Volume XIX, Issue 3

Publication Team

Elias HageEditor-in-Chief

•

Anthony HalsteadCopy Editor

•

Monica RectoLayout Editor

•

Courtney ShingleExecutive Assitant

•

Jacob Baugher and Emma Lipnicki Cover Artist

Featuring Kathryn Carnell

Cover Model

Table of Contents

Letter from the Editor- 4 -

Highlighting Our Neglect of Self-Love - 5 -

On Love and Atheism- 8 -

Did Jesus Really Love Peter?- 11 -

How Far is Too Far?- 14 -

On Love and the Liturgy- 16 -

Elias Hage

The Gadfly is a publication of “The Gadfly”, a student club approved to operate at Franciscan University of Steubenville. The opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily express the views of Franciscan University or its administration.

Pull at my heart

Pull at my heart and tug at my tears,The danger of love is losing in fear.

The Powerful voice to which I once clung Has slipped through the cracks like dust in the rug.

´,·OO�ORYH�\RX�IRUHYHUµ�EULQJV�MR\�WR�P\�KHDUW��WKHQ�WKH�FRQÁLFW�LW�VWLUV�WHDUV�PH�DSDUW�She rocked me like mamma, She held me like daddy.

Both parts she played, both songs she sang.Forever she’ll have my heart.

Words reach the surface, Action reaches the heart.6DFULÀFH�OLIWV�WKH�VRXO�

“I’ll love you forever” no matter your endeavorAnd to her heart she held.

Love him she did;Love him she does;

Love him she always will.

No limits to love that comes from above;-XVW�VLPSOH��VHOÁHVV��VDFULÀFH�RI�ORYH�IRUHYHU�

-Elizabeth Collins

letter from the editor.

7KH�*DGÁ\��

April letter from the editor.

4

This is the last issue of the semester and my last issue as editor-in-chief. I can honestly say that I have learned so much from my time on staff and from the many mistakes I have made over the span of this last year. I have learned that most efforts will go unnoticed; I have learned that a great team is not just a necessity, but a blessing; I have learned that sometimes people just need something to be angry at; I have learned the importance of admitting my mistakes; but most of all, I have learned that – clichés aside – if I am not acting out of love then my actions are either harming myself or, and more importantly, someone else.

When I was young(er) I used to wish two things didn’t exist: sleep and love (we’ve all been 10 and bursting with energy so I’ll leave the explanation for sleep aside). After the death of my Grandfather – I was 12 at the time – I thought that love was the cause of the worst kind of pain. “If I didn’t love him so much I wouldn’t be hurting so much now that he’s gone!” It was love’s fault that my friend came into school crying after his parents got that divorce – why does he have to care so much! I held such a disdain for the pain that I saw and felt from separation, from a break in the relationship between the lover and the beloved. I couldn’t understand why anyone would go outside loving blood relatives and put himself on the stand for unnecessary hurt.

Years later I experienced such a love followed by an “unnecessary hurt.” Everything clicked. When you love someone so much you are willing to experience any hurt for the sake of the other person. Love gives everything meaning, even pain. Pain which stems from love becomes sacrifice. Love is what made my hurt holy.

Elias Hage

7KH�*DGÁ\��

Elias Hage

Elias Hage

Elias Hage

Elias Hage

Elias Hage

Elias Hage

Elias Hage

Elias Hage

Elias Hage

Text

Mature followers of Christianity have sur-

passed simplistic, Disney-esque notions of what love

is. We know that love is not a feeling. We know it’s

not merely meeting a friend or partner’s expecta-

tions, nor endless attention, nor devotion of resources

(though at times it may involve similar things). To

love someone is to desire the highest good for them,

and to strive to attain that good.

Love is not a passive verb, where you cuddle

your beloved and hope that things work out for them.

It is an action verb that requires staying up all night to

listen to someone cry, lending money when you need

it yourself, and maybe even breaking up with some-

one, if that truly is what’s best.

I propose that this active love is essential to

live life as a faithful Christian, especially when love

that is between oneself and… oneself. Self-love is

the cornerstone of all Christian virtue, as without an

awareness of our own value, we have no reason to

VWULYH�IRU�JRDOV�KLJKHU�WKDQ�ÀHHWLQJ�SOHDVXUH��3HUVRQDO�experiences, however, have lead me to believe that as

Christians, we are so afraid of sin, we press ourselves

and our peers to never, ever do anything wrong. We

go so far to stop sin that we even threaten to withdraw

our love from the sinner—which is highly detrimental,

especially if that sinner is oneself.

But this is not an article about guilt. This is an

article about virtue. I propose that in order to be vir-

tuous, it is not enough to avoid evil, but one must do

good. A simple example of virtue would be a man of-

fering his coat to a freezing young woman. If he were

merely to neglect passing judgment on her for forget-

ting to dress warmly, he has not sinned, but has missed

an opportunity to grow in virtue. As Chesterton said:

“Mercy does not mean not being cruel, or sparing

people revenge or punishment; it means a plain and

positive thing like the sun, which one has either seen

or not seen.” I believe that action is that “plain and

positive thing” Chesterton speaks of, and that action

should be motivated by self-love.

