design@identity.co.ug

0712 866 035 / 0755 443 175 / 0776 866 035 / 0714 443 175 / 0752 866 035 / 0776 443 175

I can feel it .............................................. pg 4

bloody misleading headlines!!!.................. pg 6

fringe benefits of being employed ............ pg 7

know your rights ..................................... pg 7

Kampala is for hustlers: ........................... pg 8

one for the desk, drinking at work ........... pg 9

daring to dare : a chat with Kemi ........... pg 10

why Burundi shouldn’t be a country ....... pg 16

that boda .............................................. pg 20

be your own corporation ........................ pg 21

12 names for millions of people ............. pg 22

buy a dog! ............................................. pg 23

forex re-regulation! ................................ pg 24

global dimming - a reality? .................... pg 27

umeme, and dog hanging... .................. pg 29

1st day of being officially self employed! . pg 30

I am a coward ....................................... pg 32

don’t let real music die .......................... pg 33

the buffalo theory. .................................. pg 34

the gender of a computer ..................... pg 36

welcome to the 21st century... .............. pg 37

events, ads and everything else ............ pg 38

9 reasons why Burundi should not be a country.

PG 16

daring to dare :a chat with Kemi PG 10

that boda PG 20

writersPaulo Nins

Benjamin-Axel Mugema.

Matookenation

Vuga

Solomon Akugizibwe

Plonkee

Cheem Alan

Rafa Yili

Gunnernkosa

David Oluka

Sara Akelly

Dannie

Brian B.Coutinho

Tashobya Davis

Luca Blasi

Hiraa Mizhar

COVERmodel : Kemiyodo Coutinho

picture: Mirrors Media

design: identity Co.

Copyright © 2011.All Rights Reserved. Although every precaution has

been taken in the publication of

this magazine, the publisher and

authors assume no responsibility

for errors or omissions.

The Workzine is not responsible

for the contents of any websites

referenced within the workzine,

nor does it endorse any specific

products or services referenced.

No part of the workzine may

be reproduced for commercial

purposes or substitute for

professional assistance.

questions,comments &

requestswelcome

for advertising information:

0712-815-8950772-888-1830791-032-469sales@theworkzine.comwww.theworkzine.com

editor’s word:The main news story in Africa in the past few

weeks has been the independence of South

Sudan.

In Uganda , the citizens have taken time off

their civil protests to remember the lives lost in

the 7/11 bombings of 2010.

While the world was watching the World Cup

final, Uganda was in mourning. And each year

we shall not forget and pray that such incidents

cease the world over.

let’s have a hip hip hooray for the world’s newest country!!!!!!

and a moment of silence for the victims of the 7/11 bombings in Uganda.

July 2011

IDLERS CORNER : I can feel it

Guess what! I just remembered

something awesome!! A friend of

mine is a genius!! A genuine bona

fide genius!

Brian, my hat’s off to you. : ).

(No, I am not talking about myself). Ok, now

that that’s done, and I’m in a slightly better

mood, let’s see, something a little more fun

ought to come up… hmmm…

Aah, life is beautiful, do you not agree? (just

so you know, I’m only writing that because I’m

expected to at this point, mbu I’m supposed to

be eternally happy, just how does that work?

Oh, yeah, mbu I’m also very sarcastic, I’m

happy and sarcastic, yes; that does make a

whole lot of sense. (this is where I could snort

or something, but that is just not polite, so I will

spare you. Besides, I’m happy, right? : )))

Now where was I? ah yes, someone is

promising…wait. Let’s see, um… ah yes. Hang

on a second, let’s see if this will work.

Eh, ok, now you see that second, it lasted a lot

longer than I thought it would… right now I have

no idea just what point I was trying to avoid,

so you will… ok, hang on another second,

someone thinks they are more important than

what I’m currently doing… ok, ok, I’m coming

sheesh (not to you, don’t worry, its just that I’m

typing... and they’re calling again, one sec.)

Well, that was a (currently very mad) Lady

(because mbu she had to call twice, had no

idea I was performing a humanitarian duty

here…Some people! Tch tch!) (ok, so she might

be a fine upstanding specimen of… (the lady I

mean, keep up, will you?)(if I continue with this

sentence I, well, let’s just say I like myself with

no parts cut off, visible or not) but still!)

Eh, but that’s beside the point; that beautiful,

wonderful, brilliant, perfect, wonderful

specimen of a human being has just done it for

me!! Ooh yes, I can feel it; I can feel the brilliance

bubbling under, the sheer genius slowly rising

to that point, yes, that point, ecstasy they call

it, and… oh, you know what I just found out?

I now have two (yes count them, two, as in

one, two, a whole two!!(not one, not 1.5 or

1.8, but two)) confirmed fans, this is brilliant,

this is lovely, this… this calls for a celebration!!

(hang on a second while I go do a jig) break

out the fine wine…oh, screw the wine, break

out the hard liquor, the tough meat, the… eh,

that’s really all you need to throw a party? Oh

no, wait, Music and… and… okay, yes, that’s

about it… hmm, funny, I thought it was harder

than that…

Eh, no matter PARTY, I have two, yes, count

them, TWO CONFIRMED fans aiyaya, I think I

should have an epiphany (I know I know, you

don’t usually think these things through, but it

has been so long since I had a brilliant idea (and

when I say brilliant, I do mean brilliant, like that

dude who came up with the million dollar page

(what, you haven’t heard of it? Ed., have you

figured out how to embed links in this magazine

thingy? Not yet? Ah well, google always works

. (but seriously Adib, web-zine, no links?))) or

that chic who charges people to break stuff…

well, you get the idea, do you not?) eh, buts

that’s not important right now, I’m supposed to

be having an epiphany!!

Eh, ok, I’m going to have to leave now, some

other (also very arresting) Lady is competing for

my attention and not to be snide or anything,

but she really is more interesting, so ba bye,

see ya, toodles.

Oh, yes, one last thing; I are a genius. Just so

you know.

4

by Brain B.COutinhoartwork by: identity Co.

Bloody misleading headlines!!!

So I check out this BBC headline screaming “Africa hit by worst

drought in 60 years”.. Just doesn’t make sense to me that a

whole continent of about 30 million km² is facing severe drought..

and when I click on link, I find out that they are talking about

“The horn of Africa” - Don’t their viewers deserve to know which

countries make up the horn of Africa (Somalia, Djibouti, Eritrea

and Ethiopia) - and when I listen further to this clip, they are

actually talking of only Somalia, and just part of Somalia - wonder

why they just couldn’t say Somalia...

So some other person who saw this headline and did not listen

further get wrong view of what is going on in Africa in general....

and after almost 90 years, one would think that they would be

able to let their viewers know that what happens in one African

state does not reflect what is going on in the whole of Africa .... or

is it because the mere mention of Africa is more newsworthy than

the mention of Somalia the country they are actually reporting

about, .... little wonder that most people here in Europe cant

distinguish between different African states and still think of Africa

as this dark continent... what of all the good stuff????? - And I

am tired of all these people I tell I am from Uganda, and they just

have not heard of it , at least the guy who asked me whether its

near Nigeria or Senegal and knows its a country is better off.....

And I am tired of all the bad publicity these western media gives

our beautiful countries - Twakowa....

by Paulo Nins

<the writer is applauding Rupert Murdoch closing News of the

World, one liar down, 7985 to go>

know your rights If you fail drug testing in the workplace, the

employer likely has the right to take disciplinary

action against you, such as firing or refusing

to hire you. Certain state drug testing laws

encourage or require employers to allow

offenders to choose a substance-abuse

treatment program in place of employment

termination.

Considering all the legal obstacles that drug

testing in the workplace has and still faces, and

the absence or lacking of state drug testing

laws, you might be able to challenge related

disciplinary action in court and win. Many

employees have filed workplace drug testing

lawsuits and won, even after they didn’t pass

drug tests.

