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1
Technical and
Scientific Prose Style
© Karen Thompson ● Department of English ● University of Idaho
2
Table of Contents
Be Concise • To be concise means using
only the words necessary
to meet audience needs
and your purpose for
writing to them.
• You may write thousands
of words concisely, so it’s
not about writing fewer
words.
3
4
Yes, but we only eat it,
we NEVER write it.
We love lard.
Padding your prose with words that do not
contribute to meaning is writing lard. Lard
comes in several forms: unnecessary
repetition, dead phrases, near-death phrases, and unnecessary modifiers. It can
also have to do with the level of specifics
and detail you use.
In this part of the lecture, you will learn how
to spot lard and stop writing it.
What Causes Lard? • The most common reason
students develop the habit
of writing lard is trying to
reach word or page
counts.
• Most teachers (myself
included) do not insist that
you meet a specific page
number or else.
5
About word counts and page length guidelines in this course.
• I give these guidelines to
help students think about
the level of development
their writing will need.
• Writing words that do not
contribute to meaning is
adding lard.
• If you cannot develop your
writing, then it’s time to ask
for help.
6
Now, let’s take a look at the various types of lard.
Unnecessary Repetition
• Unnecessary repetition, or redundancy, refers to words that say more or less the same thing. Consider the phrase “already existing.” If something exists, it must exist already, so you can remove that word and just say “existing.” The following slide contains several more examples of unnecessary repetition.
7
Cut unnecessary repetition and redundant words or phrases and use only the word you need.
8
already existing
alternative choices
at the present time presently
basic fundamentals
currently at this time
completely eliminate
continue to remain
had done previously
introduced a new
mix together
never before
none at all
now at this time
private industry
separate entities
the reason being
because
silver in color
start out
still persists
whether or not
first began
period of time
empty space
Bury dead phrases.
9
it is my intent to showas a matter of factas is well knownas stated earlierit is noteworthythe presence of it goes without saying
A dead phrase is not
saying anything
necessary. You might call
these clichés.
10
at the present time now
at that point in time then
has the ability to can
has the potential to will
in the event that if
in the vicinity of near
owing to the fact that because
the reason being that because
the question as to whether whether
there is no doubt but that no doubt
for the purpose of to
Some phrases may only be near
death; revive with another word.
Yes! They
have a
heartbeat
now.
Check if modifiers are
unnecessary
Modifiers change the
meaning of the word that
follows them.
They may be taking up
space without contributing
much to meaning.
See if you need them. If not,
eliminate.
• Such as:
• Actually
• Really
• Basically
• Very
• Definitely
• Somewhat
• Kind of
• Probably
• Extremely
• Practically
11
Check the level of specifics and detail.
• Using an unnecessary level
of specifics and detail isn’t
lard because in some
contexts, these would be
needed.
• Lard is never necessary
except in pies.
12
To determine if specifics
and detail are at the right
level, you need to think
about audience and your
purpose for writing.
13
• Example:
A mailing address is specific and
contains the details necessary for
someone to send you mail or a
package.
The specifics and details of a
mailing address, however, would
not be enough to identify
property in a mortgage contract.
• Different audiences --- Different
purposes ---- Different needs.
Think about what you want readers to understand, think about,
or do after reading what you write. Are you writing the level of
specifics and details they need?
After recognizing some problems with the solar mirrors, we took subsequent corrective measures.
What problems?
Should I be worried?
What corrective measures?
Why are you telling me this?
What do you want me to do?
14
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• We recently discovered that ten solar mirrors stored
horizontally had cracked. The cause was traced to
large amounts of snow accumulating on their
surface. In the future, we will be stowing all mirrors
vertically.
I see, you are telling me about a
problem you solved.
I’m relieved to know this.
Thanks for updating me about the solar
mirrors.
• When analyzing your prior writing for the level of
specifics and detail, you may not quite remember
what you were trying to accomplish, so you may
have trouble figuring out what the audience
needed.
