Finding Relief from Loneliness

By Cassandra Van Dyck

A bimonthly newsletter published by the Caregiver Support Program

July/August 2015

“In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”

- Albert Einstein

Many of us are familiar with the risk factors that may

impact our quality and length of life. We know that

smoking is harmful and that we’ll feel better and be

less at risk for disease if we eat healthy foods and ex-

ercise. However, we may not think as often as we

could about our emotional well-being and how it im-

pacts our physical health.

Recent studies have shown that loneliness and social

isolation are as just as threatening to longevity as cig-

arette smoking and obesity. Loneliness has been

shown to upset the regulation of cellular process in a

way that can predispose you to premature aging. It

has been linked with cardiovascular disease and sup-

presses the functioning of our immune systems. Sta-

tistics show that up to 40% of adults over the age of

65 will experience loneliness.

Perhaps when you think of loneliness, you imagine a

person in an empty house in the middle of an open

field. The reality is that “not all those who live alone

are lonely and not all people who are lonely live

alone.” Lots of people who experience chronic loneli-

ness are surrounded by people at work, at home and

in public. It is not the quantity of interactions that a

person may have that determines their loneliness, but

the quality. A person can interact with people all

day long, but if they do not feel connected and

heard, they may still experience feelings of seclu-

sion.

There are many reasons for prevailing loneliness.

Helping other people has numerous benefits, but

those benefits are compromised if we are not car-

ing for ourselves as well. We can care for our-

selves by reaching out to our communities to

make sure we are having positive, quality interac-

tions that combat loneliness and provide feelings

of acceptance and joy.

When we feel lonely, it can be hard to imagine

feeling differently – especially when we are serv-

ing other people and not nurturing ourselves.

Sometimes we get used to feeling lonely, unaware

July/August 2015

of the stress it is causing our bodies and minds. If you or

someone you know is struggling with loneliness, here

are a few steps you can take to start feeling more con-

nected.

Find the root of your loneliness.

When we are feeling lonely, it can be hard to figure out

why or how we ended up in such a state. Take some

deep breaths and think or write about what is happen-

ing in your life. Are you making time to connect with the

people in your life that you spending time with? Have

you recently lost someone in your life? Could you use

some more support with everything you have going on?

Taking the time to think about why you’re feeling the

way you are can provide the self-awareness needed to

start reaching out so you can receive the kind of support

you need.

Remember that you are not alone.

Loneliness can lead to strong feelings of isolation, lead-

ing one to believe that they are alone and there is no

one they could possibly reach out to for help. “Believing

that people really are there for you is an important first

step.” Sometimes just telling a supportive person that

you are feeling lonely can take a weight off your shoul-

ders. Try talking to a friend, family member or a profes-

sional.

Be social.

This might feel like the hardest thing to do when you

are experiencing long periods of loneliness, but it can

also be the most beneficial. Try coming to one of our

Network Groups or Walk and Talks. Attend a fitness

class or accept an invitation to a summer activity. Try

something that you’ve done in the past that has made

you feel nourished and rejuvenated.

Make small connections.

Have you ever been having a bad day and then had that

mood instantly turned around after a stranger held a

door for you, a cashier made eye contact and

smiled when you were leaving with your bags, or a

co-worker took the time to ask how you were do-

ing? These small connections can be enough to

shift our mindsets away from negative thought

patterns.

Try positive affirmations.

Loneliness is an emotion. Although it may not al-

ways feel so, it can be substituted for another. Try

taking some time each morning and evening to set

some positive affirmations. These can be spoken

silently to yourself, written, or said out loud. Some

find it helpful to speak it to themselves in a mirror.

If you’re stuck for words, try speaking these affir-

mations from Louise Hay:

“Life supports me in every possible way.”

“I experience love wherever I go. Loving peo-

ple fill my life, and I find myself easily ex-

pressing love to others.”

“Today I listen to my feelings, and I am gen-

tle with myself. I know that all of my feelings

are my friends.”

“My day begins and ends with gratitude and

joy.”

References: www.qeepr.com, www.mind.org.uk,

www.psychologytoday.com, www.bridgemaker.com

The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 3

Walk and Talk Tuesday, July 7th, July 21st, August 11th, August 25th

Rejuvenate with a stroll on the Ambleside seawall,

get to know other caregivers and enjoy the fresh air.

