Documenting Women's Documenting Women's Lives in the 20th Lives in the 20th

CenturyCentury

An Empirical StudyAn Empirical Study

Therese PerksTherese Perks

What familial expectations were put What familial expectations were put upon you as a young girl/teen?upon you as a young girl/teen?

• “I don't think as a young girl growing up in Australia there were many expectations of me. Only really to try my best at school. I was allowed to try everything and do anything but my parents didn't expect me to do anything or carry on anything I didn't want to. I wasn't stopped from doing anything that may be seen as being typically male, like playing football or I wasn't forced into doing typically female activities like ballet. I could do whatever I desired to do.”

• “I guess as a teen the expectations were much the same. Schooling was much the same. Do your best. There was no real expectation of university. I think get a job after high school was one. I guess to just really to behave and be sensible in regards to all things. Jobs, boys. I don't think mum and dad really placed many expectations on any of us (one other sister and a brother). The norm for my siblings and I was to get a weekend and a holiday job. That was it really.”

What were the social expectations What were the social expectations placed upon you as a young placed upon you as a young

girl/teen/young adult?girl/teen/young adult?• “As a young girl I don't think there were many social expectations at all. Just getting on with my

friends but that isn't really a social expectation.”

• “To some extent, as a teen in Australia, there was some element of and the expectation of following fashion, but it never was like it was now. For example, at the time Levi's or Lee were the jeans that you had to have. But you could get away with not having them and honestly, it was only the more wealthy that did have them. It wasn't as if you didn't have them you were the only one. It was the wealthy that followed more strongly and in all honesty if you didn't have them you were not in the minority. I think there was a stronger emphasis on a specific weight (body weight) that was in fashion as I know some girls that were bulimic (upper high school level). There wasn't ever a size brought into it. Never a "what size clothing did you wear". It was more how you looked that was more important. It seems strange saying that as size determines what you look like. I never knew anyone that was a size 6 at school and no one really went on about sizing. You were either fat or skinny, you were never a size 8 or a size 16.”

• “All the drugs were always around, there was never really any social force or... you weren't either accepted or not accepted for drug taking. Most of my friends and myself all smoked and all probably tried dope (smoking - 16 and dope- late teens early 20s). However, no body in their early teens could really afford it.”

• As a young adult you were expected to have a job and almost be paying your own way. Probably, although I don't think I did, moving out of home was a sort of expectation. At that point you were living on your own or sharing a flat. Working and trying to work yourself up the ladder. But then I went off to teachers college and I went back to earning nothing.

Did you ever outwardly rebel Did you ever outwardly rebel against these expectations?against these expectations?

• “I think a main form of rebellion was dating Aborigines (as a white female). But that was even more frowned upon than going out with any other "coloured" person. The Aborigines had a bad reputation for being lazy good-for-nothing people. You didn't really go out with them.”

• “But I also think, in a way, also that smoking was a rebellion as such. All kids did it as a sort of rebellion. It hadn‘t reached that point were it was an "okay" thing especially for girls. It seemed to be more acceptable for boys.”

• “I think I was quite rebellious. I used to go "jigging" school (bunking). Shop-lifted. Sneaking out of the house at night. I used to climb out windows to get out!”

• “”I used to mix socially with the wrong type of people. The Sharpies (Mods-- short hair cut wearing short ankle grazer drain-pipes. High waist jeans. They weren't grubby looking people and they used to wear a white loafer shoe. The white loafers were a bit of a give away. Once you had the white loafers defined you as a Sharpie) the Bikies - the Bikie tattooed brigade. I remember my dad saying that one of them wasn't allowed in the house until he had a shower! [laughs] They used to be funny. They always used to upset the neighbours. When they would go they'd all leave alone and start their bikes up and make a big thing of it. But it would take a group nearly 15 minutes to leave with all the noise! Used to be so funny.”

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Describe your first proper intimate Describe your first proper intimate relationship. Age? Duration?relationship. Age? Duration?

• “That must be the Aboriginal guy, Greg Ferguson, I guess. I'd finished school. I was about 17 or 18. I think it lasted for about 12 months, maybe slightly longer. But he lived in Lismore and most of the time I lived down in Sydney. I wouldn't see him all that often. I'd go up for long weekend and he'd come down a couple of times.”

