January 2015

Cultivating Your Child’s Character

Krista Keintz, MS BCBA

Alternative Title: How to Train Your Dragon

image via howtotrainyourdragon.com

Agenda

Introductions Cultivating Character Your Character

Inheritance Framework for

Building Character Prioritize Legacy Define Habit Practice Happy Make it Work

image via 5feet20.com

Welcome! Introductions

Board Certified Behavior Analyst - science in which the analysis of behavior is applied systematically to improve social significant behavior... in other words, the science of learning

Montessori Educator - drawn to the concept of the prepared environment and the possibility for meaningful, individualized education in a group-setting

Unlikely pairing of disciplines but experience has proven them to have a powerful synergy

Introducing, you!

A little survey with a show of hands... How old are your children? Younger than two?

Toddler community? Three-to-six classroom? Six-to-nine classroom? Older than nine?

How many children are in your family? One? Two? Three? Four? More?

(no show of hands) Do you feel that you have been successful teaching your children self control & self discipline? Yes or No?

Cultivating Character

Only 34% of parents say they have been successful teaching their children self control & self discipline (Public Agenda, 2002)

Character is not an item of knowledge which can be taught through learning or imitation. It is a conquest made during life through personal exercise and through personal experience. (Dr. Maria Montessori, A New World & Education)

Whether habits are planned and created conscientiously, or allowed to be haphazardly filled in by chance, they are habits all the same. Habit rules ninety-nine percent of everything we do. (Charlotte Mason)

image via gettingunstuckllc.com and irtsociety.com

Would you prefer to navigate to a new place or take a free, door-to-door express train?

Why?

Would you prefer to navigate to a new place or take a free, door-to-door express train?

Why?

Combat Decision Fatigue

“The effort of decision is the greatest effort

of life.” – Charlotte

Mason

Good habits decrease # of

difficult decisions a

person has to make in a day & increase his

or her access to positive

outcomes

Invitingly Smooth & Easy

“It follows that this business of laying down lines towards the unexplored country of the child’s future is a very serious and responsible one for the parent. It rests with him to consider well the tracks over which the child should travel with profit and pleasure; and, along these tracks, to lay down lines so invitingly smooth and easy that the little traveller is going upon them at full speed without stopping to consider whether or not he chooses to go that way” (Charlotte Mason, Vol. 1, p. 109).

Not Cookie Cutter

Tonight I will be sharing a framework which is yours to personalize…

Consider it a starting point for your own journey as a family this year

image via themomiwanttobe.com

Too Many Choices

Goal One: Support parents as they prioritize and simplify their approach to cultivating character in their children

Cultivating character is an expansive task & more information is not always better (Jam Study: 24 jams, 60% try, 3% buy; 6 jams, 40% try, 30% buy)

Source: Iyengar & Lepper. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 2000

Reflect on Your Character Inheritance

Five minutes of reflection... What 5 character qualities were

most valued in your family of origin? Which of these qualities would your

best friend say describe you today? What 5 character qualities do your

children see you demonstrate most often?

5

End

Survey: Inheritance to Legacy How many of the qualities that you

identified as being the most valued in your family of origin are also qualities that you believe your children see you demonstrate most often?

Observational Learning

Researchers at Cornell did a fun study…Squirrel puppet selects 5 red circle toys from box A: 100% red circles B: 50% red circles & blue flowers C: 18% red circles & 82% blue flowers

3 & 4 year olds asked to give Squirrel what toy he likes best

Kids from group C did best! “Statistical information plays a majorrole in social learning”

Source: Kushnir, T., Xu, F. & Wellman, H. M. (2010). Young children

use statistical sampling to infer the preferences of other

people. Psychological Science, 21, 1134-1140.

Prioritize Your Character Legacy

Five minutes of reflection... Using your Character Qualities

Worksheet, circle 10 character qualities of highest importance to you

Consider season of your life as a family and select top 3 qualities that you want to strengthen in your child(ren) this year If parenting with a partner, compare &

look for overlap If you are struggling to decide, consider

what habits are most challenging and select the opposite character trait

5

End

Put Plan into Action

Write in first three character qualities in the first column on your Cultivating Character Calendar Or on a receipt

Translate a Quality into Habit

Goal Two: Create space for each family to define SPECIFIC habits of character that they wish to encourage

Only 8% of people are successful at keeping their New Year’s resolutions however those with specific resolutions are 10x more likely to meet their goals

Source: University of Scranton. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2014

Define the Habit

Use next 10 minutes to write down concrete (i.e. act-out-able) definitions of what each character quality would look like in action in your family

Look for a specific, developmentally-appropriate action to practice Toddler: “I demonstrate patience when I sit & wait

when asked for 30 seconds without getting up.” 3/6: “I demonstrate patience when I quietly play with my Special Box toys while mom is on the

phone.” 6/9: “I demonstrate patience by making a paper

chain to count down to special events.”

10

End

“We can do hard things!”

