THE BOUBBO NEWS PABIS KY PEOEMBEB 27 1904

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BITS BY THE 3ABE1

A little boy who was asked where aSpider got the thread his webanswered

Its the raveling of his shirt I sawfcim take it

What bird is called the bird ofin America asked the teacher

The turkey answered the boy atthe foot of the class who was

of his Thanksgiving dinner

Tommy had drawn the picture of alocomotive on his slate and his father

him why he didnt draw thecars too

Oh answered Tommy thecan draw them

During the Thanksgiving dinnerrrommy was nearly choked by a tendonwhich he encountered in aleg of theturkey

Mamma he said a little Jater thecook forgot to take that old turkeysgarters off

Little Fred was told of a newin his uncles family Is the kid

any relation to me he askedYes hes your first cousin

his motherHuh exclaimed Fred I should

think he was my last one

Jimmy said the teacher afterreading the youngsters note from hisfather excusing his absence fromschool the day before it seems to meyour fathers writing is very much likeyours

Yes replied Jimmy unabashedPop aint had no education and Im

learnin him

The first time small Bessie attendeda funeral she asked why the lady died

Because God called her she wastold

A few days later she was tied in herchair because she had been

After sitting quietly for atime she said

Mamma if God called me now Icouldnt go cause Im tied fast

FACETIOUS FLINGS

what is tactthe art of letting a person

know you know enough not to know

I had never been in love before how would I have known whatailed me

She I would have told you

a funny typograph4cal error in this paper It speaks ofa mans motherinjaw

Wiggins Well isnt that all rightI cant see anything wrong about it

I Miss Passay You may sneer at petdogs but theyre faithful anywayFd rather kiss a good dog than somemen

Mr Sharpe Well well some menare born lucky

What would you do if you were aiking asked the man of vaulting ambition

I dont know answered the matteroffact I suppose Id follow the fashion and wear a look ofworry and a bulletproof shirt

Now if I were only an ostrichbegan the mean man at the breakfasttable as he picked up one of his wifesbiscuits then

Yes interrupted the patient betterhalf then I might get a fewfeathers for that old hat Ive worn forthree winters

PISOS TABLETSThe New Boon for Womans Ills

suffering from any form of femaleis no longer necessary Many

would rather die by Inchesthan consult anyone even by letter about theirprivate troubles PISOS TABLETS attack thesource of the disease and give relief from thestart Whatever form of illness afflicts youour interesting treatise Cause of Diseases inWomen will explain your trouble and ourmethod of cure A copy will be mailed freewith a Generous Sample of the Tablets to anywoman addressing

THE PISO COMPANYClark and Liberty Streets WARREN PA

A CURIOUS FACTIt is worthy of remark that every city

of any size or importance instate of Texas is located Directly on theline of the M K T Ry Naturallythe country adjacent to these cities andthe cities themselves are a little richerin opportunities than other portions ofthe state which is as a whole a statesurpassingly attractive to the investorand homeseeker

Low rates on the first and third Tuesdays of each monthI would like to send you some printed

matter about Texas

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KATYST LOUIS MO

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Strawberry andVegetable Dealers

Passenger of the Illinois CentralJiave recently issued a

tion known as Cireelar which fteseiitodthebeat territory in this country

r IJje jmmine of early

address card undersigned at BCBD CKa copy of 12

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jBEGGS CHERRY COUGHeitre coughs and colds

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NOT WHAT HE EXPECTED

Over Anxious Employe Overdoes theIngratiating Act and Gets

His Comings

He was a very goodyoung man andwas determined when starting inness to follow the straightest path relates London TitBits

He studied a manual of business on going up to his office in the morning andhis lunch consisted of buns and

Relish was given to his tea in the shapeof a shorthand textbook and he sailedhome in the train gorging French grammar

He was particularly anxious tohis employer and cast about him

for a means of doing so Then an ideaoccurred to him

He went to a wholesale text shop andselected a few appropriate texts whichhe would hang round the office in whichhe worked