You likely won’t be arrested, as failing drug

testing in the workplace is not the same as

getting caught red-handed possessing or

doing an illegal drug in the workplace. However,

if your employer catches you possessing or

doing an illegal drug, that’s a different matter.

Your employer has the right to call the police,

who might arrest you.

fringe benefits of being employed

There are many ways of generating an income, and lots of people seem to ideologically favour working for yourself, or working at home. Being your own boss is the great way to wealth apparently. Probably wouldn’t work for me, but each to their own.

One of the things that people who are for some

reasonable reason against being employed

talk about, especially those advocates of

stay at home parenting, are the hidden costs

of working. I’m talking about things like

commuting, eating lunch out, buying nice

clothes, conveniences that you use which you

wouldn’t if you spent more time at home.

This got me thinking about the converse. The

things that you can get from your workplace

that would cost you money to have to provide

for yourself. I mean, just like you don’t notice

the hidden costs of working, so maybe we

don’t notice the hidden benefits of working.

• At my current job we get free stationery, not

exactly for our own personal use, but still a pen

is a pen.

• My walking commute enables me to exercise

easily for free.

• I have to travel to London at least once a

month, and I can use this train ticket to meet

up with friends or family for dinner or drinks

and then head back to my own place for no

additional cost.

• There’s a subsidised gym (which I don’t use)

• It gets me out of the house everyday and

talking to real people. What can I say, I’m an

introvert at heart

• They heat the place. If I had to heat my house

all day, that would get expensive pretty quickly.

Let me know what benefits you get out of work.

by plonkee

< the writer owns a company. hhhmmmm>

6 7

July 2011

1. Don’t be white

KAMPALA IS FOR HUSTLERS:

boda negotiation 101 one for the desk, DRINKING AT WORK

5. When he names his price, be aware of the anchoring effect, most experienced salespeople name an

absurdly high price because once you begin negotiating, anything below that seems like a reasonable

bargain.

(Be wary of the rider who has no idea where you are going or how to get there and is simply pulling

prices out of his butt-crack.)

Don’t judge me, she said as she reached into her desk and pulled out a bottle of Uganda

Waragi , poured into her glass added sprite , sipped at it and then proceeded with her

work.

Melissa <Johannesburg > doesn’t give a damn:

“Drink or no drink. I don’t care. If you do your

work. then you could walk around naked. ”

2. Rather than flagging a boda rider from the

road, go to a stage where you have several

options. Pick the guy who looks hungriest. (NB

Don’t confuse high-as-a-kite for the lethargy

associated with stage one starvation)

3. Speak in Luganda

3 a) If you can’t speak Luganda, Speak Ugandan

English, and punctuate your sentences with as

many Neddas, Ssebos, and Kales as possible

3 b) Don’t have a Mzungu* accent

4. State your destination, avoid naming

obviously “high-class” places, if you’re going

to Serena hotel, say Crested Towers (opposite)

instead.

6. It is said that you should never pay more

than 3, 000 UGsh for a boda within central

Kampala.

You will learn more about this in advanced Boda

negotiation classes (this is in the same course

unit as “how to balance telephone poles on

the back of a boda”, and “Boda biology: How

clean is that helmet?”).

If the rider refuses to come down to a reasonable

price (perhaps because of your peach-pale

skin/Kiwi accent/ destination: Kabira Country

Club), simply find another.

Out of 40 000 boda bodas in Kampala, surely

you can find a hungrier more willing one.

*Person of European descent, one who travels

or wanders without particular destination in

mind.

by vuga.wordpress.com

<vuga reserves the right to out-hustle the boda

guys and make them cry.>

Alcohol at work is becoming the corporate

worlds worst kept rumor. Sara <Kampala>

feels it shouldn’t be an issue: “As long as the

person gets to do their work properly without

issues, then it shouldn’t be made an item at the

weekly meetings.”

Tom <Leicester > tends to agree: “When I

take a swig at work , it doesn’t mean I have

problem. Work with this economic downturn

is quite stressing. I am doing stuff meant for

two people and my pay is still crap. I need

something to take the edge off. ”

Ahmed <Dubai > frowns at the practice: “Work

is work. Alcohol has no place in the board room.

That’s why meetings don’t have it served. It

addles your brain.”

Jackie <Kampala> thinks that alcohol is a

necccesity for work :”A little bit of alcohol

once in while makes the brain move faster.

Reaserched and proven. I can even show you

the links, the boss should add it to the daily

checklist.”

Emmanuel <Spain > is a bit more cautious :

“I think it really depends on what type of job

you are doing. Some jobs which require a clear

mind like operation of machinery and heavy

equipment must not tolerate alcohol. Desk

jockeys I guess its fine. But then again, if that

person interacts with the client constantly, it’s

a No!!” Of course HR officers and consultants

are against.

Phillip <an HR manager from Detroit >: “Its not

an issue. It’s against regulations and anyone

found should be fired. Some argue that’s it’s

the same as smoking. No its not. Smoking

doesn’t cloud judgment. Alcohol does. ”

Despite the reasons, alcohol at work seems to

be a reality that is here to stay. And employees

have come up with creative ways of disguising

the goods or their intake. But that’s a story for

another day.

8 9

The WorkZIne recently caught up with Kemiyondo Coutinho , the one-woman acting wonder for an interview and photoshoot. She is the sole actor and writer of the hard hitting critically acclaimed play “Jabulile” that has been performed all over Africa and the United States.

customers, friends, her spiteful mother in-law and finally

leads up to reliving the death of her daughter.

Jabulile! is a one-woman performance, in which actor Kemiyondo Coutinho uses simple props

and staging to bring a small community of market vendors to life.

The play tells the story of four Swazi women. Jabulile (the main character) begins

by letting the audience know that today will be the day that she shares her story.

Jabulile, an optimistic street vendor who claims to always wear a smile, introduces

the audience to her drunken husband, childhood memories, manipulative

As the audience takes the journey of her life, they

come to understand that she keeps going on for

the memory of her daughter. Whilst telling her

own story, she introduces the stories of four other

women.

WZ: What was the inspiration for the play?

As I used to walk past the women on the side

of the road selling their fruits and vegetables, I

could not help but notice the constant optimism

on their faces.

I knew that being a woman in Swaziland was

not the easiest life and yet there was no trace

of this on the faces of these women.

Regardless of the daily struggles that many

of these women faced there was an inner

strength that shone through and that I greatly

envied, the strength to smile through it all. I was

intrigued by those smiles and wanted to know

what lay behind them.

I started talking to the women about their

lives as well as the lives of the women who

surrounded them and from this, the character

Jabulile (happiness) was born.

10

July 2011

WZ: Who is your artistic muse ?

Surprisingly the people that inspire most are

musicians. Music expresses most the feelings

and thoughts that I process on a daily basis.

Who inspires me the most changes as my

personality and soul grows. For now though,

Erykah Badu is definitely someone I aspire to

be like. Her freedom to create regardless of

what popular culture dictates is something I

try to assimilate in my work. She values truth

over fame, something more artists need to be

doing.

In the theatre realm my work is influenced

greatly by Lynn Nottage, Danai Gurira and

Ntozake Shange.

WZ: Do you plan to join main stream acting? say in movies.

My heart is on stage. The attraction to theatre

stems from the immediate reaction between

myself and the audience before me. No

performance is ever the same simply because

the audiences change and impact your

performance. Ideally I would like to stick with

theatre for a while, however, I have not tried

film and so I cannot say that I will not do it. I do

believe we need to push our boundaries and

maybe film is a boundary I shall attend to in the

distant future. But for the next 6 years I aim to

craft my stage work.

