The Jubilee Year of Mercy: Spiritual and Corporal

Works of Mercy

Jubilee Year of MercyDecember 8, 2015 ~ November 20, 2016

St. Joseph ChurchOctober 3, 2016 October 10, 2016

October 17, 2016October 24, 2016

6:45 pm to 8:00 pm

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Fr. Richard Jones, Instructor

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This Evening’s ScheduleTitle Page

Opening Song (Be Not Afraid) 3Opening Prayer (For Our Nation's Election)

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A Lord’s Prayer for Justice 5Reflections 6 - 7A Whole Person 8 - 9Your Individual Wellness 10Blocks/Hindrances to the Development of a Contemplative Outlook

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What Prevents Us from Becoming A Whole Person

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Reflections on Forgiveness 13Methods of Communication for Compassionate Care

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Possible Distinctions Between Depressive Grief and Clinical Grief

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Effects of Grief 16 - 17Key Facts About the Grief Process 18Nature of the Grief Process 19Elements that Determine the Length and Pain of Grief

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What is Time? 21When Tomorrow Starts Without Me 22Times In Life 23Welcome Home 24A Prayer 25Fly Little Wing 26Closing Prayer 27Closing Song (On Eagle's Wings) 28

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Opening SongBe Not Afraid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dWpG7qHtB8g

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Opening Prayer

For Our Nation’s ElectionLord God, as the election approaches, we seek to better

understand the issues and concerns that confront our nation, and how the Gospel compels us to respond as faithful

citizens in our community.

We ask for eyes that are free from blindness so that we might see each other as brothers and sisters, one and equal in dignity, especially those who are victims of abuse and

violence, deceit and poverty.

We ask for ears that will hear the cries of children unborn and those abandoned, men and women oppressed because

of race or creed, religion or gender.

We ask for minds and hearts that are open to hearing the voice of leaders who will bring us closer to your Kingdom.

We pray for discernment so that we may choose leaders who hear your Word, live your love, and keep in the ways of your truth as they follow in the steps of Jesus and his Apostles and guide us to your Kingdom of justice and

peace.

We ask this in the name of your Son Jesus Christ and through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.5

A Lord’s Prayer for Justiceby Fr. Ron Rolheiser

Our Father … who always stands with the weak, the powerless, the poor, the abandoned, the sick, the aged, the very young, the unborn, and those who, by victim of circumstance, bear the heat of the day.

Who art in heaven … where everything will be reversed, where the first will be last and the last will be first, but where all will be well and every manner of being will be well.

Hallowed by thy name … may we always acknowledge your holiness, respecting that your ways are not our ways, your standards are not our standards. May the reverence we give your name pull us out of the narcissism, selfishness, and paranoia that prevents us from seeing the pain of our neighbor.

Your kingdom come … help us to create a world where, beyond our own needs and hurts, we will do justice, love tenderly, and walk humbly with you and each other.

Your will be done … open our freedom to let you in so that the complete mutuality that characterizes your life might flow through our veins and thus the life that we help generate may radiate your equal love for all and your special love for the poor.

On earth as in heaven … may the work of our hands, the temples and structures we build in this world, reflect the temple and the structure of your glory so that the joy, graciousness, tenderness, and justice of heaven will show forth within all of our structures on earth.

Give … life and love to us and help us to see always everything as gift. Help us to know that nothing comes to us by right and that we must give because we have been given to. Help us realize that we must give to the poor, not because they need it, but because our own health depends upon our giving to them.

Us … the truly plural us. Give not just to our own but to everyone, including those who are very different than the narrow us. Give your gifts to all of us equally.

This day  … not tomorrow. Do not let us push things off into some indefinite future so that we can continue to live justified lives in the face of injustice because we can use present philosophical, political, economic, logistic, and practical difficulties as an excuse for inactivity.

Our daily bread … so that each person in the world may have enough food, enough clean water, enough clean air, adequate health care, and sufficient access to education so as to have the sustenance for a healthy life. Teach us to give from our sustenance and not just from our surplus.