The previous example is easy to understand, as virtue through loving others is easy to exemplify. In this modern age, however, fear of sin has driven many Christians to neglect or misunderstand the self-love that virtue requires. To recount a personal example, I often hear girls explaining modesty as “helping a brother out,” making sure that a man isn’t tempted by a woman’s body. This line of reasoning makes sense. You are making sure he avoids evil, and making sure you avoid evil. But, by accepting the mere absence of temptation as the definition of modesty, we miss an opportunity to practice the virtue. The nature of the virtue of modesty is recognition of the dignity of our own bodies. We must consider ourselves and our dignity of primary importance in order to cultivate the virtue of modesty. If the virtue of modesty simply consists of avoiding tempting other people, how do we grow? As inherently valuable children of God, we deserve love from everyone, ourselves included. When dealing with a virtue, it is not prideful or selfish to ask, “What’s in it for me? How can I improve myself as a person?” Thus I propose that you should not consider modesty as a service to other people, but a service to yourself. The solution to the question of modesty is easy: Dress in a way that is respectful of yourself. This simple rule eliminates the question of specifics. “Can I wear a bikini?” and “Do I have to wear straps?” become irrelevant. If I go running in a sports bra because it’s hot outside, I am not disrespecting myself. I am, in fact, treating myself respectfully, by avoiding heat stroke. In his book Love and Responsi-bility, Pope (soon to be Saint) John Paul II described a similar situation: “When a person uses...a form of dress in accordance with its objective function we cannot claim to see anything immodest in it, even if it involves partial nudity.” If I am objectified by a man while I am treating myself respectfully,

Highlighting Our Neglect of Self-LoveKathleen Monin

57KH�*DGÁ\��7KH�*DGÁ\��

I would argue that he is at fault. Perhaps it would be charitable, not modest, of me to consider this man’s concupiscence, and help him avoid temptation, but that is another matter. One should never mistake self-love for the sin of pride. In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle says that “the man is thought to be proud who thinks himself worthy of great things, being worthy of them; for he

who does so beyond his deserts is a fool, but no virtu-

ous man is foolish or silly.” In this passage, Aristotle

distinguishes the vice of pride from proper self-love,

by showing that pride is the vice of a fool who thinks

himself worthy of things he does not deserve. In this

passage, Aristotle alludes to the spectrum on which

DOO�VLQ�DQG�YLUWXH�OLH��3ULGH�LV�D�VLQ�WKDW�LQYROYHV�DQ�excess of self-love, while sins such as immodesty,

fornication, and gluttony, which involve some abuse

or misuse of a person’s own body, clearly spring from

LQVXI¿FLHQW�DSSUHFLDWLRQ�RI�RQH¶V�YDOXH��6HOI�ORYH�provides the personal sense of integrity and value with

which to combat these sins.

If we continue to disregard the self-love that is

the cornerstone of virtue, we will see ourselves merely

as individuals whom other people have an obligation

to value. Thus, we encounter a paradox where we

are constantly guilted into taking care of ourselves

only for the sake of someone else. In his book, On the

Genealogy of Morality, Nietzsche regards the common

Christian morality as reactive, and based on nega-

tive reinforcement. Christian morality, he believes,

is often believed to merely be a list of many things

we must not do and must stay away from, and is only

concerned with the attention and opinions of others. I

believe that this common perception of Christian

morality is not what Catholicism truly teaches. Christ

came to save man because there is an element of man

which is inherently good, not because man had the

potential to avoid evil. Our redemption through Christ

ought to inspire us to pursue the highest goods, and to

neglect the lower and lowest ones. Too often, however,

a lack of self-love leads us to encourage each other to

pursue lesser, easier goals than the perfection to which

we are called.

For example, we are told that we should

abstain from sex and other arousing activities before

marriage because “How would your future spouse

feel if he/she knew you did that?” Honestly, if he’s

really meant to be my future spouse, he should have a

great enough love of the goodness in me to forgive my

weaknesses and mistakes. As well-intentioned as the

reminder of my future spouse’s feelings may be, such

reminders cannot be the cornerstone of my chastity.

Avoiding future marital stress is a lesser good than

preserving my integrity and value, which self-love

naturally provides. If we place too much stress on a

hypothetical spouse’s feelings, we neglect to recall

the importance of ourselves. Isn’t it more important

that I make decisions based on the well-being of my

soul than on the potential feelings of my husband? As

Christians, we should redirect the energy that we aim

at sin into self-love. I am an invaluable subject, and

because of this my self-love should guide me to use

my sexual capacities for the purposes they are intend-

ed—not because a potential partner might experience

jealousy.

Flawed though we are, we must recognize the

love which we deserve and the beauty to which we are

called. This recognition is the soul of self-love, and the

foundation on which we can rise to the challenge of

virtue and grace. This burden is great and this journey

is long. As I’m sure any saint would tell you, there is

JUHDW�GLI¿FXOW\�LQ�OLYLQJ�D�OLIH�RI�YLUWXH��EXW�QR�IXO¿OOHG�life is easily lived.

“If the virtue of modesty simply consists of avoiding tempting other people, how do we grow?”


I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts,

there can be no more hurt,only more love.

-Mother Teresa

7KH�*DGÁ\��

On Love and AtheismJames Germain

As Catholics we hold that love is the highest

good for which we were made and for which we live.

