Grange r High School

an open forum for student opinion, expression, and silliness. Check the date if you believe any of these articles

Tri-Color Times

April Fools 2009 Volume LI, Issue 9

On the Inside: Take a Look!02-03 Upcoming news: Grangers wil l become fi rs t “High Tech high school”04 Upcoming news: More changes at Granger, new graduat ion requirement .05 Student Life: Senior Bal l , Fashions, and l i fe a t G-House06-07 Sports : Jazz coming to grangers court08 Enter ta inment: Funny things heard in hal l .

Senior prank goes incredibily wrong.

Granger students in custody

What seemed to be a simple and harmless senior prank turned out to be a Class B Misdemeanor! It has been a rumor for years that Granger is housing an emergency elevator. This was proven to be true when several seniors were arrested with charges from a simple senior prank. The seniors loaded seven cows onto the loading dock right outside Granger’s cafeteria. They then mysteriously forced these seven cows, one by one, into the emergency elevator and placed them on the second floor of the school. After jamming the elevator, they fled school property,

leaving the poor seven cows to roam the second floor because cows cannot descend stairs. The student’s names, responsible for the incident, were released last Saturday from the West Valley City police department. These students include David Waterbury, Russell Owens, Nancy Vonsengkeo, Richard Yorgason and Niina Malufau. This so called simple senior prank violated several security regulations. However, several Granger students have said that the situation was blown out of proportion. Homeland security was one department who intervened into the situation. A bill snuck its way into congress about cows and the safety of children. The bill states that people must be at least twenty feet from any specified cow unless they qualify to receive

an authorized license and are at least 21 years of age. Several people have lost their jobs over this cow controversy which started because of a Granger High School senior prank. Wilson Douglas from homeland security stated, “We have never seen a situation like this. It’s sick to be honest. We are containing the situation as much as possible; it is our number one priority on the charts at the moment.” This prank has lead to several charges against these 5 teenagers. Richard Yorgason affirmed after being released from the Salt Lake County jail, “It was just a modest joke. I didn’t think it would lead to such horrible consequences.” Niina Malufau agreed with Yorgason in her statement, “Yes, it was just a modest joke but we did our time for it. Everyone’s reactions were completely absurd!

I didn’t think it would be such a big deal.” Nancy Vonsengkeo and Richard Yorgason had no comment. Vonsengkeo was removed from the office of SBO Publicist, as was Yorgason removed from Seminary counsel. They both have chosen to avoid all publicity. Last Saturday at the court session Yorgason rushed past all reporters, some say in tears. This prank has hit cow industries all over the United States and has been placed as an issue for congress. Russell Owens, who was also involved in the incident, took a lighter perspective of the situation when he confirmed, “My picture is in every newspaper in every city. Who knew I would get so famous because cows can’t go down the stairs.” David Waterbury does not

regret his actions. He holds true that this was a simple joke. “It was the bomb! No one in history can top this senior prank.” His mother disagrees and was in tears as he left the court rooms last Saturday. Mr. Cox is devastated by this unexpected publicity. “Not only is it bad attention brought to Granger, but we have lost two Student Body Officer’s, a seminary counsel member, a reporter for the paper, and an actor in our drama program. All who hold responsibilities that help this school. Frankly I’m appalled by their behavior” This simple senior prank has swept the nation but has it truly been blown out of proportion? Numerous Granger students believe so, however, your opinion may differ.

Possibility for Mascot

change? Read about it on pg. 4

Photos courtesy of Salt Lake County Police Department

The Tri-Color Times serves as a student forum for student opinion and student expression. The views expressed herein reflect neither the opinions of Advi-sor John Carlisle and Granger High School, nor those of Granite School District. The Tri-Color Times in-vites and publishes letters to its editorial board; all let-

ters will be edited for taste, length and content.

2S ta ff a n d ne wS Tri-Color-Times

Granger High School

April Fools 2009

Dear LancyDo you have a problem, or just need advice? Let Lancy know. Just write to Lancy, place it in locker 931, and

she may answer you in the Tri-Color-Times

< Granger High School 3690 South 3600 West Valley, UT 84119 > < 801 646-5320 >

Ivette AguileraFexhrije Aliji

Lejla BecirevicChelsie Bolding Nichole Butters

Samantha Candland Louis Cordero Nina Malufau

Megan McManamaMario PalaciosWhitney Perea

Rosa PerezMelissa Reed

Mackenzie RushtonPatrick Seuili

Kariann WaldmanSarah White

Tri-ColorTimes Staff

EditorMegan McManama

AdvisorJohn Carlisle

Layout DesignMegan McManama

Section EditorsChelsie BoldingSam CandlandNina MalufauLouis Cordero

Journalists

Copy EditorsSam Candland

Sanja TursicChelsey Delgado

Volume LI, Issue 9

Dear Lancy, My toes seem to grow at an alarming rate, faster than the rest of my feet and body all together! What does this mean?--Finger Feet