And forgive us our trespasses … forgive us our blindness towards our neighbor, our obsessive self-preoccupation, our racism, our sexism, and our incurable propensity to worry only about ourselves and our own. Forgive us our capacity to watch the evening news and do nothing about it.

As we forgive those who trespass against us … help us to forgive those who victimize us. Help us to mellow out in spirit, to not grow bitter with age, to forgive the imperfect parents and systems that wounded, cursed, and ignored us.

And do not put us to the test … do not judge us only by whether we have fed the hungry, given clothing to the naked, visited the sick, or tried to mend the systems that victimized the poor. Spare us this test for none of us can stand before this gospel scrutiny. Give us, instead, more days to mend our ways, our selfishness, and our systems.

But deliver us from evil … that is, from the blindness that lets us continue to participate in anonymous systems within which we need not see who gets less as we get more.

Amen.

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Reflections“The world is round so that friendships may encircle it.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin1881 – 1955Jesuit priest and French idealist philosopher

“Every day, look at a beautiful picture, read a beautiful poem, listen to some beautiful music and, if possible, say some reasonable thing.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe1749 – 1832German writer and statesman

“If the mouth is fastened shut, no quarrel arises.”Japanese Proverb

“Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery in which to bury the faults of his friends.”

Henry Brooks Adams1838 – 1918American historian

“You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”

Ernest Hemingway1899 – 1961American novelist, short story writer and journalist

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Reflections (continued)

“It doesn’t matter where we were born, what kind of rearing we had, who our friends were, what kind of trouble we got into, how low we sank, or how far behind we fell. When we add it all up, we still have some options left, we still have some choices we can make.”

Samuel D. Proctor1914 -1997African American minister, educatorand humanitarian

“For what it’s worth: It’s never too late to be who you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.”

F. Scott Fitzgerald1896 – 1940American novelist and short story writer

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A Whole PersonThe scarcity of models makes it hard to describe a whole person, but it helps to have an idea of what one might look like. Whole people:

love themselvescan laugh at themselvesrisk being true to themselvesare involved in meaningful worklook for the good and hope for the bestare creative and original (not necessarily artistic)are comfortable with their masculine and feminine aspectsare at home in their sexualitydevelop a personal ethic based on love for self and othersenjoy food, rest, work, play, learning, mentoringsometimes experience ecstasy at the beauty of

creationexperience anger, anxiety, fear, sadness, and guilthave a deep meaningful spiritual lifeaccept responsibility for their choicesknow they don’t have all the answersrespond spontaneously to lifelove their bodies

A Whole Person (continued)

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love the truthloveaffirm othersdon’t use othersdon’t need to impress otherssuffer when others are sufferingdon’t blame others for their unhappinessrespect children, animals, nature, and mysteryhave honest intimate relationships with othersrecognize the hurt and fear that underline the

unattractive words and behaviors of obnoxious

peopleput their trust in the unknowable “Other”don’t allow others to manipulate themdon’t make promises they can’t keepcan say no without feeling guiltyare willing to confront otherslisten more than they talksee others as teachers

Adapted from Jean Benedict Rafa, Ed. D. The Bridge to Wholeness A Feminine Alternative to the Hero Myth (San Diego, CA: Laura Media)

Your Individual Wellness

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Blocks / Hindrances to the Development of a

Contemplative OutlookWhat are some hindrances or blocks to developing a contemplative attitude or experiencing God’s loving presence?

Lack of an interior life A non-reflective approach to life; externally oriented Childhood wounds, abuse, and neglect Distorted notion / image of God Fear of God Low self esteem Self-absorption Serious past regressions, such as involvement with

drugs or having an abortion “Secrets” from family or ancestry Addictions and compulsion Co-dependency issues and tendencies Doing vs. Being: Inability to “be” Lack of primal human love Repressed feelings, or out of touch with feelings Inability to be vulnerable Obsessive need to be in control Repressed sexuality

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What Prevents Us From Becoming a

Whole PersonIssues and behaviors that our directees (and we!) have which contribute to unhealthy living and a lack of total well-being include:

Negative body image Lace of awareness of one’s body Living mostly in one’s head and out of touch with one’s

feelings and body Lack of awareness of one’s breathing (shallow breathing) Inadequate leisure and fun time Overwork Lack of physical exercise Poor eating habits, such as eating an abundance of simple

carbohydrates, fast foods, or eating “on the run” Obesity Lack of a balance between giving and receiving (give too

much, receive too little) Watching too much TV Co-dependent tendencies, such as being externally oriented,

the inability to say “no” to others, blaming others Compulsive tendencies Rigidity and the need to be in control One’s attention more in past or future, and not in the present

moment Strong resentments and unforgiving attitudes Lack of self-care

How can these things and attitudes affect directees’ (and our) unfolding relationship with God and spiritual well-being? Can you think of a particular directee struggling with several of these issues?

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Reflections on Forgiveness

The Illusion of Power The illusion that if this hadn’t happened,

we would have had a more “perfect’ life. The illusion of being one of the “good

guys.” The illusion of power. The illusion that you will not be hurt

again.

Myths of Forgiveness Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not condoning. Forgiveness is not absolution. Forgiveness is not a form of self-sacrifice. Forgiveness is not a once-for-all decision.

What Forgiveness Is Forgiveness is a form of realism. Forgiveness is an internal process. Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-

esteem.14

Forgiveness is letting go of the past. Forgiveness is no longer wants to punish

those who hurt us. Forgiveness is moving on.

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Methods of CommunicationFor Compassionate Caring

1. Reduce excess sources of noise.2. Stand within full view.3. Speak slowly, calmly, comfortingly.4. Use short, simple sentences.5. Repeat – and, if necessary, rephrase.6. Avoid quizzing or testing to jog memory.7. Provide information and reassurance.8. Give the person ample time to respond.9. Be patient and encouraging.10. Watch for nonverbal signs of emotion.11. Comb hair, apply lotion or hold hands.12. Sing hymns, read psalms, quote Scriptures

and say prayers.

Based on Ministering to Alzheimer’s Patients by Charles Dickson (The Priest – September, 2000)

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Possible Distinctions BetweenDepressive Grief and Clinical Grief

Normal Grief Clinical DepressionResponds to comfort and support

Does not accept support

Often openly angry Irritable and many complain but does not directly express anger

Relates depressed feelings to loss experienced

Does not relate experiences to a particular life event

Can still experience moments of enjoyment in life

Exhibits an all pervading sense of doom

Exhibits feelings of sadness and emptiness

Projects a sense of hopelessness and chronic emptiness

May have transient physical complaints

Has chronic physical complaints

Expresses guilt over some specific aspect of the loss

Has generalized feelings of guilt

Has temporary impact upon self-esteem

Loss of self-esteem is of greater duration

Source: Wolfelt, A.D. (1988) Death and Grief: A Guide for Clergy. Accelerated Development, Inc. Publishers, 3400 Kilgore Avenue, Muncie, IN 47304

The Social Effects of Grief

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avoiding place that hold fond memories of the one who dies

isolation

wanting to spend time only in such places (as above)

workaholism

being left out of activities done as a couple with friends or family

no or few invitations

new friends, new opportunities become too busy, avoiding people

refusal to make new friends or to try new things

clinging to familiar social patterns and customs

refusing to celebrate anything, due to anticipation of the pain or reminders

The Spiritual Effects of Grieflook at and accept one’s own mortality

turn away from God

find meaning in God that was not part of one’s faith before

wonder about cherished beliefs

ask questions like, “Why would a loving God let this happen?”

stay angry at God

become more reflective about spiritual matters

find comfort in one’s beliefs

find comfort in prayer and/or scripture

feel abandoned or punished by God

finding no comfort in prayer/scripture

examine one’s life and plan how to spend the remainder of it

express anger and all feeling to God and feel a source of strength from that behavior

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The Physical Effects of Griefloss of appetite menstrual difficulties

anorexia difficulties in breathing or swallowing

inability to sleep skin eruptions

sleeping most of the time bed-wetting

irregular sleeping patterns fatigue

frequent headaches loss of physical balance/accidentsstomach aches ringing in the earschest pain addiction to drugs and/or alcoholblurred or changed vision onset of serious illnesslack of sex drive weight gainoccasional numbness in limbs, hands, feet