Create a lovely visual reminder & display it at your child’s height in your home. It may include: Character quality Definition of the habit Ideas on the back

model read aloud role play celebrate

Practice Happy

Goal Three: Enrich daily practices at home that will result in meaningful & measurable outcomes.

“Research has shown that the most effective way to reduce problem behavior in children is to strengthen desirable behavior through positive reinforcement rather than trying to weaken undesirable behavior using aversive

or negative processes.”  Sidney W. Bijou, Ph.D.

A Deliciously Happy Month

“Let the month of treatment be a deliciously happy month to him, he living all the time in the sunshine of his mother’s smile. Let him not be left to himself to meditate or carry out ugly pranks. Let him feel himself always under a watchful, loving, and approving eye. Keep him happily occupied, well amused. All this, to break the old custom which is assuredly broken when a certain length of time goes by without its repetition. But one habit drives out another. Lay new lines in the old place. Open avenues of kindness for him. Let him enjoy, daily, hourly, the pleasure of pleasing. Get him into the way of making little plots for the pleasure of the rest—a plaything of his contriving, a dish of strawberries of his gathering, shadow rabbits to amuse the baby; take him on kind errands to poor neighbours, carrying and giving of his own. For a whole month the child’s whole heart is flowing out in deeds and schemes and thoughts of lovingkindness, and the ingenuity which spent itself in malicious tricks becomes an acquisition to his family when his devices are benevolent” (Charlotte Mason, Vol. 2, pp. 86, 87).

Practice Happy

Model. Children should see you authentically engaging in the character quality.

Read Aloud. Read or tell stories that showcase the real-life value of a particular character trait.

Role Play. Create FUN invitations to practice using the new skills. Personal exercise & experience trump lectures!

Celebrate. Flip the “go to the principal’s office” paradigm. Celebrate the good & highlight the natural positive consequences. image via nurturingparentsandteachers.com

Model

Dr. Montessori reminds us: “Do not tell them how to do it. Show them how to do it and do not say a word. If you tell them they will watch your lips move. If you show them, they will want to do it themselves.”

image via pbskids.org

Read Aloud

Select a new story to enhance your library that showcases the character quality Consider using library

books, a Starring You How To Story, video clip or personal anecdotes

Books should be beautiful & have literary merit on their own

Role Play

“Teach by teaching, not by correcting” – Montessori

Role plays give children to “try on” new behavior outside the context of real life

Do NOT do role plays during the tricky situation

Do NOT do role plays right after the tricky situation

Do NOT practice the challenging behavior Children get good at what they practice

Celebrate

Select a meaningful way for your family to celebrate demonstration of the character quality for the month 3/6: Extra just me &

mom time after phone call

6/9: Special outing with dad to zoo after week of waiting

Take 5 to Practice Happy DAILY Aim for 5 minutes of daily practice with

each child on most days Set a microwave or phone timer Doesn’t have to be fancy – in fact fancy

often interferes with fun It should be experienced as fun &

exciting! Talk with talkers, draw with drawers, act with

actors, sing with singers… Role play, sing, read aloud, illustrate, or just

play and consciously model the habit

Goal 4: Make the New Way Work!

Turn the principal

office upside down!

Attention for good, boring if

bad, make new way

work

New Road Analogy

If the new behavior works better than the old behavior, the child will use the new behavior!

While the child is learning, you can help her chose the new way: Prompt to Prevent – Be a detour sign, show

him which way to go BEFORE he gets lost Close the Old Road – Whenever possible, make

sure the bad behavior doesn’t work anymore Sweeten the Pot – Make the new road more

fun by celebrating success

ABCs of Behavior Change

Encouraged

"A child who has become master of his acts through long and repeated exercises, and who has been encouraged by the pleasant and interesting activities in which he has been engaged, is a child filled with health and joy and remarkable for his calmness and discipline." (Dr. Maria Montessori, 'The Discovery of the Child', Clio Press Ltd, 92)

Quarterly.Schedule Character Planning Time

Schedule a child-free time every three months for an hour of Character Legacy Planning & Review

Review Character Qualities Worksheet & select 3 to target

It is okay to stick with same three qualities

Consider using google invitation reminders

image via photo.elsoar.com

One Down, Three to Go!

Use the rest of the time tonight as your first Character Legacy Planning Time Identify three qualities Define three habits Brainstorm ways to practice happy each of

those habits Write down how to make each habit work in

your home Please leave your email address if you would

like a friendly reminder from me to help your own new habit stick!

Character Qualities Resources

Character First: www.characterfirst.com/qualities/ Josephson Institute: www.charactercounts.org/sixpillars.html Character Education Partnership: www.character.org/ Picture Book Recommendations:

www.apsva.us/cms/lib2/VA01000586/Centricity/Domain/287/character-traits-hfj.pdf

Ask your child’s classroom teacher for reading recommendations Visit the biehus blog: www.biehus.wordpress.org Resources drawn from religious texts meaningful to your family http://prekandksharing.blogspot.com/2013/12/all-things-

character-education.html

Intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character... that is the true goal of education. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Krista Keintzbiehus.wordpress.com

biehuschicago@gmail.com