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8/14/2019 Whose Kid is It Anyway
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Whose Kid Is It Anyway, was conceived from years of parenting, coaching,
relationships with other parents and coaches, and my observation of attitudes and
behaviors during and after a youth sporting event. I dont consider myself an expert on
youth sports or behavior patterns, but observation and experience has been a great
motivator and has taught me that parents can either be a positive force in the success of
their young athlete or a huge detriment to what theyre capable of achieving.
I believe parents can and should be that positive force a young athlete needs to
succeed in their chosen sport because young athletes, between the ages of 5 and 12,
perform primarily for their parents and not for their coach. Young athletes would rather
hear great job from their mom and dad than from their coach, unless of course their
coach is also their parent. Most parents, in my humble opinion, dont really understand
how important their words of encourage are to their child, those words can turn their
normally mild mannered child into a beast, so to speak. Unfortunately, more and more
parents are turning over the reins of encouragement and motivation to trainers, tutors,
coaches and instructors. Although coaches and instructors can be valuable assets in the
life of a young athlete, in regards to teaching them the essentials the ever so important
fundamentals of the sport, but its the parents or parent who ignites the vision and passion
needed to inspire self-motivation, the best kind of motivation in my opinion.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Coaching a player who is self-motivated, who wants to get better, who wants to
be the best they can possible be is an awesome luxury for a coach it allows you to be
creative more open minded about what this kid can actually accomplish despite their age.
Youre willing to bend over backwards for a player or players like that, its easy, because
the self-motivated player improves quicker in every aspect of the game they work harder,
they spend more time developing their skills and/or game and they do this extra work on
their own, without a coach or an instructor and thats the key to rapid growth. Parents, by
their words and their actions can instill in a kid an attitude, which will promote high
achievement and accomplishment the will that encourages more than just mediocrity.
From my experience, the parent not the coach has the greatest impact on the young
athlete parents often supply the one attribute that all athletes need the mental approach
to the game. The I can approach, the idea that they can play well, they can be affective,
they can get better and they have the right to be on the same field or court with everyone
else, parents can foster this attitude within their kid without spending a dime, but by just
spending some time.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Its been said, by some people involved in the youth sports programs, that the only
thing wrong with youth sports are the parents. To that point, usually when attending a
youth sporting event, the parents seem to be more out of control than their kid whenever
theres an incident it typically starts in the stands, with the parents or other adults. We
often hear of parents, or other adult family members, in the stands or in the parking lot
fist fighting, going to blows over a fourth grade girls soccer game or a pee-wee football
game, thats astonishing to me. Its almost comical but on the contrary, its not funny at
all, violence and mayhem at a fourth grade girls soccer game is beyond ridiculous its
down right idiotic.
Weve all heard some of the stories, a coach beats-up another coach and sends
him to the hospital, a parent assaults a referrer in the parking lot after a game because of a
so called bad call and a father attacks another father at the end of a pee-wee football or
basketball game. Unfortunately, in many cases, if a kid sees this kind of behavior from
their parents before or after a game, the kid will follow their parents lead primarily on
the court or field. Once a child sees and hears his or her parents fighting or yelling
derogator remarks at the top of their lungs at the opposing team, referees and other
parents thats the type of behavior the parent and coach can expect from the child. Of
course, this is not true for all children who have parents that cant control themselves, but
it does seem to be the norm.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
As a parent, I understand how important it is for us to see our children performing
well and to winning, theres nothing wrong with wanting your child to shine in anything
they participate in. Its only when, as parents, we cant accept the not performing well
and the not winning when you see the ugly side of parents whose kid is involved in youth
sport thats the only time you wish parents werent involved and they had stayed home.
Its almost unbelievable when you hear a parent humiliating their kid in front of a
gym full of people after they have loss or have performed poorly, at least in the mind of
their parents. Its even more mind-boggling to see a parent physically abuse their child
due to a loss a missed shot, a dropped ball or whatever triggers the unacceptable abuse
and lets make this very clear, there is absolutely no reason for any type of verbal or
physical abuse to a child after something as trivial as a youth sporting event. There is
simply no excuse and no room in youth sports for any form of mistreatment to a child
because of what you, as a parent, thought they should have done during the game or how
they should have performed based on your own expectations. Any youth sporting event
regardless if it is AAU or recreational is still a meaningless game, win or lose, if the child
performs well or not it doesnt matter and it should never ever result in abuse!
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Parents often complain about the coaches and the referrers, but not many of them
are willing to become referrers or volunteer their time to coach a team, especially a team
their kid is not a part of. Parents have very high expectation for coaches, referrers and the
programs their kid is a part of they expect everything from making their child a better
player to creating a fun and exciting atmosphere; but many parents arent willing to get
involve with the process of creating or developing that atmosphere. How, by cheering in
the stands instead of complaining, by getting along with other parents even the parents of
the other team. By leaving the referrers alone, by encouraging team instead of promoting
selfishness and individualism there are plenty of things parents can do.
It is easy to blame a coach or the program for the poor performance displayed by
the team or your kid and many parents do, they blame everyone but never assumes any of
the responsibility. Very few parents actually take the time to help their kid become a
better player and/or teammate they dont even take the time to find out if the kid really
wants to participate in the sport theyre playing. Yet, those parents who do spend the time
helping their kid can quickly see if their child really wants to play and if they have the
skills and attitude needed to become a better player in their chosen sport. Getting
involved in your childs sport and not simply the sport itself, but the program and/or the
club, understanding what has to be done and the time it takes. I believe this will help
parents appreciate what a challenge it is to facilitate parents, players, practices, games
and the rest of the pieces necessary to develop a good youth program and to help your
kid become a better player.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
It is extremely difficult to build a program that produces players who can go from
the little league arena to a high school setting without missing a beat and many parents
expect youth programs to be able to do just that, but without their support. There are not
many programs or coaches out there, at the youth level, that can make a childs
transitions from youth sports to high school sports effortless without the support of the
parents, but those coaches and programs that can make the youth athletes transition from
little league to high school effortless, have complete cooperation from the parents.
Without fail, from my experience, those parents who support the youth program and try
to make the program stronger and better and not just their kid, those parents and their kid
have an easier time moving from the little leagues to high school.
With this in mind, there are many things that parents can do to help an average
program move forward and become an exceptional program, other than coaching.
Although it seems that coaching is the most important part of the youth program, it is just
a small piece of what needs to be done to keep the youth athlete encouraged and excited
about participating in sports at the high school level and beyond. Find out how you, as a
parent can get involved to keep the youth programs strong and to, maybe, gain a little bit
of appreciation for those who work with your kid for countless hours throughout the year,
largely for free.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
As a coach Ive had the pleasure of seeing kids grow from game to game and
season to season, and as they get better at their sport of choice they move from the youth
recreational level, to the youth competitive level, and eventually to the high school level.
At the recreational level kids come to a team, or are assigned to a team and many of these
kids have never played organized sports ever, and the majority of them have no clue
about the sport theyve chosen or that was chosen for them. Theyve only seen it played
on television or mom and dad suggested to them that they should play so the kid, along
with the help of their parents, decided to give it a try and thats great. Coaches at the
recreational level get kids who are full of energy and ready to play, but not really ready to
listen, many of them believe they already know how to play the game and convincing
them otherwise is a difficult and funny task, sometimes.
