WHAT DOES skylight DO? deal with change, grief and loss ... · Managing our kids’ anger can be difficult, upsetting and very draining. Often we find our own anger stirring up inside

An extract taken from THE ANGER TOOLBOX, By Tricia Irving and John Taylor Smith– a handbook of tools for parents and carers helping children

and young people through angry times.Available from skylight 0800 299 100

A skylight RESOURCE

Guidelines for parents and carers

Managing Our Anger WHAT DOES skylight DO?

skylight helps children and young people deal with change, grief and loss – whatever the cause.

It also helps and resources adults who are supporting them.

For more information freephone 0800 299 100or email: [email protected]

www.skylight.org.nz

skylight_skip_cover.qxp 5/23/07 1:11 PM Page 1

Support in your local community could be:your doctorcommunity health centrePublic Health Nursemental health teamcommunity workersocial workercounselloryour pre-school or school’s staffmarae based support servicescultural community based support serviceschurch based support servicesminister, priest, chaplainlocal telephone counselling lines, such asSamaritans, Lifeline, Youthline and others.

Here are some other groups you could try:skylight is a national agency that supportschildren and young people, and their families, whoare facing change, loss and grief – as well as thosewho are caring for them. Call them on 0800 299 100for information, resources and support.Family Centres and Parent Support. In yourcommunity or region there will be agencies andgroups that especially support parents and families. Contact them and see how they mighthelp. Examples include: Barnardos, Birthright,church or marae based support services, ParentHelp, YWCA, Relationship Services or Women’sRefuge. Look in your local community directory, askaround or enquire at your Citizens Advice Bureau. Healthline, which now incorporates Plunketline,provides information, advice and support onparenting. Call 0800 611 116, 24 hours.

Parenting Courses. Different groups run communityparenting courses around New Zealand. A stressmanagement course may also be helpful. Watchyour local paper and community notice boards forany coming up, ask friends, or contact yourCitizens Advice Bureau and ask what’s available, orvisit the Family and Community Services onlinedirectory at www.familyservices.govt.nz Anger Change Courses. There are courses in angerchange in many areas. Check local noticeboardsand newspapers or contact 0800 228 737 to getinformation on courses run by CAPS. Counsellors. Consider visiting a trained counsellorin your local area to work through the things thatare triggering your anger. Ask around, ask yourdoctor, or look in your Yellow Pages.Parent 2 Parent is a nationwide organisationoffering one-to-one support to parents of childrenwith a disability, health condition or special needs.Call 0508 236 236.Budgeting Advice. Disagreements about money canplace a great strain on families and cause a lot ofanger and conflict. A free budgeting service isavailable through your local Citizens AdviceBureau or see your community directory.Practical help like this can really make a difference.

“Keep looking till you find the kind of help youneed. Don’t give up the first time.

I decided asking for help meant I wasbeing a good Mum for my three

kids. We needed ahand fromsomeone. I just hadto find the righthelp.”Annie, a parent

Finding and using the help you needThere are many community agencies that can provide ongoing support for parents and carers who needextra help – for themselves or their child. Check your local phone directory, information centre or nearestCitizens Advice Bureau. They know your community well and could suggest different groups that couldassist you.

ABOUT skylight…skylight is a non-profit New Zealand organisation. Its focus is specifically on helping children and youngpeople, and those caring for them, deal with issues of change, loss and grief – whatever the cause.

skylight services focus on: Education and Training, Information and Resource Provision,Counselling and Support Services, and Advocacy.

For further information and a catalogue of resources see www.skylight.org.nz

or call 0800 299 100email [email protected]

Fax: 04 939 4759PO Box 7309

Wellington South, New Zealand

For further information on SKIP: Strategies with Kids – Information for Parents, see www.familyservices.govt.nz/skip/

skylight would like to gratefully acknowledge:The Ministry of Social Development’s SKIP programme, all the families and professionals who have

made contributions to this project, the support of The Todd Foundation in the publication of The Anger Toolbox, from which these pages have been taken and Sue Bannister for her photographic skills. Book design and layout by Georgie K. at WYNTER graphic design.