WZ: Imagine its your birthday and you had to choose amongst a bottle of Afghan wine, a bouquet of cacti and an overweight Tyrese , what would be your pick?Overweight Tyrese!!duh!! <at this point Kemi

blushes and hides her face. >I absolutely LOVE

his smile. I also just read his book and he is not

just a pretty face he actually has some depth

to him.

WZ: Why did you choose theatre to express these feelings ?

I have learned in life that we as individuals have

the power to make change if we do it in the

best way we know how. For me this is and

has always been through theatre. Theatre, in

my eyes, is the most immediate and possibly

strongest way to invoke change. It is a clear

reflection of society. Sometimes people need

to take a step back and watch society played

out before them before they can understand

what is happening in their daily lives, and more

importantly what SHOULD be happening. It

was for this reason that I chose theatre as my

realm to invoke change.

WZ: Why a one woman show ?why not a full blown play ?

The act of me standing there without any other

person or much props only begins to explain

our power as a female. I liked the interplay

of 1 woman( me) playing numerous female

characters. I think it shows that in all of the

characters there is a common ground between

them. There is a shared experience and I feel

that is greatly brought across as a one-woman

show.

Aside to that a one-woman show has many

advantages the greatest being that I don’t rely

on anyone, apart from my director, Stephanie

Arnold, to rehearse. I can perform within 24

hours notice and not have to worry about any

else’s schedule. Also it doesn’t hurt not having

to share the limelight. (giggles)

WZ: how have the audiences worldwide responded to your play ? Don’t people from different cultures feel abit lost ?

Doing performances in South Africa, Kampala, Uganda as well as in New York City and in Portland, Oregon, I started to notice a similarity in reactions from these cross-cultural audiences. This verified and emphasized that these stories were not unique to the women of Swaziland. Their stories resonated with every woman who has been denied something because she was a woman, with every woman who has had to endure pain because of her gender, with every woman who has felt that being a woman was a curse and not a blessing. Sadly these women

exist everywhere, all over the world.

I think the message of the show (women empowerment) is strongly brought out when 1 female stands before a audience

and delivers a message.

WZ: If you could change one thing about yourself as a modern woman ,what would it be ?

Absolutely nothing. I know, what a cliche. I joke,

there is a lot I’d like to change about myself

but even that changes from day to day. In this

moment right now, I would like to be more

patient with my surroundings. As a person who

likes to see change happen and happen fast

it often becomes frustrating and demotivating.

Of course, change never happens fast and so

patience is definitely something I need to work

on.

WZ: What message do you want people to take from seeing your play ?

I hope to encourage young African women

not to sit back and watch society dictate their

fate. Let us all make a change the best way

we know how. Let us invoke change in others

WZ: Another musical curiosity : An album of Whitney Houston rapping or Snoop Dogg crooning ?

WZ: Is there an African attitude towards women which you think is highly beneficial yet is misunderstood by western media ?

in whatever way we know best.

Let us not fail to understand that we the “Young African Woman” can be

I wish I could say yes but I can’t think of

any attitude towards African woman that is

beneficial to women or the culture surrounding

us. I think regardless of our education level

or how successful, woman are STILL looked

down upon. There is nothing beneficial of a

girl being told she cannot go to school yet her

brother can. There is nothing beneficial about

a woman working a 9-5 job but having to rush

back home to cook for her husband so. There

is absolutely nothing beneficial about being told

you have to do certain things simply because

you are a woman. Nothing. Until woman are

seen as equals and nothing less, there is

nothing to benefit from this degrading attitude

we have been receiving.

Whitney Houston rapping. I am somewhat of a die hard fan. I love the lady and her music so I would listen out of loyalty. Plus I can’t listen to snoop dogg rapping so crooning would just be torture.

I’ll skip!

whoever and whatever we choose to be.

July 2011

3. The Sports

Science graduate’sre-election.

First we need to ask, why is Burundi a

country? Well, it is because the Belgian

imperialists made it one. That is all. It is

like asking why an elephant is called an

elephant in English. You see? Secondly,

we need to ask, where is Burundi? It is

found below Rwanda. Physically and

literally. Third, we need to define our

title.

1. The President.The president of Burundi is a Sports Science

graduate. A sports science graduate does

not run a country; he/she runs a sports

establishment, or simply runs. Period.

For much of the past decade, there has been war in Burundi.

It was only recently that the rebels and government forces

decided that perhaps peace was better than war. Hence

peace. What you saw on TV was war, guaranteed. What you

did not see was that this war was unlike any other. Apparently,

they fought 9 to 5. Meaning, they woke up, had breakfast,

fought, ceased fire for lunch break, waged on until dawn and

then set off home for dinner. It was a job. And well, like any

other job, someone has to be the boss. Hence the Sports

Science graduate.

2. How the Sports Science graduate became the president.

4. He is

also a pastor.A devoted man of God, the Sports Science

graduate takes time of his clearly demanding

schedule to preach the good news to his

people. Now, judging by the ‘Ugandan’

definition of a pastor (/pastor/ noun, masc:

One who intentionally lures unsuspecting

persons to a wooden shack using insinuative

and attractive connotations for the Holy Bible,

and religious music in several languages at the

same time with the sole intention of acquiring

unimaginable sums of money of all currencies

from them with the promise of perpetual

prosperity and immortality) would we want a

pastor for a president? You tell me.

Now firmly in power, our boy set out to make

Burundi seem as normal as any other African

nation (insert Somalia here at own risk). He

organized elections. Again, in typical Burundian

fashion, they were like no other. Turns out

there was a bunch of opposition candidates

who even before the election assured the

press that it would be rigged and flawed and

decided unanimously; to pull out of the race.

My question is: Why would you enter a race

against a Sports Science graduate? He stood,

and won, unopposed.

16

July 2011

7. KS Alpha.5. The pastor’s

flock.6. The pastor’s economics.At a certain point in our history, Burundi was

the poorest country in the world. True story. But

thanks to the pastor, ‘The Burundians’ have

achieved great strides in development, hitting

a previously unimaginable economic growth of

0.1%. You see, the pastor has great plans for

his country. He sold the presidential jet and for

a moment actually had the airport on auction.

(Yes Burundi has an airport) It is said, according

to the same people that crafted that private,

exclusive, inside joke that he has serious plans

in the pipeline to sell the capital city Bujumbura

in a very lucrative deal that would potentially

benefit ‘The Burundians’. Watch this space.

The Sporty Pastor leads a people called ‘The

Burundians’. This is a special breed of human

beings with distinct personalities and traits

like no other. ‘The Burundians’ are known to

be very indulgent people, particularly the male

Burundians, indulgent in the finer things in life

such as good shirts, expensive shoes and ‘bring

bring.’ However, as we shall later discover in

the ‘economics’ of Burundi, such luxuries are

not available in the pastor’s nation. They travel

the depths of the region, in a fervent search

of these tokens of pomp. A private, exclusive,

inside joke about ‘The Burundians’ talks about

how ; ‘when The Burundians go to Kigali,

they think they are in Nairobi, when they go to

Kampala they think they are in Dubai…’ (Anon).

What happens when they go to Nairobi? The

pastor’s flock.

The three most important exports of Burundi are: Khadja

Nin, Beautiful and well-endowed women and Kidum(u),

in that order. The latter, however is currently property of

the Republic of Tanzania and therefore, in regard to the

dwindling export revenue, the pastor’s people had to find

another lucrative product to export. Hence; KS Alpha.

