Finding Relief from Loneliness
By Cassandra Van Dyck
A bimonthly newsletter published by the Caregiver Support Program
July/August 2015
“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”
- Albert Einstein
Many of us are familiar with the risk factors that may
impact our quality and length of life. We know that
smoking is harmful and that we’ll feel better and be
less at risk for disease if we eat healthy foods and ex-
ercise. However, we may not think as often as we
could about our emotional well-being and how it im-
pacts our physical health.
Recent studies have shown that loneliness and social
isolation are as just as threatening to longevity as cig-
arette smoking and obesity. Loneliness has been
shown to upset the regulation of cellular process in a
way that can predispose you to premature aging. It
has been linked with cardiovascular disease and sup-
presses the functioning of our immune systems. Sta-
tistics show that up to 40% of adults over the age of
65 will experience loneliness.
Perhaps when you think of loneliness, you imagine a
person in an empty house in the middle of an open
field. The reality is that “not all those who live alone
are lonely and not all people who are lonely live
alone.” Lots of people who experience chronic loneli-
ness are surrounded by people at work, at home and
in public. It is not the quantity of interactions that a
person may have that determines their loneliness, but
the quality. A person can interact with people all
day long, but if they do not feel connected and
heard, they may still experience feelings of seclu-
sion.
There are many reasons for prevailing loneliness.
Helping other people has numerous benefits, but
those benefits are compromised if we are not car-
ing for ourselves as well. We can care for our-
selves by reaching out to our communities to
make sure we are having positive, quality interac-
tions that combat loneliness and provide feelings
of acceptance and joy.
When we feel lonely, it can be hard to imagine
feeling differently – especially when we are serv-
ing other people and not nurturing ourselves.
Sometimes we get used to feeling lonely, unaware
July/August 2015
of the stress it is causing our bodies and minds. If you or
someone you know is struggling with loneliness, here
are a few steps you can take to start feeling more con-
nected.
Find the root of your loneliness.
When we are feeling lonely, it can be hard to figure out
why or how we ended up in such a state. Take some
deep breaths and think or write about what is happen-
ing in your life. Are you making time to connect with the
people in your life that you spending time with? Have
you recently lost someone in your life? Could you use
some more support with everything you have going on?
Taking the time to think about why you’re feeling the
way you are can provide the self-awareness needed to
start reaching out so you can receive the kind of support
you need.
Remember that you are not alone.
Loneliness can lead to strong feelings of isolation, lead-
ing one to believe that they are alone and there is no
one they could possibly reach out to for help. “Believing
that people really are there for you is an important first
step.” Sometimes just telling a supportive person that
you are feeling lonely can take a weight off your shoul-
ders. Try talking to a friend, family member or a profes-
sional.
Be social.
This might feel like the hardest thing to do when you
are experiencing long periods of loneliness, but it can
also be the most beneficial. Try coming to one of our
Network Groups or Walk and Talks. Attend a fitness
class or accept an invitation to a summer activity. Try
something that you’ve done in the past that has made
you feel nourished and rejuvenated.
Make small connections.
Have you ever been having a bad day and then had that
mood instantly turned around after a stranger held a
door for you, a cashier made eye contact and
smiled when you were leaving with your bags, or a
co-worker took the time to ask how you were do-
ing? These small connections can be enough to
shift our mindsets away from negative thought
patterns.
Try positive affirmations.
Loneliness is an emotion. Although it may not al-
ways feel so, it can be substituted for another. Try
taking some time each morning and evening to set
some positive affirmations. These can be spoken
silently to yourself, written, or said out loud. Some
find it helpful to speak it to themselves in a mirror.
If you’re stuck for words, try speaking these affir-
mations from Louise Hay:
“Life supports me in every possible way.”
“I experience love wherever I go. Loving peo-
ple fill my life, and I find myself easily ex-
pressing love to others.”
“Today I listen to my feelings, and I am gen-
tle with myself. I know that all of my feelings
are my friends.”
“My day begins and ends with gratitude and
joy.”
References: www.qeepr.com, www.mind.org.uk,
www.psychologytoday.com, www.bridgemaker.com
The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 3
Walk and Talk Tuesday, July 7th, July 21st, August 11th, August 25th
Rejuvenate with a stroll on the Ambleside seawall,
get to know other caregivers and enjoy the fresh air.
