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Wend.gQonzalez

A vniddte-agedwovwanwfth white stringg hair stood near vngseat. Shewore a clea^ but faded print housedresshat was holstered to one side asshe clung to am overheadpendant support. Her face looked tired and t feltuneovnfortable.As she staggeredwith the bus's uoveue^t mA lack ofgallantrg torvvrentedvne. half rose frorn vngseat to give it to her, but theNegroesbehind"vwe rowned.d.isapprovaL reaffzedt was "goimgagainst therace" and the subtle tug-of -war becavraenstantlg clear. lf the whites would,not sit with us, tet thevn stand. When theg becavne ired enoughorumcoynfortablemoughheg would eventuallgake seatsbeside s amdsoo^see hat it wasnot so poisonous fter all. But to givethevwgour seatwas olet thern win. t slurnpedbackunder the intensitg of thelr stares.

But vng vnover^ent ad.attracted the white worwam'sttentiom.For aminstantour egesnnet. felt sgvwpathgor her, and thought I detectedsgvvrpathgn her glance.The excha^ge lurred the barriersof race(somewto vwe)ong enough or vne o svnifeand vaguetg ndicate the evnptgseatbeside ne, etting her know shewaswelcovneo accept t.

She ookedat the ernptgseat I had. ust offered. nd, ook a stepforward. For a secomd thought that if this wovnanwereto take the seatbeside ne a Negroat that vwounent)hen vvtagbehis would,be a steptowards breaklng he barriers of race.Howevershe boked around at theWhitesand Negroes ^ the busand decided o rather stand then sit next toa Negroand be calleda "Nigger lovet''. At that vnovvtenthe bushauledat

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a stop a^d the old wovnanstuvwbledorward.. quicklg ose rov,nmg seatandgrabbedher arv^ sa shewouldn't fall.But as soo as she sawvne, hegankedher hand,awag and started.gelling"Yot^Negro,how dare gou touchwte;such nd"ecencies,ou better learmhow to stag in gour place".I stepped.backand lookedaround worried t vwighthaveattracted attention frovn heother bus ravelers.Sadlg was right; evergo^en the buswas ookingatnne.Hate staresand loolcsull of pitg surroundedyneand" illed naewithgrave fear for what eouldoccurnext.Frovno^e seco^d.o the mextNegroesand Whiteswere arguing ail because f a svnail vrisunderstanding.or theslightestwtovwent wished could ake backwhat had,oecurredwith thevniddle-aged. or^an I was onlg trging to becouyteouso. Thecourteoussideof rnethat wasfree when I wasWhiteand able o help ung ellowWhite neighborsn need.However his part of v'nes what had caused hiswhole ncidentwith the ladg in which l wassure I would beaccusedalselg.

As I watched"Negroes nd Whitesargue, womd.ered.f ail this wasworth lt. ls trgiry to install equalustice for Negroesas Whites worth all thetrouble avncausingo the Black ace. could.n't elpbut feelguiltg andthink of rng farnilg'swell-being.Howevernothing t had alreadgexperiencedas a Negrocould haveprepared me for what happened.mext.

sirens weresoundingcloserand getting profoundlgbuder astheseconds assed.Mangof us tr[ed to leave he bushowever he driver had letthe whitesget on and.off astheg pleasedbut us Negroeswere beingsubjected o lnjusticedue to the fact that we were^'t allowed o get off thebus.As we waited full of auwietgand newei we saw he policecars pull upbesid.ehe bus.Sowtehow knew this wasnot good.I lookedbesideme and

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saw a goury bognot too far in his wenties;he seevned iceand.d.ecent o Id"ecidedo addresshivw.ExcuseMe, would gou be kind enough o tell vnewhat isgoirygom", he {ookedup at vvte nd svnile. t seevvred,ikehe could,view rlght through vne; hrough the Black sk[nand evenvng rue Whiteself.I was^ewousand for an instamtbeffeved had ust beendiseovered;hatrng true identitg as a White would be revealedn this atrocioussituation.The goungrAA^siv,aplgrniledand leaned n and,whispered sir, I doreckon hat goudid'the oppositeof what gou tried. o d.o,mowgou're n forsovvneerious roubb" and he nod.d.ed.oward.where he poffee ars wereparking outsld"ehe window.Sonnehow ithout a singleword wwre I knewwhat this goung Ma^ vneantbg that. l'vvr o true Negrobut everANegroknowsbetter than to find thevnselvesnvolvedwith the police,And l, wasabout to find' vngselfor the first tirne ever in both vngWhite and Blackskim,nvolvednegativelgwith the authoritg.

Tivneseevnedo acceleratewithin the mert few instamts. wo policeywenboth White stepped. nto the busand lookedaroumd. iving that hate starethat alwagsseennedo follow us Negroeswhereverwe went. The busdriverquieklgwent overto thern and because was^ear the back t couldn't hearwhat theg were talking. However, did notice that the busdriver keptpointfng v^Awag. And realitg wassteppingyworeas the two policeyue^walkedover to where I wasquietlgseated.Eachgot hotd of rng arvvrsndsaid I was beingarrested or attevnptedburglarg o an elderlgwow\a^onthe bus. decided o talk and tel( thern r wasonlg helpingher soshewouldn't collapse nd" all but deep nside hearda voice elling yne o keepquietand acceptwhat wasgoing fourth under thesecircuwstances. d.id. sv^gow^ inner voice old vne,sovnehow wascuriousof how I would be

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treated in jail as a Negro; his could, ewevnewell for vngNegroexperience.Yet, the light that had traveled with vrnehroughout vngwholeBIackexperiencewasdirnrning, becorning rofoundlgobseure.

