We Meet Again

7/28/2019 We Meet Again

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Were six months into what some people like to call a new Millennium.

Thats not true. The actual Millennium starts in 2001, but who can

blame people for making a big deal out of nothing. Mortals are likethat.

I am sitting inside a fancy restaurant waiting patiently for Cordelia to

get here so she can introduce me to her latest beau. He is anexecutive who happens to be about twenty years older than she is.

She asked me if I thought that was too old and I simply stared at her,wondering if she realized that I was two hundred and twenty years

older than Buffy. Give or take a few. Im not exactly in a position topresent an unbiased opinion about the matter.

Preparing for Cordelia and her dates always means that I have to

drink my edge away. Shes made it pretty clear by now that I am toarrive at the restaurant at least an hour early and drink. Steadily. So,

thats how I happen to be here when Buffy walks in. Im about three

sheets to the wind and I hear her laughter, tinkling like china, as someboy opens a door for her. She steps in and wraps an arm around his

waist and I swallow hard.

This cant be good.

An older man steps in behind them and I figure its her father. I can

hear him say that they have a reservation for Summers and then some

anxious waiter leads them to a table. I can see the way the waitereyes Buffy up and down and Im tempted to stick out my foot to trip

him. I lift a menu as she sails past me and the same perfume shealways wore lingers on the air, threatening to take me back to a place

and time I could never be drunk enough to survive again. At the table,the waiter, her father and the boy all reach to pull her chair out and

she giggles a little before she takes a seat. And of course, it still

effects me to no end.

She looks good. Her hair is all put up and shes wearing a long dress

with thin straps that reminds me of the shirt she wore the first time we

made love. From where I am sitting, I can hear their conversation and
mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]


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just make out her profile since she almost has her back to me. Theboy orders wine, her father orders scotch on the rocks and Buffy asks

for a coke. Shes polite and shes very aware of the waiters gaze onher. So it her date, who keeps an eye on the boy until he turns and

walks away.

I smile when she makes a big deal about the fact that she actually hasa license now. Shes animated when she talks, her hands flutter all

over the place and shes still just as beautiful as a dream. There are

candles lit all over the place and her skin is a deep tan color. Summerhas been kind to her. I watch her run her fingers over her hair and

excuse herself and I quickly pull the menu back up to hide my face.

Theres her perfume again. She walks right past me and I have to fight

myself to keep from reaching out and taking her hand. When I know

shes gone, I glance back at the table and listen to what the men aretalking about.

"So, Riley," Mr. Summers leans across the table and watches the boy

intently. "Buffy tells me that youre a grad student at the Universityand youre majoring in psychology?"

"Yes, sir." Riley, what kind of name is that, grins at him and nods.

"Psychology has always been interesting to me and UC-Sunnydale hasan impressive course."

"So, you want to what? Be a doctor?"

"I want to be a child psychologist. Ive always wanted to work withchildren and make a difference in their lives." The boy changes his

position in his chair and stands up. I realize that Buffy is coming backand look the other way until she gets past me. Then I glance back and

see that this guy apparently has good manners because he doesnt sit

until she does and he has guided her chair back under the table.

Mr. Summers turns his attention toward Buffy and says, "How are you

enjoying your break from school?"

"Im not taking a break." She replies, putting her napkin in her lap. "Iwant to get a head start on credits and knock out a couple of the

harder classes so I wont have to tackle those next semester."

"I didnt know that." Her dad shakes his head and takes his drink fromthe waiter, who is now asking what they want for dinner.


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They say theyre waiting for someone else before they order and thenstart talking again. The subjects roam from school to vehicles and then

back to the boy, who says he is from Iowa. Hes teaching a summerclass so he stayed in Sunnydale. Im sure thats not the only reason.

From where Im sitting I can see Buffy pat his leg reassuringly and he

laces his fingers through hers under the table.

I order another drink.