According to recent statistics, many adolescence ages 15-17---which live in the West Valley area---are evolving into creatures due to a chemical vapor spill two weeks ago. The vapor, which only affects the young, have shown signs such as elongated appendages, usually toes, fingers and once in a while, necks. This is being called Giraffe-cama-o-hardus, and can only be cured by soaking in fettuccini sauce every night for two hours while singing Mary

had a little lamb backwards. This must be continued until the age of 18. It has proven to increase the obesity rate. Skin seems to absorb into fatty tissue cells making your body plump to the size of a baby cow.<3 Lancy

Dear Lancy, The other week I was in California and as I was walking hot-like down the street, when all of the sudden I see Ryan Reynolds. I was thinking to myself, “Oh my Gosh!” and I did what any desperate girl would do. I ran up to him and asked him for an autograph. He was super nice and everything but then, after our conversation, I began to think “Wow, I wish I could get a guy like that.” The thought made me super

depressed. I mean, there really aren’t that many great guys---especially as perfect as Ryan Reynolds---in the world. I mean, where would a young girl find such a wonderful man?! Is the saying, “there are plenty delicious fish in the sea,” really true?-Hot’n’High Heels

Dear Hot’n’High, First of all, I am entirely jealous from head to toe about your encounter. Ryan Reynolds is, like you said, amazingly attractive. Was he seriously walking by himself? That is not safe, any crazy person could drive up in a white van and throw him in the back. Anyway, yes! Of course there are that many amazing guys in the world. Have you ever gone shopping at Buckle on a Saturday

afternoon? Guys, along the wall, shopping for pants, and affliction shirts….all tan and toned! I have discovered, from personal experience, that they are not the greatest to keep company with. While building their bodies, they forgot the most important part of the body---their brain. That is right; most cannot carry a conversation, and continue to talk about nothing but weight training and how much they can bench. I, for one, would rather have someone who I could have a conversation with over a muscle bound man with nothing going on for him but his looks.<3 Lancy

EVERYONE at Granger is probably wondering how the new school will look like in a few years. The Architects explained some of the floor plans. Consturction will begin this summer with the help of many granger students.

3Tri-Color-TimesGranger High School

Volume LI, Issue 9

G ra n G e r reb uil t

April Fools 2009

Mr. Fuller and Mr. Cox traveled to Florida to the technological education offices and got approval for Granger to be the first technological high school! “We are very honored to have had this approved. The school will be safer, and a better environment.” Says Mr. Fuller. This means that all the lockers will have personal identification combinations therefore if a student wants to open their locker they will have

The plans for new and upcomingGranger have been approved.

With the complex new changes at Granger comes also a wardrobe change, that’s right Granger High School will have a new uniform. Like many students have already heard, Granger’s new uniform will be a modest, simple style that will work with all students. When showed pictures Stacy Track(11) said “I think that these new dress codes will be awesome! It is a great equalizer; no more cliques with their designer clothes and nerds with cheap clothes. Everything will be equal,” Teachers and administration have been talking about this idea for a

while, and they finally decided to make it a reality. “It will definitely be a positive change to Granger High. Then the teachers won’t have to worry about harassing the students about sagging pants, straps, or inappropriate clothing,” said Mr. Murdock. “It will surely help build Granger’s reputation,” Murdock continued to explain. Often times Granger is seen as “ghetto” or “in the hood.” Both the students and faculty have seen this soon-to-be change in clothing style as a way to represent our school as welcoming and prosperous. The clothes for girls will be Docks, knee-highs, a pleated skirt, a vest with a collared, half-sleeve shirt, and headbands. For the guys, it will be Khaki’s, a vest, and a collared, white polo.

Uniforms approved

to place their fingers on the fingerprint scan. All students will wear transparent back packs so that authorities will be aware of any student who brings illegal substances or objects. All the stairs will be exchanged for escalators. Every desk will be built out of memory foam and the desk will take the form of the student’s physique. This is the point where your thinking “Oh yeah!! I can fall asleep in class

comfortably now.” Not so fast, every desk will have a posture correcting system. That means students will be strapped to the back of their chair so they will be sitting up straight, with both feet on the ground, and there will be secured headrests. The headrests will