The walks take place rain or shine. Meet us by the
public washrooms at John Lawson Park in West Van-
couver.
Network Group
Thursday, July 2nd, 7PM-9PM, Wednesday, July 8th, 10:30AM-12:30PM, Thursday, August 6th, 7PM-9PM and Wednesday, August 12th 10:30AM-12:30PM
A sneak peek at upcoming Network Groups:
July 8th: Share your creativity. You’re invited to
bring something you’ve made, such as artwork,
baking, a piece of writing, or photos. We’ll have
fun appreciating how expressing ourselves crea-
tively can do wonders in lifting the spirits and
dealing with stress.
August 12th: Live music with Cassandra Van
Dyck, our gifted newsletter writer. Join us for
some uplifting music!
July 2015
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1 2 Network
Group 7PM-
9PM
3 4
5 6 7 Walk and
Talk 1:30PM-
3PM
8 Network
Group
10:30AM-
12:30PM
9 Meditation
10AM-12PM
10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 Walk and
Talk 1:30PM-
3PM
22 23 Meditation
10AM-12PM
24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31
For registration and information on all sessions, contact Karyn by email at
[email protected] or by phone at 604-982-3320.
July/August 2015
Summer Picnic
Monday, August 17th from 12-2PM. John Lawson
Park in West Vancouver. Meet us at the grassy
picnic area, and please bring a dish to share!
Live music by Rio Samaya, an energizing Latin and
world rhythm band. They will get us dancing!
Meditation Thursday, July 9th and 23rd, 2015 from 10AM-12PM. North Shore Community Resources, in Capilano Mall Room 203, 935 Marine Drive, North Vancouver. Become mindful of your response to stress, explore strategies for cultivating inner balance and serenity and learn a series of gentle meditation practices. When possible, we suggest attending both sessions.
Presented by Kim Hansen, whose meditation prac-tice over the years has made him a much happier person than he was. Kim is a caregiver for his el-derly mother, and also delights in being a father and husband. Free registration for caregivers of an adult friend or family member.
Wellness Corner
“Your body is giving you clues and signals all day long. It’s your job to slow down long enough to tune in to
them and follow through.” - Ashley Neese
When the Body Says No, by Dr. Gabor Mate, draws on scientific research and the author’s decades of ex-
perience as a practicing physician to provide answers to “important questions about the effect of the mind
-body link on illness and health and the role that stress and one’s individual emotional makeup play in an
array of common diseases.” Most of the book discusses the connection between physical un-wellness and
emotional distress, telling stories of people who experienced emotional struggles before being diagnosed
with a disease.
These chapters are interesting, but perhaps the most useful part of the book is Chapter 19, ‘The Seven A’s
of Healing.‘ Mate believes that these seven As—acceptance, awareness, anger, autonomy, attachment,
assertiveness, and affirmation—when adopted in to one’s life and worked on—can aid readers in working
through and preventing illness. It’s food for thought!
“We grow, we evolve, we ex-
pand, but we are who we are.
And it is so much more than
enough.” - Danielle Bernstein
The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 5
Dr. Julie Durnan is a licensed naturopathic doctor based out of North Vancouver. She has been practicing for
over ten years and specializes in women’s health, fertility, obstetrics, and pediatrics. Dr. Durnan is passionate
about guiding people to live their best possible lives. In this interview, she shares tips for stress management
and good health, and talks about some self-care practices in her own life.
Can you tell us about your journey in to naturopathic medicine?
After university graduation, I worked as an environmental consultant and worked with very ill people who
were living in toxic homes. We tested the air quality in their homes and discovered that they were living
amongst mould, lead paint, asbestos, formaldehyde (from new furniture), and more. These people were so
sick and although we were able to clean up the air in their homes, many of their symptoms didn’t resolve.
This is when I learned about naturopathic medicine. This system of health care addressed toxicity and looked
deeper into detox, mineral balance, chronic infections, and was able to clear these issues, boost people’s im-
mune systems, and resolve symptoms. I knew that I needed to help people on this deeper level. I had found
my passion!
Family caregivers spend a lot of time and energy physically and emotionally caring for loved ones, often at
the expense of their own well-being. Do you have any advice for how caregivers can take care of them-
selves while taking care of others?