The man tells Riley to call him Hank and then tells a few stories about

Buffys childhood and they laugh. Buffy blushes prettily and deniesalmost everything her father tells about her. It takes me a second to

realize that Im watching something that I often dreamed ofparticipating in. I wanted to be the man next to her, listening to her

parents dote on her, laughing at the tales, and most of all, have her

next to me through it all.

But its not that way. For a while, I fooled myself into believing it was

destined, but it isnt and it never can be.

So, I find my gaze wondering to the young man who is living mydream. Hes big. His shoulders are broad, his arms look strong and he

does not seem intimidated by Hank Summers. His hair is light. Its not

as light as hers but it has been sun kissed, something that makes mesuddenly picture them picnicking in a park someplace, the sun shining

warmly on their lunch. He speaks about topics such as politics and

overseas trade with insight, which makes me think he pays attentionto the world around him. Im impressed and I can see that Hank

Summers is as well, because he says something about finally meetinga young man of Buffys with his head on straight.

I cant help the surge of jealousy that rushes through me at theimplication that he has met other boys that Buffy has dated. And that

this Riley Finn is her young man. I know I have no right. I left her for

this. I left her for this normalcy, this dinner with her father with a manwho can taste the food. I have no right, but I do it. I cringe when she

touches him. I stiffen when I see his hand on her knee and I twist andturn inside when she brushes his hair off his forehead and kisses his

cheek.

I cant do this. Id rather survive a thousand years in Hell again thanthis. I move out of my seat and walk around a large flower

arrangement, heading for the door. Im in the process of paying my

bill when Cordelia walks in and grabs my arm. I try so hard to mumble


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something that resembles a feasible excuse, but she grips me in amassive hug and tells me how good it is to have me there. I hug her a

little and pat her back, eyeing Buffys table cautiously.

Cordy loops her arm through mine and says, "Ive told him that you

are my boss and best friend, so it isnt a stretch. He thinks you aretwenty-eight and from a long line of detectives. He doesnt need toknow that if that were true, the line would be dead with your

generation since you killed everyone."

Im used to her ability to say the most inappropriate thing possible,but with Buffy only a few feet from me, its hard to take. "I dont think

I should stay. I forgot that I have"

"Angel, you have to stay." She squeezes my arms and her eyes growround. "He has family members meeting him here and I cant face that

alone. I have no other family except you."

Dammit. That hits me in the gut and I cant help but smile at her andgive in. If Buffy sees me, she sees me. I cant let Cordy down when

she has given so much of herself to me in the past few months. Iswallow, wishing I could have had more to drink and follow her to the

podium to request a table.

Cordy clears her throat and smiles sweetly at the hostess. "Hello. Myparty had reservations. Summers. Howard Summers."

My stomach suddenly twists and my knees feel weak. Howard Hank

Summers is the man that she wants me to meet. And in doing so, Iwill have to meet Buffy and her boyfriend face to face. I have two

options. Run or run faster. I turn to go, but Cordys hand latches ontome and she begins walking rapidly.

I find myself pulled along and my eyes fix on Buffys back. It feels like

my vision has tunneled onto nothing but her. As we draw closer, I seeher profile and watch her sit her glass on the table slowly. She

swallows and exhales a little and I know that she is aware of my

approach. Im actually surprised that she didnt pick out the vampire inthe room right off the bat. I see her eyes close briefly and she lowers

her head like shes saying a prayer and then her gaze finds me, hereyes lock on mine and I want to stake myself.

The look she gives me screams how unwelcome I am.


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Hank Summers stands and embraces Cordelia and Buffy looks awayfrom me at the woman her father is greeting. Then Hank turns

Cordelia to face Buffy and both girls look like mirror images, one dark,one light, but both too stunned to control their jaw muscles. Mouths

agape, they both point and say, "You!"

Buffy is able to form a complete sentence first and she stands."Cordelia Chase, what in the hell do you think you are doing with my

father?"

