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CLASSIC COMPILATION #1 FREE PIZZACompiled by: DIzzIE (antikopyright 2007)

This is the first textfile in a series that will put together classic scams centred around a particular

theme. Most, if not all, of the content will not be new; rather, these compilations are mere

attempts to bring all existing methods of achieving the same goal into one place for easy

reference. Feel free to email me with any ideas you have that werent included, and theyll be

added into subsequent versions of these compilations.

What follows is a brief compendium of various existing methods you can use to score some free

pizza. As usual, dont expect some of these tactics to work in all pizzerias, but do expect all of

them to work in at least some locales. Naturally, some are geared towards larger chains, while

others are best done in the smaller ones. Pick and choose whichever ones you think are right for

your situation.

~Lets start with an age-old classic, The Phony Order Snatch. Ol Abbie wrote about it in Steal ThisBook back in 71, and its been popular ever since. Essentially, you just phone in an order for a

pizza (Abbie recommends using a nearby payphone, though nowadays lots of pizza places let

you order online (obviously this shouldnt be done from your own computer/IP address), and

waiting around the phone just in case the pizza place calls back to confirm the order) with the

delivery address being a particularly out of the way/top floor apartment that would require the

delivery dude to travel the longest distance from zir car. Once zes out of the way, delivering the

pizza, you simply stroll on out from your hiding spot and raid the (hopefully unlocked) delivery

car, thus appropriating all of the other orders that could still be in the car.

~The Complaint #1. Stand behind someone in line and overhear their order. Youre particularlylistening for someone whos ordering take-out, but a dine-in order will suffice. Memorize the

customers details (the order, time of order, name, phone number, address, etc) and hop along

out of the pizza place (if you think youll look sketchy just lurking around and then leaving, you

can come up to the order counter and ask some bullshit question akin to hey do you guys have

peanut butter and skittles toppings? before leaving). In about an hour or so, call up the pizza

place and start bitching about how you ordered pizza with toppings X and got one with toppings

Y, with your kid being allergic to Y and how you had to toss the upchucked pizza out. Go on in

this vein for a little while, and sooner or later (if the manager doesnt catch on as to what will shut

you up) start implying and later (if the manager still doesnt catch on) insisting, that they give you

a free pizza thats actually the correct one as a replacement for their fuckup.

~The Complaint #2. Instead of an immediate result as in the first complaint scam, this method will

take more time, but has the added benefit of having a potentially reusable pay-out. Dig through

the trashcans and/or dumpster around the pizza place to find some old (though not too old,

preferably under a few days) receipts, obviously selecting either the largest/most expensive orders,

or selecting the ones that youd enjoy eating the most. Next, write a formal letter addressed either

to your local pizza branch or to its headquarters if there is one, pontificating at length (though

keep the letter to about a page or less) about how you have been a long time royal customer,

and have recently purchased xxx (whatevers on the receipt), only to have your whole family come

down with diarrhoea/vomiting/nausea/etc. Do not, however, say that you went to the doctor. Ifyou do, the pizza place will want to see medical records to cover their own asses, and youll be

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shit out of luck. Make the complaint significant, but keep it mild enough so that you didnt seek

any medical attention (this means saying something along the lines of I found a piece of glass

that split my tongue in two is out, as theyd expect that to be something that youd go to the

hospital for). Polish off the letter by stating that you are seriously

disillusioned/disappointed/devastated with the quality of xxx brands dining establishments.

Though, once again, dont overdo this by saying that youll never go there again; instead, let that

be an implied threat that hangs in the air, hauntingly unstated. Finally, though its not absolutely

necessary, you can explicitly state that you would like compensation for your most unfortunate

dining experience. Include the receipt that you found along with the letter, and mail it off. Within a

few weeks you should receive a soggy apology letter, along with either coupons for free pizza, or

a check for the amount spent. In this case, a coupon would actually be better, as you could then

proceed to make numerous copies of it to use over and over (for some more info on couponing

see: http://www.rorta.net/index.php?page=couponing_v2, and

http://www.rorta.net/index.php?page=complaintletterscam for other potentialities of the

complaint letters cam).

~The Table Scrapper. Walk around through the pizza place looking for any unattended tables that

have left some discarded remains. Gluttonous consumers often leave their food unfinished, and

its going to get trashed anyway, so you might as well pick some up.

~The Snatcher. If you dont like table scraps, and the pizza place is the kind where dine-in orders

are picked up by the diners themselves at the front counter, simply swoop in and pick up an order

standing on the counter before the real customers do. Leave a random receipt or a stray

electronic buzzer on the counter as a credibility prop, and then get the fuck out of there.

~The Late Order. Place an order for a pick-up about twenty or thirty minutes before the pizzaplace closes. Show up about five minutes before closing time and go in to pick up your pizza.

Reach your hand casually into your pocket so as to pull out your wallet, only to act befuddled and

begin feeling around for your wallet. Frown and apologetically begin to explain that you mustve

left your wallet at home, and could you mind just waiting a bit while I go back and get it, itll be

like twenty minutes, Im so sorry about that:(. The rub here lies in the fact that, not wanting to

wait around for this dunce to go back for his wallet, the pizza place may just let you have the

order for free. If, however, they begrudgingly do say fine, well wait, come back in about an hour

or so when the place has closed down, and go look in the dumpster, which brings us to the next

method:

~The Dumpster Dive. Orders that get fucked up are often tossed away into the trash. If you have

issues with eating dumsptered food, resort only to consuming the boxed items, as those remain

uncorrupted by the perceived evils of the dumpster. Visit the dumpster an hour or so after the

place closes and then simply bring the dumpstered pizzas home and heat em up.

For more ideas on how to get free food in general, check out the Hobo Papers #1

(http://www.rorta.net/index.php?page=freefood) as well as the free food section of Stop Paying

for Shit! The College edition (http://forum.rorta.net/showthread.php?t=735).

More knowledge at www.dizzy.ws and www.rorta.net. Comments/additional methods to include infuture versions of this compilation can go to xcon0 a\\t y//a\\h//o\\ d.ot com.