The dread-locked musician (artiste in Uganda speak) is

so popular in Burundi, he has actually done more than

two shows there. To drive the point home or rather put it

in perspective; it is like asking Clever J to sing the national

anthem on Independence Day. Now you see what I mean.Benjamin-Axel Mugema. Twitter: @AxelthePoet

<the writer Is Ugandan-Rwandan who believes the EAC should declare Burundi a protectorate and declare all the

women to be his wives .> 9. Trending events.Lately, there have been increased reports of marriages between ‘The Burundian’ girls and Rwandan men. Yes. It is true. The girls from Burundi are indulging themselves in marital affairs with men from Rwanda like never before. One of the more prominent reasons for this phenomenon is that it has occurred suddenly that Rwandan men have proven to be more attractive, ambitious and generally better than ‘The Burundian’ men. This I cannot independently verify. However, what is for sure is that ‘The Burundian’ girls are aware of a phenomenon of ‘Harold Camping End of the World’ proportions. Apparently, Burundi is no longer a country. They are therefore marrying Rwandan men so that they can have

a place to call home.

8. Again, the pastor’s

flock.Once upon a time, a group of

hippie male students from a

certain university in Uganda

went to Burundi to indulge (for

lack of a better word) in the

business of meeting random

girls and well, doing bad things

to them. They called it; a Road

Trip. The Road Trip was bound

to be the greatest journey

ever made by any group of

Ugandans. When they had

arrived, and settled in, they

rose the next morning, ready to

take in (pun unintended) all that

Burundi had to offer. However,

their hopes quickly dwindled

for our Ugandan friends were

treated like tourists. Every price

doubled. They were treated the

same way a muzungu would

be in Bwaise and Kalerwe.

But why, oh why did they treat

them like that? Because they

spoke English. In which African

country are Africans treated like

tourists? The moral of the story:

Only in Burundi.

July 2011

be your own corporationWe always think of ourselves as slaves to a

ruling body, or as an employee to a board of

directors. This is the mindset that schools and

the earlier generations taught us (no offense to

them). However, there are a few speakers and

authors now who are discussing that schools

are cultivating an attitude of being a good

employee–one who follows rules and does not

break away from the pack.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but there’s

another perspective to that lesson.

I remember a line I heard 4 years ago from

an audio book; I’ve never forgotten it: “Think

of yourself as your own corporation. Think of

work not as working for a corporation. Working

for them is like selling your services to them.”

That absolutely changed my view on work,

even before I started working. Four years later,

I’ve never felt like a slave and never felt like just

an employee.

Because we are our own corporations

Because we are our own corporations, we

can own our work. Our work is not just what

our boss tells us to do, it becomes a part of

us. Because we own our work, we can steer

it. It’s exactly like being an entrepreneur—

making your own direction for your work, your

corporation.

Seth Godin, in his book Linchpin, says to add

emotional labor into our work, because it adds

something that cannot be quantified and taken

from anyone else. Emotional labor is not about

crying or being affected, it’s about putting in

more of yourself in your work to personalize it.

By personalizing our work, we add something

to it, something that no one else can replicate.

By personalizing our work, we keep it aligned

with our goals. And this is what successful

corporations do.

Because we are our own corporations, we

have to invest in ourselves. We have to hone

our craft. This can be summarized in 3 letters–

BSC. No, not a balanced score card. Books,

seminars, consultants (mentors). We should

try to gauge whether the investments are long

term or short term. I’ve been investing in books

for a year now, and they’re paying off. In just

a year, the books I’ve read have been able to

give me new perspectives and new insights for

work. Some seminars may pay off right away,

some may not. But if you feel that it’s relevant

to your career path, go ahead and take it.

Consultants are there not to direct the work,

but to provide insight and experience. I am the

kind of person who needs a mentor. I value

mentorship, because so far it has been the way

I have learned the most throughout my career.

Change the bigger picture

Imagine that the company is society and that

the society is the world.

If we have a project, we do it because it benefits

society. And we want to improve society

because we want to improve the world.

We can all be like Apple, a single corporation

that changed the world. Through our work, we

can improve society and improve the world

around us. Employees are not just slaves.

Employees are corporations, too. And who put

up your corporation? You.

BY dodgepodge.wordpress.com<The writer

believes you should pay yourself tax before the

governemt steps in. If nothing is left when they

do , then they should remit some to you.>

Driver, Passenger, Pedestrian, Cyclist– the one thing we

all have in common is that we all have to deal with the

Boda Bodas. Whether you spend your time on the back

of them or dodging them in traffic the fact of that matter is

there is always a Bajaj zipping by.

Who is ‘that boda’?Here is what some of you had to say:

1. If he tells you that you have to pay more because people

your size consume more of his fuel, he’s that boda.

2. If he tries to use your car as a shield to enter a busy

intersection and calls you a coward for not moving fast

enough, he’s that boda.

3. If he cuts a bra in half, attaches string to it and uses it

as a face mask, he’s that boda.

4. If he has a bumper sticker that says ‘The Earth is full,

go home’ he’s that boda.

5. If he has loaded a pick-up worth of goods onto his bike

and you are too scared to over take him for fear that the

iron sheets and beds he is carrying will fall into your car,

he’s that boda.

6. If he parks next to you in a traffic jam and asks you to

wind your window down and turn the volume up so that

he can hear your radio, he’s that boda.

7. If he parks sideways in the middle of two parking spots,

taking up a portion of each one when he could easily fit in

half of one, he’s that boda.

8. If you find yourself hiding behind your handbag on the

way to work because you boda driver has stopped to yell

at your boss for driving badly, he’s that boda.

9. If he tells you that it’s unacceptable for a woman to sit

with her legs open that close to him, he’s that boda.

10. If the sweat from his head flies backwards and lands

in your mouth, he’s that boda.

BY MATOOKENATION.COM <MatookeNation is thinking

of starting a boda service to get rid of that boda. Qualities

needed : Bathes everyday, clean clothes, speaks

pidgin english ,uses deaodarant and looks like Denzel

washington>

20 21

July 2011

12 names for millions of people

What makes the Batooro of western

Uganda special? Is it their young

king Oyo, the escapades of their

Queen Mother Kemigisa, their closeness to

the famous snow-caped Rwenzori montains or

their western jazz style? Or is the most special

thing their “pet names”?

The pet names are so much embeded in the

Tooro culture that everyone born or married

in Tooro adopts them. Among children it is

punishable to call an elder by their religious

or traditional name because it is a sign of

disrespect and indiscpline. Batooro use pet

names to greet, praise, show gratitude or ask

for favors from people.

The first eleven pet names or empaako are

Bbala, Abbooki, Abwooli, Acaali, Adyeeri,

Akiiki, Amooti, Apuuli, Araali, Ateenyi, Atwooki.

However, the 12th pet name Okaali is reserved

for the king only. He is the only Mutooro with

two pet names. Upon becoming a king, no

matter what his pet name was before, he takes

Amooti used to greet him on an everyday basis

and Okaali used only on special ocassions,

traditional ceremonies and rituals.

Surprisingly, the pet names do not mean

anything in Tooro culture! They originated from

the Luo who invaded Bunyoro – which Toro

was part of – and assimilated them into their

language. Empaako were tagged with special

Luo meanings, for instance Akiiki means saviour

of nations, Abwooli is a cat, Apuuli is a bitch

and Ateenyi is the legendary serpent of River

Muziizi – which separates today’s Bunyoro and

Toro Kingdoms.

The Batooro share many cultural traits with

Banyoro, including pet names, because Tooro

Kingdom was originally a province of Bunyoro-

Kitara until 1830 when Prince Kaboyo rebelled

and declared Tooro independent.

Solomon Akugizibwe Apuuli

<read more //www.edirisa.org>

<the writer gets different empako’s everytime

he gets married >

buy a dog!

• If you want someone who doesn’t care

if you are fat or thin, young or old…..

buy a dog.

• If you want someone who will bring you

the paper without first tearing it apart to remove

the sports section............

buy a dog.

