What Is Expected of a Wedding Hostby Ken LiuWelcome, Curious
Volunteer!You've taken the rst steps on a path that !e hope !ill "e
re!arding #nanciall$ and spirituall$% for $ou as !ell as the human
race&'( You'll "e put through a vigorous series of tests&
ph$sical, intellectual, hormonal, and ps$chological( )on't !orr$(
*he tests are onl$ designed to ensure that $ou'll "e a suita"le
venue(+( If $ou pass the tests, $our results !ill "e added to the
director$ for prospective ,aru couples( We're not sure ho! couples
ultimatel$ decide on their host, "ut picking the !edding site is
understanda"l$ ver$ personal(-( .nce $ou've "een selected, a /irst
Contact Corps doctor !ill perform a simple, painless ceremon$
resem"ling a 0u shot( *he ,aru of the /irst ,art, no larger than
the comma at the end of this phrase, !ill "e in1ected rst
#naturall$%2 and the ,aru of the 3econd ,art, no larger than the
period at theend of this sentence, !ill "e in1ected next( *he
actual !edding takes place inside $our "loodstream !hile $ou
sleep(4( What happens next is, admittedl$, kind of ha5$ #!e haven't
"een doing this for ver$ long, after all%( *he ,aru promise to
treat $our "od$ !ith the courtes$ "etting responsi"le tenants(
6esides the minimal alterations necessar$ to tap into $our s$stems
for nutrition, !aste elimination, and communication, the ,aru !ill
not engage in extensive modications of $our "od$( Indeed, having
the ,aru can "e ver$ helpful( 7fter !eddings, volunteers have
reported e8ects ranging from a 9:;point 1ump in I< to a sudden
increase in athletic a"ilit$;;$ou've heard a"out that kid pla$ing
for the Yankees= #Warning& >?6 is still not sure if hosting
the ,aru counts as cheating%(9( *he ,aru have also promised
humanit$ a small, random gift for each volunteer& a ne! theor$
in ph$sics, or ma$"e a poem that no one can read( *hink of the
ro$alties $ou'll receive if $our gift turns out to have commercial
applications!@( You must "e asking& !h$= We "elieve the ,aru
!ere "orn in the earl$ da$safter the 6ig 6ang, !hen the universe
!as hot and small, and the ,aru danced from star to star( 6ut the
universe has cooled since then, the stars are d$ing, and the
distance "et!een ever$thing has gro!n immense( Ao!, inthis !inter$
t!ilight of time's arro!, the ,aru are too tired to chase after
distant lights( *he$'d rather settle do!n in !hatever pocket of
local resistance to entrop$ the$ can nd( You're a miracle, a
"ul!ark against the d$ing of the light(B( 7s for those prophecies
$ou've heard;;CvisionsC !here humanit$ !alks intospaceships !e
"uild !ith ,aru;taught technolog$, !here !e lie do!n in
neat,compact ro!s so that !e can serve as food for the ,aru larvae
inside us during the long 1ourne$ to the next port of call !here
the ,aru can do it all again;;come on, reall$= You'll see ho!
a"surd these rumors are after hostinga !edding $ourself(D( *he
feeling of cosmic peace is indescri"a"le(Your Coordinator, Eita
#host F+--Comprehension Test1. What type / genre does this
represent?Did you like the
story?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________2.
Who is the person who is the narrator?Is the narrator alive or
dead?__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________3.
Is this a story?If not explain why you do not think
so._______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________.
Does the a!t of re!ording guarantee a truthful version of
events?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________".
#ave you ever $een o%ered so&e pri'e for attending a
presentation on ti&e(share or so&e other event?Does this
sound
si&ilar?____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