Sadly, some parents or deciding to by pass the recreational level and are spending
a lot of money sending their kid to specialized trainers or programs to jump start their
childs athletic career in an attempt to move them directly into the competitive level.
The competitive level is a totally different ball game no pun intended, there are traveling
fees, coachs fees and/or club fees, club fees should only apply if your child plays on a
club or select team, of course. There are competitive programs available where coaches
dont get paid and the teams may or may not travel to other states, obviously there is
travel within the state and there is some cost associated with that as you might have
expected some of those expenses tournament fees, gas, food, etc., and lodging in some
cases.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
At the competitive level these kids know how to really play the sport they have
chosen they have plenty of talent, plenty of skills and they expect their coaches to help
them improve those skills and their parents expect the same. These kids expects their
coach to strengthen their fundamentals, teach them new moves, techniques, plays and
strategies and in most cases I agree with them, as a coach of a competitive team you
should have a higher degree of knowledge about the sport you are coaching. You should
be able to increase the athletes knowledge of the game, as well as there skill level.
Parents spend lots of money with the expectation that their child will be able to smoothly
move into high school athletics, realistic or not.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
At the high school level, on occasion, you have kids who have never played youth
sports, which is sometimes unfortunate for them because they are usually way behind and
hardly if ever, get a chance to play, unless they have some ability and talent. A good thing
for parents to keep in mind is some kids who have never participated in youth sports can
still turn out to be phenomenal high school player. Dont get so worked up about your
child playing or not playing sports before high school, participating in youth sports does
have its advantages for some kids, but it doesnt guarantee success at the high school
level. For that matter, neither does paying lots of money and sending your kid to a
specialist for lessons or training for a chosen sport. To often parents want to make sure if
theres a train headed for a division one college or the professional ranks their kid is on it,
so every waking moment their kid is training, practicing, or playing, wow. The youth
sports participant or youth athlete is typically between the ages of seven and thirteen,
these kids arent getting paid there is nothing monetarily coming to them, they get
nothing and all the training in the world at ten years of age guarantees them nothing
beyond the youth sports experience.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Despite all of the training that many parents put their kids through the odds are
still against them and more times than not the kid gets the short end of the deal, because
mom and dad and even the coaches are using the kid to somehow build their own self-
image and/or self-esteem. Parents will tell you they are just trying to give their child a
head start an opportunity to get a scholarship to a private high school or to a top ranked
college after high school and this may be the intention for many parents and I hope it is
the case, for the childs sake. Nevertheless, parents and coaches due to their own self-
interest and selfishness sometimes exploit and/or abuse the kid in their endeavor to
produce a star, I dont use those terms, exploit and abuse, loosely either, because they
are serious accusation. However, we have all heard of incidents where a parent, a coach
or another adult seriously injuries a child or burns them out due to over training or
excessive playing or practicing in their quest to give the child a running start.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
It is your responsibility as a parent to protect your child, but to often the parents
are the problem or the threat to their own childs well being if you believe you are one of
these parents this book just might help you. By taking an honest look at your attitude
about youth sports, your expectation for your kid and your behavior when they dont
meet your expectations it will help you in determining if you are helping or hurting
your kids youth sports experience. I believe no parent wants to verbally or physically
hurt his or her child over something as insignificant as a youth sporting event so, parents
have to appreciate that there are no ten-year-old superstars, the NHL, WNBA or the PGA
will not offer a ten year old a multimillion-dollar contract, well they havent of late. It is
true that kids are becoming professionals at younger ages, but not under the age of
thirteen at least not to my knowledge. For the sake of argument kids who play a contact
sport will never see the professional ranks until they are at least eighteen Im glad to see
that the NFL is not attempting to draft players right out of high school, in my opinion that
would be disastrous for the kid and the league.
The point is this, try to enjoy the time you have with your kid as a youth athlete
enjoy the inexperience of their play take pleasure in the fact that you get to see them
grow and learn. Let your child be a kid let them make mistakes without your wrath
coming down on them for what you feel is less than their best. You shouldnt think of
your kid as your ticket to more money, a bigger house or a new car their participation in
youth sports should be used for their growth and their maturity. The odds are against your
kid of ever making millions in the world of professional sports and thats a fact.
Your Childs Coach
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
The issue of who coaches your child is probably the one aspect of this book I
think parents should pay the closest attention to because the effect that a coach can have
on your child can be long term, good or bad. As parents you have to be deeply concern,
better yet very cautious of who coaches your kid as they go through the different levels of
youth sports, recreational and competitive, regardless if you are spending hundreds of
dollars a month or a small participation fee parents need to remain vigilant. There are a
lot of good coaches coaching youth sports and I believe there are far more good coaches
than bad coaches, however, because parents are expecting more from the youth coach and
demanding that they are experts of the sport and they make NO mistakes, less and less
people are willing to volunteer to coach. These days youth sports coaches are expected to
turn kids into a fine tuned machine parents dont want the dad and mom volunteers
anymore, at least it seems like thats the unfortunate direction the youth sports programs
are headed. The idea of fun first and the opportunity for kids to be kids and to grow and
learn as they play, and dad coaching the kid and a bunch of his kids friends is becoming
a thing of the past.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Many of the coaches, at the recreational level, are volunteer moms, dads, aunts
and uncles these people give up a lot of their time to do something they may or may not
really enjoy. Not all who volunteer have the experience in coaching, or even playing the
game theyve decided to coach in some incidents they dont necessarily want to coach,
but because they care for the kids involved and realize many would miss out on the
opportunity to participate, these people step up to the plate. To all of those individuals
who volunteer to spend countless hours at practices and games, my hat is off to you and
you are greatly appreciated by me and many other parents. The individuals who volunteer
keep the youth sports programs operating they make the programs worthwhile and
enjoyable for everyone involved.