© skylight 2004

For further copies of this publication, contact The SKIP team by email: [email protected]


1

angryManaging our kids’ anger can be difficult,upsetting and very draining. Often we find ourown anger stirring up inside us. Getting angry withyour child is normal, even if they are very young.You spend a lot of time with your family and wha-nau, so of course your feelings are often goingto affect each other. Most of the time parents and carers manage to handle things well. Sometimes, though, adults’anger can get right out of control. At this point itcan have a harmful effect, especially if it happensoften. This is because parents and carers are themost influential people in any child’s life. Like it ornot, children are watching adults very closely. Weare their role models showing them how to handledaily life. Researchers have found children ofregularly angry parents are more likely to beaggressive. As they become adults, they’re morelikely to suffer emotionally and in their ownrelationships. We all make mistakes as parentsand carers, but they are most likely to bedamaging if they’re repeated. If we find thathappening, then we have a choice.

We can:recognise it’s a problem for uslook out for what triggers it off and for cluesthat tell us we’re getting angrylearn to manage our angry thoughts and feelingschange how we behave and what we do and say when we’re angrylearn new ways to parent and give care withoutlosing control of our anger.

Think about the waysand reasons you get

angryHow often do you get angry?

How can you tell when you’re getting angry?What are the clues?Where do you feel it?What sorts of things do you say? How do yousay them?

What makes you angry? What are the triggersfor you?

Are there times of the day you’re more likely toget angry? Why?

Think about the feelings underneath your anger.What are they? What’s causing them?

Can something be done about the cause? Astressed person is already half way to beingangry. How stressed are you? What’s causingthe stress? How can you reduce it?Does your anger ever get out of control? Howoften? What happens?Do you ever get physical, violent or abusive inany way?

What usually happens after you’ve beenangry?

When you were young, what did the adults inyour life show you about anger and how toexpress it? Could this be influencing your angerpatterns today?

adults angry

The way we behave with children sets the scene forhow they’ll behave as they grow up into adults.

“I decided not to waste any more time feelingguilty and blaming my background. I had to geton and change what I was doing.” Alan, a father

too!get

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2

“I count in my head to calm down or leave theroom and only come back when I feel more incontrol of things. Sometimes when I’m calmer I gofor a long drive in the car.” Alex, a parent

“I exit. I just want to get out of the situation. I gofor a walk usually. The quiet helps me.”Ellen, a parent

Use self statements. Talking to yourself positivelycan help, like “I can do this if I keep calm andcool” or “I’m going to keep cool, keep positive,keep in control.” – Ask yourself, “What can I doto calm myself down and get control of myanger?” Act on your answers.Take three deep breaths in and out. Move yourshoulders around. Tell yourself “It’s time to slowdown.” Use ‘I’ statements that tell others how you’refeeling. Don’t attack your child or with ‘you’statements that can be hurtful and make thesituation worse.Go outside for fresh air. Do something physical,like go for a walk, run, clean something, dig inthe garden, kick a ball, hit a punching bag,hammer something…Walk.

Who can help you make the changes you wantto make? If you have a partner, will they helpyou? Or a friend you trust? Or a counsellor?Are other things happening in your life thatmake it hard to make changes? For example, ill health, financial worries, job stresses,depression, use of alcohol or drugs, a gamblingaddiction, or abusive or violent relationships.Where can you find help and support to sortthese out? (See inside the back cover.)

Tools for when anger is rising...

Give a storm warning. Say something like, “I’mgetting really angry, I need to be left alone fora while,” or “I don’t want to get more angry. Iwant to stop and calm down a bit. Then we cantalk later.” It can often help to say how angryyou’re getting. It helps you realise what’shappening so you can do something to manageit – and it can help others know it’s time to giveyou some space.Stop. Say exactly what you want to happen – arule to be followed or something you wantrespected. Use a firm, calm voice. For example,“We don’t hit in this family. I want you to stophitting right now.” Accept no talking about itand stand there as if you are expecting action.Move away. Or leave the room to calm down.Think about what you want to say or do. Returnto the child or situation when you’ve calmeddown. This can take minutes, or much longer.Stop and count to ten. Ask yourself, “Am Icalm?” If the answer is no, keep counting.Take a breath. Make it long and deep. Hold it,and then let it out really slowly. Ask yourself, “Is this really worth getting so angryabout?” or “What is it I’m actually angryabout?” Perhaps there’s something else that’sbothering you that you need to sort out.


3

Find a pillow. Do you get so mad you couldscream? A pillow is great to scream or shoutinto – or to hit. Try and do this privately, andgo for it!Laugh it off. Use your humour. Sometimeslaughing at ourselves or the situation can helpus see it differently.Have a hot drink to slow you down.Talk about it with someone. Contact a friend orrelative and tell them what’s going on for you.Or use a telephone counselling line in yourarea. (See inside the back cover.)