In front of himhe hung Nothing LikeIndustry while on the wall to the rightlie suspended Punctility is the Soul ofBusiness On the vacant hatpeg heplacarded Procrastination is the Thiefof Time and on Honesty is the Best Policy

All then cared for was the entry ofhis employer This soon happened Hischeeks burnt in anticipation of thowords of praise increase of salarywhich he expected would instantly

the observation by his chief of hisevident excellence

Then fell the magic words after thegreat man had scrutinized the texts

Hem I Tomkins think you had better see the cashier

He trembled a little then saidThank you sir

Yes see the cashier He will giveyou your weeks salary and another inlieu of notice and you can go at once

The youth turned ashy paleBut sir I

Dont argue Go at once I dontwant lazy unpunctual shillyshallyingdishonest people working for me

sir I dont understandDont you Well if youre not lazy

what do you want a placard to remindyou of industry for If youre

why do want to be told that it isthe soul of business to be so If youdo things when they ought to be donewhy do you want to gaze at that mottoabout procrastination And if yourehonest why must you din it into yourself that it is the best policy No itwont do I expect my employes to beable to do my work properly themselveswithout outside aid and I dont buy mottoes to tell them how to do it Goodmorning

KAISERS CLEAN CAPITAL

Everything Neat Quiet and Orderly-in the Principal City of

Germany

There are no street cries in BerlinNewspapers are sold almost in silence

by men who look likeof them in

viting to cafes of the baser ofered at street corners by old gentlemen

who might easily pass for deacons ofthe kirk says Harold JBegbie in LondonMailNo

piano organs play in the centralstreetsNo

bawl theirThe only sound in the city is the clatterof the horses hoofs on the clean asphalt

Berlin is wise enough to avoid woodpavement and of course he grindingot electric tramwaycars on their endless journey round the city

Every here and there too sounds thenoise of hammer and chisel where workmen are raising new palaces

Cabmen share In the general cleanlinessTheir little broughams and victoriaare not so neat as our London hansomsbut they themselves make a braver showthan the Cockney cabman

Those of them with taxameter cabswear shiny white hats with black brimblack band and brass cockade and overtheir shoulders is a blue cloak

the liningOmnibus men and tramcarmen turn

themselves out with equal smartnesstheir faces shaven and clean their uniforms brushed and brightened

The policemen in squat black helmetswith silver ornamentation and with thetail of a sword poking out at the bottomof their dark blue ulsters are clean andsmart with the same military neatness

The postman driving his light yellowmailcart wearing a shiny gold braidedbillycock with a tiny tarbrush stuckrakishly on side is as proud of hisappearance as the soldiers swaggeringon the footpaths

Everybody is rushed and dean

LongLived AnimalsThe recent presentation to

History museum in London of an eagleowl which has lived 72 years in

leads Mr W P Pycraft the ornithologist to assemble a number of instances of great age attained by birdsA golden eagle which died in Vienna in1719 was known to have been in captivity 104 years A whiteheadedcaptured in 1705 died in the Vienna zoological gardens in 1824 There Is a record of a falcon which lived to the age ef162 years In comparatively few Instances are the stories of great age

by animals authenticated bytrustworthy Companion

Queens Who Like Plain FbodQueen Alexandra is said to be fond or

Yorkshire pudding and very particulara to its proper consistency that itshould be crisp and light not tough andheavy Queen Victoria loved the homely scone eaten at the tea taken in somelonely farmhouse or rural inn Plain

bread which is all one gets inEngland is apdetizinvtrjetyof dainty cakes

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SOCIETY GIRL A HOUSEMAID

Philadelphia Heiress Takes a Placeas Servantto Cook and Do

Other Menial Work

Marion Honeyman Wood a member of the citysmost exclusive social circles a formerhospital nurse and actress is at present engaged in a new venture andset in which she moves has been givena new theme for conversation She isdoancd the costume of a housemaidand is serving in that capacity forwages at the house of her cousin MissLouise Wood an artist She has heldthis place for the last five weeks andthe matter has been kept secret frommost of her friends Members of herfamily she is a daughter of EdwardRandolphWood declined to give anyinformation about Miss Woods present venture

