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Writing in Plain English
STI Academy November 15, 2017
Presented by Mary Jo Teplitz
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Background
• The U.S. government calls it “Plain Language.”
• Some government agencies are required to write regulations in Plain Language.
• Several versions of Plain English/Plain Language guidelines are available.
• Individual guidelines vary, but the overall philosophy is the same—get to the point clearly and directly.
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• Assumes you are a busy person with information to communicate.
• Assumes you can organize your information.
• Helps identify obstacles that keep you from getting to the point.
• Focuses on words, phrases, and sentences.
• Can improve your writing (as you write and as you review) regardless of how many tips you learn.
How It Works
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#1. Avoid Nominalizations
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• Observe • Assess • Exclude • Similar • Accurate • Effective • Introduce • Fail • Arrange • Complete • Investigate
Meaningful words + Suffixes like =
-ation, -ity, -ness
Examples
(Zombie Nouns)
• Observation of • Assessment of • Exclusion from • Similarity to • Accuracy of • Effectiveness of • Introduction of • Failure of • Arrangement of • Completion of • Investigation of
an indication of an analysis of the calibration of the applicability of the collection of the recommendation of the distribution of the installation of the activation of the identification of a reduction of the evaluation of the quantification of
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Examples (Zombie Nouns)
Practice
The program’s goals are to provide: • Improvements to data • Analyses of trends • Updates to the report • Recommendations for change
The program’s goals are to: • Improve data • Analyze trends • Update the report • Recommend changes
Better!
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#2. Avoid Wimpy Verbs
Wimpy Verb Examples
provide occur
experience use
demonstrate conduct
be involved in was/were
perform has/have
exist do
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How to Spot Wimpy Verbs (1)
Find a zombie noun, and you’ll find a wimpy verb.
Equipment failure was experienced.
An evaluation of X was done.
Collection of samples will be conducted.
Testing was performed.
A description of X is provided in Table 2.
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How to Spot Wimpy Verbs (2)
There are, There is, and It is are wimpy.
There are many reasons for… There was an increase in…
It is important to note that… It is unclear what caused…
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How to Spot Wimpy Verbs (2)
There are, There is, and It is are wimpy.
There are very many important reasons why ... It is a very well known fact in history that...
It is very important to note that there are several factors that contributed to...
Exhibit A How I filled up space on essay tests:
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How to Spot Wimpy Verbs (3)
Active verbs show snapshots
“Hello, dear, what did you do today?”
woke up drove thought analyzed reviewed asked accepted failed listened attended wrote walked met asked yawned figured out calculated predicted filled out explained discussed emailed
was had experienced conducted was involved in provided participated in happened occurred performed did/done
Wimpy verbs give no information
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Practice
Perform an analysis = Perform a review = Provide a summary = Provide a check on = Provide an assessment = Changes in precision and bias may have occurred. =
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analyze review
summarize check on assess
Precision and bias may have changed.
Strengthen the wimpy verbs:
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A Brief Digression How do we learn? What are “concrete” nouns?
We believe in addressing issues through nonviolent means, always respecting the rights and personal space of others.
How Do We Learn?
We understand concrete words better than abstractions.
No hitting. No biting.
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CO
NOx
SO2
PM10
VOC
CH2O
C4H4O2
PM2.5
Can you visualize it? Can it do something? If so, we’ll call it concrete (even if you can’t see it).
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#3. Use Concrete Nouns and Strong Verbs
Your sentence tells a little story. Who is the hero of your sentence? What is the hero doing?
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Who Is the Action Hero of the Sentence?
Compare these versions:
The dog experienced chasing the car.
The dog was involved in a car chase.
The car was chased by the dog. (No action hero – the car is passive.)
Automobile pursuit occurred. (No action hero.)
The dog chased the car. Who is the hero? The dog!
What is the hero doing? Chasing!
Good!
Acute hazard benchmarks are rarely exceeded for the vast majority of toxic air pollutants.
The barbaric horde of toxic air pollutants attacked Fort Benchmark, but nearly all of the villains fell before they could storm the ramparts.
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Who Is the Action Hero/Main Character?
Most toxic air pollutants fall below acute hazard benchmarks.
Better!
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The Di Giorgio site experiences slightly higher peak 1-hr ozone concentrations than at Bear Mountain.
In a furious race to the finish, Di Giorgio’s ozone beat Bear Mountain’s ozone by a nose.