About two to three dagshad passed ince wasarrestedand I was nvngail cell with vngcell nvnateJavwal ohnson.He was a v^anwith afavnilgwaiting for hivll. t hovne,a Aou^gMa^ who wasniceand believednequat ights for Blaclcsust like I did. He was alsoa sad vnanbecause e wasfakelgaccused f raping a Aou^g eenage irl. Sadlgthat's all I know, Javna(doesn't ike to discusshat issuewith ango^enot evemne.Whenever trgto bring ft up he'll sag"Mr. Qriffin, now what havewe discussed boutthis?We are friendsand Negroes tiek sidebg sidebut savr things are better \eftbetween6od and us". Duringour tivvre ogether we grew profoundQ close,we found eachother talking and discussingertaim ssues omcermimgf Qodwould eons[der s the rniracleof beingonceagainfree and seeingour wlvesand kids at hovwe.

Oh, how I rnissed ngwffe and kids;seeingheir faces ight up as soo^ ast walked hrough the door at hov,ne. g pride and og were vwg ids;hopefullgour Whitesocietgwoutdnot influencenegativeQvwg ittle ones.have aught thevwotherwisebut with ungself ot being here who knowswhat could occur.Despitehe fact that t had beemworried aboutthe well-beingof rng favnilg, decided o shake hose eelings waAand focuson howI was goi^g to let the authorities Free ne frovnprison.

Tivnepassed nd t couldm't eep rack of how wvch tirne had,actuallgpassed.,nagbe couptedagsget it seevnedike an eternitg for vwe nd Mr.Johmson. videntlgbeingBlack, not evergomen prison was as luckgas ta

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havea fair trfal. MangNegroeswere killed,without a hearingor beingsentemced itherguiltg or motguiltg.

Sadlg knew I wasn't going to havea trial, so because had becoyneofond with Mr. Johnsomdecided o take a riskand. ell hivnungsecret.pulled hiv,n sideo^e dag tetling hilv.of mg book n which I waskeepingrecorded. ovwe xperienceswhich could.hopefullgbring ustice and hopetothe Negrorace.Then I told,hfvn wasactuallga White yv\a^n a Negroesskin. told hirn all that I did, whg and.how t got rngselfn prison.Mr.Johmsonwasastonished nd rev,narkablgleased t this new discoverA wasrevealing o hit'vr.He thanked vne or taking a stand for the Negroesandprovnised e would" o al[ he eould o help nne. felt peace hat t no longerhad to pretend aroumdMn Johyso^a^Ay^ore.

On the next dag around noom, wasd.ragged ut of rng cellbg sovneolder white wren.For sovne easo^ knew this was not a good. ign.wepassed ark halls, nto a rnuddg unnel far under the basevrnemtf theprison. Then theg threw nne mtoan obscurechavwber. s n^Aegessettledinto the darknesshat was as Black as r^e, I saw stainsof btoodevergwhere.Mg heart raced as I saw bodgpavt of Negroes catteredacrosshe rooyn.praged to Qod,o help tne, for t knew this was the end for vrae. s t wasbeingstrapped into a rnachime.,lookedat the wre^who had carried vnefrorn the cellto this chavvrber.saw thevnchuckle n d.elightas I began oweep n fear. lf onfu heg knew we wereof the sawv Whitesocietg.Thenvvtagbe,ust rnagbe heg wouldset vvreree for the fact that I was onlg inhere because was at the rwovnentBlack. closed.Mg eAes stightlg as Icould expectivg he worst, as theg were about to start whipping yvre.Lord,

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help vne" I said.Sudden[g nd out of nowhere heardgetlscovning loser owards the

chavnber. gaspedassoon recognizedhe voice. That's Mr. Johnso^,,cried. The vnenopened he lockeddoors o seewhat all the fusswas about,and then Mr. Johnson avneorth and said"lt is not hivngou wa^t. I avnthe one, I will confesso vrng riyne f gou let hivvr o". The y^e^talkedarnongst hewsetves s I lookedat Mr. Johv,son saw in hisegesbravergandI aeknowtedged.ivn or that. He wassacrificinghivnselfo that t couldbeset free. Within a few rninutes heg had"unbuckled we nd took Mr.Johnson nstead. felt like confessing wasa White Ma^ and would, elt ofthis atrocitg taking place, but I caughtMn Johv,son lancivtg ngwag andhe nodded" no towards vwe. noddedamok but feft guilt that he wasgoingto suffer insteadof rne.

I wasset free the next doA, quite hoppg I was.Yet, I could still hear thecriesand gellsof Mr. Johvrsoms theg whipped hiynwithout ynercA rconteuwplationor hishunnanitgo death. t sovnetivnesake up upo^ havingdreavnsof that dreadful night. The night Javnal Johyrsonacrificedhiwvelfso I could sharevngNegroexperiencewith evergo^earound the world.

Thanlcso that vruans whg I was freed and published.mg bookat theSepn, a vwagazineead bg Blaclcs nd.Whites.Sad,lg ng fauwilgand,becavne hate target, but l had hopemowbecausehe book t yvtade ascreating controversgbetween he White and NegroSocietg. And one dag lknow that this is the first step into accomplishiryequalitg avr.o^gNegroesand Whites.