The Ultimate B.J.
by B.J. Stankiewicz
The characters in this slide show have been given fake names to protect the privacy of the real people they represent.
Super Star
Name
Role in Slide Show
The Mean Friend
Dread locks
Nuisance’s Roommate
Provider of Sandwich(only one)
Oh man, I’m so bored. I should
go on an adventure!
F@#$%
Hey Brian J!
Self Esteem Level: 200%
My god your so poor.
My god your so poor.
My house is twice the size of yours.
My god your so poor.
My house is twice the size of yours.
Your half-house is also connected to
equally poorer half-houses that are all
smaller than mine as well.
Even though he was made fun of for living in a townhouse, Brian J
stayed strong.
You could not be any poorer. You could
try, but you would…
Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?
Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?
Ok! Let’s go to
McDonald’s.
Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?
Ok! Let’s go to
McDonald’s.
Schweener, God Damnit.
Brian J, knowing he could not hurt Lil’ Schweener verbally,
left for McDonald’s.
If only I wasn’t broke. Then maybe I could
buy some food.
If only I wasn’t broke. Then maybe I could
buy some food.
Ah well. Off to Dread’s house.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Guess who’s here. Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Guess who’s here.
Who?
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Oh hey, Stephanie Copperman!
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?
He was at McDonald’s the last time I saw
him.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?
He was at McDonald’s the last time I saw
him.
No, he’s in the back shaving
now.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?
What happened to
Witty?
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
What happened to
Witty?
Love has taken him away from
us.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
I’m hungry.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
I’m hungry.
Ok, let’s go to McDonald’s!
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
No, let’s go to Subway. I feel like a
sub.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent MercedesI thought you were broke.
No, let’s go to Subway. I feel like a
sub.
Hey guys!
What’s up!?
Hey guys!
What’s up!?
We’re on an adventure but
there’s nothing for us to do in
Ashburn.
Well… we can all go to Warped Tour after I get off work! It’ll be
great! Brian J can drive Lil’ Schweener, Witty, and I, and we’ll
have a safe trip down without getting into a horrible car wreck!
It’ll be so much fun!
Happy Level: 200%
Nice. Why don’t we just go right now?
I can’t, I have to work at Subway for a little longer!
Happy Level: 80%
Happy Level: 30%Dangerously Low
And while working, I have to make these horrible
sandwiches that lack any meat and nobody likes!
Happy Level: 5%
Never breached before! And my boss… he’s a f@#$% s@#$% face!
Let’s all go to Ocean City!
Ok!
Happy Level: 200%
Ok! So good!So good!
Ok! So good!So good!So good!
They all go to Ocean City, but Brian J is still very hungry.
Self Esteem Level: 300% Dangerously High
F@#$%F@#$%F@#$%F@#$%
Hi guys. What’s going on?
Where did Miss B’Haven go?
Where did Miss B’Haven go?
COMING!
Hey Brian J! I brought you something!
What was that?
Lil’ Schweener?
What was that?
Lil’ Schweener?
No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.
What was that?
Lil’ Schweener?
And too smart.
No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.
What was that?
Lil’ Schweener?
And too smart.
No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.
And too attractive!
But then who could it have
been!?
What We Learned
• Brian J has friends with very different personalities.
• Brian J is always bored because he lives in Ashburn.
• Brian J lives in a half-house.
• Brian J is always broke.
• Brian J is always hungry.
• Nobody likes Matt Schwee.
Works Cited
• www.bergedorfer-buergerverein.de/ vorstand.htm
• http://www.facstaff.bucknell.edu/esantane/pictures/reflection.jpg
• www.bell.k12.ca.us/.../ 50s/1954/mcdonalds.jpg
• en.wikipedia.org/ upload/0/0a/Beach.jpg