4 Session Marriage
Counseling: Session 2
Paul H. VanValin, PhD
www.edencounseling.com
Review Homework
I have an agenda today - How have you been?
Practice Time Outs for anger over “5”
Write out Romance Builders and bring next session.
Avoid Land Mines
2 and 6 word prayers daily
Anger Expression Scale
10 = murder
9= physical wounding or major property damage
8 = physical contact or minor property damage
7= contempt, judgment, sarcasm, rhetorical question or shrieking
6 = yelling
Anger Expression Scale
5 = loud voice with a risk of moving to 6
4 = emotions are expressed – no fear – no contempt
3 = true assertion, calm delivery, use of “I” messages
2 = internal need to control expression but it’s very easy
1 = mild irritation or frustration not expressed in any way
Land Mines
They blow up when you approach them
Flag them and stay away
Get explosives experts to help
Dismantle very carefully
Romance Builders
I feel loved and cared about when you…
12 positive observable actions are recorded
Alternate sharing and recording items
2 a day for the rest of your life
Review for 5 love languages: Touch, Time, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Deeds of Service
2 and 6 Word Prayers
Bless _______________ .
Show me how to bless ________________ .
Brainstorm Intro
Calm, Rational, Adult Minds working as a team
Solving problems reduces conflict
Stay Calm – Time out if emotions increase
Follow the Rules
Brainstorm Rules
Define Problem in Neutral Terms – “We” language
Brainstorm 12+ ideas – no discussion
Vote and record “Good or Bad” for each item – no discussion
Brainstorm
Any items with “Bad” votes are eliminated – choose the best one to begin
Discuss implementation
Determine how to assess impact and follow-up evaluation
Brainstorm Demonstration
Neutral Definition
Brainstorm – no discussion
Vote – no discussion
Discuss Plans and Follow-up
Positive Thoughts
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Homework
2 Brainstorms
Positive thoughts daily
All prior homework
Daily Romance Builders
Anger Management, Avoid Land Mines
2 and 6 Word Prayers
Next Training
October 15 12 noon EST
4 Session Marriage Counseling – Communication
Gratitude Gathering and Open House
October 2, Crossroads Building, 7 to 9 p.m.
Special Guest Mirabela Vasile