• If you want someone willing to make

a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing

you............

buy a dog.

• If you want someone who will eat

whatever you put in front of him and never says

its not quite as good as his mother made

buy a dog.

• If you want someone always willing to

go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever

you want………..

buy a dog.

• If you want someone who will never

touch the remote, doesn’t give a darn about

football, and can sit next to you as you watch

romantic movies….

buy a dog.

• If you want someone who is content to

get up on your bed just to warm your feet and

whom you can push off if he snores……

buy a dog.

• If you want someone who never

criticizes what you do, who doesn’t care if you

are pretty or ugly…..

buy a dog.

• If you want someone who acts as

if every word you say is especially worthy of

listening to, and loves you unconditionally,

perpetually………….

buy a dog.

• But, on the other hand, If you want

someone who will never come when you call,

ignores you totally when you come home,

leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you,

runs around all night and only comes home

to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire

existence is solely to ensure his happiness.

Then my friend, buy a cat!by Chêêm Allân<the writer will definately be apologising

to someone when she reads this>22 23

July 2011

I was thus surprised to check the leading daily

newspapers the following day and note that

this story was missing. Did they not attend the

function at which the Deputy Governor made

this pronouncement or were they just indifferent

to the matter on a whole. Well, because of that

and also due to lack of any sort of notice on

the Bank of Uganda website I cannot deduce

deeper the purpose this is supposed to do

to help with the stabilisation of the freefalling

shilling but my guess is the Central Bank hopes

the commercial banks will use it as their base

in foreign currency transactions and this shall

somewhat curb the short term fluctuations of

the shilling.

The dollar hit the 2,500shs mark against the

dollar last week (2,630shs on 28/June/2011)

and this was after a flurry of activity in the forex

market sparked off by the Governor’s interview

It is kind of absurd that the Governor who called Mr. Museveni a Marxist has

resorted to socialist principles for the institution he heads, the Bank of Uganda

– Central Bank, is from 1 July 2011to begin publishing a monthly “Central Bank

Rate” which shall be used as a base for lending to commercial banks. This was

announced by the Deputy Governor – Louis Kasekende on 23 June 2011.

with the Financial Times two weeks back. The

central bank managed to salvage the shilling

by selling an undisclosed amount of dollars in

the market my guess is over 30million dollars

since this is how much is claimed to have been

bought out of the market after the Ugandan

newspapers re-run the story.

It is these short term fluctuations coupled with

our lack of dollar reserves since they were used

in jet purchasing that I think Governor has come

up with this ludicrous plan of setting a Base

Exchange rate for the market each month.

If Uganda is to attain its ambition of becoming

a middle income country then it will have to

reign in on the depreciation of its shilling. With

Uganda being a net importer and the Balance

of Payments as announced by the Minister

at her reading of the Budget Speech shows

that we spent 1.8times more on imports than

we earned on exports. The depreciation of

the shilling when also looked at from 1990 to

2010 shows a very marked depreciation with it

having been Shs.440 in July 1990 and by July

2010 it was Shs. 2303.93 or depreciation by

413% over the period or an average of 21%

per year. This depreciation clearly works into

the prices of the products we are importing

and together with the imported inflation adds

onto the already burdensome price inflation we

are currently facing.

Therefore with all this in the back of our minds

and the future we desire of being a sub-Saharan

nation with middle-income status by 2016, the

monetary tool best put forward by the world

acclaimed economists at the Central Bank is

not enough to curtail the freefall of the shilling.

Many nations have some sort of foreign

currency regulation which in a way tries to

restrict the movement of foreign currency in

the economy and they include Brazil, Russia,

India, China, South Africa, Malaysia, Argentina,

Cuba, Egypt, Morocco, Namibia and Nigeria.

I particularly looked at the regulations in Brazil

and South Africa. These two have been said

to be the most “emergent” of the emerging

economies and are part of the five nation

acronym of BRICS.

Republic of South Africa

The country has an Exchange Control authority

that is charged with the responsibility of carrying

out various foreign exchange controls in South

Africa. The country has some interesting

controls in place including limitations on

amounts of foreign currency that can be taken

out of the economy if not part of normal trade

operations.

The Republic has restrictions on investments

made out of the country, for instance. This

is because these investments would require

foreign exchange to be purchased from the

South African market. Corporate institutions

for instance are restricted from investing

more than R1 billion for rest of the world

and R 2billion for African countries except

Lesotho, Namibia and Swaziland which have

no limit for their membership of the Common

Monetary Area. Institutional investors (including

Collective Investment Schemes, Mutual Funds)

are restricted to 20% of their investment

portfolio and 15% for institutions like long-term

insurance funds and retirement funds.

For trade purchases (imports) the Exchange

Control limits advance payments up to 33.33%

(a third) of the factory cost prior to shipment.

Other controls in place include limits to

individuals of amounts that can be remitted

out of the country to R750,000 for individuals,

R1.5million for a family as a unit and R1million

of personal effects.

It is these and more controls in place that

maintains the countries exchange against

the dollar other major world currencies to

a reasonable amount that has enabled the

country’s manufacturing industry to flourish.

Brazil

Brazil has had a long history of foreign

exchange controls most of which were Decrees

by its many military leaders and these have

been retained or modified to suit its current

economic situation. A series of events led to

the first foreign exchange control Decree in

1931 and these were the NYSE crash of 1929

that led to drop of commodity prices including

Brazilian coffee, the 1930 Brazilian revolution

of Getulio Vargas and the 1931 devaluation of

the Pound Sterling following its abandonment

of the Gold Standard. The Decree was made

24

July 2011

their own countries and earnings received from

exports.

The government through the Central Bank

needs also to put in place several measures

that can efficiently monitor the actual numbers

of imports and exports resulting in foreign

currency outflow and inflow for much better

decision making. The controls put in place by

the BRICS though frowned upon by the IMF and

most international investors in those countries

have actually been one of the greatest factors

that have enabled them to become BRICS.

Uganda as such needs to implement some

sort of control over this market in order to get

back control of the currencies in circulation

in the country most especially the foreign

currency. It is my view that it should be made

illegal for residents, bodies incorporated in

Uganda and individuals, to charge in foreign

currency for transactions made with other

individuals and corporate bodies resident in

Uganda. All transactions should be charged

using the national legal tender, Uganda shilling

except for transactions of export. It is after all

illegal to deny receipt of payment in Uganda

shillings if transacting business in the territories

of Uganda. It should thus then be the risk of

the supplier within the territories of Uganda to

bare if at all they would like to maintain foreign

currency.

Other control measures that the country needs

to put in place include the monitoring of imports

which in my view and extensive audits of some

companies have revealed that most of these

companies are simply repatriating income

through making payments for goods that may

never actually enter the economy or by paying

more for goods to related companies abroad.

by Rafayili Kayigwa<The writer is the leading

economic analyst in the country. true story>

to limit the free exchange of currencies in Brazil

and introduced a monopoly in the Bank of Brazil

in order to control the inequitable distribution of

foreign exchange. This led to a flurry of other

Decrees and laws which by 2003 a variant of

these was still in effect.

Brazil after going through all these rules and

regulations finally settled for an ICT system

Siscomex and Sisbacen to record all exports

and imports in order to acquire licenses of

export and import. It requires an exporter to

record various information including the type,

quantity, classification and description of goods

as well as terms of payment. Shipment has to

be done within 60days else the export license

is cancelled automatically. Payment is followed

up with receipt of foreign currency in the bank

by quoting the export license reference no.

Proceeds without a reference identifier are

automatically flagged and export licenses

which aren’t cleared in the 180 days from the

point of shipping then it is considered a loan

with interest due.

