumienia-bez-przemocy-2/ 2016.04● https://www.cnvc.org/addressing-workplace-conflict-three-steps 2016.04