Despite the well-meant intentions of these volunteers there are others whose
intentions arent so commendable, which makes it very important that as a parent you are
attentive, that you be present at as many practices and games as you can. Regardless of
the level your kid plays you should never just drop your kid off at a practice and use the
coach and the program as a babysitter or a kids practice as a time for you to take care of
your personal business. Unfortunately, too many parents get into this habit and its a
natural responds to begin to trust your kids coach, especially when the coach seems to be
doing and saying all the right things. At this point I have to reiterate, I believe there are
far more good coaches than bad coaches in youth sports, but we all know detrimental
issues can arise and it doesnt matter if the coach is a paid professional or a volunteer. It
makes no different if your kid plays on a recreational team, club ball or is part of a select
team the threat of an inappropriate act by a coach on your kid is still very real.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
The majority of youth sports programs ask that all current and potential coaches
go through a screening process and background checks, which is absolutely vital for the
safety of the children. Sadly, some programs dont ask for background checks, however,
even with a background check seedy characters can still slip through the cracks of the
process, which makes it critical for you as a parent to pay special attention to who is
coaching your kid, even if the background check comes back clean. I believe it is
absolutely expectable and justified for a parent to ask the program director or the person
facilitating the background check about the information obtained from the background
check of a potential coach. However, I dont think the parents have right to obtain a copy
of the background check, but to ask if there is something on the report that they should be
aware of, absolutely. It is difficult for me to talk about this topic because as a coach I
want parents to trust me with their kid I want them to be comfortable enough, with me, to
just drop their child off at practice or a game without fear of any type foul play.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Regrettably, I know there are coaches who want to take advantage of you and
your kid and you have to be on guard for that at all times and you should teach your child
how to recognize the does and donts of a coach. Be visible, walk up and talk to the
coach, if he are she is not approachable you might want to reconsider that team or that
person as your childs coach. I realize not everyone is a social butterfly, but a coach has
to be able to relate and/or communicate to the parents in some fashion, I mean whose kid
is it anyway. To me it is, without a doubt, reasonable that as a parent you want to know
something about the person coaching your kid. Coaches have to be willing to answer
questions about themselves, of course no parent has the right to dig into a coachs
personal life, but some basic questions should be answered. Questions such as what do
you do for a living everyone talks about where they work, do you have any children
playing on the team, are you married, how long have you been coaching at this level, hey,
these are simple questions that shouldnt be a problem for any coach to answer. If your
childs coach has a problem having a simple conversation with you that should be a red
flag, there is no reason for a youth coach to be that evasive about a few simple questions
regardless of how introverted they my be. If you are polite, respectful and courteous, and
have approached the coach at an appropriate time, before or after practice, there should
be no reason for the coach refusing to speak with you.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
It doesnt matter if your kids coach is getting paid or just volunteering you have
the right and the responsibility to survey them you, as a parent you must present a
protective hedge, a visible protective hedge, around your child. In most cases you wont
even have to have a conversation with your kids coach just being present says a mouth
full, and will allow you to see what kind of a coach and person they are. I am not
knocking coaches Im a coach and have been for sometime, but what Im attempting to
do is to help you protect your child. Protecting your child should be your number one
priority and if your childs coach is not familiar to you or even if theyve been your
childs coach for years these suggestion may help you, because protection of your kid is
paramount.
o Form an alliance with the other parents.
o Be at every practice you can.
o Dont have the coach pick your child up for practice or take your child home
from practice.
o Pay attention to how the coach and your child interact.
o Ask your child how he or she likes the coach.
o Ask lots of questions about practice, what was said and done.
o Attend all of the games.
These are just a few suggestions on how you can protect your child and if you
give it some thought Im sure you will be able to come up with some ideas of your own.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
A lot of parents come to the conclusion that its easier to just coach their kids
team and doing so can turn out to be an amazing experience. Coaching your own kid is a
great way to build a strong parent child relationship the bonding that goes on between a
kid and their parent during this time is priceless. You can learn so much about your child
and in turn they learn much about you as well, qualities that otherwise may not have been
revealed to either of you ring clear through this experience. Of course, there are those
who think its not a good idea for a parent to coach their kid, or rather coach the team
their kid is a part of. I see no problem with it, as long as the parent coaching can be an
objective coach. The objectivity of the parent is usually what is in question, thats the
problem most people have with a parent coaching a team the parents inability to
recognize the team is not about their kid only but about the entire team, thats the real
issue. When the parent-coach is able to do this, stay objective; the experience for them
especially if they have never coached before, can be remarkable a great time of learning
for them, the kid, and the team.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Conversely, there are those occasions when parents, while coaching, ruin the
entire youth sports experience for their kid, the other kids, the parents and themselves.
Ruining the experience can happen in several ways, but for me, here are the most
common ways a parent, as the coach, can ruin the experience. First, the parent tries too
hard not to show favoritism toward his or her child and often in the parents pursuit to not
show favoritism toward their kid, the parent is too relentless on their child, over board
you might say. For example, the parent corrects their kid on every single occasion not
allowing any room for error and insisting that their kid do extra drills and demanding that
he or she does them perfectly. Of course, this type of behavior or coaching style is not
necessary and in most cases can damage the parent child relationship, and takes away
from the total team concept. The second most common way that a parent, as the coach,
can ruin the experience for their kid is by showing favoritism toward their child. In this
situation the parent allows their kid to do whatever they want and whenever they want.
The parent allows the kid to float through the drills and conditioning with little or no
effort, but is irate when the other players attempt to do so. The coachs kid may not have
to participate in some of the drills during practice, but will still be one of the starters for
the next game and/or play more than the other players, who participated in the entire
practice.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Finally, the parent expects too much from their child. The parent expects their kid
to know all the plays, make no mistakes and carry the team to victory. They
unrealistically expect their kid to win the game for the rest of the team because theyre
the coach and thats their kid. The kid should know what he, the parent, is thinking and be
able to share that with their teammates, a coach on the floor as it were. These types of
behaviors as the coach of your childs team can wreck your relationship with your child
and destroy the experience of youth sports for both of you, and the other members of the
team. However, if you, the parent, do decide that you want to coach your kids team here
are a few things that you should consider to protect yourself from any misunderstandings
or accusations.
o Insist that parents are at practice with their child.
o If they have to leave during practice insist that they are there when practice
ends.
o Never volunteer to pick players up for practice or take them home from
practice.
o Never volunteer to pick players up for games or take them home from games.
o Allow parents to ask questions before or after practice.
o Make sure they have your phone number.
This is just a list of suggestions, however, these are to protect you, the parent,
when taking on the task of coaching your kids team. And its defiantly possible that if
you sat down and thought about it you could come up with many other suggestions to
protect yourself as well.
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
This book is not the say all and do all for parents who have kids participating in
youth sports, neither is it a guide to help parents produce a ten-year-old super star. The
book is intended to help parents help their kid find fun and growth in youth sports, to help
parents protect their children from unwarranted advances from adults in the youth
programs and to remind parents that they are the secret to their kids success. The points
presented in this book, I feel, are necessary for helping you enjoy your kids involvement
in youth sports, and by no means am I saying this book is the only way to approach the
years your child will spend at the little league or youth sports level. What I deem the
book to be is an instrument for parents to use, so they and their child can have the very
best youth experience possible in youth sports. Youth sports is a great time for kids and
their parents, these years will be gone before you know it, so enjoy them.In the book, Sports Quotations Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers
and Fans, Second Edition, Spiro Agnew said I believe that sports, all sports, is one of the
few bits of glue that hold our society together, one of the few activities where young
people can proceed along traditional avenues, where the desire to win is not only
permissible but encouraged.
Unconditional Love
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
True love is an unconditional act. It is a deep devotion to an object or in our case a
person, your child. Loving them regardless of what they do on the court or field, or better
yet, what they dont do. Your kid above all else is looking for your approval they want
you to be proud of them and love them as much as they love you. He or she wants to
know that however the game turns out and however they play you will be proud of them
and most of all you will still love them once it is all over. Children, from what I have
seen, love to perform for their parents, especially when their parents are attentive and
encouraging. Unconditional love doesnt care if the child scores two touchdowns or
fumbles five times. It doesnt care if the child throws the ball away every single time he
or she touches it or score points every time the ball is in their hands. Parents should
always be on the side of their kid cheering and encouraging them no matter what
happens, no matter how offal you might have thought they performed. Parents should
always express to their kid that his or her performance in a sporting event has no bearing
on the amount of love they have for them. The kids performance in a youth sporting event
and your love should never go hand in hand they shouldnt even be mentioned in the
same breath not even on the same planet.