The imports also have to be recorded in the

Siscomex system with it generating an import

license. Advance payments of imports are

allowed up to 180days beyond which if goods

have not been received in the country the

import has to repatriate the foreign currency.

The government controls on imports are to

curtail import of unwanted commodities like

guns, drugs etc as well as avoiding tax evasion

by over invoicing and foreign exchange evasion

by over invoicing (repatriation of forex in guise

of imports).

These two countries have put in place controls

over their foreign currency exchange markets

to essentially insulate the effect of foreign

currency demands on the depreciation of their

currencies ultimately affecting the inflation in

Is global warming the real problem, or are we faced with something else?

When some one talks about global dimming, it sounds stupid, given the highly publicized directly opposite phenomenon of global warming.

You are about to find out something that’s very shocking.

By definition, global dimming is the gradual reduction in the amount of direct solar radiation reaching the earth’s surface, thus causing a possible

reduction in atmospheric temperature

The concept of global dimming was once

hinted on by Dr.Gerry Stanhill (a meteorologist),

who made some startling observations when

he repeated sunlight experiments first made

in the 1950’s. He discovered that there was a

22% reduction in sunlight between the 1950’s

and 1980’s. His published results made little

impact o¬n the scientific community. Many

scientists dismissed the ‘evidence’ since it

conflicted with the effect of global warming.

They were skeptical about his measurements.

The use of fossil fuel, besides producing

greenhouse gases (that contribute to global

warming), creates other by-products such

as sulphur dioxide, soot, and ash. These are

pollutants, and they cause the properties of

clouds to change. Clouds are formed when

water droplets are seeded by air-borne

particles, such as pollen. Polluted air results

in clouds with larger number of droplets than

unpolluted clouds. This then makes those

clouds more reflective. In effect, more of the

sun’s heat and energy is reflected back into

space, instead of reaching the earth’s surface.

This reduction of heat reaching the earth is

known as Global Dimming.

The most profound piece of evidence of this

phenomenon is the observation that was

made by scientists during the three days after

the 9/11 attacks o¬n the World Trade Centre.

For 15 years Dr David Travis (University of

Wisconsin, Whitewater) had been researching

an apparently obscure topic, whether the vapor

trails left by aircrafts were having a significant

effect on the climate. In the aftermath of 9/11

the entire US fleet was grounded, and Travis

finally had a chance to find out. He wasn’t

disappointed. It was observed that the change

in temperature range during those three days

increased by 1 degree centigrade. From a

27

July 2011

Um

eme,

and

dog

han

ging

...W

hen

Um

eme

guys

get

bor

ed,

they

tur

n of

f ou

r lig

hts.

The

n th

ey t

ease

us

by p

layi

ng w

ith t

he s

witc

hes

so t

hat

the

light

s co

me

on t

hen

off,

like

that

like

climatic point of view, this is a huge change in

a time as short as three days. No one had ever

seen such a big climatic change happen so fast.

Before this incident, most scientists had even

never heard of the phenomenon, yet after the

occurrence, it meant that all their predictions

about the future of the world climate could

have been wrong.

Another piece of evidence is from long-term

measurements of Pan Evaporation Rates

(measured by topping up a ‘pan’ with water,

to determine the amount of evaporation that

has occurred in the previous 24 hours), which

have indicated that evaporation rates have

fallen. Dr Farquhar (Australia) and Dr. Roderick

provide evidence for this phenomenon.

This is an apparent paradox because as the

average global temperature increases, the pan

evaporation rate actually decreases. Yet, it

was found that the rise of temperature is not

the main factor in the evaporation rate. The

amount of sunlight reaching the surface of the

earth was found to be the main contributory

that, until they are satisfied and they put our

lights back. On such occassions I sing away

my misery with war songs like ‘stand up stand

up for Jesus ye soldiers of the cross’ and other

menacing ones.

Today though my guitar snapped a wire and

I had to bare with melodies. But that is for

another hour.

Meanwhile, my neighbour’s dogs have become

unruly and are eating animals they are not

supposed to eat. (CHICKEN!) Such a dog is a

disgrace to other dogs for aspiring to be like

humans. Someone suggested hanging them.

I feel for the poor dogs. I don’t blame the

neighbours.

by David Okia <The writer got a cat>

factor for the evaporation process.

Further evidence of the concept was provided

in a nature article, entitled “Evaporation losing

its strength”, which revealed that Russia,

United States and Eastern Europe all exhibited

reduced evaporation rates. This amounted to

100 mm of water in the last 30 years. When Dr

Farquhar (Australia) and Dr. Roderick analyzed

this data they arrived at the conclusion that the

drop in evaporation rate was consistent with

the reduction in the solar radiation reaching the

surface of Earth.

A final piece of evidence comes from

atmospheric experiments carried out in the

Maldives in the 1990s, which revealed that the

effect of particulates in the atmosphere from

India resulted in a 10% reduction in sunlight

reaching the surface beneath the pollution

cloud

By GUNNERNKOSA

<The writer is an Agricultural, Energy and

Environmental Engineer>

29

July 2011

Yesterday was my last day at work! It was a

difficult day, mainly because it was both exciting

and nerve wracking. I had been contemplating

giving up my job for so long and felt like it

would never come and then it did and it was

sad and heartbreaking leaving the children

and yet exciting and nerving to be embarking

upon my own. I will really miss my colleagues

and the children and it was a hard decision to

make, especially as i’ve had lots of fun there,

but I am still secure in that it was the right one

for me. Although working with children is great

and rewarding, the pay doesn’t come with it

and there is no way that I could live on what

I earnt there, even with us having a flat mate.

I’m also looking forward to embarking on my

own as I have a lot more freedom now, rather

than having to work six days a week and every

one of those evenings. Its going to be fun, but

a little scary to think that I am relying purely on

myself now! I’m not around much of the next

two weeks either, so so much for being self

employed! I’m off to Bath with my friend on

Monday and Tuesday and then at the weekend

I am going to Yorkshire for a massage course

and to visit the family. Although i’m not here

much next week, I already have ten clients

lined up, which is great!

My first set of plans for the business is getting

attending the courses, revamping the website

further, promoting my facebook page, getting

my taxes sorted out and getting that put in,

just so I know what tax I owe. Also, joining the

network group, although thats not meeting

until the end of June. Also, sort out going along

to an exercise class. I also need to look at more

ways to promote the business, although I have

a meeting with the university soon and my

article coming out soon, then the networking

groups too, so that should help give me ideas

for promoting the business.

1dayof beingofficially selfemployed!

I also got a nice surprise cheque that I wasn’t

expecting. I have received two cheques from

work recently, one for just over £500 and the

other for almost £700. The £700 cheque I am

putting away for tax and national insurance.

The £500 I am using for money for next week

as its this weeks wages and some holiday

pay. It then leaves me with £250 left so will be

chucking some of it off the long list of things i

want to do, with £150 going towards my costs

for the Thailand expedition. Very happy with the

payout I got, as I wasn’t expecting it at all, so

was very pleased:-)

Talking of Thailand, fundraising is going so so,

the charity have said that cake stalls aren’t

that great in city centre’s due to the health and

safety, but are great at work places, however I

don’t know of anyone who works in an office

space or anything. I had been relying upon

this one, so am a little dissapointed about it.

But then, this time next year I should hopefully

have better contacts, so I shouldn’t get too

worried about it. On a positive note, I have sold

a book on amazon for the charity, which has

made £15 profit for the charity, which is great.

My massage tunic has several watchers and

finishes in two days time. I have also spoken to

friends and they are up for doing a sponsored

walk along the itchen way in Winchester,

Hampshire, so we should be able to raise a bit

from that, especially if everyone can get around

£50 sponsorship or if we can get more people

to do it with us. One of my client’s does nordic

walking with a group of friends and I might

see if they would be interested in joining the

sponsored event, especially if there is a free

footmassage at the end from yours trully!

