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. This is not a comedy lectureThis is not a workshopThis is not a Seminar
but…
This is a mission
Mission Wake up Desi Community!
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This message has reached Students’ Organizations
S.A.S.A. 2001 - Berkley, CA S.A.S.A. 2003 - Orlando, FL S.A.S.A. 2004 - Houston, TX
S.A.S.A. 2005 – Los Angeles, CA S.A.A.N. 2005- Ann Arbor, MI 2
U. T Austin 2001, 2002, 2003Texas A & M 2001-2002-2003-2004
U of Miami 2004Brown University 2004
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Community Organizations..
LPS Youth Conf 2001 – Dallas, TX
LPS Youth Conf 2002 – Nashville, TN
LPS Conference 2004 – Ft. Worth, TX
Bhakta Youth Conf 2004 – Salt Lake City, UT
Charotaria Patidar Youth 2004 – Baltimore MD
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National Conventions…
ATA National conference 2002
Ft Worth, TX
North American Bangladeshi Conf 2002
Dallas, TX
Telugu Association of North America 2003 San Jose, CA
ATA National conference 2004
Chicago, IL
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Even Mandirs are joining it.. Chicago Jain Temple 2004
Houston Durga Bari 2007!
This message has to reach our entire community
Confused Desi who is Really Confused,
– Parents or Children???
By Vijay A Mehta, M.D.
Temple TX
Copyright 1996-2001 © Dale Carnegie & Associates, Inc.
Disclaimer
. Durga Bari Board or Arun Niyogi is not responsible for its contents.
• Not based on any scientific studies
• The speaker has no professional training on the subject! He is a Surgeon!
• Language shall be politically incorrect
• Work in progress
• Rated ‘M’ for mature audience only
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Stories you hear today
• Names and location has been changed but the all relevant information is kept the same.
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.This is the story of real
ABCD!
Asian Born
Compulsive Desi !
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Nearly 40 year ago in a land far far away..
Real ABCD were coming out of schools!
They were the first generation of Free India!
Land of Opportunity opens the door
Before 7/2/1946 .. It was illegal to give citizenship to Hindus
Why did the door open?
Asian Born Compulsive Desi
Mere Deshki Dharati..
Success was defined by…
Jumbo jets were packed
Brain Drain
The struggle for survival
• Job
• Business
• Visa
• Food
• Culture / Religion
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ABCD goes home to marry
another ABCD!
.
.As mother nature would have it few years later they were
blessed with another ABCD!
American Born Cute Desi!
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First Twelve Years
• Being Desi kid was fun
• Most pampered
• Very talented
• They were happy and we were happy!
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Main Street to Wall Street
• Academic super stars
• Talented
• Highest in earning, education, contribution to society – model minority
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As mother nature would have itABCD comes of age
• What is right and what is wrong?
• My parents would never understand
• Live and Dream of American way of Life and act Indian at home – Double life
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Stranger in our house…
Lack of interest in …
Our culture / religion
Our Family
Our Samaj
Why wont they bond with us?
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Sex Education
We come from the land that gave “Kamasutra” to the world
But we can not acknowledge that sexuality exists!
Stay away form opposite sex.
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Our teenagers are..
• Addicted to love
• Have trouble getting out of a relationship even when it is destructive.
• Low self esteem, I am not complete without a boy friend!
• Can not tell the difference between love and infatuation.
Graduation!
Free at last, free at last thank you “Durga
Mata”
I am free at last!!
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Biggest tragedy..
The Wall
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Art of Parenting - they do not come with instruction manual !
By Vijay Mehta, M.D.
Temple, TX
www.Vijaymehta.com
Vijay Uncle Mehta on Friendster
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When we checked in it was a third world country!
When we check outIt will be an India Shining an economicmilitary and moral super power!
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Where did we go wrong? ;(
• My kids don’t want to be a doctor
• My child is not married at 35
• My child is love with wrong kind of person
• My child is “Americanized”
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Parenting in stages
• Up to 12-14 years - “ I am in control”
• 14-19 - “Act like I am in control”
• 19 and over- “Declare the victory and withdraw the troops”
• Think of King Dasarath
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Parenting
• Only 10% of pain is what happens to us and 90% is how we react to it.
• If the parents are angry the children will be angrier.
• Remember, if you challenge the teens they will defy you.
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It takes a village – we have to change as a community
• Change by design not by default
• Do not speak ill of others
• Do not criticize parenting of others.
• Do not brag about your success, luck has lot to do with it.
• Allow the Children to bond with others
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Myth vs. Reality
My child is so religious and has so much Indian Culture he/she would not do anything
Some ideal children may be hiding a terrible double life
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Let us face it...
• Two faced culture.
• We are more occupied with what people will think of us than who we really are!
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Sexuality Myth
• Our kids are NORMAL! The appearance of asexuality is a deception
• They are likely to have relationships and may be making out
• We keep the G rated environment at home, they live in R or X rated environment at school.
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Sexuality Myth
• By acknowledging that sex exists, they are not likely to do more but they are likely to be more responsible.
• We should promote male female interaction at an early age 13-14.
Helpful Hints - Relationships
• Her boy friend may not be your enemy.
• Invite her boy friend you don’t like and connect with him.
• Never put your finger prints on breaking their relationship! Let it die of natural death.
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Special Situation
• If you catch them in compromising position - Cat in the corner
• Do not continue to play after “check and mate”
• Wrong relationship – remove the villain and retire the rescuer.
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Warning!
• Wrong relationship is a lesser problem compared to Alcohol, cigarette and weeds.
• Generation Gap is now 5-6 years!
• It is time for us as a community to deal with this.
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Crisis Management
• Put up an united front.
• Do not start blame game
• “How would I show my face?’
• Don’t neglect good children.
• Don’t get heart attack
• Don’t call Ajmeri Baba!
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Crisis Management
• Find a meaning to your tragedy
• Parent’s support group
• Goal is to influence the behavior not to express your anger or frustration.
• Don’t disown them.
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Never say …
• Are you pregnant?
• You are a prostitute.
• I can never trust you.
• You don’t know what we have done for you.
• You don’t love us otherwise how could you do this?
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As a parent?
• Success is what you did, not what results you achieved – “Ma faleshu Kadachhan”
• Do not blame yourself or your WIFE!
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Why do they lie?
• If Shravan were alive today he will have to lie to his parents
• They lie we lose trust
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Why they don’t come home?
• My parents relationship can be best described as dysfunctional
• They are always fighting.
• When I go back home I am in prison.
• They routinely talk in third person in my presence.
• I have heard every lecture million times.
• They always compare me to others.
43Desi-American Ostrich Association
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.
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New Indian Culture
I rather know than not know!If you love me you tell me the truth!I promise to not go berserk!
.
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New Indian Culture
• Let us encourage male – female interaction at an early age
• Invite her boyfriend to dinner
• Alcohol under supervision
• Find out what is their passion about career
• Do not freak out no matter what.
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New Indian Culture
• Draw the line – No kids only parties
• Check for Drug and Alcohol
• Are they sneaking out of house?
• Computer in living room
• Cell phone charger in Kitchen
• Put teenager to work
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Tamasho Ma Jyotirgmayah
Asato Ma Satgamayah
Mutyor Ma Amratamgayah
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.This was not a comedy lecture
This was not a Seminarbut…
This is a mission
Mission Wake up Desi Community!
If you have any suggestions please contact me
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How to find me?
Vijay Mehta
(VIP stands for Very Indian Person!)
www.Vijayuncle.com
Vijay Uncle @ Face book
Vijay Uncle Mehta
@ Friendster!!
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