Write it down. Write anything you want to. Alist of words. A letter. A story. A poem. Justwhatever’s on your mind. No one else needs tosee it. Or just scribble hard on some paper.Practise. When you’re on your own, practisewhat you could say or do when you next getreally angry. Try it a few times. Use it next timeyou get angry.Take a long shower or a hot bath.Avoid the things you know get you most angry,or make practical changes to give yourself abreak from them. For example, if you hate thatquestion “When’s dinner?”, why not provide agood snack and drink mid afternoon to keepkids going till dinner? Or perhaps give themdinner at an earlier time.Do something you enjoy to get your mind onto something else – go to a movie, do ahobby, read, cook or anything else that givesyour mind some ‘time off’. Often we’re angrierwhen we’re stressed. What gives you the beststress relief?Ask others. What do others you know do whenthey’re ready to explode? How do they managetheir kids so life becomes easier for everyone?

“I reckon some people are more hot headed than others. They get angry more often and getaggressive. Or they get grumpy and irritable awhole lot of the time. I was angry for so long Ididn’t know how not to be angry. It caused heapsof problems. I asked my friend what she didwhen she got angry and she taught me to stopand keep counting in my head. It worked for me.Then I did a school parenting course that gaveme more ideas. I’m not perfect but I’m not angry all the time any more. I know I’m a hothead sometimes, so there’s often a lot of countingto do!” Teresa, a parent

“Using someone as a sounding board helps –someone that understands and knows about children and what you’re meaning when you talkabout what’s been happening.” Jeanine, a parent

“I withdraw inside myself and don’t get involved.Then I have to find physical ways to let my angergo – anything that’s exhilarating and active andallows me to yahoo and get what’s inside out.” David, a parent


4

If anyone is harming you

It is never okay for anyone to get what they wantby threatening, bullying or hurting another person.If your child’s anger – or that of anyone else closeto you – has become violent or abusive to you,then you need some help to deal with this situation.For example, they might hit, kick or punch you,verbally abuse you or scare you with threats. Gethelp and support as soon as you can. (See insidethe back cover.)

Getting help helpsIt can be tough to make changes happen. If youfeel like you’re losing the battle and don’t want tokeep going as you are, find the help you need.(See inside the back cover.)

If you are ever in danger of really hurting or abusing

your child,STOP IMMEDIATELY.

Make sure they are safe and go out of the room.

Remind yourself you are really angry and that you

need to calm down as quicklyas possible. Talk to anotheradult, perhaps ask them to

come round. Or call aprofessional – such as

a Plunket or health nurse, a social worker, a family

support agency or acounselling phone line.

(See inside the back cover.)Never let embarrassment stop

you from calling for help whenyou need it. Getting help helps

you to parent well.

“The solution to adult problems tomorrow depends

a lot on how our children grow up today.”

– Margaret Mead


5

Q…

be consistent about what you expect – avoidchanging how things are all the time help them understand what’s okay and what’snot okay in your home and whygive them fair boundaries – don’t expect toomuch of themgive reasons for any rules – understandingthings helpsalways give honest information about thingshappening in the familylet them make mistakes – and learn from themunderstand accidents do happen sometimesand don’t deserve punishmentlearn to manage your own anger wellif you have a partner, support each other inyour parenting tasksremind adults coming into your home to set agood example for young peoplekeep them healthy and safe from harm have good times with your child whenever you can.

It might help your child if you:

tell them and show them they’re loved, accepted, respected, and important give them some one-to-one attention, every day listen to them – let them have a say about thingscatch them being good and doing the rightthings – and let everyone know about itencourage and praise them – build them up,don’t put them downavoid hurtful words that shame them – use kind,positive wordsencourage them to see mistakes as times tolearn and be forgivinggive them physical affection – a hug, a smile, ahand held, a back rub

What do I do with my kids that’s fun for all of us?

Don’t worry that children never listen to you.Worry that they are always watching you.

creating

positivefamily and wha-nau

positive

When children are raised in positive families andwha-nau they will feel loved and accepted, and willwant to learn ways of doing things that pleasethose who care for them. Parents and carers canhelp lower the levels of anger in their home if theymake home a positive place.


6

taking at

myselfmyselfa look

Could I be increasing my child’s anger at times, withoutmeaning to?

Q…

Q…

What steps can I take to change ways I might betreating my child that are harmful?

expecting them to take on jobs andresponsibilities not suited to their agecomparing them with others, havingfavouritesignoring them – rejecting them – pushingthem awayoverprotecting themnot letting them do what they most enjoy orare good atthreatening and scaring them with words oractions, bullying themletting your own anger get out of control too oftenbecoming violent or abusive.