"Oh, eww! Your father? Do you think I would date anyone whopossesses genes to create a Sla-- er slut?"

"Stop that!" Hank looks from one to the other and intervenes as Buffy

starts toward Cordelia with clenched fists. "I take it you two know oneanother?"

"Know her?" Buffy sneers. "I went to school with her where she made

me miserable on a daily basis.""

"You were Buffys teacher?" Hank asks, searching Cordys face.

"Teacher?" Buffy exclaims, putting a hand over her mouth. "Shes myage, dad. She was my peer. Only, not mentally."

Now its Hanks turn to look perplexed and he stares at Cordelia. "Youtold me you were twenty-six."

"Oops? I thought you knew." Cordy smiles weakly.

Riley clears his throat and gets to his feet, putting a hand on Buffys

shoulder. I watch him reach around her and extend a hand towardCordelia. "Hello, Im Riley Finn."

Cordy takes it and nods. "Cordelia Chase and this is my boss, Angel."

The boy turns to me and smiles, then his smile fades and he pulls hishand away before I can shake it. He takes a step back and Buffy looks

at me again, telling me what I already know with her eyes. Riley

knows all about her vampire lover. He knows all about the man namedAngel who promised her he would never leave her and did. My gaze

travels back to him and I take in the firm set of his jaw and his glare


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tells me that he also knows that I am responsible for the scar onBuffys neck, the one she is massaging right now.

It takes me several seconds to notice Hanks hand in front of me and I

shake it firmly, forcing myself to tell him how nice it is to meet him. He

looks as bad as I feel and motions us to sit down. "Well, this iscertainly not the way I had planned this. Lets all just have a seat."

"Thats what happens when you rob the cradle." Buffy announces, hertone sharp and she drops into her chair. Riley moves to sit beside her,

smoothing his tie as he does so.

"You should talk." Cordelia growls, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You wrote the book on older men."

Hank stares at Buffy. "Older men?"

Buffy shakes her head and looks away, clearly not about to engage in

that topic. Her attention turns to her boyfriend and she sayssomething about leaving. Riley nods and pulls her chair out for her,

but Hank points his finger at her, telling her to stay put. I tune them

out and stare at Riley, who is watching me with a look on his face thatmakes me think of that old saying, if looks could kill. I dont have to

imagine whats going on in his head.

I should probably look away, but theres a part of me that wants to lethim know loud and clear that he doesnt intimidate me. Sure, he has

her now, but that doesnt erase what we had. He cocks one of hiseyebrows and I cock mine. Im baiting him. I know thats what Im

doing. Even as I feel the right side of my mouth draw up in a smirk, Iknow that Im doing it deliberately. Buffy is preoccupied with informing

his father that Cordelia is a gold digger and she doesnt notice. I lick

my lips and let my eyes wash over Buffy, lingering on her chest,knowing that hes watching my everyone move.

The boy blinks and lays his hand on Buffys shoulder, telling her to

calm down when her voice rises. I tell myself that he had to break theeye contact, not that hes concerned about her demeanor. I should be

ashamed of myself for enjoying his discomfort. I know I should be. Ileft her for this and its my fault that hes here, but damn, seeing him

grind his jaw and look ready to leap up and hit me is so refreshing.

Thats the only word I can think of. Refreshing. He may be able to go


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And I go home.

I avoid my kitchen when I walk down into my apartment. Way too

many memories there and I also avoid the bedroom. The liquor hasgot me feeling a little woozy and, as I stagger toward my sofa, I bump

into the punching bag that hangs from the ceiling. I shove it away

from me and it comes back. Suddenly its him. Its Riley Finn with hispiercing blue eyes and tight jaw that begs to be broken. Its Riley Finn

with his light, untamed hair and broad shoulders.

I throw my bottle of Jack Daniels against the wall and I hit the bag. I

hit Riley and in my minds eye, I can hear him begging me to stop.

