with Rosalind Wiseman - Agnes Irwin School ways to Be a Good Villager Everyone is your kid No gossiping and labeling Don't have to be BFF’s Don’t compare—no one has a perfect

with Rosalind Wiseman

Happiness is…Meaning beyond oneself

Hope of success

Social connection

Satisfying work

www.CULTURESOFDIGNITY.COM

http://CULTURESOFDIGNITY.COM



7 ways to Be a Good VillagerEveryone is your kid

No gossiping and labeling

Don't have to be BFF’s

Don’t compare—no one has a perfect life

Stop talking about your children. Be more interesting

Check yourself for sanity





Boy World RulesAlways “chill”/ nothing is serious

Passionate about the “right things”

Must have good social media ratio

Expert at comebacks’ and putdowns

“Right Style” in shoes, games, cologne

Knows how to follow adult rules strategically

Adult involvement makes life worse



Girl World RulesNever alone

Loyalty= staying in friendships no matter what

Responds immediately to all friends’ social media communication

Right style/look/hair/clothes

Must agree with friends even if you don’t

Must have good social media ratios

Never look clingy or desperate



What do we Teach boys?

Everything doesn’t have to be funny.

Affirm body image issues aren’t just girls’ issues

Affirm boys’ relationships are important to them

Mockery is not bonding

Bragging is not a show of strength

Being unsure is not a sign of intellectual weakness

Apologizing is courageous and a sign of ethical leadership



What do we Teach Girls?Apologizing is courageous and a sign of ethical leadership

Accept apologies authentically

Express their anger constructively

Loyalty can mean disagreeing with friends

Friendship is not based on social media responses





Feel liked

Don’t feel put down

Will stop if asked

Doesn’t know how you feel

“I was just joking.” “Relax!”

Teased for insecurities

“Uptight” // threatened to end friendship

Relentless and public

bonding MALICIOUS ANNOYINGTeasing




What they want to hear



I don’t have all the answers but what you’re going through is important.



I’m so sorry that happened and thank you for trusting me.



I went through something maybe similar when I was your age. But I do know that you have a different life than mine so I can’t relate 100%. You think and feel things in your own way.



If you just want to talk about what happened I will listen. If you want advice or help thinking it through, we can do that too.



We can’t make the problem magically go away but we can get you to a place where you have more control.




My dad is always checking email - I'm always checking email. My mom is always on Facebook - I'm always on Facebook. My mom takes pictures

of everything that moves and I Snapchat constantly. And then, my parents wonder why I'm

online all the time. - Eden, 16

I can’t move without my mom texting me at school. Like, “How’s your day? Is everyone being nice to you? She never stops, and don’t even get me started on how often she emails my teachers.

- Bella, 11



Everything you do impacts your future. You post anything that makes you look bad and you will never get into college. You will never get a job. But then they say Come to us if we’re having a problem.” How does that work?

Don’t post anything you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the New York Times


Parents always assume the worst


I shouldn’t have posted X. It was a mistake because [people violated my trust, I hurt someone etc.]. You

bringing it up makes me feel worse. I promise you that I would never try to make you feel bad if you were in my

shoes. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.





Yep…it was your kidThis is one moment not a lifetime

Don’t respond with anything but “This is hard to hear but thanks for letting me know.”

With paper, and no one around, “X was reported to me. Is any of it accurate?”

Give them a window to remember

Define your expectations which include, “If the life of the target gets more difficult as a result of this conversation, I will take more serious action”



reaching out when you don’t want to

Communicate something true & positiveExplain why you’re reaching outThis is how I’m disciplining my childHere’s how to get a hold of meThanks for listening



what Tools Can I give you?





CULTURESOFDIGNITY.COM 2015, CREATING A CULTURE OF DIGNITY


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with Rosalind Wiseman - Agnes Irwin School ways to Be a Good Villager Everyone is your kid No gossiping and labeling Don't have to be BFF’s Don’t compare—no one has a perfect