Would it be valuable for you to know the antidote to worry? Would your job as a therapist be easier if you did? Would your clients’ lives be better if they did?

H Av E FA I T H I N YO U R S E L F AND YOUR CLIENTS

Have.you.ever.had.an.experience.where.some-one.told.you.they.did.not.believe.you.had.what.it.takes.to:.Succeed.in.a.job,.be.in.a.relationship,.perform.a.certain.task,.or.learn.to.be.a.com-petent.psychotherapist?.It’s.a.pretty.withering.experience ..

Let’s. turn. the. spotlight.away. from.your.clients.and.toward.you.as.a.therapist ..Do.you.have.faith.in.your.ability.to.be.a.competent.and.confident.therapist?.I.hope.you.do ..

Sometimes,.during.a.session,.you.may.be.amazed.such.awful.things.could.happen.to.your.clients.and.that.they.could.have.the.strength.to.survive.and.seek.help ..Along.the.way,.as.I.listened. to. countless. stories,. I.would. some-times.come.across.a.person.whose.story.was.truly.overwhelming,.where.lives.were.changed,.hopes.were.shattered.and.worlds.were.crushed ..I.would.be.amazed.that.anyone.could.survive.such.hardships.and.heartaches ..But.there.they.were.in.front.of.me,.telling.me.about.it ..I.used.to.think.How have they been able to cope?.

. I.remember,.in.particular,.a.remarkable.17-year-old.girl ..She.came.in.due.to.the.collapse.of.her.parents.marriage ..By.all.accounts,.it.was.a.brutal.ending ..Her.folks.were.vicious.with.each.other,.seemingly.locked.into.a.painful.game.of.cat.and.mouse,.like.a.sociopathic.Tom.and.Jerry.routine ..She.took.on.a.few.part-time.jobs,.kept.her.grades.at.a.respectable.level,.maintained.a.supportive.social.life,.kept.herself.out.of.alcohol.and.drugs,.and.in.the.end.said.how.grateful.she.was.that.she.was.having.these.horrible.experiences ..She.commented.how.it.was.just.these.lessons.that.would.make.her.stronger.and.

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Although unpleasant , I inv i te you to remember that experience. Remember, right now, what it felt like. Where do you register this experience in your body? Perhaps you noticed a sinking feeling in your chest? A weight on your shoulders? Maybe you not iced how gloomy your thoughts had become? Remember what it was l ike when that other person did not have faith in you. Give yourself a few minutes to feel this experience.

now I would l ike you to imagine what it would be l ike for your clients if they believed you did not have faith in them. Imagine what it would be l ike for your c l ients i f they thought their therapist believed they didn’t have what it takes to: succeed in a job, be in a relationship or make the changes they want to see. What do you notice? How do your thoughts and feelings change when you imagine what it would be like for your clients to believe you do not have faith in their ability to solve their problems? Again, give yourself a few minutes to explore your feelings in this experience.

more.capable.as.an.adult ..I.was.stunned ..I.had.heard.these.types.of.comments.from.adults,.but.never.from.a.teenager ..

I.was.impressed.and.inspired.by.her.outlook,.maturity.and.willingness.to.keep.putting.one.foot.in.front.of.the.other,.even.when.it.looked.like.it.was.going.from.bad.to.worse ..Despite.her.current.hardships,.she.had.faith.in.herself ..Even.though.her.path.was.not.always.clear,.she.had.faith.in.her.innate.ability.to.survive.and.learn.from.her.current.situation ..This.was.not.a.kid.that.needed.fixing.(as.if.this.is.what’s.supposed.to.happen.in.therapy.anyway) ..All.she.needed.was.a.place.to.tell.someone.about.her.difficult.situation ..She.would.drop.in.every.few.months,.get.it.off.her.chest,.know.what.her.next.steps.were,.then.cinch.her.belt.as.she.walked.out.the.door ..I.learned.a.lot.from.her ..