,W�LV�LQ�ORYH�WKDW�ZH�¿QG�PHDQLQJ�DQG�SXUSRVH��,W�LV�RQO\�LQ�D�FRPSOHWH�GHYRWLRQ�WR�ORYH�WKDW�ZH�FDQ�¿QG�true happiness and satisfaction. My controversial

claim is that you do not have to be Catholic, or even

believe in God, in order to hold this view. I would

like to put forth that a purely philosophical argument

VXI¿FHV�WR�UHYHDO�WKH�ORJLF�RI�RXU�SRVLWLRQ�DQG�HYHQ�DQ�Atheist can be convinced that it is for the sake of love

that we ought to devote our lives.

As Christians we can hold to this view simply

on the basis of Scripture which tells us in

1 Corinthians 3:1-3,

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but

do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or

a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy

and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,

and if I have a faith that can move mountains,

but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all

I possess to the poor and give over my body to

hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I

gain nothing.”

And concluding in verse 13,

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and

love. But the greatest of these is love.”

We might also consider Matthew 22, when

Jesus is asked, “Teacher, what is the greatest com-

mandment?” and Jesus responds, “‘Love the Lord

your God with all your heart and with all your soul

DQG�ZLWK�DOO�\RXU�PLQG��7KLV�LV�WKH�¿UVW�DQG�JUHDWHVW�commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your

QHLJKERU�DV�\RXUVHOI�¶��$OO�WKH�/DZ�DQG�WKH�3URSKHWV�hang on these two commandments.” The two greatest

commandments are to love.

If the greatest commandment is to love, does it

not follow that the greatest sin is to violate this man-

date? That is, the greatest sin is not something we do,

it is not murder or rape or abortion or homosexual

conduct. The greatest sin is to not love. In any other

sin we simply violate our purpose in being. In refusing

to love we utterly fail at it.

At the heart of all sin is this, a failure to love.

If I truly loved my fellow drivers I would never be

rude to them or impatient with them. Would you ever

view pornography if you truly loved the people in

those pictures? This is what it means to live for love;

that I consider other people before myself, that I place

their good before my own, that their happiness is the

source of my joy.

When we are children, heaven is often present-

ed as a type of reward for a life well lived. We come

to think that if we are good and virtuous then God will

reward us with eternal life in paradise. When we enter

more fully into the mystery of life we come to real-

LVH�WKDW�ORYH�LV�WKH�UHZDUG��LW�LV�LQ�ORYLQJ�WKDW�ZH�¿QG�SDUDGLVH��:H�¿QG�LQ�ORYH�WKH�SXUSRVH�DQG�PHDQLQJ�DQG�joy that we are seeking, not as an arbitrary reward, but

as the natural ends of the act.

As Catholics we hold that God is love and as

we devote ourselves more fully to love we enter more

fully into relationship with Him. Thus, our love deter-

mines the state of our eternity. If there is a heaven, and

our life there is dependent upon how well we loved

here, then clearly we should make every effort to grow

in this virtue. Living for myself may have momentary

pleasures but carries eternal consequences. If there is a

heaven, live for love.

What if there is no heaven and this world is all

that counts? Consider that no matter how great you

may become, how famous, how rich, how powerful,

someday you will die and in time so too will everyone

who remembers you. Someday the very universe will

grow cold and there will be no one left to remember

87KH�*DGÁ\��

anything. If this world is all there is then the future

and the memories we leave behind are pointless. They

DUH�DV�ÀHHWLQJ�DV�ZH�DUH�� What of the past? It is already over. It can only

matter in so far as it impacts the present. One can

strive to live for the past, but what does this accom-

plish? The past is past and irretrievable. We cannot

change or alter it in any way. All we accomplish by

GZHOOLQJ�RQ�WKH�SDVW�LV�VDFUL¿FLQJ�RXU�SUHVHQW��,W�FDQ�offer us knowledge and guidance, but not purpose or

meaning. To live for the future is pointless. To live

for the past is simply foolish.

All we have then is the present, the now, this

very moment. Does it then follow that I should seek

from this moment what joy I may, what pleasure and

FRPIRUW�,�FDQ�¿QG"�,W�PD\�EH�WKDW�WKLV�FDQ�RQO\�EH�learned with time, but no matter how much pleasure,

power or fame one may gain, it will never satisfy

them. No one has ever found meaning through living

for themselves and their own happiness. The only

thing I am left with is love of another.

Now, you could point out that I never estab-

lished that there is purpose to life, maybe existence

is actually meaningless. If you are raising this point

as a counter to my opening claim then you should

pat yourself on that back, because you win. I cannot

refute you and must acknowledge the possibility that

there is no true joy to be had in this life and momen-

tary pleasures are all we have. I can, however,

present you with a dichotomy, or rather, two dichot-

omies.

The question at hand is this, to live for myself

or my neighbor. It does not matter, for our purposes

here, if there is a heaven and a hell. It only matters

whether or not you believe in them. If you do, then

consider this; every action, every inaction and every

thought, trains us to focus either on others or on our-

selves. Every time you choose yourself over another

you are training yourself for hell. Every time you

choose another over yourself you are training your-

self for heaven. Every action, inaction and thought,

QR�PDWWHU�KRZ�VPDOO��KDV�HWHUQDO�UDPL¿FDWLRQV� Even if you do not believe in heaven, I still

IHHO�FRQ¿GHQW�LQ�WKH�FODLP�WKDW�HLWKHU�WKHUH�LV�QR�meaning in life or the meaning of life is to love. If

there is no meaning in life, recognizing that there is

at least momentary pleasure in serving others, then

you might as well try loving. After all, you have

nothing to lose. If there is meaning to be had, then

we should pursue it. What else matters? Imagine if

your life could have had meaning and you chose to

VHW�LW�DVLGH�IRU�PRPHQWDU\�JUDWL¿FDWLRQ� You know, what makes hell into hell is not

VRPH�JUHDW�¿UH�RU�GHPRQLF�WRUWXUH��+HOO�LV�PDGH�KHOO�by the total and utter despair of the people within, the

¿QDO�UHDOL]DWLRQ�RI�WKH�FRPSOHWH�SRLQWOHVVQHVV�RI�WKHLU�existence. Even if you do not believe in a supernatu-

ral hell, believe in this one, for you do not need to die

to experience it.