Kids may forget whatyou said, but they

will never forget howyou made them feel.

Take an honest look at how things are. Could anyof the following things, or others you think of, be increasing your child’s anger? You may notrealise they’ve been happening or making anydifference. If they’re happening often, then theycould be doing real harm and need to stophappening.

You may be:

taking out your own angry feelings on them,because they’re nearbytreating them unfairlybeing inconsistent about what you expect of them – often changing the rulesbreaking promisesteasing, mocking, humiliating or labelling themmaking them feel guilty when they don’t need to bepunishing them unfairly or too harshly being negative about them – expecting theirfailurealways forgetting to praise or encourage themyelling or screaming at them a lotexpecting too much – demanding too much –making them feel they’re never good enough


7

Q…

“I let her know it’s okay to feel how she does. But it’s not okay to behave how she does, justbecause she feels that way.”Hine, a parent

Often children find it difficult to understand,handle and communicate their feelings –especially when they’re angry. Often theydon’t understand why they’re feeling likethey do, what it is they’re feeling or what todo with the feelings. Adults can struggle withthis too. If parents and carers are able to help their child understand, handle and communicate their feelings, then they givethem an important life skill. Let them know their feelings are okay tohave and that it’s good to express them inways that suit who they are – as long as theydon’t hurt themselves, others or property.Listen well to them and accept what they tellyou they feel – even if you don’t understandit.Helping them know and use words for different feelings helps. Use these wordsyourself in everyday life. At times let themknow what your own feelings are. Ask whattheirs are.

understanding

When you think you can sense a particularfeeling in your child, talk to them about it.Perhaps say something like, “I can tell you’rereally disappointed” or “You seem veryangry”. This can help them to understandand name feelings in themselves. You mightalso add what you think has caused thatfeeling. For example, “I think you might beangry because you’re disappointed youdidn’t get in the team.”Teach the difference between feelings andactions. Feelings aren’t right or wrong – theyjust are. But acting on those feelings isn’talways okay – for example hitting someoneor breaking something in anger. You couldlook for examples to talk about together – forexample in a book, on TV or in a movie.Perhaps share some stories from your ownlife which show how difficult feelings can beand what effect they had on you.Suggest and offer them choices about waysthey could let their feelings out. Be patient. It can be hard dealing withothers’ feelings. Remember, we all get angry– we just boil at different degrees!Contact skylight to order a copy of The Anger Toolbox, full of ideas to help youmanage kids through angry times.

When I think of my own childhood years, what are thefeelings I especially remember and why? Could tellingmy child about these be helpful?

feelingsfeelings


8

Q…

bepreparedprepared

4. State exactly what you expect

I’ll use their name, get their attention and confidently give clear, strong instructions. “I wantyou to...” I’ll give them time to think and act as I’ve asked them to. I’ll repeat my instructions if necessary and be firm and stay in control. I’ll trynot to argue during all of this. I’ll say what I mean,mean what I say.

5. Clarify consequencesConsequences aim to teach, not punish. I’ll beconsistent about what I expect and make it clearwhat’ll happen if they don’t do what I expect.What will this be? I’ll follow through on this if Ihave to.

6. Allow cool off timeI’ll take time and space to cool down and let themhave it too. Then we’ll look together at whathappened and why. People find it very hard to talksensibly when they’re angry.

7. Repair and rebuildAfter the heat of anger has cooled off I’ll take timeto put things right between us, as much as possible.

8. Get help If what’s happened has got out of hand, or if mychild’s angry behaviour continues to cause megreat stress and concern, I’m going to find someextra help. (See inside the back cover.)

What sort of behaviour do I expect from my child?What things do I want to teach them when it comes togetting on with others?

Being prepared with ideas for handling your child’s anger canhelp you deal with a stressful situation more calmly and

confidently. Make a plan. Here’s one to start you off.

“It’s not enough to tell a child that theirbehaviour’s not acceptable if you’re not teachingthem the right ways to behave. Otherwise, how will they ever know?”Jason, a teacher

1. What’s happening?What’s really happening and where? Are theresafety issues? Do I deal with this immediately orcan I safely leave the child to cool off and calmdown somewhere without hurting someone else orthemselves? What’s causing the anger? Can thecause be removed?

2. Stay calm. Don’t feedthe anger

I’ll try to avoid meeting their anger with my anger. I’ll try these ways to calm myself down…

3. Say what the problem is

In one sentence I will let them know exactly whatthey’re doing that’s not okay, for example, “It’s notokay to pick on your brother like that”. I’m goingto focus on their behaviour and not them personally. I won’t call them names or lecture them.