The walks take place rain or shine. Meet us by the

public washrooms at John Lawson Park in West Van-

couver.

Network Group

Thursday, July 2nd, 7PM-9PM, Wednesday, July 8th, 10:30AM-12:30PM, Thursday, August 6th, 7PM-9PM and Wednesday, August 12th 10:30AM-12:30PM

A sneak peek at upcoming Network Groups:

July 8th: Share your creativity. You’re invited to

bring something you’ve made, such as artwork,

baking, a piece of writing, or photos. We’ll have

fun appreciating how expressing ourselves crea-

tively can do wonders in lifting the spirits and

dealing with stress.

August 12th: Live music with Cassandra Van

Dyck, our gifted newsletter writer. Join us for

some uplifting music!

July 2015

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

1 2 Network

Group 7PM-

9PM

3 4

5 6 7 Walk and

Talk 1:30PM-

3PM

8 Network

Group

10:30AM-

12:30PM

9 Meditation

10AM-12PM

10 11

12 13 14 15 16 17 18

19 20 21 Walk and

Talk 1:30PM-

3PM

22 23 Meditation

10AM-12PM

24 25

26 27 28 29 30 31

For registration and information on all sessions, contact Karyn by email at

karyn.davies@nscr.bc.ca or by phone at 604-982-3320.

July/August 2015

Summer Picnic

Monday, August 17th from 12-2PM. John Lawson

Park in West Vancouver. Meet us at the grassy

picnic area, and please bring a dish to share!

Live music by Rio Samaya, an energizing Latin and

world rhythm band. They will get us dancing!

Meditation Thursday, July 9th and 23rd, 2015 from 10AM-12PM. North Shore Community Resources, in Capilano Mall Room 203, 935 Marine Drive, North Vancouver. Become mindful of your response to stress, explore strategies for cultivating inner balance and serenity and learn a series of gentle meditation practices. When possible, we suggest attending both sessions.

Presented by Kim Hansen, whose meditation prac-tice over the years has made him a much happier person than he was. Kim is a caregiver for his el-derly mother, and also delights in being a father and husband. Free registration for caregivers of an adult friend or family member.

Wellness Corner

“Your body is giving you clues and signals all day long. It’s your job to slow down long enough to tune in to

them and follow through.” - Ashley Neese

When the Body Says No, by Dr. Gabor Mate, draws on scientific research and the author’s decades of ex-

perience as a practicing physician to provide answers to “important questions about the effect of the mind

-body link on illness and health and the role that stress and one’s individual emotional makeup play in an

array of common diseases.” Most of the book discusses the connection between physical un-wellness and

emotional distress, telling stories of people who experienced emotional struggles before being diagnosed

with a disease.

These chapters are interesting, but perhaps the most useful part of the book is Chapter 19, ‘The Seven A’s

of Healing.‘ Mate believes that these seven As—acceptance, awareness, anger, autonomy, attachment,

assertiveness, and affirmation—when adopted in to one’s life and worked on—can aid readers in working

through and preventing illness. It’s food for thought!

“We grow, we evolve, we ex-

pand, but we are who we are.

And it is so much more than

enough.” - Danielle Bernstein

The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 5

Dr. Julie Durnan is a licensed naturopathic doctor based out of North Vancouver. She has been practicing for

over ten years and specializes in women’s health, fertility, obstetrics, and pediatrics. Dr. Durnan is passionate

about guiding people to live their best possible lives. In this interview, she shares tips for stress management

and good health, and talks about some self-care practices in her own life.

Can you tell us about your journey in to naturopathic medicine?

After university graduation, I worked as an environmental consultant and worked with very ill people who

were living in toxic homes. We tested the air quality in their homes and discovered that they were living

amongst mould, lead paint, asbestos, formaldehyde (from new furniture), and more. These people were so

sick and although we were able to clean up the air in their homes, many of their symptoms didn’t resolve.

This is when I learned about naturopathic medicine. This system of health care addressed toxicity and looked

deeper into detox, mineral balance, chronic infections, and was able to clear these issues, boost people’s im-

mune systems, and resolve symptoms. I knew that I needed to help people on this deeper level. I had found

my passion!

Family caregivers spend a lot of time and energy physically and emotionally caring for loved ones, often at

the expense of their own well-being. Do you have any advice for how caregivers can take care of them-

selves while taking care of others?