If there is a life after death and how we live

now determines the state of our life then, then we

should live for love. If there is no life beyond this

realm and this life is all we have then live for love,

for love is all there is. Truly, the most important per-

son in the world is the person I could be loving right

now.

9

“What if there is no heaven and this world is all that counts?”

7KH�*DGÁ\��

If you love somebody, let them go,for if they return, they were always yours.

And if they don’t, they never were.

-Khalil Gibran

7KH�*DGÁ\��

Did Jesus Really Love Peter?Courtney Shingle

Whenever someone criticizes us, it’s easy to

jump to the conclusion that they don’t care. It makes

us feel like they aren’t on our side anymore. It’s easy

to fall into the “If you really loved me, you would ac-

cept me for who I am” trap. But this line of reasoning

LV�SDWHQWO\�IDOVH��,W�EHWUD\V�WKH�LQÀXHQFH�RI�VRFLHW\�RQ�our view of love that we would so quickly subscribe to

the idea that love is the same as acceptance or toler-

ance. It shows how little we understand love.

Ask me to show you an example of this;

I’ll direct your attention to the social war that is the

marriage debate and LGBTQ activism. We constantly

hear that we are supposed to accept individuals for

who they are and allow them to express themselves

any way they choose – because that’s what it means

WR�ORYH�\RXU�QHLJKERU��$Q\�&KULVWLDQ�ZKR�¿JKWV�WR�GH-fend marriage and the family is branded “hateful” and

“intolerant.” But popular opinion fails to recognize an

unpopular truth: true love does not tolerate.

Here at Franciscan, I think we can all agree

that the epitome of Love was Jesus Christ. If we are

to believe that love and tolerance are the same, cer-

tainly His example will reinforce this, right? But it

doesn’t. While Jesus and His Disciples are in Caesarea

3KLOLSSL��3HWHU�FRUUHFWO\�LGHQWL¿HV�-HVXV�DV�WKH�&KULVW��the Son of God, and Jesus responds saying, “Blessed

DUH�\RX��6LPRQ�%DU�-RQDK��IRU�ÀHVK�DQG�EORRG�KDV�QRW�revealed this to you, but My Father who is in heaven.

$QG�,�DOVR�VD\�WR�\RX�WKDW�\RX�DUH�3HWHU��DQG�RQ�WKLV�rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades

shall not prevail against it” (Matthew 16:17-18). But

a short time later when Jesus is telling His Disciples

DERXW�+LV�IRUWKFRPLQJ�GHDWK�DQG�5HVXUUHFWLRQ��3HWHU�rebukes Jesus and Jesus responds, “Get behind Me,

Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mind-

ful of the things of God, but the things of men” (Mat-

thew 16:23). Can Jesus be acting out of love in the

¿UVW�LQVWDQFH�DQG�QRW�DFWLQJ�RXW�RI�ORYH�LQ�WKH�VHFRQG"�Of course, we know that Jesus can never contradict

Himself, and since he is the very essence of Love,

both examples must be motivated by love.

� 7KHUHIRUH��ZH�ORRN�WR�RXU�GH¿QLWLRQV�RI�ORYH�and tolerance. To love means literally “a feeling of

strong or constant affection for a person.” Tolerance

is “willingness to accept feelings, habits, or beliefs

that are different from your own,” which seems nice

enough in theory. That’s as far as language can take

us, which makes it easy to misuse our language and

include tolerance as a key component of love. But if

we look to the implication of each, we can see a vast

difference between the two ideas.

Tolerance is passive at best and indifferent at

worst; it says about the other’s actions, “I don’t care

what you do, so long as it doesn’t interfere with my

life.” It declares its inability to care about the other,

VHO¿VK�DQG�GHWDFKHG��,W�FDUHV�QRW�IRU�WKH�RXWFRPH�RU�well being of the other, and so it doesn’t bother to

address the problems that the other may need to face.

� /RYH�LV�DFWLYH�DQG�DOHUW��LW�LV�VHOÀHVV�DQG�SD-tient. It proclaims, “I care about your actions because

you matter to me.” It is involved in the other’s life so

much that it would risk great personal discomfort for

the other’s well being. To tolerate is to feign concern;

to love is to show it.

Being intolerant does not, however, mean that

ORYH�VHHNV�WR�KDUP��,�&RULQWKLDQV��DI¿UPV�WKDW�ORYH�is kind and does not dishonor others, but rather pro-

tects. What would you rather hear your beloved say:

“I tolerate you” or “I love you?” It is much like the

parent of a small child. When I was three years old,

my parents said time and time again that I was not al-

lowed to put my hands on the top of the stove - which

I could just barely reach. One fateful day I ignored

their instructions and did what I was forbidden to do,


burning my right hand in the process. I cried and my

PRP�FRPIRUWHG�PH��¿[HG�P\�KDQG��DQG�GULHG�P\�tears. But by no means did she allow me to believe

that what I had done was right. She made it very clear

that I had caused myself harm by not listening to her,

and she was angry because she cared about my safety.