When you expend your energy caring for loved ones over an extended period of time, your body
can perceive this as a stress. When under stress, your body releases cortisol and adrenaline to manage emo-
tions, stay on top of tasks, and to generally keep going. This can become exhausting to your adrenal glands
(the glands that release stress hormones) and your body can become depleted in many vitamins and miner-
als in the process. Taking time for rest, meditation, and also exercise, is important to keep stress hormones
balanced. I recommend trying to do something every day for yourself - whether it's something that fills your
tank like a walk in nature or spending 30 minutes on a hobby daily. Further supplementation can do wonders
for energy levels, to help with insomnia, and to lift mood. Vitamin C, magnesium, and B vitamins, specifically
B5 and B12 are especially important for caregivers to manage stress levels.
Interview with a
Naturopath:
Dr. Julie Durnan
July/August 2015 Page 6
If someone is concerned about their general health, what are some small lifestyle changes they can make to improve
their well-being?
To improve general health and wellbeing starts with taking care of your mental and emotional health and eating a
healthy diet. Stress levels run high when people eat processed foods and sugar. To stay optimally healthy, avoid sugar
and stimulants like caffeine. I recommend aiming for 5 cups of brightly coloured veggies daily, eating plenty of nuts,
whole grains, and protein like legumes, lean meats, and fish.
Is there anything you’ve learned that stands out as making a drastic difference to one’s health?
Meditation and yoga can have dramatic effects on health. Plenty of research has been done on meditation and it has
been shown to improve levels of healthy endorphins, lower stress hormones, and encourage blood flow to the brain and
other tissues. Although I believe that diet and natural medicines work wonders, they only work when other measures
are being taking to reduce stress. Meditation and yoga are the foundation for great health.
Do you have a morning or evening ritual? If so, will you share it with us?
Yes! I practice yoga every day. I have two small children and a busy practice so life is full, but I always make time for at
least 30 minutes of yoga. It allows me to start my day feeling grounded, positive, and strong.
What are you most grateful for?
I am incredibly grateful for my family and for my health.
What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?
Slow down. Take the time to be present in everything you do and make sure to spend some time doing what brings you
joy.
What is the best advice you could give someone else?
Rest, eat well, show yourself some love, and repeat.
Thank you, Julie, for your thoughtful answers!
For more information on Dr. Durnan or to book an appointment, visit: www.drjuliedurnan.com
Gratitude and Coffee
One of the most effective ways to start your day off well is to
spend a few minutes thinking of everything you are grateful for.
Sometimes finding the time to do this can be challenging. If
you’re struggling to make time, try tying your morning gratitude
session to your morning cup of coffee (or tea).
While you’re taking your first few sips, relax in to your chair and
think of or write down three things you’re thankful for. Here
are some ideas for things to think about:
the warmth of the mug in your hands
the aroma of the coffee or tea
the beautiful morning
the beginning of a new day full of promise
- Inspired by www.daringtolivefully.com
The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 7
August 2015
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
1
2 3 4 5 6 Network
Group 7PM-
9PM
7 8
9 10 11 Walk and
Talk 1:30PM-
3PM
12 Network
Group 10:30AM-
12:30PM
13 14 15
16 17 Summer
Picnic 12PM-
2PM
18 19 20 21 22
23 24 25 Walk and
Talk 1:30PM-
3PM
26 27 28 29
30 31
July/August 2015 Page 8
North Shore Community
Resources Caregiver Support
Program
201-935 Marine Drive
North Vancouver, BC
V7P 1S3
The Family Caregivers’
Grapevine is a bi-monthly
publication that promotes
the importance of self-care
and provides practical
information to help with the
caregiving role.
Do you have any questions
or feedback about the news-
letter? Please contact
Cassandra at
or
604-982-3319
The first of many anniversaries.
Coming up to another year
Since almost losing you.
Almost a year since dialing 911
While standing over you.
A stroke of luck
You’re still alive
A stroke of luck
You have survived
A stroke of luck
You’re in my life
A stroke of luck
You’re now my wife.
I share each moment, everyday
That your recovery to my dismay
Brings my heart closer to my true love
And thanks to powers up above
For answering my prayers that night
A stroke of luck things turned out right.
- Barry Jakel, Birth, Death, and as the crow flies.
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