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What is a Self-Limiting Belief?
Self-limiting beliefs are inner monsters that we have stored in our mind. They are
negative thoughts and mental blocks that we have become to accept as fact. They fill
our mind with anxiety, fear and worry.
Our beliefs are what form our habits. The reality that you are living today is based on
every belief and habit that you have. Every action and reaction you make is what you
have been habitually led to believe is the correct way to respond/act. These beliefs
become factual for us, whether they are true or not.
Our beliefs are formed when we are young children, because we simply accepted what
our parents said as gospel. We were taught to believe everything that our older
relatives (including siblings) and teachers were true. We were told …
• “Listen to Aunt Jane”
• “Your big brother excels at sports”
• “Your big sister got all As”
• “Get a good education so you can get a
good job”
• “You have to work hard to earn a living”
• “Money doesn’t grow on trees”
• “Life just happens, you can’t change it”
Our parents didn’t know any better, because they were told the same things by
their parents. Beliefs about how we should act or think are passed down from
generation to generation. Beliefs vary from family to family and from region to
region.
When you hear the same remarks over and over, or continuously tell yourself
something, you begin to accept it as true and will usually defend it with all of your
being. This is exactly how all of our beliefs and values are made.
We conduct ourselves on unwritten rules that are based on our experiences and
beliefs. If you believe that life is not easy, then you will create a hard life for yourself.
“Such as are your
habitual thoughts, such
also will be the
character of your mind;
for the soul is dyed by
the thoughts”
Marcus Aurelius
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
If you believe that you were meant to poor, it will be extremely difficult for you to
create wealth. If you believe that nothing goes right in your life, then you will
continue to face one challenge after another.
Our beliefs become “comfortable” to us, just like a favorite old worn out chair. We
don’t see all the flaws. We don’t realize that the chair isn’t as comfy as it once was. We
just adapt to it.
Top 10 Limiting Beliefs
Do any of these sound familiar to you? How often have you said these things to yourself?
1. I cannot change.
2. It’s just the way it is.
3. There’s not enough time.
4. I’m too old/too young.
5. I’m not smart enough.
6. I don’t’ deserve it.
7. I can’t afford that.
8. I’m not loveable.
9. I will never be happy again.
10. No one likes me.
“All that we are is the
result of what we have
thought. If a man
speaks or acts with an
evil thought, pain
follows him. If a man
speaks or acts with a
pure thought, happiness
follows him, like a
shadow that never
leaves him.” Buddha,
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
When you compare yourself with another, you are in-fact abusing yourself by
destructing your own self-worth!
If you recognize any of these self-limiting beliefs in yourself, keep in mind that:
It doesn’t help to judge yourself for these beliefs, so be compassionate with
yourself.
These beliefs are not facts, just beliefs.
These beliefs can be changed; you’re not stuck with them.
The inner struggle created by your self-limiting beliefs usually come about because you DON”T
FEEL WORTHY or DESERVING of the things you desire.
Identify Your Limiting Beliefs
Before you can begin to Let Go of your self-limiting beliefs, you need to identify them.
The ONLY thing that keeps you from happiness and creating the life you want is your
own self-limiting beliefs.
Listen to your thoughts as well as your words. Any time you say …
• “I can’t”
• “I could never”
• “I wish I could”
• “I’m not good enough to …”
• “I can’t afford it”
• “I’m not smart enough”
• “If only …”
There is more than likely a self-limiting belief behind those words. Here’s where a
little self-discovery comes in. Ask yourself why you are thinking that way. Is there
solid proof that the statement is true?
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Once you learn to identify and let go of self-limiting beliefs you will be opening
yourself up to positive energy that will allow abundance to flow into your life.
Ask yourself what it is that you really want out of life. Then ask yourself why you
haven’t achieved it. Write down all your thoughts that come to mind. Don’t over-think
your responses, just write. Reviewing your answers should reveal some of your own
limiting beliefs.
Let’s say your dream is to dance. You may have written
down, that you like a fool on the dance floor.
Let’s examine ….
If you saw a person learning to dance, would you think
“they look like a fool out there on the dance floor”?
Probably Not. You would probably think, wow, look how
courageous they are. They are following their dreams.
Or you might think they are pretty good at following the
dance steps.
If you watch them long enough, you would probably
begin to see, how they improve with each dance. Or, you may not give them a second
thought …
Now, let me ask you, do you believe that everyone’s eyes are on you?
When you’re out there dancing, you might be thinking that everyone else on the dance
floor feel comfortable and confident. Are you a mind reader? This is a self-limiting
belief, because you are not relaxing and enjoying yourself.
Everyone is preoccupied with their own thoughts, with their own life. They are not
sitting back, waiting for you to come along and make a fool of yourself.
Sure, there will always be people that might snicker or joke around. Is that really a
reflection of you or their insecurities? My bet would be it’s their very own insecurities.