9

ConsiderIs it them who has the problem? Orcould it be me or another person?

Q…

Identify the problem

What is their angry behaviour like? What is it they do? Why is thiscausing a problem? Who does itaffect?

What is it about their angry behaviour that I’d like tosee change? How can I help that happen?

ProgressHow will I tell if the angry behaviour isimproving? How can I notice, praise andencourage the progress, however small it is?Which ways or ideas work best for my child?How will I help them to keep up the positivechanges?

accept the child, shape the

You’ll probably feel frustrated and disappointed when your child loses control of their anger onemore time. One more time they’re going to need your understanding and support. They need to knowyou still have confidence in them to make real changes. This will help them keep on trying to learnhow to manage their anger, and not give up. It’s going to take time – and setbacks – but behaviourcan change. It can! Use all the extra help and support you can. (See inside back cover.)

behaviourbehaviour

Lack of progressHow will I tell if the angry behaviour is not improving? What clear consequences willthere be if behaviour is not acceptable? Whichways or ideas just don’t seem to work? Whichothers could I try? Is it time to get some extrahelp and support?

Think aboutHow often does it happen? Where? What causesit? Who’s involved? What actions do I usuallytake? Then what usually happens?

DecideHow would I like to see thisbehaviour change? How will I helpmy child learn to manage theiranger better? What extra help andsupport can I find and use? Howwill I show them my support as theytry to do this? How will they know Ilove and accept them, even if I don’taccept their behaviour?

Take the first stepsWhat anger managing tools or strategies can mychild use? What small goals can we set together?What will the first steps be? How can they begin?What will the next steps be?


10

A few things to avoidDenying, ignoring or not allowinganger. If anger is being bottled up orbanned, not being allowed to express it cancreate even angrier, more frustrated kidswho have more angry, even explosive,outbursts.Giving in to avoid anger. To avoid theiranger a parent or carer allows themselves tobe pushed around, bullied and directed bytheir child. The child is likely to learn to dothis to get their own way, even as adults. Bribes. When a parent or carer persuadesa child not to show their anger by offeringthem rewards or promises of treats. Teachingthem that anger gets them treats is nothelpful or sensible, and they may try to usebribes in the future to always get their ownway.No set limits. If a child is allowed tobehave as they like, their anger can growout of control and become very destructive,both to themselves and others. They will notlearn self control or that there are sensiblelimits on behaviour that people expect. These are very important life skills.

Swearing and bad language

For many people swearing and bad language is away to release angry feelings. Every familychooses if and when this sort of language is okayor if it’s not. Negative words are always the mostharmful when they’re targeted directly at someone.They can be insulting, hurtful and abusive. If yourchild uses language you don’t accept, tell them youwon’t accept it and be ready to follow through withconsequences. For example, Time Out to cooldown, withdrawal of privileges, or chores to do.

keepkeepA word about smacking

Hitting doesn’t teach them how to behave – it’llteach them how to hit. Smacking teaches thathitting someone is okay when you’re angry. It’snot. If you’re unable to cope with the situation in acalm, reasonable way, cool down until you can.Smacking is an impulsive, angry reaction that can get out of control. It can hurt physically andemotionally, and be abusive.

Families at warKids arguing and fighting is a common part of family life. Adults get angry too. But angercan be infectious and sometimes it can seem likethe whole family is at war – everyone seems angrya lot of the time. This can happen when things arestressful and then settle down again. Or it canbecome a regular feature of a family’s life. Talkabout it as parents or carers and, if you can, as awhole family. Choose ways to try and manageyour anger and get some extra help if you feel youneed it. (See inside back cover.)

Getting support for yourself

It can be very stressful living with and dealing withangry kids or angry adults. Many parents andcarers find it can:

strain the relationship they have with theirpartner, and their other childrenaffect their whole family’s way of lifelower their self esteem and confidence as a parent and carerstress them so much it affects their daily livesand work, and even their health.

It is very important to look after yourself welland to get all the help and support you can. Youmight find your own feelings are getting intenseand difficult to handle. (See inside the back cover.)

Q… How can I look after myself better?

things to inmind

Choose to hug, not to smackAwhitia, kaua e papakitia


11

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking...

When you thought I wasn’t looking,

I saw you hang up my first painting on the wall.

I wanted to paint another one.


I saw you smile at my new friend.

I wanted to be kind to people too.