Does tolerance seem suitable in this instance?

The interaction between the adulterous woman

DQG�-HVXV�LQ�-RKQ��LV�VLPLODU��7KH�3KDULVHHV�EULQJ�D�woman caught in the act of adultery to Jesus, hop-

ing to force him to choose between compassion and

righteousness. They inform Jesus of her crime, with

great pride reminding the crowd that the punishment

for adultery is death by stoning, and ask him what

should be done. Jesus asks that any man without sin

EH�WKH�¿UVW�WR�FRQGHPQ�KHU��DQG�+H�VSDUHV�WKH�ZRPDQ�– but instructs her to “Go and sin no more.” He spares

her, but He doesn’t declare her actions acceptable; He

commands her to be better than she has been and to

leave her sinful life behind. Would tolerance here be

more compassionate?

As Christians we are called to love one anoth-

er. Sometimes that means there is disappointment and

disapproval. Sometimes it means that another person’s

actions or beliefs are wrong, but we are still willing to

embrace those who fall because we know that we have

all fallen. We just love them too much to let them stay

fallen. We make every effort to help them stand up tall

and live righteously.

The epitome of the relationship that Jesus had

ZLWK�3HWHU�FRPHV�ZKHQ�&KULVW�UHVWRUHV�KLP�LQ�-RKQ��&KULVW�IRUHWROG�WKDW�3HWHU�ZRXOG�GHQ\�KLP�WKUHH�WLPHV��DQG�WKRXJK�3HWHU�ZDV�YHKHPHQW�WKDW�KH�ZRXOG�rather die than do so, when the time comes he denies

Him. One can only imagine the burden of guilt and

shame he must have felt. Upon Jesus’ resurrection and

DSSHDUDQFH�WR�+LV�GLVFLSOHV��+H�DVNV�3HWHU�WKUHH�WLPHV�ZKHWKHU�KH�ORYHV�+LP��HDFK�WLPH��3HWHU�DQVZHUV�\HV�and the Lord responds, “Feed My sheep.” This act of

IRUJLYHQHVV�GRHVQ¶W�MXVWLI\�3HWHU¶V�DFWLRQV��5DWKHU��LW�shows him that Christ continued to love him though he

had done wrong, and reminds him to act rightly in the

future.

In the book Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis is

talking about why Christians attempt to do good when

he makes the following statement: “[The Christian]

does not think God will love us because we are good,

but that God will make us good because He loves us.”

Love is not contingent upon who I am or what I’ve

done; but it doesn’t allow me to go on believing that

ZURQJ�LV�ULJKW�DQG�DOO�WKLQJV�DUH�DFFHSWDEOH�RU�SUR¿W-DEOH��'LG�-HVXV�UHDOO\�ORYH�3HWHU"�$EVROXWHO\��+H�ORYHG�him abundantly like He loves each and every one of

us. He loves us even though we are stained with sin.

He was willing to give His very life to remove that

stain and set us free. But He was never willing to leave

us that way. True love acts in the best interest of the

other – not to maintain the status quo, not to keep from

upsetting someone, but to care for that person more

than anything and protect that person, even if it’s pro-

tecting them from himself. Love as Christ loved, not

as the world loves, and then you will see a real change

in people.

12

“Love is active and alert; it is VHOÁHVV�DQG�SDWLHQW�µ


Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

-Albert Einstein

7KH�*DGÁ\��

Love is messy. Love is complicated. Love –

and I don’t just mean Eros (romantic love) here, but

DOO�NLQGV�RI�ORYH�±�À\�LQ�WKH�IDFH�RI�D�&KULVWLDQ�ZRUOG�view which wishes to see things clear-cut, black and

white, safe.

� 7KLV�LV�RIWHQ�D�GLI¿FXOW�WUXWK�WR�IDFH�IRU�WKH�VRUW�of Catholic who attends Franciscan University. Many

of us come from tough backgrounds. Despite the mean

stereotypes, the so-called “Frannie” isn’t sheltered.

We’ve seen the world and we don’t like it. Our pasts

are peppered with broken hearts and abuses, sexual

DGGLFWLRQV�DQG�TXLFN�¿[�VROXWLRQV�WKDW�QHYHU�UHDOO\�¿[HG�DQ\WKLQJ�� But now we’ve found Christ. We’ve made it

here to Franciscan where it’s relatively safe and we

FDQ�¿QDOO\�UHOD[��*RQH�DUH�WKH�KLJK�VFKRRO�³IULHQGV´�who bullied us, far behind us are the boyfriends or

girlfriends who made us feel ashamed, and out-of-

sight are the parents who – despite their best efforts –

never quite gave us what we were searching for.

$QG�KHUH�ZH�¿QG�RXUVHOYHV��)RU�XV��)UDQFLVFDQ�8QL-versity isn’t a bubble (no matter what anyone says).

It’s a nest. Here in this nest, we can retreat from the

chaos and cruelty, danger and depravity of the secular

world below us.

And with our wounded pasts still fresh our

PLQGV��ZH¶UH�RIWHQ�RYHUMR\HG�WR�¿QG�WKDW�WKLV�QHVW�KDV�just what we need to feel safe and secure: rules. The

rules aren’t too oppressive of course (here’s looking at

you, Christendom College), but they’re just strict and

present enough to give us an often-much-needed sense

of security.