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
The Victor If you think you are beaten, you are. If you think you dare not, you don’t. If you like to win but think you can’t, It’s almost a cinch you won’t. If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost. For out in the world we find Success begins with a fellow’s will. It’s all in the state of mind. If you think you are out classed, you are. You’ve got to think high to rise. You’ve got to be sure of your-self before You can ever win the prize. Life’s battles don’t always go To the stronger or faster man. But sooner or later, the man who wins Is the man who thinks he can. By C.W. Longenecker
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Brainstorm a list of your self-limiting beliefs
1. Sit down with a pad of paper, and write down everything that comes to mind
when you think of what you want. Keep writing your thoughts until you run
out of buts.
I want
BUT
2. Identify someone who played a dominant role in your life. It could be your mom,
dad, grandparent, aunt, uncle, teacher …. Anyone who had influence over you
as a child.
What would
say about me
3. After you review the areas in the Wheel of Life (on the next page). Sit down
with a pen and paper. Explore each area of your life where you do not feel
fulfilled and happy.
a. Write down ways you can change the situation.
b. Explore what beliefs you have that have led you to where you are.
c. What beliefs would you need in order to make the changes you want?
4. Pay attention to the thoughts you have when you are thinking about what you
want to have. For example if you are looking at that big house thinking, “I’ll
never live in a house like that”, then you’ll know you have just identified a
limiting belief.
Be honest with yourself. It can be difficult, but you owe it to yourself. Being honest is
the only way you can identify your self-limiting beliefs. Once you know what they are,
you can begin the steps to letting them go.
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Wheel of Life
On a scale of 1 to 10 what is your overall happiness level right now?
Career Money Health Friends/Family
Physical Environment Fun and Recreation Personal Growth Significant Other/Romance
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Flush Out Those False Beliefs!
Complete the following questions:
When under pressure I
I often feel guilty about
I feel unworthy of
When
happens, I stress out and feel
I’m always trying to stop
from happening
I feel responsible when
My greatest weakness is
I’m afraid of
I seek the approval of
If I don’t’ get approval from
I feel
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
I feel uncomfortable when
The feeling I dislike the most is
My biggest obstacle is
I would be happy if
I could never
I need to
I need to learn
If only
When the unexpected happens, I
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Now go back and re-do the exercise and replace all of your negative remarks with
HOW you would like to react. For example “When under pressure I yell” to “When
under pressure I remain calm and count to 10 before taking any action”.
When under pressure I
I often feel guilty about
I feel unworthy of
When
happens, I stress out and feel
I’m always trying to stop
from happening
I feel responsible when
My greatest weakness is
I’m afraid of
I seek the approval of
If I don’t’ get approval from
I feel
I feel uncomfortable when
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
The feeling I dislike the most is
My biggest obstacle is
I would be happy if
I could never
I need to
I need to learn
If only
When the unexpected happens, I
Find the Exception
You should have a list of limiting beliefs by now. Review them and write down any
exceptions that you can think of. For example if you wrote that only corrupt people
became wealthy, then write down every single person you can find that created
wealth without corruption.
If you find only one exception to your limiting belief, it proves it is NOT a universal
rule. If it doesn’t apply to everyone, then maybe it doesn’t apply to you.
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone Here is a simple model to changing a self-
limiting belief and stepping out of your
comfort zone. As you work through the
process, write down your findings.
1. State a belief you have that prevents
you from enjoying life (I can’t approach
people at parties)
2. Write down the self-talk you
experience (What if I go up to someone
and they find me boring so they leave –
that would be so embarrassing!)
3. Describe your comfort zone (It’s easier
just to sit there and observe everyone else
having fun)
4. State the opposite of your self-limiting belief (I enjoy mingling with other
people and they find me fun and exciting)
5. What’s it like having this new belief (I’m thrilled that I have many friends and
get to meet new and interesting people)
6. See yourself taking the actions to make this new belief a reality (Picture
yourself approaching people at parties)
7. Walk and act as if this new belief is your reality NOW
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Reframe
Reframing is one of the most powerful tools you have. It’s a simple process but is
VERY effective in getting rid of self-limiting beliefs. What you are doing is reframing
the negative into a positive.
If your belief is that the only way to earn a living is through HARD work, you’ll
reframe this belief by stating “Earning a living comes easy and effortless to me.”
Writing down your limiting beliefs, and then reframing them works for many people.
To change your beliefs quicker, read them several times a day.
Affirmations
Affirmations are different than reframing in that they are often more general in
nature. Repeating affirmations out loud, daily with FEELING works wonders. Repeat
them in front of a mirror and be aware of your facial expressions and your body
language.
• Abundance is all around me
• I always have more than enough money to fill my needs
• I am loveable
• I am a worthy human being
• I can do anything I set my mind to
• I am happy
• I am smart enough to learn anything I want
• I welcome change
• I am strong
• I am confident
• I am beautiful
• I like myself
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Keep a Gratitude Journal Self-Limiting beliefs are negative in nature.
Consistently writing down 10, 20 or more
things you are thankful for will increase your
happiness and positive energy. The more
positive you are, the happier you will be, the
happier you are, the more confident you will
become. Try it – You’ll like it!!!
