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Matthew Kang

Professor Fucularo

English 103

11 November, 2015

Thanks

Anna was 14 when she died. She was also one of my closest cousins. We would go to

the park, Six Flags, or shoot some hoops when my family visited her family. When she came

over to my house, I along with my other siblings, would play in the pool or eat junk food while

watching a movie. We had great times with Anna; I definitely miss her.

I

did not find out how she died until five years later. My parents told me that Anna died of a

severe stroke; however, I am not sure if they told me the truth. Regardless, I looked up how a

person can die from a stroke and this is what I found.

According to the Illinois Department of Public Health, a stoke occurs when a blood

vessel that carries oxygen and nutrients to the brain is blocked by either a clot or bursts (e.g.,

“Facts about stroke,” n.d., para. 2). This causes the brain to slowly die, and when a part of the

brain that lacks oxygen dies, the part of the body it controls becomes affected. After stokes,

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many people suffer from speech impediments, paralysis, or lack of vision (e.g., “Facts about

stroke,” n.d., para. 3). During this current decade, many people are not likely to die from a

stroke, because of the rising technology. However, according to the Stroke Center, strokes were

the 3rd leading causes of death in 2006: 140,000 deaths per year (e.g. “Stroke Statistics,” n.d.,

para 1). Anna died in 2007, so I guess Anna was among the unlucky few. But that still did not

make any sense as to why she died. My parents told me that before Anna died, she suddenly

became a vegetarian, and her body started having negative affects by it. They told me that

Anna was not eating healthy, as a good vegetarian should. And according to the Nutrition

Research Center by PhD Vic Shayne (2012), vegetarians who eat unhealthy diets, lose important

nutrients like iron or fats. This can cause major degradation to the body and can lead to

anorexia, common viruses, and even strokes. This is perhaps why Anna died, but still no one has

confirmed it for me. When I asked my parents about this recently, they gave me some vague

answer; they most likely do not want to talk about it, and I respect that. I am not going to dare

to ask my aunt or uncle, because I do not want them to remember such a past. Regardless of

why she died, Anna still had a great impact on me, especially on the development of my

maturity.

I attended a private elementary school, and during the 6th grade, my grade consisted of

only 12 students. By the time I was in the 6th grade, I basically knew everyone in the school and

everyone basically knew me. How did everyone know me you ask? Well, I was hungry to be

known, so I did everything possible to be known. I played on the basketball team for 3 years, I

achieved great grades, and I volunteered myself for every possible event. I even tried to be

funny, and got class clown 3 times in a row. And the crazy thing was that I would boast about

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myself! I remember I would tell my friends that I was funnier than this guy or smarter than this

girl or that my project was way better than that person’s project, when their project was clearly

better than mine. I was an attention whore, an immature kid who wanted everything for

himself.

Why was I this immature, attention seeker you ask? Well it’s simple. I never found

myself adequate enough, so therefore, I craved for the praise of others. I felt like there was this

void within myself that could only be filled with petty success and other’s approval. According

to Psychology Today by Dr. Billi Gordon (2014), excessive attention seeking is a brain wiring

response to early developmental trauma caused by neglect. For example, when newborns see

that their mother does not feed her, he/she will do anything possible to get the attention of the

mother. And if the mother neglects the child even more, the child will try more ways to get

attention, thus developing the belief that one needs to do whatever is necessary to feel

accepted. After thinking about this, I do feel as though my parents did not necessarily neglect

me, but rather, cared for my other siblings more than me. I think this is so, because I was the

middle child, and middle children usually are not given a lot of attention. Perhaps, I felt

neglected, and therefore that turned me into an attention seeker.

Because I was the “popular kid” I hurt so many people physically and emotionally. I

remember two specific events. During one recess, my friends and I were playing basketball. The

game was very competitive, and when the game ended, my team lost. I was pissed off, and

remember getting into an argument with another guy. He started talking smack about how I

lost, so I put him into a head lock until he tapped out. I did this out of spite and to show my

dominance, and the funny thing was that not one faculty member saw me hurt this kid. The

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other incident was with my best friend. We were in class doing a project, when we started

goofing around without the teacher knowing. Now, every teacher I had thought that I was a

good kid, so goofing around wasn’t in my description. We kept fooling around until I mistakenly

laughed incredibly loud. The teacher heard and looked in our direction. She immediately

blamed it on my best friend, but he denied it. When she asked if I made the noise, I denied it. In

our class, we were given green cards for behaving well, yellow cards for being disruptive, or red

cards for doing something absolutely inappropriate. I only had green cards, and did not want a

yellow card so I stood quiet. Because of that, my best friend, who really should not have been

my best friend, took the blame and got himself a yellow card. I was a complete ass-hole if you

asked me.

You might think, “Oh you were just a 6th grader. You did not know better.” Wrong. I

knew that my actions were disrespectful of others and that I had absolutely no sense of

humility. Yet, I did not want to change, because in my head I thought that since I had

accumulated all this power, why throw it away?

Another aspect of my immaturity included me becoming incredibly butt hurt. If

someone told me that I needed to fix this part of my essay or be a little quieter, I would get so

angry in the inside, and not talk to that person for days. I would say to myself, “Are you kidding

me? How dare you talk to me like that! You don’t know anything!”

