Values and their impacts in Family Relationships – Class 3 19th January 2020

Introduction The most important relationship is between the husband and wife, and problems are arising these days is due to ignorance because they don’t understand the marriage is a strong covenant and both of them will be asked about it on the day of judgment, If one partner does not give the rights of the other then you can use it as an excuse to not fulfil your duties.

Prophet said give the trust to whom entrusted you the trust, Don’t betray the one who betrays you because if he betrays me then I will not betray him because I fear Allah. All our relationship should be for the sake of Allah.

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VALUES: CONCEALMENT

Allah described the marital life in Surah Al Baqarah Ayah 187 where He said Allah made it lawful in Ramadan to have relationship with your wife from Maghrib to Fajr. Then Allah tells that man is a Libas for their wives and wife is a Libas for their husbands.

Libas means:

1. Covering 2. Husband finds repose in wife and wives in their husbands. 3. Both covering each other i.e. having intimacy with each other 4. Screen each other from unlawful relations.

“Libas” is

1. Covers our private parts. Man and woman are covering each other defects 2. Both husband and wife are covering what is not lawful for others to see 3. Libas implies the meaning of a “Satar”. i.e. a screen/ cover to cover each other defects/ Aurah

(shameful things that no one should see).

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4. The Libas is very close and touching our bodies. Same is the relationship between the husband and the wife

5. The description of Libas is not used for any other relationship but only for the husband and wife. It means there in martial life there is privacy and secrets that we need to cover and we should not reveal. Husband will cover the Aurah of woman and vice versa

6. Libas implies concealment. i.e. the husband and wife should not reveal each other secrets and privacy. No one has the right to see the privacy of the man and no one has the right to see the privacy of the woman.

It s the basis of the marital relationship. The husband is called Libas and the wife is called Libas in the Quran. People are committing a great sin when they reveal the private affairs of the husband and the wife. When we see woman who discuss the private affairs of the relationship with their husband, then this indicates she is missing the value of concealment from her life.

Allah gave two descriptions for the righteous women in Surah An Nisa in Ayah 34:

1. Obedient and Devoted: They are obedient to Allah and their husbands. Especially when the husband is absent. These women fear Allah and are aware of Allah’s watchfulness. She know if she obeys her husband then Allah will send blessings in her life. When she obeys her husband then she is a righteous woman. Even in a situation when your opinion and knowledge is better than your husband and you still obey your husband then Allah will send barakah/blessings in your life. Allah will also show you the goodness and you will have immense reward with Allah.

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2. Guards her chastity: She guards her chastity and his wealth and property in his absence. She needs to guard the command of her husband and obey him in his absence. Sheikh As Sa’adi said whoever puts his trust in Allah then Allah will suffice him and take care of all his worries of this life and the next. We need to ask Allah’s help to guard our husband’s absence.

If it happens that when you went out of your house and you committed a sin ( finding pleasure in talking to or looking at men) then immediately you need to ask forgiveness and repent to Allah and not mention anything to your husband. Allah saw you committing the sin so it is between you and Allah.

The righteous woman has to guard the honor of her husband in his absence.

The man has the same obligations with regards to concealment and he should not discuss his private affairs with others. Generally concealment is required in all our relationships but it is very important in the marital life. The only exception is when you are seeking advice from a lawyer or scholar or when you are oppressed.

Allah tells us in Surah An Nisa Ayah 148 that He does not like evil to be mentioned in public to except when someone is wronged or oppressed.

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The Prophet ملسو ھیلع هللا ىلص said it is from the excellence of one Islam to leave that what does not concern you. We need to stay away from staying away from the private affairs of others.