What was your 1st job?What was your 1st job?Did you work by choice or due to need of money?Did you work by choice or due to need of money?

What jobs were available to you?What jobs were available to you?

• “I worked for the Commonwealth Bank in Marrickville and then Lismore (Australia) doing lots and lots of different things. I was never a teller but I mainly did clerical work but not a typist. Never did anything like that. I did more accounting things like balancing batches and things like that. And I worked because I had finished my school certificate (equivalent of GCSE here) and I had to go out to work. It was the next logical step of my life, it wasn't because I needed the money. You either went out to work or went on to 5th and 6th form. The big difference was that you didn't have to have a university degree or have gone to college to get these types of jobs. They just trained you on the job. You could train as an air-hostess, you could go into nursing and train in a hospital, banking and there were lots of job opportunities for you. You only really stayed on to 6th form if you wanted to be a doctor, dentist, or were extremely bright. Normally you went out to work at that age because the jobs were all there. And to put it off and do 5th and 6th form, people didn't want you as you were 2 years behind on the training.”

How were you treated at your first job?How were you treated at your first job?What is your current job?What is your current job?

• “I was treated well in my first job. I wasn't made to be a coffee girl or anything like that. They taught me how to do something and I did it. I think because there was usually not just you, a few new-comers, you were all taught how to do jobs and you all just did it. You were never made to feel lower than anybody and you just got on with the tasks you had to do.”

• “Now, I am a domestic goddess. Professional dog walker of my two dogs, taxi service of my children soon to expire. That is about it!”

How did you meet your husband?How did you meet your husband?What was the courtship like?What was the courtship like?

Who took part in making decisions about the marriage?Who took part in making decisions about the marriage?

• “I met him at Port Moresby Gold Club, PNG, through a mutual friend. Well I met him in the car before hand when we went to pick them up. That was early 1987. That was when I started teaching in PNG. Then Brian left PNG late Oct 1987 and I stayed on and left PNG at the end of 1988. Moved to England Jan '89. Then we married in the Nov '89 because Brian got a job in Vanuatu and unless we were married they wouldn't pay for me to go out and I would have had problems with getting there with visas etc.”

What was your experience like of being What was your experience like of being pregnant?pregnant?

Did it differ between your 1st and 2nd child?Did it differ between your 1st and 2nd child?• “Quite honestly, the only thing I hated about being pregnant was

that you had to wee all the time. It was so un-natural. Because with my first child (Monique) I didn't put on any weight really. I only had 2 maternity items of clothing - a red blazer and a black skirt that were loaned to me from Claire. Sophie (2nd) though, towards the end, well she was a much rougher baby when she was inside. She really pushed and shoved. And in fact I thought she was a boy because of that and because she was so different to my first (Monique).”

• “I never had morning sickness with either. Never had indigestion like a lot of people. Just towards the end, Sophie got much heavier and I started to waddle. I wasn't having that so I got her out then and had her induced.”

• “I smoked all the way through both pregnancies because the doctor said it would be more stressful on the babies to give up completely. However I did cut down to five a day from about 20 a day.”

How did you find the early stages of motherhood?How did you find the early stages of motherhood?What role did the father play in the upbringing of What role did the father play in the upbringing of

the children?the children?• “Early stages of motherhood. I don't know. I don't think I had any real problems. My mum was there for

when you (Monique) was first born.”• “[Dad]- I think you were like a duck to water.”

• “We didn't have any problems with sleeping or feeding. I breast fed my first for about 3 months, when you have the first lot of injections and my 2nd for only a couple of weeks because I had too much milk and she would guzzle it all down and then vomit it all back up. And I couldn't have that.

• This is where I think you find a lot of difference between mothering today and back when I was a new mother. Because when I was having mine there was really none of this demand feeding like there is today. You fed basically four hourly. And so now days when they fed a baby if it then goes to sleep they let it sleep. Whereas with me if i was feeding and you went to sleep I would then change the nappy and burp you so that you woke up so that then you would finish the feed and then you’d sleep for the time that you were meant to. Whereas now days they only feed them, drop off sleep, only sleep a couple of hours and then wake and the cycle goes on and on and on.”