Miss Wood spent the summer witha theatrical company in Canada Thisorganization failed and the youngwoman who had aspired to histrionichonors returned to her home Whileserving as a trained nurse in thePennsylvania hospital she learned tocook and this work is included in herduties at the Rittenhouse street home

ting costume with a small apron andcap of white She has light hair andblue eyes On every afternoon except Thursday she acts as hallmaidand takes the cards of callers at thedoor

She also makes herself otherwiseuseful about the hcmse She says shelikes the place and although the payis not so good as that received bystars on the stage she intends to continue as a maid until she has an

again to take up the life ofan actress

Miss Wood saysshe is very happyand is not thinking of giving up herplace in spite of family protests Shegrants however that with all itdrawbacks stage life is preferable

BLIND BOYS PLAY FOOTBALL

Three Members of Kentucky Team Entirely Play

ers Required to YelL

Louisville latest additionto the list of things that the blind canenjoy is football Last summer thesightless wards df the state of Kentucky organized a baseball team andplayed many exciting games

This year football was adaptedthe blind boys and the other morningthey played a tie game of 10 to 10 atstraight football against a team that

seeThe game was taken up about amontb

ago and soon the students hada code of signals and mastered the

principle of guards back tackles andbuck formation For their backs theyselected the boys t ith the best visionincluding several who have a fairmeasure of sight in one eye Theirquarter backs soon acquired such apttude in passing the ball that fumbleswere reduced to a minimum of

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The center two guards and one of thetackles of the institute team are entirely blind Most the members ofthe team can distinguish an opponentby the color of his sweater The onlyregulation laid upon the opposing teamis that the quarter back shall call passwhen he puts the ball At theopening the full back of the opposingteam kicked off deep into the territoryof the blind asylum team

Rognen captain of the blind boyscaught the ball called to hiu men toform their interference about him andplunged 20 yards down the field running low swiftly and with utter fearlessness

MARKET REPORT

Cincinnati 23CATTLE Common 2 50 3 50

Heavy steers 475 g 5 00tra 6

HOGS Ch packers 4 50 4 55Mixed packers 4 40 4 50

4 10 4 256 75

pat 6 10 G 35WHEAT No 2 red 1 18 1 20

No 3 winter 1 12CORN No 2 mixed 46

2 mixedRYE No 2 83 84RYE No 2 81 82

12 75mess 12 85

6 7 DO

BUTTER Ch dairy 17Choice creamery 28

APPLES Choice 2 50 3 00POTATOES Per bbl 1 60 1 65

5 00 13 00Old 14J5

Chicagopat 5 10 5 20

WHEAT No 2 red 1 13 1 IByNo 3 red 98 1 12

CORN No 2 mixed 46ys 462 mixed 29

7311 30 11 45

6 82-

NewYorkFLOUR Win slrts 5 25 5 40

2 red 1 182 mixed 5V22 mixed 34 36

14 00 14 507 25

BaltimoreCATTLE Steers 3 75

1 fat 2 50LAMBS Choice 6 00CALVES Choice 8 00HOGS Dressed V 6 25

LouisvilleWHEAT No 2 redCORN No 2 mixed

2 mixedPORK MessLARD Steam

IndianapolisWHEAT No 2

2 mixed 51OATS Nor 2 MxYdV 32

4 503 006 508 50

S 6 50

1 18

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NOT SUQJJ A FUNNY TRICK

Drummers Joke on Waiter TurnedOut a Costly One On

Himself

I suppose there comes to man ato something smart on an

said the as a tookf

New York TimesWell such a desire came to me as I

was leaving a certain southern city aftera stay The waiter at tablehad called me Gineral and heen at greatpains to care for me and I made up my

to reward him with a 5 bill wasa counterfeit with which I had beenbut would be theof a to off on