Your kid already feels the tension and hostility from the opponent and their fans
they are looking to you for comfort, stability, and need I say support. Parents must keep
in mind that winning is not the most important thing to the child usually, participating and
performing for their friends and family is whats important to them. What matters the
most is that their parents attends the sporting event, cheers them on and continues to love
them despite their performance and/or the outcome of the competition.
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Parents spend a lot of money sending their children to instructors who specialize
in specific sports and skills, hoping and/or expecting that their kid will emerge as this
terrific player and some kids do. Some kids skills and knowledge of the game improves
greatly and the kids ability to do certain things on the court or field will also increase,
but so does the parents expectations for their child. Along with expectations comes
disappointment the failure to satisfy and that has nothing to do with unconditional love,
as far as Im concerned. We all invest in our children, we teach them, we spend money on
them, we show them how and we help them with things, any time spent with your kid is
an investment, but expecting a return on your time or your money is not an unconditional
investment.
Webster defines unconditional as having no conditions or stipulations it is
absolute and absolute is without reference to anything else money, specialized
instructions or your own self-interest. If all the training and coaching youve paid for
doesnt produce the results in your child you were looking for or expecting dont let that
be the determining factor on the degree of love you have for your child. Because theres
one thing I know for sure, no one cares about or loves your kid the way you do and not
many will go to bat for them either. You are the Minister of Defense, when it comes to
your kids, there will be all kinds of advice offered up on what you should do for your kid,
to your kid, about your kid, where to take your kid, where not to send your kid and on
and on. The bottom line, you have the final say, out of love and concern for your child
you and whomever you trust the most should determine the next steps for you child, I
mean whose kid is it anyway!
Dont Be Disruptive
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Whose Kid Is It Anyway
Every parent believes their kid is the best player on the team they think the team
couldnt function without their child, wrong! When this is a parents attitude they tend to
make negative comments about the coach and/or other players, and theres no harder task
for a youth coach than to overcome the pessimistic comments made by a parent to their
kid about the coach and/or his or her teammates. In youth sports a kid may not hear a
word the coach says in the huddle or that is yelled from the bench, but they will always
hear the slightest words spoken from their parents. As a coach youll look out on the floor
or field and youll see one of your players pouting or sobbing uncontrollably, so youll
call a time out because youre thinking theyve hurt themselves or something, and when
you finally get them to the sideline you find out it was just the kids dad, he yelled out
something that completely traumatized your player; and because of dads untimely and
unwanted command, getting junior to regain his focus is extremely challenging.
The negative comments and complains said to a child by their parents during the
ride home from practice, the ride from the game, to the game and many times during the
game, can really disrupt your childs ability to fully commit to the team and the coachs
philosophy. Criticizing your childs coach and/or teammates makes it very difficult for
your child to concentrate on what he or she needs to do to be a solid team player. The
parents attitude toward the team and coach confuses the child, in my opinion; the child
may feel if my parents dont like the team and/or the coach, than why am I on this team
and playing for this coach. More than anything else your child wants youre approval
they want you, their parent, to be proud of them to approve of the team theyre apart of.
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Your child wants to know without a doubt that you are happy with the choice
theyve made on choosing a team this matters to them more than most parents realize or
care to realize. When your child feels like you hate their teammates and coaches, it shows
up in their attitude, their practice habits and the way they perform during the games. Your
childs concentration at practice or during the game just isnt there, because they are to
concern about what youve said, how you feel and you dissatisfaction with the team and
the coaches. Because of your attitude, towards your childs team and coach they dont
know if they should like the coach or their teammates and if they do will you be mad at
them. It may sound silly, but we are talking about kids, kids who need your acceptance
and approval it is necessary for their success.
Coaches can always tell when parents have talked negatively about them to their
players, because the childs behavior reveals the conversation and the negative
comments. Suddenly, the child is questioning the coaches decisions on everything, play
calling, player personnel, the amount of playing time that they get as well as, the playing
time given to their teammates. The child also does things during the game and in practice
that is not part of the teams system, things that are beyond his or her ability and out of
character. This type of behavior becomes disruptive to the team and is unacceptable; it is
also unfair to the other team members. Unfortunately, for your kid, a good coach cant
jeopardize the wellbeing of the entire team for one player, which means the coach will
have to take the necessary steps to ensure the welfare of the team. These steps may
include reducing your childs playing time, limiting his or her participation in practices
and games and if the situation becomes to disruptive, removing the kid from the team.
For most coaches the removal of the kid from the team will be the last resort.
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The lessons we learned as children always seem to be the most valuable for us as
adults, and the lesson of if you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all is a
lesson we need to apply to this situation. The critical remark towards your childs team
and coach makes your child extremely un-coachable, believe it or not. If your child feels
that you dont think the coach knows what they are doing and is not a very good coach
your child will be unwilling to listen to any of the coaches instructions.
Your child believes that you know what you are talking about and when you say
their coach is a loser and a idiot they think, why should I listen to a loser, why should I,
follow the commands of someone who doesnt know anything; after all youve taught
them better than that, right. Players that are not coachable are also incredibly disruptive to
the team they send the wrong message and as adults we know what that message is, if he
or she doesnt have to listen to the coach neither do I, which results in complete chaos.
Lack of playing time and/or dismissal from the team is usually the necessary steps for
uncoachable players.
If as a parent you feel the program, the coaches and the players are worthless and
your kid is so much better and smarter than everyone else, simply remove them from the
program. Find the spot for your kid find the program that you think is capable of
producing what you want to see from your kid, do some research find the best fit for your
kids talent. I mean whose kid is it anyway!
Show Respect
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Dont reprimand your child during are after a game because you thought they
could or should have done better, especially in front of their teammates. Embarrassing
your kid in front of their teammates and other people in the gym is a crushing blow to
your childs self confidence, ego and self respect especially coming from you, mom or
dad. Yelling and screaming at them wont accomplish anything it will only push them
further away from the sport and damage your relationship with them. Putting them down
and calling them names will wound your kid deeply if they had a bad game or didnt play
well they know it. Respect them enough to give them some space after a hard game let
them know, by not saying anything in most cases, you understand how they feel. A hard
game to them is like a hard days work for you, when you get home you want a little peace
and quite you dont want to hear a lot of criticism, you want a little bit of reverence from
the ones you love and thats what they need as well. Respect their hard work, their effort
and commitment just as you would want them and others to do for you when youve
worked hard, but things didnt turn out the way you planned. Give your child the right to
talk about the game or not talk about game, advice and correction is something they dont
need right after a tough lose allow them to come to you allow let them initiate the
conversation.