1-hr peak ozone concentrations are slightly higher at the Di Giorgio site than at Bear Mountain.
Better!
Who Is the Action Hero/Main Character?
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Another Brief Digression
How do we learn? In English, we expect the “Subject – Verb – Object” structure.
The dog chased the car.
Subject (action hero)
Verb, or
Predicate (what the hero does)
Object [optional]
(what the hero does the action to)
We Are Wired to Receive Information This Way
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#4. Keep Subject and Verb Close Together
A mechanistic understanding of the effects of rolling resistance on GHG emissions for a specific pavement segment and the typical vehicle mix using it requires characterizing several key variables.
Several key variables must be characterized before a mechanistic understanding of the effects of rolling resistance on GHG emissions can be gained for a specific pavement segment and a typical vehicle mix.
To understand the effects of rolling resistance on GHG emissions for a specific pavement segment and a typical vehicle mix, one must characterize several key variables.
Example
Practice
Air quality levels for PM2.5 in the Twin Cities and Rochester on most days during the 2015-2016 winter season were in the Good category of the Air Quality Index (AQI).
Air quality levels for PM2.5 in the Twin Cities and Rochester were in the Good category of the Air Quality Index (AQI) on most days during the 2015-2016 winter season.
On most days during the 2015-2016 winter season, air quality levels for PM2.5 in the Twin Cities and Rochester were in the Good category of the Air Quality Index (AQI).
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Once We Know the Subject, We Want to Know the Verb
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-NZFSrqHB0 (start at 0.56)
Practice or Once We Meet the Action Hero,
We Want to Know What the Hero Does
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#5. Break Up Text with Lists
Hamlet considers two options: 1. To be, or 2. Not to be.
Example (Before)
Your headings should be descriptive and easy to understand. In addition, they should be short. Make sure each one is unique so you can tell them apart. Group headings and subheadings in a logical order. Also, number the subheading levels in strict order (never skip a level).
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Good Headings and Subheadings
Example (After)
• Descriptive • Easy to understand • Short • Unique • Grouped logically • Numbered in strict order (no
skipped heading levels)
Note: Keep items parallel.
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Good Headings and Subheadings
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#6. Avoid Noun Strings
Graphite inscription generator
Document collation apparatus
Avoid Noun Strings
When you string together three or more nouns, readers have a hard time finding the meaning.
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Consider STI’s “CARB greenhouse gas quantification methodology calculator development proposal response opportunity.”
Examples
CARB proposed a short-lived climate pollutant reduction strategy. CARB proposed a strategy to reduce short-lived climate pollutants. We need a roadway safety management analysis software tool. We need a software tool for analyzing how we manage roadway safety. We are studying bridge construction improvement emissions. We are studying emissions from construction equipment used for bridge improvements.
Shorter isn’t always better.
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Practice
Take a quiz:
http://www.sfu.ca/~whitmore/style/clarity_05.htm
Read the guidelines:
http://www.plainlanguage.gov/howto/guidelines/FederalPLGuidelines/
writeNoNounStrings.cfm
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#7. Negative Is Not Better Than Positive*
It’s not so clear to say what didn’t happen; it’s better to say what happened.
*or, Positive Is Better Than Negative
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Examples
I won’t be able to give you a ride if you don’t arrive by 5:00.
I can give you a ride if you arrive by 5:00.
STI can begin operations no more than 30 days from receipt of a purchase order. STI can begin operations within 30 days of receipt of a purchase order.
Both of these scenarios did not consider the location of existing monitors. Neither of these scenarios considered the location of existing monitors.
• Did not accept = rejected • Did not consider = ignored • Does not have = lacks • Did not allow = prevented • Did not do = failed to do • Not the same = different • Not possible = impossible
Examples
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#8. Get Rid of Selfies “At this part of the presentation, the title slide for Tip #8 shows the name of the next tip for Writing in Plain English.”
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Example
When I was assigned this paper about Edith Sitwell, I had never heard of her. All I could find out online was that she was a British poet. But when I researched further at the library, I discovered that she is highly regarded for her innovative use of sound and imagery.
This paper is about Edith Sitwell, who is a little-known British poet highly regarded for her innovative use of sound and imagery.
Although British poet Edith Sitwell is not widely known, she is highly regarded for her innovative use of sound and imagery.
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Practice
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Selfless: To set up and execute a simulation for a hypothetical project using X, follow these steps:
Selfie: The purpose of this section of the report is to illustrate the steps for setting up and executing a simulation for a hypothetical project using X.