One of the descriptions of the hypocrites as mentioned by the Prophet ملسو ھیلع هللا ىلص is

1. If he speaks, he lies 2. If he promises, he breaks it 3. If he makes a covenant, then he betrays 4. If he quarrels, then he behaves in an evil manner 5. He reveals the defects of the other. (especially between when a fight happens between the

husband and wife then they reveal the secrets which should be covered)

The Prophet ملسو ھیلع هللا ىلص said whoever conceals a Muslim by covering him with clothes or by concealing his faults then Allah will cover him up and will not disgrace him in this world and on the day of judgement. On the day of judgment when Allah will gather everyone on one land, Allah will create a veil between him and the people on the day of judgement and then he will confess to all his sins and Allah will say that I covered you in the Duniya and today I forgive you. This is because he concealed the sins of the people.

Concealment is a great value that we need to practice. It is the right of the husband that you conceal his defects even if it is a sin or a fault. We cannot talk about his deficiencies to anyone.

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The correct attitude of the righteous woman is that she needs to advise him, pray for him and help him overcome the sin that he is committing. People commit sins because they are weak and they need help to overcome the shortcomings.

The companions asked the Prophet ملسو ھیلع هللا ىلص what is the best treasure when the verse was revealed about giving away charity in gold and silver. The Prophet ملسو ھیلع هللا ىلص replied the most virtuous is to have a remembering tongue, grateful heart and a believing wife that helps him with his faith. She needs to invoke Allah for him, guide him, bring the solution to him and do your best. We should not look down at a sinner because we maybe afflicted with that sin one day. We don’t know what is in the heart of the sinner; it could be that the shaitan overcomes him and he knows he is committing a sin and he is struggling to leave his sin.

If the husband has committed a sin in a secret way in the house and no one except the wife knows about it then you need to conceal his mistakes and sins. This is because Allah does not love exposing the sins of the people. Complaining to the people does not solve problems rather it becomes worse for them.

The Prophet ملسو ھیلع هللا ىلص said in a hadith “O community of people who belief with the tongue and Iman did not enter the heart Don’t backbite the Muslims and don’t search for their faults. Whoever will search for the faults of the people then Allah will follow-up his mistakes and his Aurah i.e. by subjecting someone who will search for his sins and reveal him to the people. Allah will disgrace him even if he was in his house.( Allah will disgrace him in the duniya before the Hereafter

We are supposed to spy on our husbands i.e. to search in their pockets, mobiles etc. as this is all considered as searching for a fault or mistake against him.

1. If the Iman has entered the heart then it should be shown on the limbs and tongue 2. The person who backbites means faith did not settle in his heart 3. Warning against backbiting 4. Severe warning for searching for the defects of the Muslims.

Ibn Umar looked at the house of Allah and said how great is your sanctity with Allah however the honor of the Muslim is more sacred than you. The honor of the Muslim is more sacred than the house of Allah.

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The scholars agreed that whoever comes to know about some faults of the believer who is unaware of what he was doing then you need to conceal it and not reveal it e.g. a man working in a Dawah center and you see him doing a mistake outside then you need to conceal it and not reveal it.

The Prophet ملسو ھیلع هللا ىلص said in a hadith to forgive the people of good quality/ righteous because he is not used to the mistake and he stumbled so you should forgive him except he committed a sin where he needs to have a penalty set by Shairah i.e. Hadood. The Mujahir ( i.e. the one who commits sin openly) is not included in this.

Summary:.”

1. You have no right to search for mistakes / defects of people because it contradicts the value of concealment

2. If you see someone commit a sin then you need to conceal him 3. Searching for defects of people and revealing it is an indication of the hypocrites. Don’t give

yourself excuses to search for his faults 4. Being busy in revealing the defects of the husband will result in affliction of the same defect.

We should not look down at sinners. 5. We need to think good of the people and give them excuses. 6. Whoever conceals someone then Allah will conceal him on the day of Judgment.

The salaf used to say “whoever conceals the defects of a muslim it is as if he has given a life to a buried girl ( who was buried alive).:” This is because when you conceal a believer it is as if you are repelling / disgrace from him.

What will help to practice this value

1. Lower the gaze and don’t investigate the mistake 2. Think good of people 3. Ignore the mistakes and we need to be gentle with people when they make mistakes.