. In.my.own.life,.I.had.an.opportunity.to.use.this.lesson ..My.father.died.a.few.years.

ago.after.a.short.illness ..Just.as.I.thought.I.was.getting.over.that.loss,.my.mother.got.very.sick.and.died.rather.quickly ..Their.deaths.were.only.a.year.and.a.half.apart ..Between.these.two.deaths,.my.wife’s.brother.was.found.dead.under.suspicious.circumstances.where.foul.play.was.considered ..She.was.devastated ..He.was.47 ..Additionally,.I.had.worries.about.the.security.of.my.job ..For.months,.no.one.knew.if.our.office.would.stay.open ..On.many.accounts,.my.world.had.been.turned.upside.down ..My.parents.were.dead ..My.brother-in-law.was.dead ..My.own.brother.and.I.had.to.close.up.and.sell.the.family.home.of.45.years,.leaving.the.neighbors.we.grew.up.with ..Work.was.uncertain.and.if.that.collapsed,.so.would.our.finances ..

I.likened.this.experience.to.a.cup.that.was.simply.being.over-filled.with.water ..At.some.point,.the.water.(or.stress).was.too.much.and.it.just.spilled.over.the.sides.of.the.glass ..But.the.water.kept.coming ..I.had.no.more.of.a.grand.plan.than.to.simply.put.one.foot.in.front.of.the.other ..I.focused.on.what.I.needed.to.do.every.day ..I.really.didn’t.have.the.stamina.or.psychic.energy.to.focus.on.anything.more ..I.kept.my.pace.slow,.and.as.the.days,.weeks.and.months,.eventually.strung.together,.I.found.myself.beginning.to.come.out.the.other.end ..I.had.no.idea.where.I.would.end.up,.but.seeing.the.abilities.of.my.clients.and.hearing.the.stories.of.how.they.survived,.I.figured.I’d.make.it.through ..I, too, would live to tell my story another day. I.had.faith.that.I.would.survive.my.current.hardships ..I.had.faith.(but.no.proof ).that,.no.matter.what,.my.family.and.I.would.find.our.way ..

This.lesson.is.about.having.faith ..This.lesson.is.about.the.therapist.having.faith.that.her.clients.have.all.the.skills.needed.to.survive,.even.if.they.are.not.sure.they.can.do.it ..I.have.found.it.helpful.to.notice.out.loud.that.my.clients.are.surviving ..Are.they.bruised?.Maybe ..Broken?.Hopefully.not ..But,.they.are.there.in.front.of.me,.telling.me.about.it,.so.they.must.be.doing.something.right ..Whatever.that.something.is,.it.is.helpful.for.them.to.know.their.therapist.believes.in.them.and.that.they.will.make.it.and.they.are.already.surviving ..It is helpful for the client to know they have the skills needed to “Make it from here to there,” as my father

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used to say. They have the skills to get there, even if getting there is nothing more elegant than simply putting one foot in front of the other.

Of.course,.the.exception.to.this.is.if.you.are.concerned.about.a.client’s.ability.to.maintain.their.own.safety.in.which.case.you.are.compelled.to.conduct.a.safety.assessment ..In.these.situ-ations,.I.always.suggest.you.get.consultation.and.fulfill.your.legal.and.ethical.responsibilities ..

