Professional Writing Test #1

Oct. 19 2017

Make the following sentences parallel (or just fix them):

1. If you don't do that assignment, you could get a zero, fail this course,

flunk out of school. (“Fail this course” should come before “flunk out of

school” — it’s less extreme.)

2. She is not only very intelligent, she is also quite street smart. (Parallelism

requires phrases to match in separate parts of a sentence. The problem

here is with the phrase “she is,” which was altered incorrectly to “she

also is.” “She is also” is better. Even better would be to say “She is very

intelligent and quite street smart.”)

3. I got the ingredients from the store, cooked them up, and then served

them to my guests. (Stick with the same verb tense. Don't shift from past

— “got”; “cooked — to present — “I am serving.”)

4. Jocelyn has flunked almost every class she’s ever taken here. (If Jocelyn

has a lot of “F”s — and the report card I put on the board said she did —

then it has to be “flunked almost,” rather than “almost flunked,” which

would mean that she presumably got “D”s instead.)

5. Albert felt pity for the old cat that was dragging a broken leg around.

(Switch the first and second parts of this sentence, but be sure to add the

restrictive clause to identify the cat.)

Use who or whom (or whoever/whomever) in the following sentences:

1. ______Who______ wrote this book?

2. ______Who______ are you going to recommend?

3. There will be a prize awarded to _______whoever______ finishes first.

Remember: “There will be a prize awarded to HIM. HE finishes first. HE +

HIM = “whoever.”

4. It doesn't look like this is the right address. _____Whom___________ did

you ask for directions?

5. We have two extra tickets for the concert. ____Who______ wants to go

with us?

6. It wasn't me! I have no idea __who________ left the oven on.

7. I’ll be happy to help ____whoever__________ needs extra assistance.

Remember: “I’ll be happy to help HIM. HE needs extra assistance. HE +

HIM = “whoever.”

8. I will ride with __whomever_________ I choose.

Remember: “I will ride with HIM. I choose HIM. HIM + HIM = “whomever.”

9. Do you remember ___who______ received the Academy Award for best

actress that year? Was it Nicole Kidman?

10. That's the professor ___who____ spent 10 years living with the Pyg-

mies in Central Africa.

11. _____whoever_________ wrote the story did an excellent job.

Remember: “HE wrote the story. HE did an excellent job. HE + HE = “who-

ever.”

12. She's the actress ___whom____ he so vividly describes in his scan-

dalous new book.

Punctuate the following sentences correctly (if necessary):

1. Slippery, treacherous roads are common after a big snowfall. (coordinate

adjectives = comma)

2. She always wears pink cashmere sweaters in the winter. (non-coordinate

adjectives = no comma)

3. I was running late and forgot my briefcase. (Correct)

4. You did part of this test correctly; however, you skipped a whole section.

(Conjunctive adverbs like “however” and “consequently” must be preceded

by a semicolon and followed by a comma.)

5. How can it be that he is so smart, and yet he can’t tie his own shoes?

(two independent clauses = comma)

6. Your grade has risen to a “C”; consequently, you are eligible to partici-

pate in after school activities.

(Same rule as #4)

Active or passive voice?

1. The defective socks were returned to the store by irate customers. P

2. She yanked the dog’s leash to get him out the door. A

3. I don't understand this new rule. A

4. They were all fired by the new CEO. P

5. “You can't judge a book by its cover” is something people always say. P

(If it read, “People always say, ‘You can’t judge a book by its cover,” then

it would be active.)

6. You got smacked around by the new tennis coach, I see. P (If it read,

“The new tennis coach smacked you around,” it would be active.)

7. Mr. Hartwell screamed, “Pull up your pants, or let them fall and just give

up!” A

8. The newspaper was tossed into the bushes by the careless paper car-

rier. P

9. Minnesota defeated Green Bay in a closely fought game. A

10. Our best-laid plans often go astray. A

Make corrections (spelling, punctuation, whatever) to the following passage:

The best teacher I ever had was my eighth-grade history instructor, Mr.

Parchesi. He always used to dress up as famous characters from the past,

like Benjamin Franklin, or Susan B. Anthony, or Bill Clinton. He said that

was because his father beat him as a child when he asked for an Abraham

Lincoln costume. I’m not sure whether that was true, though; you never

could tell with the “Cheese Man,” as we used to call him.

He said life in the nineteenth century was better because back then you

could still horsewhip someone who disagreed with you. One boy objected

to this. “How can you advocate violence?” he asked. Parchesi said, “When

I look at you, it’s easy.” Old Parchesi. What a card.

One day, we all gasped as Mr. Parchesi took out a thick green cigar and lit

it. “This is why the old days were better,” he said. Then the sprinklers went

off, and we all got soaked. He would always do this sort of thing: surprise

us with some prop, laugh at our discomfort, and then explain why he did it.

Mr. Parchesi had a lot of favorite sayings, and each one would supersede

the last. One of them was from Clint Eastwood: “A man’s got to know his

limitations.” He also used to quote Shakespeare — at least he said it was

Shakespeare — who he said once stated, “So the question is, punk, ‘Do

you feel lucky?’”

The best classes were the ones where Mr. Parchesi would line us up in

front of the class and throw softballs at us. He said he was preparing us for

softball questions. Only a few kids got hurt, and only one of them was in-

jured seriously.

One morning we came into class, and the lights were all turned out. We all

took our seats because occasionally Mr. Parchesi would pull a stunt like

this. If someone complained, he would say, “Whoever complains about

something like this is the kind of person who would beat and rob your

grandmother to pay for a Clark bar.” Anyway, we sat down. The next thing

we knew, we heard Parchesi’s voice saying, “Stay calm, students. Stay

calm.” We just kept sitting there and the voice kept repeating “Stay calm.”

That went on for the whole class, but no one got up and left. Around the

half-hour mark a couple of kids started crying softly. And one student peed

at her desk, which was embarrassing. That was it, though. I guess he had

us spooked.

We never did find out what happened to Mr. Parchesi. Some people, of

course, said he snapped. Others said he was fired and rigged up the room

as revenge. He could be a subtle bastard, old Parchesi, although that was

hard to imagine when you saw him dressed up like, say, the Unabomber.

Well, I don't mind saying that I still miss him. When I think of Mr. Parchesi, I

always remember that quote from the movie Back to School, the one from

Rodney Dangerfield: “Good teacher. He really seems to care. About what, I

have no idea.”