There are rules for everything in this nest: rules

for living quarters, rules for sleeping, rules for how to

pray; and for a while, that’s enough.

But then, one day, something terrifying comes

along. Something big and scary and messy and gritty

which threatens the balance of the protective, rule-

bound nest we value so deeply. And try as we might to

stop it, it comes for all of us in the end.

I’m speaking, of course, about love. It’s easy to

gloss over love when one isn’t experiencing it, when

one isn’t facing it headlong. But in all truth, love is a

terrifying prospect.

The Church describes love as an act of self-gift

(“Man, who is the only creature on earth which God

ZLOOHG�IRU�LWVHOI��FDQ�IXOO\�¿QG�KLPVHOI�RQO\�WKURXJK�D�sincere gift of himself” GS #24) which is “the oppo-

site of escape.” For those of us who treasure the safety

of the nest, these facts are precisely what make love

scary. Before love, we could turn inward and live by

the safety of rule. In love, however, we feel the call

to turn outside of ourselves, towards and for the good

of another, and the prospect of being lead into this

XQFKDUWHG�WHUULWRU\�LV�XQGHUVWDQGDEO\�DQG�MXVWL¿DEO\�nerve-wracking.

In Eros (romantic love), the situation’s even

scarier. Now not only do we have to deal with the

troublesome Divine call to step outside of ourselves,

EXW�DOVR�WKH�FRQIXVLQJ��FRQÀLFWLQJ��SULPRUGLDO��DQG�sacramental desire to consummate our love via the

nuptial act (that’s sex, for those of you who are won-

dering).

Some choose to avoid this chaos all together.

If you’re the man who’s decided that girls are just

not worth the trouble, or the girl who’s decided that

passivity is her only option while all her friends go off

with their boyfriends, my heart goes out to you.

But for many more of us, love is somewhat

WHPSWLQJ�GHVSLWH�LWV�FRPSOH[LWLHV��$QG�VR�ZH�¿QG�ourselves entering into relationships. We go on night

walks, watch movies in groups of friends, and do all

the other things that twitterpated Frannies love to do

together.

And yet, try as we might, the fear that we

experienced at the prospect of love does not go away.

While we enjoy our time with that person, we often

walk away feeling confused or ashamed. We’re not

7KH�*DGÁ\��

How Far is Too Far?Jacob Popcak

VXUH�ZKDW�WR�GR�ZLWK�WKH�GHVLUHV�WKDW�QRZ�¿OO�RXU�VHQVHV��We’re afraid of what we might do. We’re afraid of the

mistakes we might make. We’re afraid what we might

do to our beloved. We’re afraid of what our beloved

might do to us.

And just like that, our focus has turned inward

once again. No longer can we turn our attention out-

ward towards our beloved in love. Now we retreat in-

ward, scared of what might happen. And as the relation-

VKLS�ZH�¿QG�RXUVHOYHV�LQ�VWDUWV�WR�IHHO�D�OLWWOH�WRR�PXFK�like the world of our wounded pasts, we start longing

for the safety of that nest.

And so we incorporate into our relationships

WKDW�ZKLFK�PDGH�IHHO�XV�IHHO�VR�VDIH�ZKHQ�ZH�¿UVW�DU-rived in the nest: rules.

� 6XGGHQO\��RXU�UHODWLRQVKLSV�DUH�¿OOHG�ZLWK�UXOHV��rules for when we can be together, rules for how we

can be together, and – worst of all – rules for how far is

‘too-far’.

For the past several years, I’ve worked as

Theology of the Body-based speaker and writer. I’ve

studied at the Theology of the Body Institute under

Christopher West and I’ve been blessed and privileged

to do a number of talks on the themes of Theology of

the Body, some through Franciscan and some not. But

no matter where I go and no matter who I’m speaking

to – whether he be a young teen or an angry blogger – I

can’t seem to get away from this question of “How far

is too far?”

No matter how many times I’m asked this ques-

tion, it always breaks my heart. Because, no matter who

asks it, it’s almost always being asked because he or she

is longing for the safety and security of the rule-bound

nest. This may not be the nest of Franciscan University

(though it often is), but it’s always a nest of rules. It’s a

nest which sees love (if only implicitly) as a dangerous

thing, and therefore seeks to temper it with rules and

order. “Ah-hah!” says the “how-far-is-too-far” person.

“At last, I have discovered the solution to the scariness

of love! I shall come up with rules for my partner and I

to follow, and then mistakes are impossible”.

But here’s the problem with that outlook: when

someone asks it, they’re not really asking, “How far is

too far?” What they’re really asking is, “How close can

my partner and I get to sin without sinning?” To even

ask the question is to fundamentally take the wrong

approach.

Now don’t get me wrong: certainly, there are

several behaviors which – though not wrong – are in-

trinsically nuptial (sex is one, of course, but also some

of those things which one might consider “foreplay”),

and should therefore only be performed in the proper

context (marriage). However, outside of those acts,

there’s no objective, across-the-board, same-for-every-

one, “too far” line.

Instead, there remains the Divine call to step

outside oneself for the love and good of another person.