Providing.you.another.example.of.a.client’s.resilience,.I.am.reminded.of.one.woman.who.came.in.because.of.problems.she.was.having.at.work ..She.was.being.threatened.by.her.employer.that.if.she.took.anymore.time.off.work,.she.would.face.disciplinary.action ..She.was.frustrated.and.angry ..As.she.continued.to.tell.her.story,.she.related.a.horrific.blend.of.circumstances ..Recently,.she.had.been.off.work.due.to.a.car.accident.in.which.she.broke.a.few.ribs ..Her.21-year-old.son.had.cerebral.palsy.leaving.him.the.abilities.of.a.six-year-old ..Her.19-year-old.daughter,.recently.diagnosed.as.bipolar,.had.just.made.a.suicide.attempt ..Her.daughter.had.a.long.history.of.alcohol.and.drugs,.but.was.now.four.months.sober ..In.her.abstinence.and.beginning.sobriety,.she.was.coming.to.terms.with.being.raped.while.under.the.influence.of.drugs ..My.client.was.also.bipolar.and.diabetic ..She.was.a.single.parent ..She.had.limited.family.support ..She.had.been.retrained.under.the.Americans.With.Disabilities.Act.due.to.carpal.tun-nel.and.loved.her.current.job.as.a.lab.technician ..Due.to.the.recent.troubles.with.her.daughter.and.chronic.nature.of.her.son’s.disability,.she.recently.had.taken.multiple.days.off.work ..She.was.convinced.that.her.employer.was.tired.of.dealing.with.her.various.family.emergencies.and.was.trying.to.get.her.fired ..She.was.probably.right ..

But.here.she.was.living.to.tell.the.story ..Her.story.sounded.tragic,.overwhelming.and.nearly.critical ..But.she.was.not ..She.was.grounded,.focused.and.proactively.trying.to.deal.with.all.the.plates.she.had.spinning ..She.was.doing.so.many.things.right:.trying.to.get.home.sup-port.services.for.her.son.and.aid.her.daughter’s.recovery.while,.at.the.same.time,.setting.limits.on.her.inappropriate.adolescent.power.struggles ..She.was.actively.working.with.her.worker’s.union,.addressing.the.misapplication.of.her.employer’s.policies.on.the.use.of.sick.time ..She.was.working.with.her.own.MD.to.stabilize.her.manic.depression.and.diabetes ..She.was.reach-ing.out.to.family.members.for.support ..She.poignantly.told.me.that.she.would.love.to.take.a.class.for.herself,.but.even.if.she.couldn’t.do.it.right.now,.at.least.she.could.dream.about.her.future.class.time ..

Despite.all.her.stressors,.she.was.surviving ..When.I.gave.her.my.feedback,.I.told.her.that.her.situation.was.complex.and.difficult ..But,.even.with.so.much.on.her.plate,.I.was.impressed.with.how.well.she.was.doing ..Many.people.could.be.waylaid.with.any.one.of.her.concerns,.but.not.her!.She.was.slowly.and.pointedly.addressing.all.the.areas.in.which.she.was.affected ..I.complimented.her.on.her.abilities.to.cope ..I.told.her.I.had.faith.in.her;.that.even.with.such.an.avalanche.of.problems,.I.believed.she.would.continue.to.survive.and.one.day.be.able.to.take.her.desired.class ..Her.response.surprised.me ..“Thank.you!”.she.said ..“I’m.trying.so.hard.and.

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people.don’t.often.see.that ..Your.belief.that.I.can.make.my.way.through.all.this.really.helps.my.self-esteem .”

It.is.my.sincere.hope.that.you.have.faith.in.your.ability.to.become.the.type.of.therapist.you.know.you.can.be ..It.is.my.hope.that.despite.any.hardships,.or.perceived.setbacks,.that.you.ultimately.have.faith.that.you.will.reach.your.goal ..Believe.that.your.supervisor,.your.agency,.even.your.clients.are.all.helping.you.gain.skill.and.competence ..I encourage you to be steadfast in the belief that you will reach your goal..You.don’t.have.to.know.all.the.future.steps.you.will.

need.to.take.to.become.a.confident,.resilient.and.respectful.therapist ..It.is.impossible.for.anyone.to.know.what.the.future.holds ..All.you.need.to.know.is.that.the.next.few.steps.will.be.there.when.you.need.to.take.them ...Have.faith.that.the.next.steps.will.be.revealed.to.you.on.your.path.and.you.will.certainly.find.your.destination ..You will and are, right now, becoming the therapist you know you can be.

SECRETS O F A PSYCHOTHERAPISTSECRETS O F A PSYCHOTHERAPIST

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