The Mental Effects of Griefdifficulty concentrating excessive daydreamingforgetfulness mild to overwhelming confusioninability to perform routine tasks memory lossmisplacing objects distortion in perceptionnightmares distorted sense of timedriven by a single thought, similar thoughts

easily distorted

suicidal or depressive thoughts missed appointments“seeing” the deceased in a crowd, only to learn it is someone else

missing celebration dates

The Emotional Effects of Griefnumb hurt shattered hopeful empty/hollowabandoned failure angry ambivalent shockhopeless guilt rage relief stressedblame helpless dread sadness lonelypeace despair afraid longing shamedenial paralyzed overwhelmed conflicted melancholy

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Key Facts About the Grief Process1. The way out of grief is through it.

2. The very worst grief is the one you are in right now.

3. Grieving is hard work.

4. Effective grief is not done alone.

5. Grief shared is grief diminished

6. Grief if the outcome of the sacredness of love.

7. Grief is individual. Each person is unique. Each

relationship is unique.

8. Grieving is a process; grief is not an “event.”

9. Grief is a natural and normal response to loss.

10. Grieving is not a sign of weakness, but rather a tribute to

the love shared and to the love one.

11. There is no “time frame,” nor agenda (no stages), for the

grief process. Grief takes as long as it takes!

12. One can never experience another person’s grief.

13. Understanding the grief process is not the same as

understanding a person’s grief.

14. Processing grief with positive coping skills gives the

opportunity to resolve grief in one’s own time.

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Nature of the Grief ProcessWhere there is life, there will be loss; where there is loss, there will

be grief;Where there is grief, there will be pain, where there is pain, there

will be suffering.

1. Loss is an injury. Grief is the normal response to loss.2. Grief is a process, not an event. We process grief. Grief is the

process of healing. Processing grief gives the opportunity for grief to heal in its own time. It’s a natural and normal process.

3. When grief doesn’t have the chance to process naturally, then complicated grief sets in. When this happens, individuals may need to be directed to another source, (counseling, therapy.)

4. Processing grief is called Bereavement. Allowing it to go public is “mourning”. Processing grief is going through certain maneuvers to work through grief (anger, fears, guilt, depression, loneliness).

5. Grief work should not be done alone. We need people. The #1 mean of healing is through “community” or people.

6. The realization of the loss comes about the third day after the death.

7. Life will never be the same after the death of a loved one. Life will change. Persons usually grow and develop into new and different modes of life after working through grief. Persons will grow according to how well they were supported during this time. (It is important to give attention early on in grief.)

8. Grief is individual, no two people grieve the same. Neither do we set a time clock for grief. Persons may grieve up to 5 to 7 years (depending on their support system).

9. Understanding the grief process is not the same as understanding someone’s grief.

10. There is no easy prescription to take away grief . . . no quick fix! It’s a process . . .

11. Healing actually comes from the immersion into the pain.21

Elements that Determine the Length and Pain of Grief1. Nature of the loss: sudden or anticipated; caring for a loved one for

a long while may drain our energy; however, sometimes sudden deaths do not provide time for “closure” . . . “good-byes”, etc.

2. Quality of the loss: What was the relationship to this person and what does that mean?

3. Environment Surround: What were the circumstances surrounding the death? Was it violent . . . suicide . . was the person found dead . . . was the body ever retrieved? Could the cause of the death even been identified . . . do we know how it happened . . . was there blame to be given? Was the person alone . . . or surrounded by family/friends at the time of death?

4. Concurrent stresses: holiday, birthdays, anniversaries bring on certain amount of routine stress.

5. Multiple losses: Accumulations of losses, especially within a short period of time is “grief upon grief” . . . divorce, then a death; loss of job, then a death, breakup of a relationship, then a death, etc. Period of grieving certainly will take longer and sometimes professional help is needed.

6. Function of the deceased in the family: Was the person the bread winner . . . a caregiver . . . a person who took the leadership role in the family?

Note: Death can be frightening, especially for children. Listening is very important because of the natural imagination of children. Do not create myths or add to their created images. Be real, be honest, use the correct vocabulary and answer just what the child has asked. No need to get into “philosophical” discussion.

