PUBLISHED AND DISTRIBUTED WEEKLY BY PASSTIMES OF ARIZONA, LLC - PASSTIMESAZ@LIVE.COM - 480.983.9143

Vol. 18 Issue 21 All Rights Reserved © 2020

YOU LIVE IN CALIFORNIA IF You make over $250,000 and don’t own a suit or a tie.

You can't afford to buy a house

and you’re rich.

The fastest part of your com-

mute is going down your driveway.

You know how to eat an arti-

choke.

You feel strongly that

surfing could end global

warming.

Your bedtime prayer starts

with the word “Dude”.

YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY IF Your first words were, “Hey, Taxi!”

You think Central Park IS 'nature,'

You've worn out your car horn.

You recognize eye contact as an act of aggression.

YOU LIVE IN THE

SOUTH IF You can rent a movie and

buy bait in the same store.

'y'all' is singular and 'all

y'all' is plural.

'He needed killin''' is a

valid defense.

Everyone has 2 first

names: Billy Bob , Mary

Sue, Betty Jean, etc.

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ARE YOU AFFLICTED? LOOK UNTO JESUS

LOS ANGELES'S FULL NAME IS "EL PUEBLO DE NUESTRA SENORA LA REINA DE LOS ANGELES DE PORCIUNCULA."

LIFE OF THE PARTY On a fine Arizona afternoon a man was spotted driving along

the highway at a steady speed, when he

suddenly indicated right and pulled

off onto the shoulder. He quickly

jumped out of the car and opened

the trunk. From a large bag, he pro-

duced a party hat, streamers, a bottle

of lemonade, sandwiches and a cake.

After eating the food and drinking the lem-

onade, he launched into a little Irish jig.

The whole proceedings lasted about fifteen minutes, after

which he got back in his car and drove off.

Curious, the police followed him at a distance and half an

hour later, they saw him stop and repeat the whole procedure.

This was too much for the officers, so they decided to check

him out.

"Can we ask you the reason for all the stops and

the food, drink and Irish jigs?" one of the officers

asked.

"Well, sir," explained the man, "I'm on the

company's outin'."

"But you're the only one here," argued the

officer.

"Yeah, I know," replied the man. "I'm self-

employed!"

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ANYONE WITH MONEY TO BURN WILL ALWAYS FIND HIMSELF SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WITH MATCHES

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MAN ALWAYS TRAVELS ALONG PRECIPICES. HIS TRUEST OBLIGATION IS TO KEEP HIS BALANCE.

I AM NOT YOUNG ENOUGH TO KNOW EVERYTHING - OSCAR WILDE

1. GEOGRAPHY: The island of Hispaniola is divided into

which two countries?

2. U.S. STATES: Which state is known as the Badger

State?

3. MEDICAL: Which human organ is involved in the de-

velopment of diabetes?

4. AD SLOGANS: Which company advises clients to

"leave the driving to us"?

5. MONUMENTS: How long ago was Stonehenge built?

6. ENTERTAINERS: Which singer/actress was born with

the name Anna Mae Bullock?

7. COMICS: What kind of dog is Snoopy in the "Peanuts"

comic strip?

8. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: How many official lan-

guages does the United Nations have?

9. MEASUREMENTS: How many drops are in a tea-

spoon?

10. MUSIC: How many members sing in the Mormon

Tabernacle Choir?

Answers

1. Haiti and the Dominican

Republic

2. Wisconsin

3. Pancreas

4. Greyhound bus lines

5. About 5,000 years ago

6. Tina Turner

7. A beagle

8. Six: English, Spanish,

French, Russian, Arabic and

Chinese

9. 76

10. 360 (c) 2020 King Features Synd.,

Inc.

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I AM ONE OF THOSE OLD-FASHIONED MINISTERS WHO BELIEVE THE WHOLE BIBLE AND EVERYTHING THAT IT CONTAINS - J.C. RYLE

EXCEPTIONS PROVE THE RULE ... AND WRECK THE BUDGET

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I'M NOT JUST A GARDENER, I'M A PLANT MANAGER

HIGHWAY FATALITIES ARE TOO HIGH. DRIVE ON THE PAVEMENT

WHEN WE TRUST JESUS AS OUR SAVIOR, OUR SINS ARE FORGIVEN FOREVER—CHARLES STANLEY

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CALL TO ME AND I WILL ANSWER YOU AND TELL YOU GREAT AND UNSEARCHABLE THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW. JEREMIAH 33:3

CAUSE & EFFECT The couple had just moved to the neighborhood

and the wife was far along in her pregnancy.