It’s been scientifically proven that by
writing five things you are grateful for,
every day for 30 days will increase your happiness.
Think of everything you can be grateful for; water to drink, carpet to walk on, your
morning coffee, a short commute to work, that you have a job, that your husband
complimented you …. Make a game of it and see how long you can go without
repeating yourself.
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
This is a very simple technique that many people have had tremendous results with. It
seems too easy, yet for some reason or another it works. The theory behind EFT is
that it utilizes the body’s energy field and natural stress-reduction points.
EFT is a process in which you tap on certain meridian points (such as used in
acupuncture) while verbally stating an affirmation and/or releasing phrase.
EFT was originated by Gary Craig a Stanford engineer graduate and a Certified Master
Practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming, and trained in other forms of Energy
Psychology.
For more information on EFT and to experience an actual EFT session, I highly
recommend you check out Brad Yates’s website “The Freedom to Succeed”. Check out
his videos and tapping scripts.
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Hypnosis
A lot of people are afraid of hypnosis. There really is no need to fear it – especially not
self-hypnosis. The practitioner first leads you into a deep relaxed state. The idea is for
you to be relaxed enough that your subconscious mind accepts what is being said. It is
simply reprogramming the limiting beliefs that you have set for yourself.
For example in the hypnosis section of “Confidence Beyond Belief”, world renowned
hypnotherapist Steve G Jones leads you into a relaxation. He helps you to visualize
being on a beach and letting go of labels (limiting beliefs) that you have given yourself.
Then he helps you to feel confident and see yourself performing tasks that you were
previously to afraid to try (such as public speaking). The other section of this program
features EFT with Brad Yates.
Visit Steve G. Jones for several programs that you can download today and start
reaping the benefits.
NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming)
NLP is a technique used to help you to eliminate limiting beliefs and behaviors by
giving you the ability to choose your mental and emotional state of well-being. Many
coaches, EFT practitioners and hypnotists use this method by guiding you to see your
future as you wish it to be. You can also find specialized NLP practitioners.
It’s important to note that your mind cannot tell the difference between fact and fiction.
If you visualize yourself being happy and confident, then your mind believes you are
happy and confident.
The NLP utilizes our minds language to enable us to change, grow and create our
desired outcomes. NLP uses our natural process of learning and communication.
• Neuro – represents our nervous system in which we experience our five senses • Linguistic – represents our verbal and non-verbal communication • Programming – the process of how our mind works
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
Meditation Meditation is simply just being in a quiet relaxed
place, while clearing your mind of any thoughts. This
often can be accomplished by concentrating on your
breathing. Every time a thought enters just simple
let it go and continue to focus on your breathing.
Meditation reduces stress. It helps you get in tune
with your inner being. It brings answers that you may
have never thought of. It brings you in touch with
your inner spirit that only knows love and kindness.
You will feel calmer, and be better equipped to
handle any situation. It helps you think clearer which
enables you to let go of limiting beliefs.
There really is no special equipment needed. Some
people enjoy meditating with candles and incense, while other simply drive to a scenic
park and sit in their car to meditate.
I personally enjoy listing to Holosync by Centerpointe while meditating. Some consider
it the lazy mans way to meditate. It utilizes brain wave technology which enables you
to quickly and effectively meditate like a Zen Monk. Visit Centerpointe to claim your
free trial. You will be amazed.
Sedona Method
The Sedona Method is a simple technique used to immediately “Let Go” of negative
thoughts and painful feelings that are keeping you from moving forward in your life.
Thousands of people worldwide have experienced fantastic results with this
technique.
The Sedona Method was created by Lester Levenson in the 1960s. The first class was
held in 1974 in Sedona, Arizona. The current CEO is Hale Dwoskin who is the author
of the New York Times best seller “The Sedona Method”. Hale was also one of the
featured teachers in the movie, “The Secret.”
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
The Sedona Method consists of three questions that you ask yourself:
1. Could I let this feeling go?
2. Am I willing to let this feeling go?
3. When will I let this feeling go?
Many people report seeing benefits from the very first day they put this technique into
practice. The Sedona Method focuses on for areas:
1. Achieve Wealth and Success
2. Improve Relationships
3. Find Peace and Happiness
4. Experience Radiant Health and Well-Being
Take Control of Your Thoughts:
Be aware of your thoughts. When a negative thought pops up, immediately replace it
with a positive thought. Your thoughts are the key to your life. When you fill your
mind with positive thoughts you squeeze out any negative or limiting beliefs.
Continue to grow and learn:
1. Read books and listen to CDs
2. Surround yourself with positive people who inspire and motivate you
3. Practice being in the now. The past is gone, the future has not happened.
ENJOY YOUR NOW
Take time to smell the roses in your life ….
“Within you right now is the power to do things you never
dreamed possible. This power becomes available to you just
as soon as you can change your beliefs.” Maxwell Maltz
Cindy Holbrook, Certified Divorce Coach
http://CoachingForDivorcedWomen.com