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Practice
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Selfless: Figure 1. Source locations and release input parameters for the model run.
Selfie: Figure 1. This figure shows portions of the Excel file containing source location and release input parameters for the model run.
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Practice
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Selfless: Figure 1. The X and Y application-interface.
Selfie: Figure 1. High-level diagram illustrating a representation of the X and Y application-interface.
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#9. Omit Unnecessary Redundant Extraneous Words
Examples
adequate enough alternative options combined together completely eliminated in addition … also planned future work important essentials intended objective might (or could) potentially past experience reflect back
“Will” is often unnecessary (when you can stay in the present).
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adequate enough alternative options combined together completely eliminated in addition … also planned future work important essentials intended objective might (or could) potentially past experience reflect back
Examples
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Sample Examples
Fireplaces typically will emit X amount of smoke per hour.
When you choose Enter, two options will appear.
You may apply for a maximum of no more than $90,000.
The weather system spreads throughout the entire region.
“Will” is often unnecessary (when you can stay in the present).
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Sample Examples
Fireplaces typically will emit X amount of smoke per hour.
When you choose Enter, two options will appear.
You may apply for a maximum of no more than $90,000.
The weather system spreads throughout the entire region.
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Unnecessarily Wordy Concise Has need of Needs Were responsible for Caused The table presented on this page The table In the absence of Without Located in; Located at In / At In the vicinity of; In close proximity to Near In no case; On no occasion Never At the present time Now On a frequent basis Often Resulted in improvement Improved
From Writing Science in Plain English by Anne E. Greene
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#10. Avoid Technical Jargon*
*as appropriate for your audience
Pollution was enhanced.
Example
I’m going to manipulate the data.
Example
Positive feedback was
observed.
Example
Solar radiation
Example
Transport
Example
Mobile sources
Example
Marine layer
Example
Fugitive dust
Example
From Somerville and Hassol, Communicating the science of climate change. Physics Today October 2011 (48-53).
Scientific Term
Common Meaning
Better Choice
Enhance Improve Intensify, increase
Positive trend Good trend Upward trend
Positive feedback Praise Self-reinforcing cycle
Values Ethics Numbers, quantity
Manipulation Tampering Processing
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See also http://www.plainlanguage.gov/howto/wordsuggestions/simplewords.cfm.
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#11. Use the Same Terms Consistently
My dog is smarter than your dog. My dog is smarter than your canine.
? Example
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Are These the Same? Don’t Make Us Guess
• VOCs/hydrocarbons • PM/dust/particles • Cars and trucks/vehicles • The Air District/the Agency/BAAQMD • Concentrations at the East
site/concentrations at the monitor
Examples
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#12. Write Shorter Sentences
Example
Through recent communications with the agency, we have ideas on how to design this screen and we believe that the functionality requirements are understood but more work and communications with agency staff will be required to finalize the data transfer requirements and the screen design. Through recent communications with the agency, we have ideas on how to design this screen. We believe that the functionality requirements are understood, but more work and communications with agency staff will be required to finalize the data transfer requirements and the screen design.
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While some PM2.5 hot spots were observed in the morning, in general the concentrations were more homogenous in the morning than in the evening, implying less wood burning in the morning and that PM2.5 generated overnight was dispersed despite very light winds.
Although some hot spots were observed in the morning, PM2.5 concentrations were generally more homogenous in the morning than in the evening. This trend implies that less wood was burned in the morning and that PM2.5 generated overnight was dispersed even though winds were light.
Example
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Sentence-Shortening Tools
• Start a new sentence or use a semicolon
• Identify and limit changes in direction (while, even though, unlike, on the other hand, but…)
• Identify and limit the number of purposes/ reasons (to, in order to, for…)
• Set off parenthetical phrases
• Add/repeat connecting words if necessary
• Use as many Plain English tips as possible
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Summary Writing in Plain English Tips 1–12
1. Avoid zombie nouns. 2. Avoid wimpy verbs. 3. Use “Action Hero” nouns and strong verbs. 4. Keep subject and verb close together. 5. Use lists (and make them parallel). 6. Avoid noun strings. 7. Don’t say what isn’t happening. 8. Get rid of selfies. 9. Omit extraneous words. 10. Avoid technical jargon. 11. Use the same terms consistently. 12. Write shorter sentences.
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Review