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Respect the parents and other adults of the apposing team, as well as those who
are a part of your kids team! Not respecting other parents and adults is probably the
biggest problem in youth sports today, in my opinion. Dont talk negatively about other
players on your childs team while sitting in the stand, next to those kids parents, who do
you think you are. No parent likes hearing unenthusiastic words about their child even if
the comments might be true. Keep your comments about someone elses kid to yourself,
remember its unproductive to make those types of comments those remarks causes your
child to disrespect their teammates, as well. Respect should be given to the referees, the
other players, the other parents and the other teams coach dont call them names and/or
taunt them theyre all doing their best and hoping for the best just as you are. If you can
referee or coach better than the individuals participating in the sporting event you should
volunteer your time because the children could use your help, since youre that good!
Parents seem to like discussing the outcome of games with their childs coach,
especially if the team lost and their child didnt get the amount of playing time they
assumed he or she should have been given. And most coaches dont have a problem with
discussing playing time and a lost, but most wont want to immediately after the game.
Losing is hard for coaches to, they take them personal, sometime, and they are angry
and/or very disappointed afterwards just as you are, so it is wise to follow the 24 hour
rule that most coaches have in place. The rule is simple, wait 24 hours before you
approach your kids coach about any concerns or disputes you may have. By respecting
this simple request you give yourself and the coach an opportunity to calm down, a
chance for both of you to get your emotions under control.
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Nothing gets accomplished when no one is listening and believes me neither side
is listening when there is too much emotion involved. It is also a poor example for the
kids, as adults we tell our kids to behave and show some discipline, while we rant and
rave out of control over a fourth grade sporting event. If you are having that much
heartburn from your kids team and coach you probably should find another team the
heartburns not worth it.
Be Honest with Your Child
It is of great benefit to your child when you, their parent, are absolutely honest
with him or her about their ability to compete, at whichever level they decide to play.
Although they are still children and their full abilities and/or potential has not yet
materialized it is important that they are playing at a level, which will challenge them the
most. In some cases they may need to play at a higher level their skills may be such that
they are ready to play with seventh graders as a sixth grader. You need to be the judge of
that and if youre not sure ask the coach or someone whose judgment you respect. It does
your child a disservice if he or she is playing at a level that is not testing them and
pushing them to become better player. Conversely, it does them no good to be playing at
a level that is too competitive for them, doing this causes them to questions their ability
and destroys their self-confidence, not is all cases. As everyone knows confidence and
belief in ones own ability is one of the main ingredients in succeeding in sports and in
life.
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If your child wants to become a professional tennis player but their ability, at the
present time, indicates its unlikely or that it will be a very difficult task, tell them so. Of
course, you should never purposely crush your childs dream, but help them to be realistic
about their abilities and their goals. I have never met a child who plays sports who didnt
want to become a professional athlete, for some children that is a realistic goal but for
others it is not pragmatic. However, parents need to inform their children that the odds of
becoming a professional athlete, in any sport, are against them even if they are very
talented. As a parent you must also make it clear that even with talent injury is always a
possibility and depending on the seriousness of the injury they may never play sports
again at any level.
More and more parents are doing all they can to bring out the athletic prowess of
their kid sending them to specialized camps, classes, schools and enrolling them in skill
specific programs. This trend toward specialized training has allowed kids to get better
faster, and unfortunately has also opened the door for burnout and injuries. Injuries that
may not have occurred until later in their sports life, but because parents want quick
results and want their kids to have a head start they have concede to injuries and the
possibility of burnout. Well Im just trying to help my kid get into a good high school
and/or college, thats the on going theme from parents who have taken this course with
and my question for parents is, are you really? Are you really trying to increase the
opportunities for you child or are you just attempting to full feel something within
yourself through your child and only the parent can answer that, honestly.
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Your honesty as a parent will keep your kid from chasing unrealistic goals and
protect them from unnecessary grief and injury. Make sure they understand not everyone
will be able to continue on in sports, even into high school, help them realize there is
more to live than sports, man I cant believe I said that especially as much as I enjoy
sports, wow! Explain to your kid that their character is more important than how many
wins they produce and integrity does count for something. In the book, Sports Quotations
Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers and Fans, Second Edition, tennis player,
Arthur Ashe said, I strongly believe the black culture expends too much time, energy
and effort raising, praising and teasing our black children about the dubious glories of
professional sports. Your son has less than one in 1,000 of becoming a pro. Would you
bet your sons future on something with odds of 99-to-1 against you? I wouldnt.
Playing at The Right Level
Its critical that you and your kid choose the right level of play. Whats the right
level? That depends on your childs commitment, ability and the amount of time you as a
parent is willing to commit to. Yes, the amount of commitment you the parent are willing
to put in. Why you, because you will have to make sure your child is at practice at the
game andany other function the coach and/or team wants to participate in. You will need
to make sure your child is on time in the proper gear at the right field or gym in the right
uniform, oh yea, your responsibilities will increase just as theirs will. Determining your
level of commitment will be very important in determining what level of play your kid
will participate in.
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Lets start with the recreational level this level, in most cases, is moderate to low
as far as ability goes, this level is really meant to be fun and extra curricular in its literal
form. The commitment and the amount of time required are also moderate to low, of
course no coach wants you to miss practice, but it is more expectable at this level. The
recreational level is just that, recreation; it gives your kid something constructive to do in
his or her spare time, but it can also be used as a measuring stick in deciding which level
should be next. The recreation level is also for children who just want to play, who really
can care less if they win or lose they just want to play some sports and hang out with their
friends. One thing to note at the recreational level, all players should play an equal
amount of time, coach, that means even the kids you dont think are very good.
If you and your kid feel they are ready for something more advanced something
more challenging choose a competitive league. Competitive leagues will require more
time on your part and your childs skill level will need to be moderate to high. He or she
will need to have a good grasp of the game they choose to play, as well as the basic
fundamentals. As was mentioned in the pervious topic, your honesty about your childs
ability really matters at this point. Competitive sports mean that winning and losing is
important, and your child has to be able to assist the team in winning or their playing time
will be limited. In order for your child to compete at this level its very important that
your kid is at practice and is commitment to getting better. Theyll need to understand the
level of play gets a bit more serious as they move up the level ladder, so to speak.
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Parents need to keep in mind at the competitive level there is no requirement
and/or rule that says, your child has to play a certain amount of time during the game.
Your kids playing time, the amount of playing time, is completely up to the discretion of
their coach. This is important to remember, because many times parents will place their
kid on a competitive team and the kids ability is not up to par and the parents are upset
because their child isnt playing as much as they would like them to. Even if your kid
doesnt get the amount of playing time they and/or you would like, both of you should
still remain committed to the team, practices, and games quitting is not the answer, or is
it. One thing that may help your kid get more playing time is to ask the coach what does
your child need to work on, what can they improve most coaches will talk with you about
this.
