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The Ultimate B.J.
by B.J. Stankiewicz
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The characters in this slide show have been given fake names to protect the privacy of the real people they represent.
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Super Star
Name
Role in Slide Show
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The Mean Friend
Dread locks
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Nuisance’s Roommate
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Provider of Sandwich(only one)
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Oh man, I’m so bored. I should
go on an adventure!
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F@#$%
Hey Brian J!
Self Esteem Level: 200%
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My god your so poor.
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My god your so poor.
My house is twice the size of yours.
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My god your so poor.
My house is twice the size of yours.
Your half-house is also connected to
equally poorer half-houses that are all
smaller than mine as well.
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Even though he was made fun of for living in a townhouse, Brian J
stayed strong.
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You could not be any poorer. You could
try, but you would…
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Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?
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Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?
Ok! Let’s go to
McDonald’s.
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Lil’ Schweener, do you want to go on an adventure with me?
Ok! Let’s go to
McDonald’s.
Schweener, God Damnit.
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Brian J, knowing he could not hurt Lil’ Schweener verbally,
left for McDonald’s.
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If only I wasn’t broke. Then maybe I could
buy some food.
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If only I wasn’t broke. Then maybe I could
buy some food.
Ah well. Off to Dread’s house.
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Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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Guess who’s here. Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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Guess who’s here.
Who?
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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Oh hey, Stephanie Copperman!
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?
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He was at McDonald’s the last time I saw
him.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?
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He was at McDonald’s the last time I saw
him.
No, he’s in the back shaving
now.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
Have you guys seen Lil’ Schweener?
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What happened to
Witty?
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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What happened to
Witty?
Love has taken him away from
us.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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I’m hungry.
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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I’m hungry.
Ok, let’s go to McDonald’s!
Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
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Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent Mercedes
No, let’s go to Subway. I feel like a
sub.
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Things to do:
Kill
Steal
Dent MercedesI thought you were broke.
No, let’s go to Subway. I feel like a
sub.
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Hey guys!
What’s up!?
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Hey guys!
What’s up!?
We’re on an adventure but
there’s nothing for us to do in
Ashburn.
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Well… we can all go to Warped Tour after I get off work! It’ll be
great! Brian J can drive Lil’ Schweener, Witty, and I, and we’ll
have a safe trip down without getting into a horrible car wreck!
It’ll be so much fun!
Happy Level: 200%
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Nice. Why don’t we just go right now?
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I can’t, I have to work at Subway for a little longer!
Happy Level: 80%
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Happy Level: 30%Dangerously Low
And while working, I have to make these horrible
sandwiches that lack any meat and nobody likes!
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Happy Level: 5%
Never breached before! And my boss… he’s a f@#$% s@#$% face!
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Let’s all go to Ocean City!
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Ok!
Happy Level: 200%
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Ok! So good!So good!
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Ok! So good!So good!So good!
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They all go to Ocean City, but Brian J is still very hungry.
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Self Esteem Level: 300% Dangerously High
F@#$%F@#$%F@#$%F@#$%
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Hi guys. What’s going on?
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Where did Miss B’Haven go?
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Where did Miss B’Haven go?
COMING!
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Hey Brian J! I brought you something!
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What was that?
Lil’ Schweener?
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What was that?
Lil’ Schweener?
No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.
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What was that?
Lil’ Schweener?
And too smart.
No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.
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What was that?
Lil’ Schweener?
And too smart.
No, it was too fast to be Lil’ Schweener.
And too attractive!
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But then who could it have
been!?
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What We Learned
• Brian J has friends with very different personalities.
• Brian J is always bored because he lives in Ashburn.
• Brian J lives in a half-house.
• Brian J is always broke.
• Brian J is always hungry.
• Nobody likes Matt Schwee.
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Works Cited
• www.bergedorfer-buergerverein.de/ vorstand.htm
• http://www.facstaff.bucknell.edu/esantane/pictures/reflection.jpg
• www.bell.k12.ca.us/.../ 50s/1954/mcdonalds.jpg
• en.wikipedia.org/ upload/0/0a/Beach.jpg