• “And always, made sure you had sleeps during the day. Always.”

• “With the 2nd child (Sophie) it was completely different as we had her in Kenya and Uganda and house-work didn't have to be done by myself as we had someone to do it. It was a completely different experience really.”

• “He did help but it was never anywhere near 50/50. And I would say, when you were tiny, he was more nervous and worried with the fragility of the babies. He didn't do much in the early early stages of the children's lives. Until it got to the stage where you were going to sleep at night, months old, then he would nurse to sleep after feeds and would go in to check if you woke up. He would do it but he wasn't the only one. But, less so with Sophie (2nd) as we had more help and we didn't do what we did with Monique (1st), we didn't nurse her to sleep.”

What was it like bringing up children abroad?What was it like bringing up children abroad?

• “Bringing up children abroad. It was far easier and I'd recommend it to anyone. Basically because you had your Ayah's (nannies) who basically looked after the kids. So things like, you would feed your children, but then, the Ayah would do all the rest. They had unlimited patience with the kids, so did things that mothers probably wouldn't do. Like sitting for hours playing "morning tea" or having your face made up by a 3 year old. Parents just don't do those things. And also the fuss and palaver over everything. When the kids would fall over, they were there. It was always "oh no oh no ill fix it" but with a mother I'd say "kiss it better" or "lets put a plaster on it" and wouldn't make much fuss.Because a nanny did all the tedious things with them, you got to do the nice things. bed time stories and then bed!”

How did your children's upbringing compare How did your children's upbringing compare to your own?to your own?

• “I think that when we were in Africa, my children's upbringing was very similar to mine. They had the freedom to be outdoors and have an outdoor upbringing like I did in Australia. Lots of swimming and lots of sport etc. And because of that there was never the need to join lots of clubs. However, when we came back to England, we had to try to get the clubs and activities organised because you couldn't play outdoors and wouldn't have much social interaction. So in that case, living in England and bringing up my children in England was nothing like my childhood in Australia. Even down to schools. We always had packed lunches in Australia and here you mostly have hot food. School dinners. I don't know of a school that does that in Australia. Actually, you used to be able to buy soup and a roll from the tuck shop at my school. But that was only in winter time and that was the only hot thing ever offered.”

Identify milestones in your lifeIdentify milestones in your life

• “Going back to teachers college in 1984.• Marriage in November 1989• Leaving Australia in January 1989. because I have never

been back to live. I'd left earlier but I wasn't too far away being in PNG but when I left in 1989 it was more permanent.

• Birth of my children, Monique and Sophie• The death of my mum and dad. Dad - 17th Oct 1987

and Mum -2012. Gosh, 25 years nearly since he died.• The other things that have happened aren't really

milestones really. Just new jobs and new countries to live in but nothing really tat changes your world.”

To what extent do you feel you can relate to the generation of To what extent do you feel you can relate to the generation of women who were born post-1980?women who were born post-1980?

• “I think, generally speaking, that, because I did things probably when I was a lot older than most of my generation, I'm more in-tune with people who were born after the 80s. I married later, had children later and that is what is happening now days - people are doing it all later. People are definitely having children later now. I am more in tune with women from say maybe the 70s, particularly in regards to having and raising children because they are doing it at an older age like I did. So I probably did my travelling earlier than my peers and they are doing it now as their children have grown up and left and I still have the little bastards hanging on. [laughs].”

• “From other things, I don't know, I think it depends on the individual then and if you can relate to that individual or not. For example, I can't relate to a 28 year old from say a lower class family (talking about a women she knows) and why she has children from multiple fathers etc. But if it was a 28 year old who was married and had kids all from one father, it is those who I can relate you. In answer to the question, I think it all really depends on their social standing and attitudes. But I don't want this to sound like I'm a snob!”

• “I think there is more expectations on children of today. I was never expected to go to university but I have always thought my children will go to university and I have always expected that of them. In Australia, there were less what I would have called, and my mother would have called "useless" degrees that wouldn't lead into a vocation. You really went to university only to do jobs like medicine and dentistry. There were so many more trades people when I was younger and more opportunities in trade.”

Greece 2012 Sophie, Therese and Brian Perks Greece

2012