Using Mentor Texts to Improve Writing

Ideas from CUWP and Beyond --

Choosing and Using Mentor Texts

"How can you know what you're missing if you've never met it? You must know of something's existence before you can notice its absence."

-- E.L. Konigsburg

Using Mentor Texts to Improve Sentences

Slightly adapted from Jeff Anderson’s Everyday Editing

Colons used to Introduce a List (Series) - Notice

The deputy told me to empty my pockets: two quarters, a penny, a stick of bubble gum, and roll of grip tape for my skateboard.

-- Carl Hiaasen, Flush (2006)

Colons used to Introduce a List (Series) -- Notice

"Empty your pockets!"Reluctantly, one by one, Hugo pulled out

dozens of objects: screws and nails and bits of metal, gears and crumpled palying cards, tiny pieces of clockworks, cogs and wheels.

-- Brian Selznick, The Invention of Hugo Cabret (2007)

Colons used to Introduce a List (Series) -- Notice

Before I do anything else, I need to go back over everything that has happened this summer: the Big Mistake, the old man, the book, the lamp, the telescope, and this box, which started it all.

-- Wendy Mass, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life (2006)

Colons used to Introduce a List (Series) -- Imitate

The TSA employee emptied my backpack: three books, a journal, and 17 pens. -- Jeff Anderson

_____________ told me to empty my __________: ______________, _____________, and ______________.

Candy and Colons used to Introduce a List (Series)

Candy

Shop

How'd They Do It? -- Colons -- Edit

On Saturdays, my cousins and I buy candy from the ice cream truck: sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers.

- Jeff Anderson

1. On Saturdays, my cousins and I buy candy from the ice cream truck; sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers.

How'd They Do It? -- Colons

On Saturdays, my cousins and I buy candy from the ice cream truck: sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers.

- Jeff Anderson

2. On Saturdays, me and my cousins buy candy from the ice cream truck: sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers.

How'd They Do It? -- Colons

On Saturdays, my cousins and I buy candy from the ice cream truck: sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers.

- Jeff Anderson

3. On Saturdays, my cousins and I buys candy from the ice cream truck: sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers

How'd They Do It? -- Colons

On Saturdays, my cousins and I buy candy from the ice cream truck: sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers.

- Jeff Anderson

4. On Saturdays, my cousins and I buy candy from the ice cream truck -- sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers.

How'd They Do It? -- Colons

On Saturdays, my cousins and I buy candy from the ice cream truck: sour worms, Jolly Ranchers, and Snickers.

- Jeff Anderson

5. On Saturdays, my cousins and I buy candy from the ice cream truck.

How'd They Do It? -- Colons

• Dashes: The dash does the same job a colon can do. It says to the reader, "Here comes something!" You can use a dash almost any way you want. Colons have more rules, but we want to use only a dash of dashes.

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons)

We also enjoyed bragging about which of the penny candies we planned to snap up during our sweet-tooth runs to Suzy's tiendita. Inside the little store, in the presence of the tiny yet intimidating Suzy, we walked around in hushed reverence, debating the intrinsic value of candy cigarettes, wax bottles of sugary "soda water," and pastel necklaces made of sweet-tart gems.

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons), cont.

No expert appraiser at Tiffany in New York matched the intense squint of our eyes as we pushed and shoved each other out of the way, gazing hungrily at the tasty jewels encased in round glass jars topped with "fiesta red" lids.

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons), cont.

Our purchases safely stuffed into little brown paper bags, we exploded onto the dusty callecita of Alice, Texas. With our bare feet, we kicked up dusty clouds from the road as we walk to our Tia Elia's house, reverting to loud, boisterous "Tejano talk" we seemed to reserve only for members of our own family.

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons), cont.

Oh, the fights over who had made the best purchase. "Mira, mines is more sabroso than yours," a cousin would shout. Another would counter with, "I'm gonna wear this candy necklace all day and then eat it after we have Tia Elia's calabaza con pollo. Ay, it looks like real jewels, right?"

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons), cont.

That was from Mario Bosquez's The Chalupa Rules: A Latino Guide to Gringolandia (2005).

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons)

A new sentence from Bosquez's story:

The tiendita was full of valuables: sweet-tart gem necklaces, candy cigarettes, wax bottles of sugary "soda water." (Anderson)

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons)

• When it was time to go to the candy store, the hunt for loose change began: under the couch, between the cushions, beneath Dad's La-Z-Boy (especially there). (Anderson)

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons)

• When it was time to go to the candy store, the hunt for loose change began: under the couch, between the cushions, beneath Dad's La-Z-Boy (especially there). (Anderson)

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons)

Boxes of my favorite penny and nickel candies lined the low shelf: green apple bubble gum balls, Atomic Fireballs, candy cigarettes (which my mom wouldn’t let me have, but they tasted so good), root beer barrels, wax pop bottles, and Kits in four different flavors – banana, chocolate, strawberry, and peanut butter.

-- C. Dorsey

Extended Writing using Lists (and perhaps colons)

Assignment: Now, in your composition book, write

about candy – or anything related to it – anything that connects to you from the pieces we’ve just read.

Use lists to include specific details. You may choose whether or not to use a colon, but I’ll be especially happy if you do!

Links • http://writingideasfromcuwp.blogspot.com/• From here find links to my class blogs and

wikis. • http://learningediting.pbworks.com/

How I’m using Jeff Anderson’s stuff, and more• http://caveteachers.blogspot.com/

Random Stuff I post for myself and other teachers

A Text I Just Found I don't know yet what I'll do with the

following excerpt, but isn't it a great beginning for a book?!

What do you notice about it?

From FRANNY PARKERby Hannah Roberts McKinnonHere's how the book begins:

A Text I Just Found, cont. THE FACTSWhen Grandma Rae Parker stole me away to the

preacher on the morningof my kidnapped christening, she told him, "Bless

this one just amite bit more, if you will, dear reverend. She may

be a Parker, butshe's got her mother's look in the eye." For that fact

I am proud,because what Grandma Rae didn't understand was

that any trait sharedwith my mother was already blessing enough.

A Text I Just Found, cont.

Daddy says Mama is part wolf. Mama's love has teeth. Like the wolf who carries her pups real gentle in her mouth, then curls her lips back to show a sharp mouthful when she feels the need to be protective. That's how Mama is with her pack. And that's what Grandma Rae never understood.