If one heeds this call, one is not faced with the question

of “how far is too far?” but rather, “What can I do to

PDNH�P\�EHORYHG�IHHO�ORYHG�DQG�GLJQL¿HG"´ Suddenly, a question that’s as intrinsically

LQZDUG�IRFXVHG��VHO¿VK��DQG�JODVV�KDOI�IXOO�DV�³+RZ�IDU�is too far?” becomes an ongoing conversation, a series

of questions like, “What’s going to make my beloved

feel loved and adored?”, “What can I do to communi-

cate my beloved’s worth?”, and, “How can I make it so

that my beloved walks away from this particular time

WRJHWKHU�IHHOLQJ�PRUH�FRQ¿GHQW��SURXG��DQG�UHVSHFWHG"´ When a couple asks, “How far is too far?”

they’re hyper-focusing on the potential sin. It’s a cyni-

cal view to take, and one which essentially asks, “What

can I get out of my partner and how many desires can I

satisfy before I have to go to confession?”

But imagine a relationship in which you and

your beloved, rather than setting an objective, all-or-

nothing rule of what is and what is not “too far” have

an ongoing, prayerful, and almost daily conversation

in which both of you come before God and evaluate

maturely what will best make you both feel most loved.

This is the truly Catholic approach. By follow-

LQJ�RXU�'LYLQH�FDOO�WR�VWHS�XQVHO¿VKO\�RXWVLGH�RI�RXU-selves, we simultaneously must embrace the messiness,

organic-ness, and potential for failure that comes with

love. Is it scary? Of course. But it’s love.

157KH�*DGÁ\�� 7KH�*DGÁ\��

7KH�*DGÁ\��

Love and the LiturgyTyson Murphy

Through the words of institution (“This is my

ERG\´��WKH�VDFUL¿FH�LV�PDGH�SUHVHQW�DQG�ZH�VHH�KRZ�much the Lord loves us. St. Augustine speaks of this

in relation to the great commandment to love one an-

other as the Lord has loved us. He speaks of this be-

ing a demonstration of the degree to which the Lord

loves us and that if the Lord loves us so entirely then

we too must love others in the same fashion. Indeed,

if we truly acknowledge the dignity of the human

person and its profound tie to the Incarnation, then

we will see the Lord in all persons and treat them

with a similar love with which we treat the Blessed

Sacrament. The poor are especially privileged to

this because of their status in the eyes of God and

the opportunity they present to us to be expressions

of God’s love and mercy for mankind. This we can

only experience and express properly with a devotion

to the Eucharist. The Eucharist, being Jesus Christ,

who is God and God is love. Love the sinner, hate

the sin. Love and do as you will. Love God with all

your mind, heart, and soul and love your neighbor

as yourself. Love others as I have loved you. From

Deuteronomy to the Gospels, the Epistles to St. Au-

gustine, our faith is clear, we need to love as we have

been loved. How have we been loved? What compels

us to love? Why is it that the human beings who have

loved more than any other, like St. Francis and Moth-

er Teresa have all been Catholic? The simple answer

is the Eucharist and what it does for us.

The Eucharist shows us that we are loved,

what that means, and allows us to participate in the

very nature of Love Himself. The Mass is the class-

room in which Truth Himself teaches us what it is to

be loved by the profound testimony of Love Himself

proclaiming that we are His beloved by His total and

FRPSOHWH�FRQGHVFHQVLRQ�QRW�MXVW�LQWR�KXPDQ�ÀHVK�but as bread. He does this so that He might give

+LPVHOI�HQWLUHO\�WR�XV�WKURXJK�WKH�3DVFKDO�P\VWHU\��inviting us to participate in the deepest recesses and

self-givings of Trinitarian love. As the Son totally

DQG�FRPSOHWHO\�RIIHUV�+LPVHOI�DV�D�VDFUL¿FH�LQ�REH-dience to the Father out of love for us and the Holy

Spirit pours out from His pierced side so that we may

enter into the most intimate moment of self-giving,

VHOI�VDFUL¿FH��DQG�UHFHSWLRQ�EHWZHHQ�WKH�SHUVRQV�RI�the Trinity. He does this so that He might live in us

and we might live in Him through partaking in the

Divine Nature that is love. The total self-giving of

the Father to the Son and His return to the Father

and Their Love who is the Holy Spirit is what we

partake of at every Mass. Not only do we partake of

this nature but we are invited into the mystery! We

are able to participate at table! We are allowed to be

sons in the Son and have a Father, to be members of

the family in the most intimate way! This is what I

see every time I see the classic Icon of the Visitors to

$EUDKDP��7KH�3HUVRQV�RI�WKH�7ULQLW\�JD]LQJ�LQWR�HDFK�others eyes and an empty spot at the table for you,

the viewer. They are waiting for us to surrender more

and more and participate more and more so that we

might be more and more involved in their life, which

is a life of love. The same Divine nature that resides

LQ�XV�WKURXJK�%DSWLVP�DQG�VHQGV�XV�RXW�ZLWK�&RQ¿U-mation is renewed and increased at the Eucharistic

table, the wedding feast of our souls to their bride-

groom. He professes to us that we are the mystery

that Truth seeks and the beloved of Love Himself,

that we are the children of the Father, and that we

share in the Holy Spirit that sustains all creation.