One time I saw my best friend talking with a girl I liked. I did not think much of it, since

we had our “bro” code, but then I saw him touching her hand. I was like, “Oh hell no. You better

not be breakin the bro code.” Then he started touching her hand more, caressing it like they

were dating and laughing. By that time, I concluded that our friendship was over. I did not talk

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with my best friend for a whole week. The next week, he asked me what was wrong, and I told

him that he was touching the hand of the girl I liked. He started laughing, which almost

instigated my fist in his face, but then he told me that the girl had a cut on her hand, and that

he was just looking at it to make sure she was okay. I did not believe him, so I went to the girl

and sure enough, he was right. I went back to my best friend and apologized, but he just kept

laughing.

A couple months passed with me continuing to be this premature boy when I heard the

news from my aunt that Anna passed away. Initially, after my cousin died on October 7, 2007, I

became devastated. It felt like an unexpected kick to the stomach that made me lie helplessly

on the floor. I remember crying for hours. Can you imagine that? This little kid who thought he

was so tough, yet so vulnerable at the moment. However, after just two days, I told myself to

get over it, but I couldn’t. So I continued to act the same way during school as if nothing major

happened in my life, but when I came home, I became incredibly depressed. This duality in my

life, created enormous stress on me, but I could not make myself change the way I was. There

was no catalyst that jumpstarted my maturity, as if Anna’s death wasn’t enough.

Then, when the end of the year came, and our class was signing yearbooks, a particular

guy wrote something in my yearbook that I will never forget. I quote, “Matt, you are cool and

all, but that doesn’t mean you have to tell the whole world.” And man, that statement again

felt like a kick to the stomach, and all my barriers just dropped. No one had challenged my

authority, and I became utterly shocked. I went home that night and kept thinking about that

statement, and along with the death of Anna; I just could not handle it any longer.

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After I graduated elementary school, and was preparing to be a middle schooler, I

became silent. I took that summer break to really think about who I was and why I lived. Anna’s

death was a wakeup call. The guy who called me out, was a reminder. That summer, you can

say that I was like a monk meditating on my life. I did not talk to anyone, except for my family. I

did not hang out with my friends, watch social media, and play video games. I did, however,

walk around the block a lot, constantly thinking and thinking and thinking. And after a lot of

thinking, I finally came to the realization that Anna was actually dead. Stupid right? After all this

time, now I realize it!? Regardless, I realized that I will never see her again, except maybe in

Heaven, and that I literally lost someone I truly cared about. That realization shocked me, and I

thought, “Wow, I literally only have one life.” My change, I’ll talk about it later, did not

gradually occur. I changed my whole persona in maybe a couple of days. I stopped thinking that

I was the best. I stopped thinking that I was always right. I stopped living a duality of depression

and happiness. I stopped getting butt hurt. Most of all, I stopped being disrespectful. I became

mature.

My maturity comes in three ways: humility, respect, and practicality. As I once loved the

idea of being the best in everything, I now consider myself second. I hate being outspoken

about my accomplishments, and would much rather have my accomplishments said by

someone else. However, if someone says that I shot the game winning goal in soccer, I would

smile, but go into a corner where I wouldn’t be noticed. It is not that I do not like being praised

by other people, but that I just do not want anyone else in the room to feel bad about

themselves. In my opinion, it is absolutely immature to boast about yourself and celebrate

while others are praising you, because in the moment that you fail, you become a

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disappointment. But if you keep your humility, people will not scorn at you when wrong. They

will consider your actions to be admirable regardless of failure. One time during a soccer game,

I missed a wide open shot, but my teammates just told me that it was okay. However, when

this guy, who we all knew was a cocky person, missed his wide open shot, people shook their

heads and became angry at him.

I respect people now and in a genuine way. Prior, I either disregarded the person or

pretended that I respected that person. I consider anyone who is older than me someone

whom I can learn from. Regardless of whether they are annoying or not, I respect them because

they are of a greater age. I do not and will not talk back to anyone, because talking back only

means that I want to be dominant, which is not my goal. I also do not bash on people’s

opinions. Even though I may disagree with them, I honestly love hearing opposing views,

because different perspectives are good. I respect people, and they respect me: a win-win

situation.

Because I realized that I only have one life, my mentality on my actions have changed. I

do not go around, drinking all day and having the partying life, because I actually value my

health. I do not find alcohol, drugs, or any narcotic practical in any life situation. I will only do

things, outside of the classroom, that are practical. And you might say, “You’re in college! Just

live a little bit. Have some fun.” Well my fun is hanging out with friends or playing sports. I do

not need silly things like drugs or video games to make me have a fun night. In a more real life

situation, my practical mindset has enabled me to be more disciplined and hardworking,

because I value school or a job to be great facets in life. I want to succeed, and I will only do the

things that I think will make me successful.

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These three qualities encompass my maturity today. Obviously, I would not have

become this person if it wasn’t for the death of my cousin. Even though, her passing is sad, I

thank her for changing me into a better person than I was before.

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References

Facts about STROKE. (n.d.). Illinois Department of Public Health. Retrieved November 11, 2015,

from http://www.idph.state.il.us/about/womenshealth/factsheets/stroke.htm

Gordon, B. (2014, November 4). Excessive Attention Seeking and Drama Addiction. Retrieved

November 11, 2015, from

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/obesely-speaking/201411/excessive-

attention-seeking-and-drama-addiction

Shayne, V. (2012, September 11). How you can get sick and die on a vegetarian diet. Retrieved

November 11, 2015, from http://nutritionresearchcenter.org/healthnews/how-you-

can-get-sick-and-die-on-a-vegetarian-diet/

The Internet Stroke Center. (n.d.). Retrieved November 11, 2015, from

http://www.strokecenter.org/patients/about-stroke/stroke-statistics/

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