Begging me not to kill him. I play out this conversation where I tellhim that he has no right to touch whats mine and he comes back by

telling me that I left her. Its my fault. Then its not Riley that I amwarring with. Its my conscience and my soul and the pain. I kick the

bag as hard as I can and punch until my knuckles bleed.

How dare it hurt this much!

"Angel!"

I hear her voice scream at me. I hear it, but I assume its just another

cruel joke at my expense. I hit the bag again, driving my fist through

the thick fabric and it shatters, spilling the bean filling all over the floorand peeling the skin away from my hand. "Dammit!"

"Angel, are you okay?" I hear heels clacking and turn to see Buffycoming down the stairs into my apartment. He hair is down now,

curling around her shoulders and curving over the swells of her

breasts. She pauses, drops her purse and rushes to me, gathering myhand in hers. "What did you do?"

I cant seem to remember what I did. I stare at her face, watch her

cringe when she applies pressure to the gash, and I cant remember

anything except the taste of her lips. She glances up at me, her eyesswollen from crying, and reality hits me. "What are you doing here?"

She shakes her head and says, "Wheres your bathroom? We need toget this cleaned up."

I pull my hand away and glance at it. It does look bad. I pull off my


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shirt and wrap it around it instead of letting her tend to it though. Idont think I can take that. "Its fine. What are you doing here?"

She sighs, glances at the blood on her hands and turns to go into the

kitchen. I wonder if she realizes how good it is to see her here again.

No, she cant realize that. She doesnt know. I follow her and hand hera towel when she has finished washing my blood off her hands. Shetakes it and scrubs at her hands, a little too vigorously. "Buffy?"

Her silence is very unnerving and the way she is studying her hands is

even worse. Finally, she lays the towel aside, but she keeps staring ather hands. "Your blood washed off of me, Angel. But no matter what I

do, no matter how I try, I cant wash you out of me. Ive tried to cryyou out and youre always there." Buffy looks up at me and I get to

see how red and angry her face is. "You dont have a right to still be

there!"

"I know." My voice is barely above a whisper and I nod at her and

repeat it. "I know."

"If you know then make me hate you! Make me hate you so I canleave you!" Her lips tremble and I take a step toward her.

"Is that what you need? You need me to lie to you, hurt you?"

"Youve hurt me enough. You brought me to life and killed me so many

times that I do hate you!" She yells it at me and then her eyes widenand she gasps. "I dont mean that."

"Its okay. Get it out, Buffy. Scream at me if thats what you need."

"What I need? I need you." She flings herself into my arms and buriesher face against my bare chest. "I cant hate you. I never could. Even

when it hurt so bad I couldnt breath, I never stopped needing you."

"Shh." I dont know what to say. I cant say anything at all. The feel ofher body pressed flush against mine is too powerful. Its speaking for

us so the silence is not uncomfortable. I cling to her, burying my facein the top of her hair. Its soft, just like she is, just like she always has

been.

I hear her sniffling and grab a paper towel. As she takes it, I step backand lean against the sink, crossing my arms. If I dont do something

with them, theyll go around her again and I wont be able to stop


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myself. Ill lift her up, take her to bed, and wash away every ounce ofher pain with our sweat. And I could too. She doesnt know that my

soul is permanent. She doesnt know that the Oracles thought so muchof my character that they didnt curse me, they simply returned my

soul forever when they changed me back into a vampire.

"Youre pathetic." She tells me suddenly, pulling me from mythoughts. "My soul mate has lived over two hundred years and has

had a million life experiences and Ive only had a handful. That makes

it ridiculous that I am the only one with the sense to realize that it canwork with us. So, you go ahead and stand there with nothing to say

and nothing to do and Ill walk out on you the same way you did me."

For a second, Im too stunned by her words to move, then she brushes

past me and I catch her around the waist. She struggles against me,

trying to break loose, but I slam her into the refrigerator and pin herhands. Im so angry. Angry with her, angry at fate and angry at him-.