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Consider this, some competitive teams are more competitive than others and
depending on your childs ability they may be better suited for one of the lesser
competitive teams. He or she may be talented and very good at their particular sport but
just not good enough, yet, to play with the team they first choose. Look around and make
sure your kid is on the team that will best fit their abilities. This can be tricky, Ive had
boys on my football teams who were a lot bigger than any of the other boys and by their
appearance alone it looked as if the kid was going to be a monster, as if he was going to
be able to dominate but just the opposite was true. He turned out to be one of the nicest
kids you could ever coach but he wasnt going to bust a grape he, at this particular time of
his life, was not a football player. Your childs size may or may not be the determining
factor on which level they should play. Their knowledge of the game, their mobility, their
aggressiveness, their attitude and their ability to actually compete should be some of the
keys in deciding what is the right level of play.
Know the Game
To really enjoy the sport your kid is participating in you should know whats
going on. It is defiantly beneficial to you and your child to familiarize yourself with the
game, especially if this is the first time you or your kid has participated in a particular
sport. You need to know whats the object of the game and where the player should be
positioned on the field or court. It can be frustrating for you if you dont know what your
child should be doing, which way they should be running or what basket they should be
shooting in. If your kid receives a pass or takes the ball away from the other team what
should they do next?
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Regardless of the sport parents should have some idea of what to expect from
their child, their childs teammates, the other teams players and the sport itself. Parents
should understand some of the strategies and tactics that are involved and why the coach
may be taken their kid out and put in another player. When parents are familiar with the
game they are better equipped to assist their child on how to perform better, to prepare
better and most of all how to have more fun. By all means know the rules! To often
parents get upset because of a call made by a referee, not understanding that it was the
right call. Referees will tell you, parents go crazy over a call they feel was unfair or not
right, but nine times out of ten the parents dont even know the rules. By knowing the
game parents will be better equipped to enjoy the game, to know what call should be
made and why, thus less stress on them and their kid. One way to help you understand the
game better is to become a referee, wait a minute; I know that may seem a bit extreme,
but think of the knowledge you would have and could share. Being a referee can be
challenging and will defiantly give you a better appreciation of what it takes to referee a
youth sporting event, especially with parents like you. Its not as easy as most referees
make it seems.
Sacrifice
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Sacrifice, the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the
sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim. I like that
definition, thats what many parents need to do with their memories of how great they
uses to be, destroy them. Remember, your time has passed however great you were
when you were playing doesnt matter. Its not about you anymore your time has past and
now its about your kid and his or her greatness, or not. When we were young athletes
we, parents, all had dreams and aspirations of becoming a professional athlete and some
parents achieved professional status, but most of us didnt. Whichever group youre in, it
really doesnt make a difference in what your child will or wont accomplish athletically.
Dont try to recapture your childhood through your kid, never try to live out your athletic
dreams through them. When parents do that they push to hard on their kid, parents expect
their child to do things that they themselves couldnt even do.
In some cases, parents didnt have a chance to play sports as a child and now they
want to make sure that their child doesnt miss out, this is a noble gesture but can be
costly. Trying to make your child do or be something that you always wanted to be but
couldnt, causes you to disregard your kids desires and what they want to accomplish.
The child has to want to play they have to want to do it; I know there are many real life
stories where parents pushed their child right on into the professionals. But there are also
many untold stories about parent who tried to accomplish the same thing, but didnt and
damaged their child and their relationship with their child in the attempt to produce a
professional athlete.
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Sacrifice your own dreams for something better, your childs dreams. Allow your
kid to be and to do what he or she wants to do and it may not be sports at all, and thats
ok. Although you want them to be this great athlete this tremendous superstar it may not
be what they have in mind for themselves, let them establish their own identity. Its your
childs turn to shine at whatever they are willing to put forth the effort to achieve and
sports may not be in the equation.
In the book, Sports Quotations Maxims, Quips, and Pronouncements for Writers
and Fans, Second Edition, San Jose State Psychologist, Thomas Tutko said, How many
millions of youngsters are we sacrificing along the way so that 10 players can entertain us
in a pro basketball game? Im concerned with how many good athletes have been scarred
by injury or burned out psychologically by the time they were 15 because they were
unable to meet the insatiable needs of their parents, their coach, their fans or their own
personal obsession; or are rejected and made to feel ashamed because of their limited
athletic prowess. Well tolerate almost anything in the name of winning-cruelty,
insensitivity, drugs, cheating and lying - is it any wonder the sports field is overrun with
neurotic behavior?
Show Some Humility
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There is no denying, some kids are better than others. You watch some kids play
and you say to your self that kid is good. Everyone in the place knows they are good it
is apparent that theyre the best player on the field and everyone wants to watch him or
her play. As that kids parents what do you do, how should you act? I can tell you what
you dont want to do or how you shouldnt act you dont walk around telling everyone in
the place that thats your child and how awesome he or she is. Your child came to the
game with you, and more than likely, they will probably leave with you point being,
people will know thats your kid and they will recognize what a great parent you are. A
bit of sarcasm there, I know, hey, its a wonderful thing to have talented children and you
should be proud of them, theres no doubt. But not everyone will have kids that are so
talented, in fact, you will see more kids than not who arent very good at the sport theyve
chosen youll ask yourself why are they out there? The answer is, they are out there
because they want to play they enjoy the game just as much as your kid and has the right
to be out there, like everyone else.
Show some mercy to those kids, put your pride and arrogance away show a little
humility and be thankful for the talent your kid has. Boasting and bragging about your
kid can come back to haunt you it causes parents and other children to find fault or
mistakes made by your kid and thats unfair to your kid. Your daughter may be a great
person and very humble in nature, but because of you they get a raw deal they get judged
unfairly not for who they are, but for what youve told everyone they are. Get out of your
kids way let them and their talents speak for them, not you, put away your expectation
for them. Teach them to be thankful for their ability as well, and to appreciate the
opportunity to display it in front of friends and family.
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Winning vs. Losing
Everybody wants to win even your kid no one wants to be on the losing end of
anything, but everyone cant win there will always be a winner and a loser thats why
they keep score to determine the winner. The difference between the two, winning and
losing, is the way a person interprets them and for kids, that basically depends on their
parents view of winning and losing. For the most part children can except losing and can
learn from it more so than their parents can, but the difference between winning and
losing, for most kids, is how their parent treats them afterwards. I know youre smart
readers, but just for clarity I would like to explain what I mean, if you are angry after
your kid loses and are unable to talk to them about the game they may interrupt losing as
something awful; and depending on how strong your relationship is with your child they
may think they are awful to. Most kids enjoy playing more than anything else, they are
happy to be out there with their friends and quickly seem to realize that winning is not all
that important, unless they have been inoculated with the idea that winning isnt
everything, its the only thing.
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In reality winning or losing really makes no difference at all when compared to
the big picture and make sure your kid knows the big picture, which is, regardless if they
win or lose, he or she will still have to clean their room, do their homework, and take out
the trash. Winning a game on Saturday or Sunday doesnt produce As and Bs in the
classroom, and on the flip side, losing doesnt produce Ds and Fs. Its great when your
child is on the winning team and you should celebrate wins theres no doubt about that.
However, there will be a loser and your kid might be on that team, so celebrate their
effort and their competitiveness keep them from thinking that because they lost a
basketball game or a gymnastic contest it somehow defines them as a person or worse a
loser.
