· Web viewHoward was commuting back home after a long day in the London office. He was on the train, and as he had a well-paid job in the city he always travelled First class. Howard

BEWARE MAKING HASTY

ASSUMPTIONS

5

Beware Making Hasty Assumptions Jon Lavelle

54 BEWARE MAKING HASTY ASSUMPTIONSThis case is in two parts.

Part OneHoward was commuting back home after a long day in the London office. He was on the train, and as he had a well-paid job in the city he always travelled First class. The train was crowded as usual, and Howard could see people standing in the aisles and doorway in the Second class carriages. Thankfully, his First class carriage was only half full and the glass electronic doors kept the ‘riff raff’ (as he regarded them) out! He was able to read his newspaper in peace, and once the train left London he was able to watch the beautiful Surrey and Sussex countryside slip by.

Half way through the journey, the train made a scheduled stop.

The electronic doors opened and a scruffily dressed man of about 35 years of age entered the first class carriage, clutching 4 cans of strong lager. He plonked himself down on one of the empty chairs opened a can and proceeded to slurp noisily from it.

Howard was horrified, but did not dare say anything. What he did do however, was to exchange several disapproving glances with other passengers in the carriage signalling non-verbally ‘What on earth are we to do about this?’ ‘How has he the nerve to come in here and sit in our carriage, drinking like an animal?’

Some fellow passengers appeared to be equally perturbed and visibly disapproving, but nobody said anything. It was the typical British ‘suffer in silence’ trait playing out before them, whilst Howard increasingly steamed in irritation. He pretended to read his newspaper but the words were just

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not registering as the man had now taken his shoes off and put his feet on the chair in front of him.

Then, to Howard’s delight, he saw the train guard making his way through the Second class carriage, towards them, checking each passenger’s ticket along the way.‘Ah-ha!’ thought Howard, now he’s going to get found out and ejected from the carriage, with his lager and no doubt smelly shoes, so I don’t need to do anything or make a fuss. It will all be resolved within a couple of minutes.

On entering the carriage, the train guard did not ask to see the tickets of the people immediately in front of him, but instead homed in on the guy with the lager cans…

Train Guard ‘Sir, may I see your ticket please?’

Passenger ‘Certainly – here you go.’

The passenger handed over a valid First class ticket, together with the receipt matching a credit card in his own name.

Train Guard ‘Thank you sir, enjoy the rest of your journey.’

Passenger ‘By the way, is it okay to put my feet on the opposite seat?’

Train Guard ‘Yes sir, just so long as you are not wearing shoes. As you have socks on it’s no different than you sitting down on that seat wearing trousers. Obviously, if we get full then you will need to take your feet off the seat.’

Passenger ‘Of course, I fully understand.’

The train guard then proceeded to check the tickets of the other six passengers in the carriage, all had valid tickets, but one person at least, Howard, was fuming with indignation.

Part Two



Adam was returning home after a day at a farm show. He was dressed appropriately for someone who had spent a day at a country fair, though he was neither muddy nor dishevelled.

Adam had rich parents and like the passengers in part 1 of this case, he could afford to travel First class.

He boarded the train to find it over-capacity with people standing, however, as he had a First class ticket he could see that there would be no problem in getting a seat in that carriage.

On entering the carriage, because he is a very polite person, he enquired of a gentleman sat at a table if the seat opposite was taken, and if not, could he sit down.

Passenger ‘Yes, but only if you have a First class ticket.’

Adam ‘Yes I do.’

Passenger ‘Okay, then show it to me.’

Adam [Now feeling affronted and in an indignant tone…]

‘Here – look!.’

Passenger ‘Hmmm – perhaps you can sit down then.’

Adam ‘Perhaps? I have every right to sit here, but thanks all the same for being so magnanimous!’

‘Now perhaps you would be so good as to show my your First class ticket.’

Passenger ‘I’ve no intention of showing you my ticket, and what on earth gives you the right to demand to see it?’

Adam ‘It works both ways sir; you insisted on seeing my ticket. Perhaps you are the one who has something to hide.’

Passenger ‘I’ve got nothing to hide and that’s the end of the matter.’

Adam [Now raising his voice several decibels]

‘OK, though I wonder what our fellow passengers might interpret from this interchange and your apparent inability



to show a valid ticket to travel in this compartment. I imagine you might now be feeling quite embarrassed. I hope your evening improves from here; I’m really enjoying seeing you squirm.’

INSIGHTS AND LEARNINGHave you ever fallen victim to making ill-thought-out, quick assumptions?

The answer, before you spend too long thinking about it, is ‘yes’.

We all do it, so don’t deny it.

When you see someone who is not quite ‘dressed for the occasion’, do you notice them more than other people at the event, and in a negative rather than a positive or refreshing sense?If you see a man bent double being sick in a road drain do you think he’s a worthless, uncontrollable drunk or drug addict, or could it be that he’s a company director suffering from food poisoning from the restaurant with clients a couple of hours before?

If you see someone jumping the barriers at the train station do you automatically think he’s a fare dodger, or could he be a plain-clothes railway inspector or policeman chasing a villain?

If someone takes their shoes off on a train, or anywhere else for that matter, does it automatically mean they have smelly feet – as was inferred by Howard? In psychological jargon this is referred to as ‘inference-observation confusion’ – jumping to a conclusion with insufficient evidence; thinking that because A exists it must mean B.