"At least Im not the one living a lie with a life-size Ken doll."

"You dont know a thing about Riley. Hes the reason Im here. Wefought, Angel, about you and everything he said was true. I am still in

love with you." She struggles briefly and then stops and glares up atme. "And I was living the lie that you convinced me I needed."

"Did you sleep with him?" I have no right to ask it, but there it is.

Her eyes widen and then narrow. "Yes. I slept with him! Dont youremember telling me that I needed a man who could make love to me?You made it seem so damned important to a working relationship that

I rushed right into it. Isnt that what you wanted? Isnt that normal?"

She struggles again and I lean my lower body against hers, pressing

against her groin. "I thought thats what I wanted until I saw that he

was real. When he didnt have a face, it was better."

"And thats my fault?" Buffy snaps, but relaxes against me.

"Its no ones fault." I say and let go of her wrists. I dont move awaythough, I cant. "Its just the way it is."

"I dont want it the way it is." Her eyes roam my chest and I feel herrun her foot up the outside of my leg. "I want it how it can never be."


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Its the can never be part that does me in. I plunge my hands intoher hair and kiss her. I taste her lips, her tongue and feel her breath

against my face. I want to show her that it can be and beg her to let itbe. For her, for me, for our past. My hands go around her waist and I

lift her up and she wraps her legs around me. God, shes so light, so

tiny in my arms and yet so much of everything I need. It dawns on methat it happened this same way last time, but I dont lie her back on

the table. It would only break again anyway. Im not a greatrepairman and I didnt have the heart to throw it away. Instead, I

carry her to the bed and sit on the edge, with her in my lap and her

legs still around me.

Her hands are in my hair, holding me to her and I feel her tears run

over our joined lips. I pull back, tasting the salt and shake my head ather. "Dont. Baby, please dont cry."

She glances at the bed and starts to stand. "We cant, Angel. You

shouldnt have brought me in here."

I wont let her go. I hold her around the waist and kiss her neck. "We

can. I cant tell you how or why right now, Buffy. But there is no curseon me anymore. I can make love to you."

"What? How?"

"Shh, it doesnt matter."

"How long have you known?"

"Its not important." I tell her, even though I know that to her, its

probably the most important thing she has ever asked.

"How can you be sure?"

I sigh and look up at her. "Do you honestly think I would risk it if I

wasnt?"

She shakes her head no and I move to kiss her again, but she pushesme away and gives me a look. "You promise youll tell me?"

"Yes." And I will tell her. I will tell her about becoming human and how

good it felt to think that I had a chance at a life with her. I will tell herhow I gave it all back and clung to her as the clock counted down the


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final seconds of every dream we had ever shared. But for now, fornow, I have to show her.

I silence her with a kiss and slide the zipper on the back of her dress

down. The material is smooth, silky, and the softest thing Ive felt in a

long time. Then I slide the straps down, exposing her flesh, and forgetabout her dress. Shes softer. I push the straps down, past her elbows,and watch as she pulls her arms free. Her breasts are confined in a

strapless bra and I quickly unhinge the front clasp and watch,

mesmerized, as it pops open and she spills out of it.

Her breathing has gotten faster now and I can feel her heart thumping

against her chest when I lower my head and tug one of her nipplesinto my mouth. She smells like vanilla and baby powder and her skin

is sweet. I work her flesh with my tongue until it is a taut bud and

then move to the other.

She moans my name and stands up. I want to protest, but she smiles

at me and lets her dress drop around her ankles. Her panties are white

and lacy and I can see her dark hair through the front of them. Sayingnothing, I hook my fingers on the waistband and slide them over her

slim hips and down her toned thighs. I have to lean forward to shovethem to the floor, and as I start to sit back up, I find myself at eye

level with her sex. I stroke her leg and place a light kiss on her course

curls, then slip a hand between her legs, urging her to open them.Buffy complies and I grin up at her before I slip off the bed and kneel

in front of her.