Nevertheless, there are countless of positive things to celebrate with your child
after a loss, your child will really appreciate the fact of knowing they are more significant
to you than a silly sporting event. Celebrating a win is important and easy to do even
when your child didnt perform well, but helping them to see something positive out of
losing, now thats essential for real growth. Help your child be a good loser, not
excepting losing as a way of existence, but helping them recognize the areas were they
can improve their skills and raise their level of play. Not to necessarily win next time, but
to grow and mature as a player as adults we know just because you perform better and
work harder that doesnt automatically translate into a win.
Show Sportsmanship
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The dictionary defines sportsmanship as sportsmanlike conduct, as fairness,
courtesy, being a cheerful loser. What a great definition, what a great way for parents to
act. Of course, sportsmanship applies to the athletes, but good sportsmanship should and
must apply to the fans and the parents in the stands. Its embracing and somewhat
humiliating for a kid when they see their parents in the stands yelling at other parents,
player, and referees. As parents we have to demonstrate the right behavior for our
children telling them not to yell and not to fight is not as effective as showing them how
not to do these things. We all know the old saying actions speak louder than words. The
best part of the definition on sportsmanship is the last part, being a cheerful loser, this
doesnt mean you and your kid should start to enjoy losing, but to take pleasure in the
lessons learned from losing. Losing a game is not the worst thing that could happen to a
kid and winning is sometimes overrated, so after a win dont get too carried away.
Congratulate the winners, shower them praise and honor give credit where credit is do,
but dont degrade or humiliate the loser just because your team won on the scoreboard.
Be positive when talking to the children of the losing team let them know what they did
well, ask them if they played hard and gave it all they had, and if the answer is yes, let
them know that makes them a winners, despite the scoreboard.
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Many High School Athletic Associations are in the process of addressing the issue
of sportsmanship in high school athletics. High school athletes have taken to
showmanship rather than sportsmanship and the associations dont necessarily like
the attitudes and actions that comes along with showmanship, but preventing this type of
behavior starts long before young athletes reach high school. If showmanship is allowed
at the youth level the athletes will continue that trend into high school so, needless to say,
deterring the finger pointing, the chest pounding and the trash talking at the youth level is
the key to averting the problem in high school. Is this a sure fire way of preventing
taunting and trash talking in high school of course not, but it is the first step and a very
good step to helping athletes understand the meaning of sportsmanship.
Understand, being excited after a good play or being victorious after a hard fought
game and show exuberance is all well and good, and should be displayed, in my opinion.
However, thats not what Im talking about here and I think you all know what Im
referring to, we see the showmanship more so with the boys than the girls, but lately Ive
seen a lot of chest pounding with the girls.
Have Fun
Not many parents know how to have fun while watching their kid participating in
a sporting event. Parents dont have fun because they are to busy yelling instructions to
their kid, questioning every move the coaches make and complaining about the other
players. Parents could enjoy their kids play a lot more if they came to the game without
any expectation. Remember youre not going to a professional contest these are children
trying to do the best they can for you and their coach. Mistakes will be made a lot of
them, understand that and except it.
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Here is a good why parents can have fun, encourage your child to have fun and
mean it, dont say have fun and then in the very next breath say, but you have to win.
Dont worry about your kid winning or losing if you dont they wont, and then you and
your kid can truly enjoy the game together. Cheer them on even when they mess up, clap
and encourage them even when it looks like they and/or the coach has no clue about
whats going on out there. Get to know the other players on your kids team as well as
their parents, by doing so you wont focus just on your child and youll want all the
players to do well. Who knows, you might develop a friendship with some of the other
parents, which could turnout to be very enriching for you and them. If you notice one or
two parents dont know the rules and you do, help them to understand whats going on it
might provide you with a bit of gratification to help someone. Try not to be a lone ranger,
dont sit away from all the other parents and isolate yourself and your family, thats not
productive and its not fun.
By being a part of the entire event and leaving your expectations at home you will
find it easy to get your hands around the fun that is usually missed by too many parents.
A Traveling Team
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A traveling team is a great opportunity for kids participating in youth sports,
theres nothing more exciting for a child than to travel to another town or state to
participate in a sport they enjoy. Its exciting for the child of course, but it is equally has
exciting for the parents, you get to see your kid compete against some of the top players
around the country. Its a great feeling to know your child has an opportunity to travel
and play, not many kids gets such an opportunity. Your kid gets a chance to compare his
or her abilities, and skills to other players who are just as good or better. They get a
chance to see just how skilled they really are and some insight on which areas they need
to improve upon. They get a chance to meet other boys and girls who enjoy the sport just
as much as they do and in every case, no exceptions, they are face to face with kids
theyve never met before with the possibly of creating a friendship that could last a
lifetime.
Traveling with your child is the best way to go, in my opinion, but not everyone
has the money or the time to travel so you really want to think through the idea of a
traveling team, make sure its a good fit for you, your kid, and your pocket book. If you
do decide the traveling team is something that makes sense for you and your kid, consider
this list of suggestions, especially if youre not able to travel with the team:
o Dont send your kid on every trip.
o Send your kid with another family member.
o If there is a family member in the city the team is going to ask them to contact
your kid and attend some of their games.
o Create an alliance with other parents who are traveling with their kid.
o Make sure your kid is mature enough to travel on his or her own.
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o Be sure that your kid wants to even go on the trip if you cant go with them.
o Give your kid a cell phone and tell them to call you daily and after every
game.
o Have the numbers and locations of where your kid will play and lodge.
o Give your kid or their chaperon enough money for food, souvenirs and/or
recreation.
This can become an inexhaustible list and Im sure you can add many of your
own precautionary ideas to the list, however the considerations are strictly for the
protection of your child. Take every precaution necessary to protect your kid when they
travel, especially if you are unable to travel with them. I suggest that if you have any
apprehension about sending your child on a trip without you, dont do it; particularly if
the situation is something youre not comfortable with, dont send them! Not going on a
few trips wouldnt damage your child there will be other opportunities when the
circumstances are more conducive for you and your child to travel together. A traveling
team can be a great experience for your kid and lots of fun, but like any condition in life
it can also be risky if not handle correctly.
Having the Right Equipment
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This topic may seem somewhat ridiculous to even discuss, but there are parents
who dont know what type of gear is required for their kids sport. Its important to have
your child properly equipped with the correct shoes, shorts, glove, racket or whatevers
necessary for them to be successful. If your child is participating in a contact sport the
right equipment is critical for their success, and more importantly for their safety, so they
wont get seriously injured. If your kid has a bad knee or ankle make sure they have a
brace that fits and will adequately support and protect area, on the other hand if a child
does have a knee, or an ankle that is tender or damaged, dont let the play. Preventing
serious injury is always at the top of the list having your kid play injured is stupid dont
risk long-term injury.
Be wise about the type of equipment you purchase because many times your kid
will only use it for one season and for just one sport. It is not necessary to purchase the
most expensive gear for a growing child, but it is vital for them to have equipment that
will last throughout the season, you can always find good used equipment Be certain the
gear fits, if they are playing basketball make sure they have basketball shoes not running
shoes, the areas needed for support are different so the right shoes are important. Your
childs shorts and shirts should also fit properly, we all know what the style is, big and
baggy, but having clothing that is hanging off causes a distraction for your kid while they
are playing and can hinder their performance. If there are any questions about what your
child needs for their particular sport ask the coach or program director they should be
able to help you with any questions or concerns you may have.