I had got a hundred miles whenI was arrested on a telegram for passingcounterfeit and whenI was arraigned in a United States courtand to bail on threedifferent occasions had a lawyer andother lost a weeksaltogether and escaped prison the

of my teeth In addition to this Ihad to make to the waiter who

shook his head when he recevedmoney and said

soul from the gallus

JUST LIKE PRISON ROUTINE

Boastful Traveler Brought to a Pauseby a Very Embarrassing

Question

The scene was a thirdclass smokingcompartment five on a side The speakerwas stout florid with shortcut hair

selfsatisfied The effemmate degeneracy of modern young menwas theme London

Look at me Sixty yearshad a days in life and can do

four miles an hour Why Becausefrom when I was 20 to I was over40 1 lived a regular life No delicaciesfor me No Every day

and winter I went to at ninegot at five lived principally on porridge worked hard you from

to one then dinner then an hourswalking exercise and then

your pardn guvnor interrupteda

Enough for HerMyraBut I am told your fiance has no

he has He is able tochecks for at least half a million

Chicago Daily News

Found at Last

apriceless boon to the and especiallythe women of America isinterested in medical matters and Mrs SueWilliams of this is certain she hasfound in Dodds Kidney Pills the longlookedfor cure

I am 38 old Mrs Williams saysand have suffered with the Backache very

much for three or four I havetreated by good physicians and no reliefbut thanks to found a cure atlast and it is Dodds Kidney Pills I havetaken only one box done me moregood than all the doctors in three or fouryears I want all sufferers from Backache

wellBackache is one of the first symptoms of

Kidney Disease Guardor Rheumatism by curing it with

Dodds Kidney Pills

There is a wide difference thevoting machine and machine yoting The

often cash vital disCompanion

BEAUTIFUL SKIN

Soft White Hands and LuxuriantHair Produced by Cuticura

Soap

Millions of Women Use Cuticura Soapassisted by Cuticura Ointment the greatskin cure for preserving purifyingbeautifying the skin for cleansing the

of crusts scales and dandruff and

whitening and soothing red rough andsore for andchafings for irritations and

weaknesses and many antisepticpurposes which readily suggest

as well as the purposes ofthe toilet bath

It is a Parisian doctor who insists thatlove is the result of a microbe Then letscience take and leave the tender PlainDealer

Are You Going to Florida or NewOrleans P

New Orleans and other south at

Also variable route tickets topoints in Florida and Cuba via Atlanta and

via Asheville For rates andother information addressStreetChicago

N P A 11 FortDetroit Mich

A boy of Machias Memiles over rough country

dayto be a great State

To Cure a Gold in One DayTake Quinine Tablets Alldruggists refund the if it fails to cure

Vv Groves signature is on each box 25c

A Salt Lake doctor has found a newdrug which he declares is better thancastor oil And it wouldnt have to bevery good at that Indianapolis News

Do not believe Pines Cure for Consumtion has an for coughs and colds JF Boyer Trinity Springs Ind Feb 15 1900

A mother could tell her daughter lotsabout out her lover if she daredto give to hex N Y Press

A Guaranteed Cure for Pilesor

Your druggist will refund money if PAZOto cure in 6 floe

You need not be a shadow because youare not a Tribune

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oc-casionthe ace of his smile according to the

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Mrs Elizabeth tff Lillydale N Y Grand Worthy Wise Templarand Member of W U tells how sherecovered from a serious illness the use ofLydia E Pinfchams Vegetable Compoundwho have been cured through the use of Lydia E VegetableCompound and can today thank you for the fine health I

was thirtyfive years old suffered severe backache and frequent bearingdown fact I had womb trouble I was anxious to get welland reading of the cures your Compound had made I decided to try it I tookLI