I’m going to get the rest of the stuff stuck

on ebay in a couple of weeks, so hopefully I

can get some sales from that. I will continue

to look at my sponsorship challenges and try

and arrange somthing for them and just keep

pushing it ahead. My mum has put the charity

tins back in the shop, so they will be collecting

money for the charity again, every little penny

helps after all. I still have the money here to

put in the bank so I can put it in my account,

but will do that soon and then I will put my

giving page on my website and show how my

business is supporting the charity. If anyone

has any fundraising suggestions, they are most

welcome!

It was my 28th birthday the other day which

was not great and I didn’t like the prospect of

getting older, so it was just a bit of a flop as

nothing was planned etc! However today I got

thinking about how on the 23rd June I will have

lived my ‘chosen life’ for ten years and it would

be nice to mark it in some way.

On the 23rd June 2001 I set off from my home

in a little town to go volunteering, having no set

plans for after the two week voluntary stint and

never returned to it! I went from having done

nothing, to really seeing the world and seeing

what life was like and leaving my old life behind.

I have some amazing, funny, happy, sweet, life

changing moments from the past ten years and

so it would be nice to remember how much has

happened in the past ten years and how much

I have to be thankful for. So I will celebrate this

‘second birthday’ by some marked way, not

sure how yet, but I do have some ideas.

Not much to report on the goals front, obviously

over the next two weeks I will get some goals

completed, what with going to Bath and then

going to the Deep with my mum for my birthday

treat and then the pinata.

By Dannie< myultimatelifelist.blogspot.com>

30

July 2011

I am a coward we just sit back and wait for things to run their

course. You want change? Go out and seek it.

But like many of you nodding as you read this

article, I am a coward. After I am done writing

this, I will post it on my face book wall, and

then I will pull my covers and sleep. After you

are done reading this, you will like the article,

maybe post a comment in agreement, or even

just ignore it and go back to your daily activity.

It will not even cross my mind that something

as small as a face book page dedicated to

redeeming our country can have a great

impact. I will not remember how the Egyptians

got courage and strength to do what they did

from a social site. No. I, like most of you, will

subconsciously accept my cowardly ways and

hope that people like Besigye who are willing

to go the extra mile and then some for this

country, scratch that; for MY country, will have

to bear the burden on his own.

I have a dream that one day; Ugandans will be

allowed to demonstrate freely on issues that

concern politics and poor governance.

I have a dream that one day, we shall have a

president that will look beyond his ranch and

realize that he is there to serve his people.

I dream of lots of great things for MY country,

but in all that..

I HAVE A DREAM THAT ONE DAY I WILL HAVE

THE COURAGE TO TAKE ACTION.

by Sara Chocolat Akelly <The writer is no longer

a coward. Someone kill that rat below her chair

so that she can come down.>

that I am insignificant and that any attempt on

my part to stand up and out rightly condemn

such actions will point the arrow in my direction

and put me in danger. I let all these justifications

allow me to move on with my life; after all, this

is not happening to me or my family. But there

is something I forget. People are suffering that

I may have a good life. Those people I watch

on news; they are ordinary people like me, who

have decided to take a stand. I forget that it

could be me walking on the streets minding

my own business, when suddenly I am caught

in the crossfire, seeing as no one stood up to

condemn such things. Bullets are the norm

when any demonstration concerning politics

is held. Bullets are the norm when unarmed

civilians abandon their cars to walk. Bullets are

the norm when unarmed civilians enter their

cars to exercise their freedom to do something

as simple as drive to a bank. ‘Bullets, teargas,

batons, paper sprays, sniffer dogs; let us bring

them all out at once for these fierce savages

throwing pebbles in protest of prices the

government has no control over, and while we

are at it, we can call in the military as well.’ That

is what they tell themselves behind the doors

of power.

I am saddened. What hurts the most is

hearing our very own entrusted politicians try

to justify such actions. When will we ever take

responsibility for these evils? When is enough

really enough? We all say, the time will come.

When will it come? Change cannot come if

It is about 2.30am, the morning of 30th.04.2011.

I have been lying awake in my bed for over

3hours now, having been robbed of sleep.

The events of the past few days still fresh in

my mind, as the pictures all over the news

flash before my eyes. Our very own Ugandan

inhumanely insulted and brutally abused as an

unjustified arrest takes place. Let us strip him

of his titles and all that he has accomplished

that has enabled him be held in high regard as

an Opposition leader. Let us look at him as one

of us. A man born of flesh and blood. A man

of our heritage. Once looked at as a symbol

of strength, now reduced to a shriveled man

as he tries to hide his face from the tear gas

being emptied into his car. Tears are coming

to my eyes. I cry not just for this injustice, but

for the fact that this is allowed to happen. Who

does that to a human being? How do you

sleep at night? How do you go back home and

kiss your wife and kids, and expect the latter

to want to grow up and be just like you? But

worst of all, how do you tell yourself that what

you are doing is right? How do you live with

yourself?

I am a coward. Like the hundreds of you

reading this behind your computers, I am a

coward. I watch and see what is going on. I

complain to my colleagues in our political

discussions, and I update my status regularly,

but when it has died down, I go back to my

daily life. I convince myself that I am but one

person and I can do nothing. I convince myself

don’t let real music die

You say Justin Bieber --- I say ---------- Tupac

You say Lil Wayne --- I say --------------- Dr Dre

You say Drake --- I say ----------- Biggie Smalls

You say Soulja Boy --- I say ------------ Big Pun

You say Gucci Mane --- I say --------- Ice Cube

You say Nick Minaj --- I say -------- Queen Pen

You say Beyonce --- I say ------- Queen Latifah

You say Lady Gaga --- I say ------------ Da Brat

You say New school -- I say -- shut the fuck up

You say Pop --- I scream -------------- Hip Hop!

You say Hannah Montana --- I fucking punch

you in the face

92% of music lovers have turned to New school

and Pop.

If you are part of the 8% that still listen to real

music, yo the bomb! Don’t let the real music

die!

by Luca Blasi <the writer knows music>

32 33

July 2011

the buffalo theory.

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as

the slowest buffalo. And, when the herd

is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones

at the back that are killed first. This natural

selection is good for the herd as a whole,

because the general speed and health of the

whole group keeps improving by the regular

killing o...f the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can

only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills

brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest

and weakest brain cells first. In this way,

regular consumption of beer in the right kind of

quantities(and this differs from one individual to

another owing to significant differences in DNA

composition) eliminates the weaker brain cells,

making the brain a faster and more efficient

machine!

That’s why you(those in the know) always feel

smarter after a few beers.

by Tashobya Davis <the writer deserves to be

shot. Guiness will do.>

34

July 2011

The Gender of a ComputerA SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her

class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are

designated as either masculine or feminine.

‘House’ for instance, is feminine: ‘la Casa.’

‘Pencil,’ however, is masculine: ‘el lapiz.’

A student asked, ‘What gender is ‘computer’?’

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split

the class into two groups, male and female,

and asked them to decide for themselves

whether computer’ should be a masculine or a

feminine noun. Each group was asked to give

four reasons for its recommendation.

The men’s group decided that ‘computer’

should definitely be of the feminine gender (‘la

computadora’), because:

1... No one but their creator understands their

internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate

with other computers is incomprehensible to

everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long

term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one,

you find yourself spending half your paycheck

on accessories for it.

(this gets better!)

The women’s group, however, concluded

that computers should beMasculine (‘el

computador’), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have

to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can’t think for

themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve

problems, but half the time they ARE the

problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize

that if you had waited a little longer, you could

have gotten a better model.