High Tech High

STARTING on April 19th, everyone at Granger will have to bathe before classes start. Yes kids, that’s right! You won’t have to sit next to that smelly, sticky kid any longer. Student Officials have gotten complaints from teachers about kids missing a lot of school because they don’t have good hygiene and get sick. Girls and boys will be separated and escorted to the showers. Students are required to bring their own bathroom necessities. Late students will not be permitted to attend nor enter the school throughout the day. Credits/and or absences will not be excused or made up for any reason. School showers will start at 8

Community showers become regulation

a.m., classes will start at 10 a.m. Students will stay in the showers until everyone is finished. Anyone caught leaving or disturbing others will suffer severe consequences. During the showering period, the school will be locked down forbidding anyone to go in or out. Items such as hair straighteners, curlers, hair dryers, or any electronic hair stylers are accepted and expected. Any students who do not bring the required bathroom

give the teachers the advantage to position the students’ heads for optimum learning. Granger will be four stories tall and there will be two different buildings. There will also be a three story indoor parking garage. Every building will have mini apartments for the teachers who just never go home, like Mr. Carlisle. One building will be used for core classes like math, science, history, English, ect. The second building will have all the elective classes. This will help the teachers that are trying to teach a difficult math equation and get distracted by the smell of delicious sugar

cookies baking in the class room next door. Half of the school will have core classes for the first four periods and the other half for the

last half of the day. That’s right! No more A and B days. There will be eight periods a day, same classes, every day! “Students will be focused on getting through their core classes for the day then going to fun classes or vice versa rather than going through rollercoaster-like class excitement.” says Ph.D. Bartholomew Johnstonson. Many teachers like the idea as well, and are excited to start

teaching at the new Granger. Our sophomore class officers have picked the new mascot and school colors. The new mascot will be a jester; we will be the Granger Fools. The school colors will stay silver grey, crimson red, and Columbia blue. Granger will have a brand new sports program. There will be plenty of new sports available to the students. Some of the new available sports will be Speed Stacking, Badminton, Hacky Sack, Kick Ball, and Musical Chairs, for the musically gifted students. Some of the current sports will be replaced with new beneficial and exciting sports. Football will be replaced with Rugby, Soccer will be replaced with Hockey, and Basketball will be replaced with Wall Ball. Our newest teacher Mr. Holt says, “Rugby is a step up from football for us. Our players have that talent exactly. Watch out Highland!” While some teachers object to technological high school, others see it as a revolution in education systems.

necessities will be escorted out and will not be allowed back in during the day. Hall lockers and/or gym lockers are acceptable places for hair stylers. However, cars and backpacks are not. Also, hair dye is not allowed during bathing hours. If you have any questions feel free to ask the faculty. Morning is now reserved for bathing.

Your article

could be here!

See Mr. Carlisle in room 216, or

sign up. period 3A

All traditions are being lost thanks do new technol-ogy this will be the first of many years to come were ask yearbooks will ONLY be viewable via pdf (por-table Documents format) for those of you who are unclear of what that is. Let me sum that up for you ,pdf files are viewable and printable on virtually any platform however that pro-gram used to view the files charges 35 dollars for the first viewing of five years. After that your member-ship expirers and you must pay 25 dollars a year for all access. Do you remember yearbook signing will be Myspace style with a few minor differences such as ; only one font will be avail-able and only one All tradi-tions are being lost thanks do new technology this will be the first of many years to come were ask yearbooks will ONLY be viewable via pdf (portable Docu-ments format) for those

of you who are unclear of what that is. Let me sum that up for you ,pdf files are viewable and printable on virtually any platform however that program used to view the files charges 35 dollars for the first viewing of five years. After that your membership expirers and you must pay 25 dollars a year for all access. Do you remember yearbook sign-ing will be Myspace style with a few minor dif you who are unclear of what that is. Let me sum that up for you ,pdf files are view-able and printable on virtu-ally any platform however that program used to view the files charges 35 dollars for the first viewing of five years. After a year for all accessiewable and printable on virtually any platform however that program used to view the files charges 35 dollars for the first viewing of five years. After that your membership expirers and you must pay 25 dollars a year for all access. Do you remember yearbook sign-ing will be Myspace style with a few minor dif

4 Tri-Color-Times

Granger High School

April Fools 2009 Volume LI, Issue 9

ne wS

THE faculty here at Granger High believes there is not enough school spirit. To solve this problem they have decided it would help if we got a new mascot. They came up with lots of different ideas, a horse named Giddy Up, a Princess named Guinevere and a Jester named Shylock. The faculty and PTA chose Shylock the Jester; they are hoping that the fun loving mascot will

make school more entertaining for some students. Not only will shylock attend the school games and entertain us there. He will also stand in the halls during both lunches to dance, hand out candy, tell stories and, of course, juggle. Shylock the Jester should bring up the morale in the school and make the students surroundings less tense. “Think about how much more exciting school will be, kids might even get so distracted with Shylock during lunch that they will cause less trouble around the school” says Snarr. There has been discussion that if Shylock gets popular enough, he

