4 Session Marriage

Counseling: Session 2

Paul H. VanValin, PhD

www.edencounseling.com

Review Homework

  I have an agenda today - How have you been?

  Practice Time Outs for anger over “5”

  Write out Romance Builders and bring next session.

  Avoid Land Mines

  2 and 6 word prayers daily

Anger Expression Scale

  10 = murder

  9= physical wounding or major property damage

  8 = physical contact or minor property damage

  7= contempt, judgment, sarcasm, rhetorical question or shrieking

  6 = yelling

Anger Expression Scale

  5 = loud voice with a risk of moving to 6

  4 = emotions are expressed – no fear – no contempt

  3 = true assertion, calm delivery, use of “I” messages

  2 = internal need to control expression but it’s very easy

  1 = mild irritation or frustration not expressed in any way

Land Mines

  They blow up when you approach them

  Flag them and stay away

  Get explosives experts to help

  Dismantle very carefully

Romance Builders

  I feel loved and cared about when you…

  12 positive observable actions are recorded

  Alternate sharing and recording items

  2 a day for the rest of your life

  Review for 5 love languages: Touch, Time, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Deeds of Service

2 and 6 Word Prayers

  Bless _______________ .

  Show me how to bless ________________ .

Brainstorm Intro

  Calm, Rational, Adult Minds working as a team

  Solving problems reduces conflict

  Stay Calm – Time out if emotions increase

  Follow the Rules

Brainstorm Rules

  Define Problem in Neutral Terms – “We” language

  Brainstorm 12+ ideas – no discussion

  Vote and record “Good or Bad” for each item – no discussion

Brainstorm

  Any items with “Bad” votes are eliminated – choose the best one to begin

  Discuss implementation

  Determine how to assess impact and follow-up evaluation

Brainstorm Demonstration

  Neutral Definition

  Brainstorm – no discussion

  Vote – no discussion

  Discuss Plans and Follow-up

Positive Thoughts

  Philippians 4:8  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Homework

  2 Brainstorms

  Positive thoughts daily

  All prior homework

 Daily Romance Builders

 Anger Management, Avoid Land Mines

  2 and 6 Word Prayers

Next Training

  October 15 12 noon EST

  4 Session Marriage Counseling – Communication

  Gratitude Gathering and Open House

  October 2, Crossroads Building, 7 to 9 p.m.

  Special Guest Mirabela Vasile