The women won.

by Hiraa Mazha

<the writer is a biased teacher. reminds me of the high school teacher who said that Denzel Washington in Training day was simply misunderstood>

welcome to the 21st century...

Communication ............................................... Wireless

Phones ........................................................... Cordless

Cooking ........................................................... Fireless

Food ................................................................. Fatless

Sweets ......................................................... Sugarless

Labour ........................................................... Effortless

Relations ......................................................... Fruitless

Attitude .......................................................... Careless

Feelings ......................................................... Heartless

Politics ......................................................... Shameless

Education ..................................................... Worthless

Mistakes ....................................................... Countless

Arguments ..................................................... Baseless

Youth ............................................................... Jobless

Ladies .............................................................. Topless

Boss .............................................................. Brainless

Jobs ............................................................. Thankless

Needs .............................................................. Endless

Situation ........................................................ Hopeless

Salaries ...................................................... Less & Less

PROTESTS .................................................. USE LESS

36 37

for IT support and the best hardware trouble shooting skills in the country

call: +256 772 888 183

\Base 2\

July 2011

EVENTS, ADS AND EVERYTHING ELSE

38

birthday shoutouts to:

Martin 26 July # Joan Uwamungu 26 July

# Ssekyewa Denis 26 July # Caesar Kakuru

27 July # Bakashaba Baker Kahima 27 July

# Jachan Martin 27 July # Nambasa Joyce

27 July # Lutalo Bossa 27 July # Michael

Carsuelay 27 July * Patrick Nyeko 28

July * Semambo Jerome Paul 28 July

* Carolyn Mugabi 29 July * Gonzaga

Ntege 29 July * Kenan Douglas 29

July * Tracy Ekuka Atim 30 July *

Della Louise 31 July * Maka Blaze 31

July * Johnnie Ns Papa 31 July *

Bejöùrz Jackie 31 July * Henry Nyenje

Senungi 01 August * Muwooya D

Muwooya 01 August * Brooks Electrics

02 August * Jacque Kasoma 02

August * Cathie Namutebi 03 August *

Mwebaza Peter 03 August * Simon D.

Wanyama 03 August * Rukundo Oscar

03 August * Joan Komugisha 04

August * Benjamin Mukasa 04 August#

Knank Jay04 August # Ronald S Mudembu

04 August •# Jay Torach 05 August# Orach

Francis Oyat 07 August # Okumu-Ringa

Maureen 07 August # Aaron Aisu 07 August

# Anesha Mirembe 08 August # Joe Kakande

08 August # Kabarwani Angella 08 August #

Nimusiima Evas 08 August # Arnold Babasa

10 August # Daiblo Gunene 10 August #

Charlene Fitzwell Kamikazi 10 August # Nixon

Niyonzima 10 August # Ezra Ra 10 August

# Ken Rogers Kasumba 10 August #Agnes

Kyomugisha 11 August # Balla Christopher

11 August # Guster Bukenya 11 August • #

Hassan Ali Rimex 11 August

* Michael Paul * Katandi Mercilus

Opio * Matthew Rukaari * Edgar

Muhumuza * Anky Ruby * Ngeci

Muchiri * Pumla Nabachwa * Were

Richard * Morris Ndekwe * John

Kalyesubula 11 July * Muwazi Daniel

11 July * Kakuru Caleb 12 July *

Paulsen Hall 12 July * Alan Arrington

13 July * Heavensent Anita 13 July *

Axel PapaBear Benjamin 14 July * Ali

Taha 14 July * Gloria Habu 14 July

* Dean MA 15 July * Linda Tusiime

16 July# Nahida Bhegani 16 July # Anchil

Geatan 17 July # Bida Francis Mozeh 17 July

# Peter Hadoto 17 July # Alan Ssenyonga

18 July # Hudson William 18 July # Thomas

Mutete 18 July # Kasabiiti B. Ntambirweki

18 July # Wouter van den Brand 18 July #

Eric KéBa 19 July # Jeffta Kwangwari 20

July # Judith Biryabarema 20 July # Edward

Hire Yosia 21 July # Andrew Semanda 21

July # Musiimenta Doreen 21 July # Denis K

Lugoloobi 22 July # JozyzBoutique LadyBoss

22 July # Niwagaba Peter 22 July # Pamela

Achii 22 July # Kuiper Rasx 23 July #

Kiwolu James 23 July • # Lydia Logose 23

July # Dan Kater 24 July # Mujuzi Ken

Ronald 24 July # Andrew Odong 25 July #

Daniel Higz 25 July # Herbert Kwizera 25 July

# Isiagi Moses 25 July # Pasawan Yupasee

25 July # Senfuma Michael 25 July # Rodney

Twagarukaho Bagamba 26 July # Agaba

Arthur Mwanje and Lovisa

Chrispin’s LAUNCH (Wedding Meetings)

7 July • 14:30 - 17:30 at Barbecue

Lounge (Centenary Park) Kampala

Youth fest’ 11- Uganda’s largest

youth festival 22 July at 09:30 - 23 July at

21:00 at Kololo Airstrip, Kampala

Bayimba Regional Festival of the

Arts- Mbale 30 July at 12:00 - 31 July at

00:00 at African Golden Gardens

Bugolobi Annual Youth

Conference 2011 Theme: “REBUILDING

THE WALLS” Nehemiah 2:3-5 21 August

at 18:30 - 27 August at 12:00 at Seroma

Christian Highschool, Mukono

MAURICE KIRYA live in

KAMPALA...2nd/SEPT/2011... at

SERENA HOTEL

MILEGE CONCERT ::::....

REPAINTING UGANDA 2011 30

September • 19:00 - 21:00 at Kampala

Serena Hotel

Uganda Cranes Vs Kenya

Harrambe Stars 08 October • 14:00

- 18:00 at Mandela National Stadium,

Namboole

events for sale

for hire

Two laptops for sale : Compaq Presario

AMD sempron processor ,nvidia graphics,wi-

fi, 150gb hdd , 3gb ram ,web cam,dvd writer

15.4 true bright screen. 1.3M negotiable call

0701069123 , winbook 2nd hand laptop,

90gb hdd, 1gb ram , 15 inch monitor, 1.8 ghz

with UPS , 800K negotiable call 0704944545

Google Ideos for sale. 300k UGX. Contact

0793313116

mark 2 model 96” UAG..... for sale 5M

0779159498

storied beach house for sale in garuga going

for 1million dollars please call if serious on

0702736252

Digital Camera needed .. call 0752607111

super custom for hire 0705180598

July 2011

Competent Technician with a a degree in

Mechanical Engineering ( Recent graduate).

With knowledge of Swahili is needed. Should

be Ready to undergo 2 months training in

Goma, D.R.C. Send email to : info@utrade.

co.ug

wanted

For modest and affordable Garbage

collection and cleaning services, contact us

on www.syrachinvestmentsuganda.com.

For any assistance on warid

services,like joining corporate mega bonus

of 10k per month,bundle profile of 25k for 3

months,50k for 6 months,or 100k for a year

warid to warid calls ,or if in need of warid

products double line fons @ 55k with airtime

of 75k,charlie fon @ 40k, handsets @ 60k

with airtime of 5k,modems @ 85k unlimited,1

month free subscription,monthly subscription

is 60k,weekly 20k,and daily 4k,contact me on

0704731270 or 0779800064

Original Concepts:By Katende

Moses. Specifications:shoe and clothes unit.

Color:spanish violet Materials:Wood and glass.

contact.+256704440880.

For bulk sms (wedding meetings,info

marketing) call 0702637711 / 0702736252

1 bedroom self contained apartment with a

sitting room and kitchen in a fence and good

neighbourhood in Kyebando near the main

road 300k call 0785361920

In need of the best media solutions

(advertising, branding, events management,

marketing) call 0712486514

services