• If you can’t remember audience and purpose, it’s
okay to speculate a bit (e.g. say something like, “If
I was trying to reach an audience with this level of
knowledge and if this was my purpose, then I
needed to ….).
16
Be Precise • To be precise means to
use technical
terminology (jargon)
appropriate to the
audience’s knowledge.
17
• Jargon is specific and
precise terminology used
within a particular
profession or field of study.
• Jargon helps specialized
audiences communicate
efficiently.
18
Examples of Jargon
• Impedance buffer
•Unity-gain amplifier
•Binary fission
•Chemical kinetics
•Facultative anaerobe
• Ionic bone
19
• Don’t use jargon when your
audience would neither
understand it nor need it.
• Instead, translate difficult
concepts for non-specialized
audiences by writing (and
speaking) in plain English.
20
Precise terminology and definitions
• Agglomerate: small particles bonded into an integrated mass
• Aggregate:
coarse particles such as sand or gravel
• Hydraulic cement: cement that bonds by a reaction with water
• Precise terminology conveys specific definitions as
used in a given field or profession without a writer
needing to define the term.
21
Use precise terminology correctlywhen writing to specialized audiences.
22
Our research presents a new technique for studying the complex phenomena associated with the development of sparks and other gas discharges.
• Specialized audiences in this field would know
that sparks and gas discharges are precisely
defined as different from one another.
• In the sentence above, the phrase “and other”
conflates them as being similar.
Be Direct • A direct prose style is
straightforward and to
write in a direct style,
you need to use:
• Strong nouns
• Strong verbs
• Mostly active voicebut know when passive is a
better choice.
• Topic position
• Stress position
23
Use Strong Nouns • Strong nouns refer to a
specific person, place
or thing.
• Use them to help
readers easily visualize
and connect with what
you are saying.
24
Strong nouns are concrete.
• They convey one or more of the five senses:
1. Sight
2. Smell
3. Sound
4. Taste
5. Touch
25
In technical and scientific prose, the most common
concrete nouns convey sight: a visual image.
• Weak nouns:
The existing nature of Mount St. Helens’ volcanic ash spewage was handled through the applied use of computer modeling capabilities.
Some of these nouns are really verbs that have been structured to be nouns (not a good idea).
26
• We modeled how much volcanic ash spewedfrom Mt. St. Helen’s using Cray computers.
Cray Computers
Volcanic Ash
Mt. St. Helen’s
27
Revised using strong nouns (bolded).
Notice how using
strong nouns leads to
better verbs
(underlined).
Use Strong Verbs •Strong verbs convey
action. They are
specific and
descriptive.
28
Weak:
This study shows . . .
The proposed research involves…
Strong:
This study demonstrates . . .
The proposed research compares . . .
Using “To Be” Verbs • “To be” verbs are passive because they cannot convey action, only a state of being: is, are, was, were, etc.
• They are fine to use when defining something.
• A positron is a positively charged electron.
29
When not defining something, use strong verbs.
• A new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from diesel exhaust engines is presented. Flow tube experiments to test this process are discussed. The percentage decrease in nitrogen oxide emissions is revealed.
Using strong verbs improves clarity.
This paper presents a new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from the exhaust of diesel engines. To test this process, we performedexperiments in flow tubes. These experiments revealed a 99 percent decrease in nitrogen oxide emissions.
30
Use Mostly
Active Voice
31
but know when
Passive Voiceis the better choice.
Why in the hell would you
ever use passive voice?
Because sometimes it is a
better rhetorical choice.
• Active voice means the subject of a sentence is doing the action.
• John washed the car. The focus is on who is doing the action.
• Passive voice means the object being acted upon is the subject and who is doing the action is implied (or added with a “by” phrase).
• The car was washed.Or The car was washed by John. The focus is on the action.
32
Why this stuff is confusing.
• Grammar checkers will count the number of passive verbs (is, are, were, was, etc.).
• A passive verb is not the same as passive voice.
• So, let’s use zombies instead of the grammar checker.
33
Why is
this so
hard???
Let’s see if I
can make
it easier.
