When my name was Keoko

A diary of a young girl who lived during the Japanese ruled korea

“Life has never been the same since they concurred us, everything changed.” That’s what uncle said says to me when he is down and depressed. Father and uncle had just argued. I wonder what they were arguing about. Whenever things get serious mother and I have to leave the room, women of the family are not supposed to listen to the business of men. It is disrespectful. I ask Tae-yul if he knows anything. He is the oldest son of the family so sometimes he is allowed to listen to some of the conversations, if he is in a good mood he will sometimes tell me a bit of what happened. He tells me only that uncle and father are in a disagreement and that I shouldn’t worry. I cant ever stop wanting to know about what happened. I go to find uncle, maybe he would talk to me. Uncle is always trying to make jokes, no matter what happens, uncle is always trying to lift our spirits. Uncle was sitting alone in his room, I went over to sit next to him, he smiled at me and told me never to forget that I was a Korean, that one day Korea would be its own country and we wouldn’t be under the rule of the Japanese. He told me to go get Tae-yul, he took out a piece of paper and a pen and started to draw a flag that looked a little like the Japanese flag, he told us that it was the Korean flag. The Korean flag was so much prettier than the Japanese flag, it had different colors and had pretty lines on the side. The Japanese flag was so plain. Uncle later on told us to burn it or else we would be in a lot of trouble. I will never forget the flag, I wish I could hang it up in the living room to remember it. I must remember that I am a Korean in my bones, I will always be a Korean.

When my name was Keoko

They wont allow us to have our national flowers anymore. They are going to search our houses soon. Our national flower, the Korean flower, rose of Shannon.

Mother planted one In our garden, years ago. Mother was heart broken, she loved the flower so much. She asked Tae-yul to go outside and take out its roots, but then half way through. Mother stopped, and put the flower on a pot, she put it in the storage room, and covered it with many things. She announced that the

Japanese may have concurred Korea, but they will never concur our hearts. Father didn’t say anything he made a silent agreement. I was shocked by

mother’s sudden choice, I never thought mother could be so brave, I was proud.

Tae-yul is going to join the army, I heard the news and it was like my world stopped, People who went to war, didn’t always come back, I don’t know what I will do if he never comes back. He also told me that uncle was actually was part of a resistance movement that secretly made newspapers telling Koreans to fight back for their independence. Tae-yul said by joining the army he was protecting the family, they would give us more food and be kinder to us, I really want to believe him, but I’m afraid for him, I don’t want him to leave us. He left in the morning. Mother made him his favorite food, she even managed to make some real rice for him. I don’t know what to do, I miss him so much and I’m so sacred that he wont ever come again.

Tae-yul is dead. He’s been dead for weeks. He was a suicide bomber. And we only just knew. What was I doing the past few weeks? Why was this happening to us? We got Tae-yul’s letter this morning. It was almost like his will. He knew he was going to die when he wrote this letter. He knew it would be the last things his family would know about him. He made the letter sound quite cheerful, just like uncle. Tae-yul always was the brave one. He loved us, loved us more than everything. And now I would never see him again. He was just gone. What was it like to be dead? Did he think of us? Could you even think when you were dead? Did Tae-yul have a choice?

If only Tae-yul has just survived for a few more months. The war is over. The Americans defeated the Japanese. They dropped two bombs, first on Hiroshima, then Nagasaki. Father said that it looked like a giant mushroom in the air. It killed the whole city. I don’t know how to feel about this news. I am happy that japan has been defeated, but all the lives, the lives of two whole cities, just gone. A mixture of sadness and happiness. Father says I shouldn’t feel bad for them. They deserved it. But I cant help it. Cant help to feel sad for the innocent lives.

 I cant believe it. Tae-yul is alive. He came home one day just like he had left.” Well! I say. Here I am back from the dead.”( linda sue park p181) He just appeared. The whole family was so happy. They’d never been happier. Tae-yul said that the night they were going to fly, there was a storm, so they couldn’t. But since “ the whole based had turned out to send us off” ( linda sue park p181) Tae-yul said that he and his squad felt “ so ashamed” ” ( linda sue park p181) so the japanese just threw his squad in prison because they had failed to accomplish the mission. After a few weeks he and his squad was released. I cant believe what has happened over just the past years, the change in my life is so big. But I have always known that I am a Korean.