I saw you make my favourite dinner when I’d failed a test.

I found out supporting people is important.


I saw you count to ten when you got really mad.

I learned to control my anger so others don’t get hurt.


I felt you kiss me goodnight.

I felt loved.


I saw you look at me with pride.

I wanted to be everything that I could be.


I did look....

Thanks for all the things I saw that have taught me how to live.

When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking...


12

notesnotesmy thoughtsand


Support in your local community could be:your doctorcommunity health centrePublic Health Nursemental health teamcommunity workersocial workercounselloryour pre-school or school’s staffmarae based support servicescultural community based support serviceschurch based support servicesminister, priest, chaplainlocal telephone counselling lines, such asSamaritans, Lifeline, Youthline and others.

Here are some other groups you could try:skylight is a national agency that supportschildren and young people, and their families, whoare facing change, loss and grief – as well as thosewho are caring for them. Call them on 0800 299 100for information, resources and support.Family Centres and Parent Support. In yourcommunity or region there will be agencies andgroups that especially support parents and families. Contact them and see how they mighthelp. Examples include: Barnardos, Birthright,church or marae based support services, ParentHelp, YWCA, Relationship Services or Women’sRefuge. Look in your local community directory, askaround or enquire at your Citizens Advice Bureau. Healthline, which now incorporates Plunketline,provides information, advice and support onparenting. Call 0800 611 116, 24 hours.

Parenting Courses. Different groups run communityparenting courses around New Zealand. A stressmanagement course may also be helpful. Watchyour local paper and community notice boards forany coming up, ask friends, or contact yourCitizens Advice Bureau and ask what’s available, orvisit the Family and Community Services onlinedirectory at www.familyservices.govt.nz Anger Change Courses. There are courses in angerchange in many areas. Check local noticeboardsand newspapers or contact 0800 228 737 to getinformation on courses run by CAPS. Counsellors. Consider visiting a trained counsellorin your local area to work through the things thatare triggering your anger. Ask around, ask yourdoctor, or look in your Yellow Pages.Parent 2 Parent is a nationwide organisationoffering one-to-one support to parents of childrenwith a disability, health condition or special needs.Call 0508 236 236.Budgeting Advice. Disagreements about money canplace a great strain on families and cause a lot ofanger and conflict. A free budgeting service isavailable through your local Citizens AdviceBureau or see your community directory.Practical help like this can really make a difference.

“Keep looking till you find the kind of help youneed. Don’t give up the first time.

I decided asking for help meant I wasbeing a good Mum for my three

kids. We needed ahand fromsomeone. I just hadto find the righthelp.”Annie, a parent

Finding and using the help you needThere are many community agencies that can provide ongoing support for parents and carers who needextra help – for themselves or their child. Check your local phone directory, information centre or nearestCitizens Advice Bureau. They know your community well and could suggest different groups that couldassist you.

ABOUT skylight…skylight is a non-profit New Zealand organisation. Its focus is specifically on helping children and youngpeople, and those caring for them, deal with issues of change, loss and grief – whatever the cause.

skylight services focus on: Education and Training, Information and Resource Provision,Counselling and Support Services, and Advocacy.

For further information and a catalogue of resources see www.skylight.org.nz

or call 0800 299 100email [email protected]

Fax: 04 939 4759PO Box 7309

Wellington South, New Zealand

For further information on SKIP: Strategies with Kids – Information for Parents, see www.familyservices.govt.nz/skip/

skylight would like to gratefully acknowledge:The Ministry of Social Development’s SKIP programme, all the families and professionals who have

made contributions to this project, the support of The Todd Foundation in the publication of The Anger Toolbox, from which these pages have been taken and Sue Bannister for her photographic skills. Book design and layout by Georgie K. at WYNTER graphic design.

© skylight 2004

For further copies of this publication, contact The SKIP team by email: [email protected]


An extract taken from THE ANGER TOOLBOX, By Tricia Irving and John Taylor Smith– a handbook of tools for parents and carers helping children

and young people through angry times.Available from skylight 0800 299 100

A skylight RESOURCE

Guidelines for parents and carers

Managing Our Anger WHAT DOES skylight DO?

skylight helps children and young people deal with change, grief and loss – whatever the cause.

It also helps and resources adults who are supporting them.

For more information freephone 0800 299 100or email: [email protected]

www.skylight.org.nz


Documents

WHAT DOES skylight DO? deal with change, grief and loss ... · Managing our kids’ anger can be difficult, upsetting and very draining. Often we find our own anger stirring up inside