My family and relatives were as gratified as I was niecehad trouble and nervous prostration and was considered incurableShe took your Vegetable and it cured her in a short time and shebecame well strong and her home to her great and her husbanddelight was with a baby I know of a number of others who have

cured of different of female trouble and am satisfied that yourCompound is thebest medicine sick women MRS ELIZABETH H THOMPSONBox 105 Lillydale N Y

Thousands upon thousands of women throughout this countryare not only expressing such as the abovefriends are letters of gratitude to MrsPinkhain until she has hundreds of from

Here is another letter which proves conclusively that there is noother medicine to equal Lydia E Vegetable CompOund

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DEAR MRS PmriuiM I am one of the of your rieIids

Jonly six bottles but it built me up and cured me of all my troubles

healthby

fl Thdjsn

I

About His RaisinWhos that skeetin along in that big

automobileThatssuccescsful author

oxcartHushhenow He only makes his money writin about ox carts an the folks that

Too Much to ExpectSee here landlord must I sit here for

Oh no sir Im waiting tillsomebody comes and orders half

course cant kill a half chfckenl1Blaetter

If a man shows genius in killing andmaiming thousands of his creatureswe him rank fame andadulation but leave those who by patient

and unrewarded CincinnatiEnquirer

The hen setsthe overpowering of a mysterious

instead of working for posterityBoston Herald

Jonesthe

ride in emAt anta Constitution

Ihavei1d

remunerationbring

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DEAR MRS PIHKHAU I suffered withpoor health for over seven years not sickenough to stay in bed and not enough to

sallow and I was and irritableOne of my neighbors advised me to

Lydia E Vegetable ComI procured a A great

for the better took place within ftweek and I decided to keep up the treatment

Within two months was like a changedwoman my health good step lighteyes bright my complexion vastly improved

I felt once more like a girlwonder now how I ever endured the miseryI would not spend another year like afortune

properlyu

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health andall the praise to E Pinkhams Vegetable Compound MESM 407 Habersteen St Savannah Ga

Mrs Pinkham has on file thousands of such letters

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giveLydia

FORFEIT 1 ir cannot forthwith produce the letters ofwhich will prove their absolute genuinenessLydia E Pinkham Med Co Lynn MMS J

and signatures

C H C T E RLEADER AND REPEATER SHOTGUN SHELLS

The proof of the shell is its shooting Be

less Powder Shotgun Shells have won almostevery important prize shot for in yearsGood shots shoot them because they give better results shoot stronger and more uniformlyand are more reliable than any other makeALWAYS SPECIFY WINCHESTER MAKE OF SHELLS

WIN

FactoryLoaded1

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CBICUn CERRODANIE RHEUMATIC CURE AFQItlve Cure for Neuralgia In

Write TODAY for Free Booklet which contains our new theory the cause andcure of Rheumatism testimonials These capsules destroy and remove the cause ofRheumatism CURE MUST FOLLOW Price by C fer S5O0Manufactured CERRODANIE Ill For sale by T P TAYLOR Co Third SadJefferson fits Louisville Ky AGENTS WANTED Cut this ad out as it may not appear again

HE POOR MAN S RheumaUamif

COi

I aid

by Decatur t

Mixed Farming WheatRaising Ranching

Three pursuits kaTeagain shown wonderfulon the Homestead Lands of Western

Canada this year

at

i

re-sults

Magnificent climate farmers in theirin the middle of November

All to be more than pleased withthe final results past seasons harvestsExtract

Cdal wood water hay i ri abundance scfcopflchurches markets convenient

Apply for Information to SOPEHI JTTKXHEXT oOtufna Canada

II M WILLIAMS Law Building Toledo OAuthorized Canadian Government Agent

Please toy where yoiTsaw advertisement

Best Cough Syrup Tastea Good IJJntlme Sold by druggists

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