You and Your Child
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Sports does provide children with some very valuable qualities, qualities they will
carry with them throughout their life, thats a fact, however there or many other activities
available to children that will supply the same or even greater qualities for a kid to draw
on. As a coach, I will always encourage children to participate in sports it builds self-
confidence, friendships, and mental toughness and is a good way to keep your child
active and healthy, among other things. Of course, Im aware not all children are cut out
for sports not all of them are capable of handling the physical activity, and as a parent you
should be aware of your childs capabilities and help them choose the best activity for
them.
Private lessons are a great way to go if your child needs a little extra time on the
court or field, one on one instruction can move your child forward faster in the sport of
their choice. However, dont make the mistake of thinking because your kid is not very
good at their chosen sport all they need is extra instruction or more practice, not true.
They may need time away from the sport, time to grow and mature, or they may need you
to show some interest in them and not so much in the sport theyre attempting to play.
Dont make the game bigger than your kid.
However, a parents involvement means so much to a child, Ive seen kids
perform awe-inspiring when mom or dad showed up to the game, it was as though they
were a different kid, if you think your presents at your childs game doesnt matter, think
again. Just being there and some times not saying a word can make all the difference in
the world for your kid.
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Parents pay hundreds of dollars for private lessons now Im not against private
lessons, because Ive done a few sessions myself. Ive had sessions with players who
wanted a little more one on one time on the court. However, sometimes a parents zeal to
help their kid improve his or her skills, they place themselves and their child in a position
to be taken advantage of. Parents are often over charged, greatly, for private lessons that
may not have the desired effect they were looking for. Again, your involvement, your
attentiveness, your recognition and your praise may be all your child needs to take them
to the next level, they might be waiting on you.
Many of the drills and techniques you pay someone else to teach your child, you
can teach them for free I understand not all parents no the game of hockey for example,
but were talking about children between the ages of seven and thirteen. So, paying
hundreds of dollars an hour for an adolescent to get better at hockey doesnt really
register with me. If your child genuinely enjoys the sport of hockey, as they mature the
commitment to become a better player will become obvious, and at that time seeking out
someone for private lessons might make more sense, at least for me. Save your money
before then, or find someone who is willing to help you for free or for a minimal cost,
there are coaches and other individuals out there who are willing to help your kid become
a better player who wont take advantage of your eagerness to improve your childs skills.
As was mentioned earlier in this book, many kids wont go on to play high school sports,
so be smart about whom you choose for private lessons and how much you or willing to
pay for those lessons.
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Nonetheless, if your child is capable and does participate in youth sports stay in
constant communication with them, about how things are going make sure the game is
still fun and exciting for them. Ask your child how they think theyre doing at the sport
theyve chosen, children wont always tell you how they are doing and sometimes they
really dont know how well theyre doing. Talking with them about their performance
might help them discover what they could improve upon or if they are even doing it
correctly. The key is talking to them not yelling or scolding them, let them do most of the
talking about their performance, allowing them to reflect on their own play without you
telling them how theyve done, allowing them to talk will be more advantageous.
Speak to your child about their teammates, their coach or coaches, even though
you may be very much involved you still cant see or hear everything thats being said or
done. Its necessary to know how your kids relationship is developing with their
teammates and their coach. If, for whatever reason, your child is not getting along with
their teammates and/or coach the season could be a long and stressful one for them, and
you, thats why you need to know whats happen. Your kid will be willing to give you
that information freely, if they know you are truly on their side that your concern is for
them and not the sport. Matters may be fine, everything could be going great, but it never
hurts to ask and if you dont ask they may not tell you.
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If your child is on a traveling team and you are unable to travel with them make
sure you are available for them when they return home from their trip. Have some ice
cream and a conversation with him or her, and ask plenty of questions, open-ended
questions, get them talking about what went on, how they, how their teammates did, who
played well and who didnt, ask them everything you can possible think of. Be sincere
dont make it out to be an interrogations as though you know something went wrong and
they were a part of it.
Listen with enthusiasm and joy, wouldnt you want people to listen to your
adventures with that kind of interest. Find out as much as you can about their trip and if
they are not willing to tell you much about it, find out why. There maybe nothing wrong,
the trip might have been fantastic, but make sure your kid understands that you love them
and you just want to know how everything went with the game, the hotel stay, the
recreation, their performance, everything and not because you dont trust them but
because you love them.
Talk to other parents who went on the trip as well, ask them how they thought
things went and if the trip was well organized, were there enough rooms at the hotel, or
did some people have to stay at another hotel and who roomed with whom, were did the
coach stay, and if they plan on sending their child on the next trip. Its important that the
avenues of communication are open with your kid and the other parents and that the lines
of communication remain open throughout the season. However, the very best thing to do
if your child is on a traveling team is to travel with them as much as possible, if your
budget allows it.
The Predator And Your Child
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Take every precaution you can to keep your child safe always error on the side of
caution. Be present, make yourself visible for all to see, dont assume all is well, and be
involved, by doing these simple things you can prevent many of the misfortunes and
destructive proceedings that, sadly, to often happens to too many children. Predators
come in many different packages and they are often very difficult to spot, nonetheless
predators always seem to be able to recognize an unsuspected victim.
The reason the enemy uses a surprise attack is to catch their victims at their
weakest, to catch them with their weapons and their walls of protection down. This is a
very difficult subject for me to write on, because Im a coach and know some very good
coaches who I couldnt have imagine would do anything to a child, but they did, and as
parents you have to suspect coaches as well as parents, sadly you have to think they could
be capable of sexually assaulting your child. Unfortunately, this is the world we live in
and sorrowfully these predators will continue to prey on the weakest and most
unsuspected of the human species, children.
Thus, it is our, your responsibility, your duty to serve, protect and defend your
child at all cost it is your obligation as their parent and they depend on you to do so, they
expect it. Parents have lost sight of how precious children are and what youth sports are
really about we have unknowingly placed our children in harms way. We have made it
easy for those individuals who want to purposely take advantage of our children, who
want to use them as objects and possessions for their own perverse pleasure.
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Creating an alliance with the other parents on the team is always a good idea its
good to have other parents watching out for your child, as you do the same for them its a
terrific situation. Preventing misconduct by coaches and other adults takes the efforts of
many, many who want to protect the children and disarm these predators. Your
relationship with your child is critical and informing them on what is appropriate and
what isnt assures them that if something improper does occur, they are not to blame. I
cannot emphasis enough how important it is for parents to be apart of their childs growth
and learning while participating in the wonderful world of youth sports. Dont let
anything or anyone spoil the great time that can be had during this phase of their life and
yours.
The game cant become more important than the participant the idea of turning
your child over to a coach or instructor and not mongering the relationship should never
happen. I firmly believe there are more good and up standing coaches out there than not,
but keeping a strong handle out what your kid is doing and who they are doing it with is
still the best method and/or approach I mean whose kid is it anyway!
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