An easy way to determine if you are writing in
passive voice.
• If you can add “by
zombies” after the verb
in a sentence, it’s
passive.
34
For example:
- The car was washed by zombies (passive)
- John washed by zombies the car (active)
But, sometimes you
need to use passive
voice.
• In technical and
scientific prose, passive
voice is preferred when
what was done is more
important than who is
doing it.
35
In these examples, the
emphasis is on the action
because readers will be
more interested in what
was done than who did
it.
So, passive voice is
needed.
• DNA was extracted . . .
• Test holes were bored . . .
• Samples were taken . . .
• Surveying was done . . .
• ETC.
36
Avoid writing needlessly passive voice because it can make your writing unclear.
In that an effort to identify a specific control
circuit responsible for the failure of the gear box
was unsuccessful, it was deemed appropriate to
resurvey the collector field for torque tube
damage.
Because we could not locate the control circuit
responsible for the gear box failure, we resurveyed
the collector field for torque tube damage.
37
Got it!
What is this idiot
trying to tell me?
To check if your writing is
needlessly passive, ask
who is doing what.
Then decide if you have
a good reason for writing
in passive voice. If not,
use active voice.
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There is opposition to vaccinating children by parents who believe vaccines contain harmful additives.
Who is doing what?
Answer: Parents oppose.
• Some parents oppose vaccinating their children because they believe vaccines contain harmful additives.
Be careful when using active voice with inanimate
objects. Avoid the Dr. Frankenstein effect.
Reasonable
The oscilloscope displayed the voltage.
The oscilloscope measured the voltage. V
+
-
The oscilloscope calculated the voltage.
V=
39
Use Topic Position• The beginning of a
sentence or paragraph sets up the topic, so it is referred
to as the topic position.
• Readers use the topic
position to get a sense of
where the sentence or
paragraph is going to take
them.
• If you don’t write a topic
sentence, readers will get
lost or confused.
40
Try reading this:
41
Notice how a topic sentence clears up any
confusion about what the paragraph is about.
42
Use Stress Position• Readers place greater
emphasis on information that is
at the end of a sentence,
paragraph, or chapter.
• It’s where they look to figure
out the point a writer is making.
This placement is known as the
stress position or stress
emphasis.
• If the ending leaves readers
wondering what the sentence
or paragraph means, it’s like never arriving at a destination.
43
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• Look at the end of your sentences. Are the words in
the stress position saying what you want to
emphasize? If not, trim the end.
Sociobiologists claim genes control our social
behavior in the way we act in situations we are in
every day.
• Since social behavior means the way we act in
situations, the words at the end are unnecessary
and throw the emphasis off in this sentence.
45
• Metadiscourse often takes up the stress position.
Job opportunities in computer programming are
getting scarcer, it must be remembered.
• Metadiscourse draws attention to what is being
said, it often sounds preachy and pompous. Get
rid of it no matter where it shows up in your
writing.
46
• Shift new information to the right.
Questions about the ethics of withdrawing
intravenous feeding are more difficult.
The “more difficult” phrase is referring to
something that was stated previously, so it’s old
information. Keep the new information to the
right, like this:
More difficult are questions about the ethics of
withdrawing intravenous feeding.
Use Summative Modifiers
• A summative modifier works by summing up what’s been
said so far in a sentence, and it can help you create the
right emphasis. Notice how the bolded text below does
this:
• Economic changes have reduced Russian
population growth to less than zero, a demographic
event that will have serious implications.
47
Strings of prepositions make it hard for readers to find the emphasis you intend.
The condition of the patient was documented inthe patient profile written by the nurse on duty during the after-hours shift.
Eliminate strings of prepositions by being direct.
The after-hours nurse documented the patient’s condition in the patient profile.
48
My final advice is to become the reader.
49
• If you were the intended reader, would you know what the writer wanted you to think about, understand, and/or do with this information?
If you respond to your
writing like this, your
writing is not effective
If you respond to your
writing like this, your
writing is effective.
What was I trying
to say? My writing is
clear. I am
awesome!