It’s a hackneyed and too-often repeated expression, but it bears reiterating here because it’s still relevant today… ‘when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME.’

Getting back to part one…



Beware rushing to judgement – the point has been made above, and it’s easy to say, but incredibly difficult not to fall prey to this human trait.

You just have to raise your awareness of what you are doing to yourself, and apply a degree of emotional intelligence. One way of doing the former is to metaphorically lift yourself out of the present situation and try to look at it objectively and unemotionally. As I say, hard to do, but not impossible if you have the determination to seek the truth, the wisdom and the presence of mind in the moment.

Be your own critic and challenge yourself about why you’re making snap, possibly or probably inaccurate judgements based on very limited information.

I bet you don't or won’t do this; I bet you won’t check yourself. Why, because you are in your own head not in someone else’s, you can’t see the ‘wood for the trees’, you are too deep into your own mind, your own prior experiences and your own limiting prejudices.

I know few people who can do this successfully, but every person I am thinking of as I write this is, on the whole, successful.

Ask yourself now, lifting yourself out of your own head for a moment, in part one of this case, who else made unwarranted assumptions?

Yes, the train guard, as he went directly to the person whom he thought had no right to be in the First class carriage. And let’s not forget the other silent passengers who registered their displeasure and disapproval by exchanging disapproving looks with their fellow passengers. So, pretty much everyone in that carriage came to the wrong, ill-conceived conclusion.

And what about the supposedly ‘smelly feet’?



Well they were not smelly, as Howard later admitted when he recounted the story. He did however admit to assuming they would be smelly, simply because of what he saw, not what he smelt. A clear case of psychological bias and prejudice distorting reality, to the point where it confuses the viewer, listener, taster, or person sniffing the air, that what did not happen, really did.

Don’t beat yourself up - learn – Howard was left fuming and incredulous by what happened. However, he should look to himself rather than what had happened around him. He needs to learn that he is not ‘all important’ nor ‘better’ than the general public, but at the same time he should learn to laugh a little, especially at himself.

It might be healthy for him to go home to his wife, partner, kids, friends in the pub or whomever, and tell them about the ‘funny’ incident that occurred on the train, and how he has learned not to make hasty, clearly inaccurate conclusions.

As it happened, the incident ruined his evening, his wife accused him of being grumpy, and he went to bed feeling angry and disturbed.

When you challenge – be prepared for pushback – negotiating involves questions and answers, thrust and parry, challenge and counter-challenge, even accusations and counter-accusations.

Hopefully the vast majority of your professional negotiations are convivial. That said, they can on occasion become tense and challenging and… here’s a ‘shock revelation’… not everyone is entirely honest – including, on occasion, you… if you are honest about your dishonesty!

If you are sure of your ground then of course you should challenge your counter-party. Just be careful you’re not standing on quick sand or in a swamp, or you will quickly become swamped, dis-armoured and be left high and dry (or low and wet).



If you are very sure and confident of your position then go for it. If not, then tread carefully, because if your challenge is successfully toppled then you are left weaker than you were before you confronted the other party; you’ve played what you thought was a winning card and lost the hand. Not only are the facts re-positioned against you, you also suffer the weaker position of having to either apologise and/or retreat. Not great from a negotiation stance.

HOW CAN I USE THIS?Most of this is obvious from reading the previous section, though in summary:

1. Get out of your own small, insular, prejudiced, pre-conceived world. You can do this by adopting what are called ‘second’ and ‘third’ position perspectives.

First position is you and your thoughts, feelings and position. It’s difficult to get yourself out of your own skin and brain, but you must do this often if you want to be successful.

Second position is about genuinely looking at the situation from the ‘eyes, ears and feelings’ of the counter party. If you can genuinely do this then great, you will be well on your way to devising a mutual win-win solution between you and the other party, because you will have a better understanding of their position, their needs and wants. However, can you go to 3rd position?

Third position is about taking a logical, dispassionate view of the situation from an imaginary person who happens to be passing by, looking in on the situation, with no emotional or tangible interest in what happens now or as a result. If you can go to, and reflect on third



position, then you’re putting yourself in the top 1% of successful negotiators.

2. Consider the ‘mighty’ that have fallen Who do you know that rose to a significant position in an organisation, only to be humiliated and struck down by their own hubris, stupidity or external circumstances?

We can all think of at least two people, I can immediately think of six, some in the public eye and some whom I know personally. Nobody is indispensible, nobody is so ‘above it all’ that others have to cave in and cower before him or her. The CEO in the lifeboat is no more important than anyone else in a shipwreck. In fact some CEO’s have caused metaphorical shipwrecks in their own organisations.

3. Get your facts straightLogic is a powerful negotiation tool; it is difficult if not impossible to argue with – when it is accurate, valid and relevant. Equally, the flawed logic of making assumptions makes you look crass, unprepared and frankly stupid.

Get it right for goodness sake!

Whilst this is copyrighted material, the author gives permission for it to be freely disseminated in either electronic or hard copy format, provided it is not edited, re-branded or sold, and the author (Jon Lavelle) and original source (www.negotiation-hub.uk) is acknowledged.

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· Web viewHoward was commuting back home after a long day in the London office. He was on the train, and as he had a well-paid job in the city he always travelled First class. Howard