This total and complete giving of Himself to

XV�DW�]HUR�EHQH¿W�WR�+LPVHOI�DQG�RQO\�EHQH¿W�WR�XV�LV�what it means to be loved; it is total and complete self

VDFUL¿FH��7KLV�LV�ZKDW�ZH�DUH�WDXJKW�WKDW�ORYH�LV�E\�WKH�Gospel, and this reality is made manifest to us at

7KH�*DGÁ\��

7KH�*DGÁ\��

the Mass. We are commanded by the lover of our

souls to love others as He has loved us. To obey this

commandment we must follow another by following

Him by living the cross. The Christian’s way of life

is the horizontal and vertical beams of the cross. Our

life should not merely be one of a vertical relationship

with God, it must include a horizontal relationship

with our fellow man. Indeed if we are “actively and

consciously participating in the Mass” and are not

loving our neighbor then we are not really participat-

ing at the Mass. If we are loving our neighbor without

actively participating at the Mass then we are not truly

loving our neighbor. If we are feeding the hungry and

not offering them the bread of life, then we are not

feeding the hungry. If we are giving drink to the thirsty

and not offering them the endless fountain of living

water, then we are not giving drink to the thirsty. If

we are giving shelter to the homeless and we are not

offering them the refuge of the Lord, then we are

not giving shelter to the homeless. If we have a very

strong relationship with the Trinity and do not share

this love with others or if we are extremely charitable

with others and do not have a strong and solid rela-

tionship with the Trinity, then we are living a lie.

“The Christian’s way of life is the horizontal and vertical beams of the cross.”

The Mass is the “and” between Love God and

Neighbor. Christian love and life must be the cross.

There must be the vertical dimension of adoration, de-

votion, and care for the Lord and a horizontal dimen-

sion of a deep spirit of charitable service to His peo-

ple, the poor and the marginalized. It is how He loved

us and we are commanded to love others in the same

fashion. Without a devotion to the Eucharist and the

other sacraments we cannot love as we should because

we cannot know how to love. Through the sacraments

we partake in the Divine Nature and the Holy Spirit

lives within us through our response to the profession

of love displayed to us at the Mass. If we are properly

disposed to the grace, it will compel us to move to-

ZDUG�DFWV�RI�VHOI�VDFUL¿FH�IRU�RXU�IHOORZ�PDQ�DV�ZH�DUH�more deeply conformed to the Trinity by Him living

within us and us living within HIm. Our response to

His love for us will mimic His love and will lead us to

JLYH�RXUVHOYHV�VHOI�VDFUL¿FLDOO\�WR�RWKHUV�DV�LV�SURSHU�to our vocation and our state in life.

The greatest moment of love that has ever

RFFXUUHG�WKURXJKRXW�DOO�RI�WLPH�LV�WKH�VHOI�VDFUL¿FH�RI�Jesus Christ on the cross so that we might know we

are loved, have life, live it abundantly, and be children

of God. We have the opportunity to witness and partic-

ipate in that moment at every Mass. Through the ex-

ample of love that we see at Mass we are taught how

to love others. Through love living inside of us we are

compelled to love others by taking up our cross daily

and living as Life Himself lives. We do this so that we

might live inside love. Let us live the truth that we are

the children of God by living our lives following His

example set before us by the Mass. Let us strive to live

the Mass at every moment and with every person that

ZH�PHHW�VR�WKDW�ZH�PLJKW�VHW�WKH�ZRUOG�RQ�¿UH�ZLWK�His all consuming love.

Eucharistic Lord who are all good, all loving,

DQG�DOO�GHVHUYLQJ�RI�DOO�RI�RXU�ORYH��3URYLGH�IRU�XV�WKH�grace to know and to see more clearly every moment

WKH�LQ¿QLWH�ORYH�<RX�KDYH�IRU�ZH�ZKR�DUH�\RXU�FKLO-GUHQ�DQG�WR�EH�FRQVXPHG�E\�WKH�ÀDPHV�RI�ORYH�ZLWK�which your Sacred Heart burns. Virgin most pure, put

in us the desire to respond to this love as your did,

fully and completely every moment of your existence.

$OORZ�RXU�KHDUWV�WR�EOD]H�ZLWK�WKH�¿UHV�RI�ORYH�WKDW�surround your Immaculate heart for love of God and

neighbor so that we may more properly live the Mass

in our daily lives.

Look Up

When all you want is nothing more than a peaceful breath, when all you need is something more than that tearful sweat.With a simple smile, life is all yours to change. in a simple way you can make a name.As the leaves change and summer turns to fall, will the reality of life slowly seep through the wall.Your heart feels the longing, your soul hears the crying; of the pure angelic voice you keep denying.You know He is Love, yet sometimes you doubt; leaving yourself to wonder what Love is about.

When all you want is nothing more than a peaceful breath, when all you need is something more than a fearful fret.With a simple smile, Love is yours to change. in a simple way you can learn a name.As the leaves die and the winter takes the fall, will the reality of love slowly seep through your wall.Your heart feels to rejoice, your soul hears the voice; of the one He meant for you for even before the choice.You know He is Love and that he Loves you, yet sometimes you wonder why you never saw truth.

When all you want is nothing more than a peaceful breath, when all you need is something more than your next step.With a simple smile, Love is yours at last. in a simple way you both can grow so fast.As the leaves begin to bud, and the winter melts into spring, the pureness of this newfound Love presses you to sing.Your heart feels the totality of complete, your soul hears the beat; of the prayer He will speak.You know He is Love, and you no longer doubt; there is always more to what Love is about.

When all you want is nothing more than a peaceful breath, when all you need is something more than clarifying depth.Don’t be afraid to just look up.

-Elizabeth Collins7KH�*DGÁ\��

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Documents

Volume XIX, Issue 3