I tease her unmercifully, just kissing her enough to make her beg formore, but not enough to do her in. Finally, after a few minutes, she

drags me to my feet and unbuckles my belt. I kick off my shoes andfind myself shoved backwards on the bed and she is tugging my pants

off. Then shes moving over me and I have to stop her from impalingherself on my cock. I dont want it this way. I flip us and stare down at

her face. "Buffy, I love you."

"I know." She kisses me softly and her eyes well with tears again. "Ilove you too."

I catch the wetness with my thumb and slide into her, slowly burying

myself inside of her. For a few seconds, neither of us move and neitherof us blink, then she slides her hands over my back and presses her

hips up against mine. I pull back and move a hand between us,

caressing her as she caresses me and I feel her tighten around me,


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and her back arches up as she comes. Satisfied, I kiss her neck, hermouth, her nose and make love to her the way I have dreamed about

for years.

Shes so responsive, every thrust, every brush of my hand or nip with

my mouth causes her to moan out or hiss my name. And her voice isdeeper, huskier than I can remember ever hearing it. I take my time,enjoying her warmth and wetness, not in any hurry to join her in

climax yet. Shes beautiful beneath me, with her hair fanned across

the pillow, her forehead shiny with sweat and her skin flushed withpassion. I could stay like this forever, never needing anything more.

Buffy sees me watching her and leers at me and I find myself underher before I even have a chance to realize that she tosses me. I am

about to tell her that wasnt fair when she impales herself on me and

rakes her nails across my chest. If I thought she was beautiful underme, on top of me she is that times ten. Her hair is longer than she has

ever worn it and it conceals the swell of her breasts, but I find myselfdrawn to her nipples since they peek through every time she shifts a

certain way.

My fingers skim over her breasts and down her stomach, pausing ather belly button to trace the perfectly round hole. Her eyes meet mine

again and I lower my hand, using my thumb to massage her clit like I

had done moments before. I watch as she tosses her head back andincrease the pressure. She comes fast and stops moving and I take

the opportunity to sit up and pull her against me. Were still joined andshe pulls her legs from behind her and slides them around me again. It

drives me deeper and I grip her hips, lifting her and slamming her

down on me once, twice, three times and I explode.

Then I cradle her and make a vow to myself never to let her go again.

Buffy is sleeping beside me and I am spooned against her back. Myhand, freshly bandaged at her insistence, is on her stomach, rising and

falling with her chest. Every time her breathing hitches from her

earlier sobs, I kiss her shoulder and pull her closer, mumbling that Ilove her in her ear. I thought I had seen her cry the hardest when I

went back and had the Oracles turn me, but that was nothingcompared to the way she cried when I kept my word and explained

about the day that time took back.


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It was horrible. Worse than the many times I have relived it in myhead. She was inconsolable, berating me for making all the choices

again. She screamed at me for not telling her afterwards, when shehad forgotten our day, that I could make love to her again. I explained

it the best I could, told her that I was a fool and that I was sorry and

after a while, she let me hold her again.

She let me make love to her over and over, let my own tears wash

hers away, and finally, she sleeps. I will be here when she wakes up. I

will answer any question she asks and love her when the answers hurther. It took meeting her again, meeting her under the circumstances

that I had pushed onto her, to make me see it clearly.

But I see it now.

I see a future filled with demons, filled with the paranormal and filled

with Buffy.

And those three things go together for me and for her. I was wrong tochoose for her. I was wrong to leave her and most of all, I was wrong

not to follow my heart and believe in what we have. I lied to her whenI told her what she needed wasnt me. Ill never lie to her again. No

matter what happens next, I will be there.

We are six months into what some people call the new Millennium andI am one day into what I call forever.

-FIN

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We Meet Again