In general, know that we are limited. It is important to be there rather than to do anything.

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“What is time? The shadow on the dial, the striking of the clock, the running of the sand,

day and night, summer and winter,

months, years, centuries – these are but arbitrary

and outward signs, the measure of Time,

not Time itself. Time is the Life of the soul.”

What is Time?by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

American Poet (1807 – 1882)

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When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me and I'm not there to see,If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;I wish you wouldn't cry the way you did today,While thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you,Each time that you think of me I know you'll miss me too;But when tomorrow starts without me please try to understand,That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,

He said my place was ready in heaven far above,And that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eyeFor all my life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for, so much left to do,It seemed almost impossible, that I was leaving you!I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,I thought of all the love we shared, and all the fun we had

If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while,I'd say good-bye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.But then I fully realized that this could never be,For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow,I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.When God looked down and smiled at me from His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you."Today your life on earth is past, but here life starts anew.I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last,And since each day's the same way, there's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful, so trusting and so true.Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.So won't you come and take my hand and share my life with me?

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So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,For every time you think of me, I'm right here . . . in your heart!

Author: David M. Romano

There are times in life when we are called to be bridges

not a great monument spanning a distanceand carry loads of traffic

but a simple bridge to help oneperson

from here to there over some difficulty

such as pain, grief, fear,or loneliness,

a bridge which opens the way for the ongoing journey.

When I become a bridge for anotherI bring upon myself a blessing,

for I escape from the small prison of selfand exist for a wider world.

I break out to be a larger beingwho can enter another’s pain

and rejoice in another’s triumph.

I know of only one greater blessing in this life, and that is

to allow someone else to be a bridge for me.

Joy Crowley1936 – current

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New Zealand of children’s fiction,novels and short stories

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When I am gone, release me, let me go. I have so many things to see and do,

you mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears. Be thankful for our beautiful years.

I gave to you my love. You can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness.

I thank you for the love you each have shown, but now it’s time I traveled on alone.

So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must,then let your grief be comforted by trust,

it’s only for a time that we must part, so bless the memories within your heart.

I won’t be far away, for life goes on,

though you can’t see or touch me, I’ll be near.

All my love around you soft and clear.And then, when you must come this way alone,

I’ll greet you with a smile, and say- “Welcome Home.”

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A Prayerby Phillip Bennet (Episcopal Priest)

My God,I can never prepare myself for loss,it is always wrenching,disorienting.

But help me to trustthat each loss can teach menot to cling so tightly;to let go, to fallinto the unknownwhere you lie waitingto meet me.

All will be lost:my loved ones, my body, my life.

But you have promisedthat all that is losswill be found again in you.

Help me find the richeshidden in my loss,

the rock-certainty of your lovein the swirling rapids of change.help me to lose that I may gain.

May all my losses lead me back to you.

When I am gone, release me, let me go. I have so many things to see and do,

you mustn’t tie yourself to me with tears. Be thankful for our beautiful years.

I gave to you my love. You can only guess how much you gave to me in happiness.

I thank you for the love you each have shown, but now it’s time I traveled on alone.

So grieve awhile for me, if grieve you must,then let your grief be comforted by trust,

it’s only for a time that we must part, so bless the memories within your heart.

I won’t be far away, for life goes on,

though you can’t see or touch me, I’ll be near.

All my love around you soft and clear.And then, when you must come this way alone,

I’ll greet you with a smile, and say- “Welcome Home.”

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Closing PrayerBy Phillip Bennet

Episcopal PriestMy God,I can never prepare myself for loss,it is always wrenching,disorienting.

But help me to trustthat each loss can teach menot to cling so tightly;to let go, to fallinto the unknownwhere you lie waitingto meet me.

All will be lost:my loved ones, my body, my life.

But you have promisedthat all that is loss

will be found again in you.

Help me find the richeshidden in my loss,

the rock-certainty of your lovein the swirling rapids of change.help me to lose that I may gain.

May all my losses lead me back to you.

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Closing Song

On Eagle’s Wingshttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvpjxfWrjzY

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