She was reading a book and rest-

ing when a knock came on the

door.

It was a woman from the

neighborhood collecting for a

local charity and also looking for

others to help solicit funds.

Laughing, she patted her bulging

stomach and said, while she was willing to help, she couldn’t

really do anything this year and asked her to try again next

year.

A year later the woman returned, but again

the lady was pregnant. Both laughed at the

coincidence, and they said they would try

again the following year.

One year later, the lady was again with

child when the woman from the charity

knocked on her door. In disbelief she ex-

claimed, “Every time I show up, you’re

pregnant!”

"I know," the woman said tiredly as two

small children fussed in the background.

"Please don't come here any more."

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ARE YOU TEMPTED? LOOK UNTO JESUS

I USED TO WORK IN A FIRE HYDRANT FACTORY. YOU COULDN'T PARK ANYWHERE NEAR THE PLACE

WHAT MOSES GAVE UP - 3 Moses refused riches.

“The Treasures in Egypt” is an expression that seems to tell of

wealth that he might have enjoyed had he been content to remain

with Pharaoh’s daughter. We may well suppose these treasures

would have been a mighty fortune. Enough is still remaining in

Egypt to give us some faint idea of the money at its king’s disposal.

The pyramids, and obelisks, and statues, are still standing there as

witnesses. They testify to this day that the man who gave up Egyp-

tian wealth, gave up something which even our minds would find it

hard to reckon up. Think once more, how great was this temptation.

Consider, reader, the power of money—the immense influence that

the love of money obtains over men’s minds. Look around you and

see how men covet it, and what amazing pains and trouble they will

go through to obtain it. Tell them of an island many thousand miles

away, where something may be found which may be profitable if

imported, and at once a fleet of ships will be sent to get it. Show

them a way to make one per cent more of their money, and they will

reckon you among the wisest of men—they will almost fall

down and worship you. To possess money seems to hide

defects—to cover over faults—to clothe a man with vir-

tues. People can get over much, if you are rich. But

here is a man who might have been rich, and would

not. He would not have Egyptian treasures. He

turned his back upon them. He refused them. He

gave them up. J.C. Ryle circa 1850

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I'M ADDICTED TO PLACEBOS. I'D GIVE THEM UP, BUT IT WOULDN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE

MY FAMILY COAT OF ARMS TIES AT THE BACK...IS THAT NORMAL?

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GODLY THOUGHTS ARE THE KEY TO GODLY ACTIONS - DR. CHARLES STANLEY

A CROOK IS A PERSON WHO WAS OUT FOR WHAT HE COULD GET AND IN FOR WHAT GOT

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I JUST ASKED MY HUSBAND IF HE REMEMBERS WHAT TODAY IS... SCARING MEN IS SO EASY

I'M MOVING TO MARS NEXT WEEK, SO IF YOU HAVE ANY BOXES...

VETS KEEP DISTANCE OUTSIDE COFFEE SHOP

I ventured into town today to check on the rumor: the town

was dead, the streets empty, not a soul in sight.

It was mostly true. Very few cars were parked along the main

drag, and those were in front of restaurants open for sidewalk

takeout service only.

I did spot a knot of people in front of the coffee shop, which

was my true destination. A half dozen of the early-morning

regulars (all elderly veterans) were fanned out on the side-

walk, leaning on canes or sitting in folding chairs. I parked the

car and approached the walkup service window. As I did, one

of the vets whipped out a folding wooden tape measure and

aimed it at me as he opened it to the full length.

"Six feet," he said. "Eight, if you count my arm."

I nodded and steered a wide circuit around him.

At the service window the clerk shoved a small credit card

reader through the window. "No cash," she said. I fumbled my

one credit card into the machine, and she slid my coffee out

the window, slamming it firmly afterward.

I hung around at the edge of the group, pretending to study the

menu in the coffee shop window. Eventually they started talk-

ing again, and as usual, I listened.

What I heard, in the middle of this dead town, gave me hope:

One veteran was looking forward to his grandson taking him

out on the water. Another looked forward to the birth of an-

other great-grandchild. A third one was calculating the possi-

ble success of hijacking the grocery store delivery truck and

making off with the toilet paper. I even heard some laughter.

It was then that I knew we'll be OK.

A constant reminder: Wash your hands with antibacterial

soap, and scrub for a full minute. Use a brush under your nails

-- better yet, keep your nails trimmed very short.

(c) 2020 King Features Synd., Inc.

HANG ON! YOU MAY BE NEXT IN LINE FOR A MIRACLE!

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