When you expend your energy caring for loved ones over an extended period of time, your body

can perceive this as a stress. When under stress, your body releases cortisol and adrenaline to manage emo-

tions, stay on top of tasks, and to generally keep going. This can become exhausting to your adrenal glands

(the glands that release stress hormones) and your body can become depleted in many vitamins and miner-

als in the process. Taking time for rest, meditation, and also exercise, is important to keep stress hormones

balanced. I recommend trying to do something every day for yourself - whether it's something that fills your

tank like a walk in nature or spending 30 minutes on a hobby daily. Further supplementation can do wonders

for energy levels, to help with insomnia, and to lift mood. Vitamin C, magnesium, and B vitamins, specifically

B5 and B12 are especially important for caregivers to manage stress levels.

Interview with a

Naturopath:

Dr. Julie Durnan

July/August 2015 Page 6

If someone is concerned about their general health, what are some small lifestyle changes they can make to improve

their well-being?

To improve general health and wellbeing starts with taking care of your mental and emotional health and eating a

healthy diet. Stress levels run high when people eat processed foods and sugar. To stay optimally healthy, avoid sugar

and stimulants like caffeine. I recommend aiming for 5 cups of brightly coloured veggies daily, eating plenty of nuts,

whole grains, and protein like legumes, lean meats, and fish.

Is there anything you’ve learned that stands out as making a drastic difference to one’s health?

Meditation and yoga can have dramatic effects on health. Plenty of research has been done on meditation and it has

been shown to improve levels of healthy endorphins, lower stress hormones, and encourage blood flow to the brain and

other tissues. Although I believe that diet and natural medicines work wonders, they only work when other measures

are being taking to reduce stress. Meditation and yoga are the foundation for great health.

Do you have a morning or evening ritual? If so, will you share it with us?

Yes! I practice yoga every day. I have two small children and a busy practice so life is full, but I always make time for at

least 30 minutes of yoga. It allows me to start my day feeling grounded, positive, and strong.

What are you most grateful for?

I am incredibly grateful for my family and for my health.

What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Slow down. Take the time to be present in everything you do and make sure to spend some time doing what brings you

joy.

What is the best advice you could give someone else?

Rest, eat well, show yourself some love, and repeat.

Thank you, Julie, for your thoughtful answers!

For more information on Dr. Durnan or to book an appointment, visit: www.drjuliedurnan.com

Gratitude and Coffee

One of the most effective ways to start your day off well is to

spend a few minutes thinking of everything you are grateful for.

Sometimes finding the time to do this can be challenging. If

you’re struggling to make time, try tying your morning gratitude

session to your morning cup of coffee (or tea).

While you’re taking your first few sips, relax in to your chair and

think of or write down three things you’re thankful for. Here

are some ideas for things to think about:

the warmth of the mug in your hands

the aroma of the coffee or tea

the beautiful morning

the beginning of a new day full of promise

- Inspired by www.daringtolivefully.com

The Family Caregivers’ Grapevine Page 7

August 2015

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat

1

2 3 4 5 6 Network

Group 7PM-

9PM

7 8

9 10 11 Walk and

Talk 1:30PM-

3PM

12 Network

Group 10:30AM-

12:30PM

13 14 15

16 17 Summer

Picnic 12PM-

2PM

18 19 20 21 22

23 24 25 Walk and

Talk 1:30PM-

3PM

26 27 28 29

30 31

July/August 2015 Page 8

North Shore Community

Resources Caregiver Support

Program

201-935 Marine Drive

North Vancouver, BC

V7P 1S3

The Family Caregivers’

Grapevine is a bi-monthly

publication that promotes

the importance of self-care

and provides practical

information to help with the

caregiving role.

Do you have any questions

or feedback about the news-

letter? Please contact

Cassandra at

Cassandra.VanDyck@nscr.bc.ca

or

604-982-3319

The first of many anniversaries.

Coming up to another year

Since almost losing you.

Almost a year since dialing 911

While standing over you.

A stroke of luck

You’re still alive

A stroke of luck

You have survived

A stroke of luck

You’re in my life

A stroke of luck

You’re now my wife.

I share each moment, everyday

That your recovery to my dismay

Brings my heart closer to my true love

And thanks to powers up above

For answering my prayers that night

A stroke of luck things turned out right.

- Barry Jakel, Birth, Death, and as the crow flies.