The Granger Fools (Jesters)may replace our current mascot, Sir Lancer, meaning we would become the Granger Jesters! “If shylock became our new mascot the cheerleaders are going to have to learn to juggle. We may even have to learn to swallow fire just to keep up with shylock!” says our cheerleading coach Mrs. Anderson Once his costume is made and all the necessary juggling lessons are taken, Shylock the Jester should become a flashy, fun, and new part of our school. He should be attending our school by next week. Keep your eyes open for him Lancers.

As of April 1st, we are in for a big change here at Granger. Due to the construction of our school not going as quickly as desired, the district has decided to put a new graduation requirement in place. In order to graduate, you must take and pass a class that regards the building of the school. Whether it is construction, masonry, plumbing, electrician, carpentry, or architecture (among other things). These classes will be offered during this coming summer and soon you will be able to register for them next year. The requirement is that you take any one of the proper classes for one semester or the equivalent of.All students who graduate the class will have their names eternally imbued in the glorious walls of our new school. They will also receive special achievements on their diplomas. For students that excel in these classes, scholarships and internships will be offered. It is probably wise to take your class of choice over the summer, as you won’t have to learn

Another Gradua-tion requirement!

The plans for new and upcomingGranger have been approved.

Yearbook on pdf

All traditions are being lost thanks to new technology this will be the first of many years to come. Yearbooks will ONLY be view-able via pdf (portable Docu-ments format) for those of you who are unclear of what that is. Let me sum that up for you ,pdf files are viewable and printable on virtually any platform how-ever that program used to view the files charges 35 dollars for the first viewing of five years. After that your membership expirers and you must pay 25 dollars a year for all access. So long to yearbook signing. It will now be Myspace style with a few minor differences such as ; only one font will be available and only one size as well, there will also be 25 maximum word

limit. The program is called Lancer-memorys.pdf.com. Unlike mys-pace and face book no password looks so you can go back and change a comment at a given time with access given by any user. Finally what has to be the best part of all, similar to Wikipedia you can change virtually anything about your year book you don’t like, or want to change. people can go into the program, copy and paste a picture and edit it with a funny face or jus erase entirely .The even better news you could late enhance you photo or replace it with a super model and since its all the same program would view it the same, no ones would be different from the other one. So have with it, maybe it you had a kid that you like didn’t with the last name house would change her picture! There no telling what you can do with this new, easy, fun , con-venient way of viewing our past.

outdoors in the chilly weather. If you do choose to take it during the summer, you will have to attend the class a minimum of 6 days per week, two hours a day in order to complete all of your hours. Half of the class will be composed of being in the classroom and learning the trade and the remainder will be on the job, supervised training. This training will look great on college and job applications. It’s exciting to think that we can help pave the futures of Granger students by building the home place of their education.

Moon Boot Day!!!Wednesday April 1st

Get out your Moon Bootsfor the last cold day of the year.

Interested in

journalism?

April Fools 2009 Volume LI, Issue 9

5Tri-Color-TimesGranger High School S t uden t l ife

CHANGE of plans for the Ken Garff Keys for Success program this year. The economic downturn has brought the value of cars so low, that it is actually costing the company more money to keep and store them than they are making money. Because of this problem, as they announced last Saturday evening, they will be extending the car mass by fifty fold. It will be exactly as before, they line up the fifty kids and they all take turns with their key until one of them fits and they win the car, except it will happen 49 more times. The assembly will last all day and instead of in the football stadium, where all the cars won’t fit it will be at Granger Park. Ken Garff will be providing stands for students to sit in. Instead of throwing out T-shirts and candy into the crowd like in past assemblies, they can only afford to give away car fresheners and rim shine. One disapproving student, Shelby Burrows (12) says, “I don’t even know why they are giving away cars. They are a)

Ken Garff gives 49 cars

bad for the environment, and b) big and bulky. Everyone is into bicycles now that everyone is going green. Do they realize what the number one killer of teens is anyway? It’s like getting ugly clothes on Christmas: It’s all just going to go to good will. “Not only all that, nobody is even going to show up to school that day except the fifty kids who get the cars. Going to school for an assembly is just about as lame as giving away a car.” It turns out, 6 out of 10 students interviewed agree with Burrows’ point of view. A member of the school administration, who would like to remain anonymous, is approving of the all day assembly and extreme car give-away. They said, “Teachers need a break, too. Could you imagine a day without having a hoard of banshees screaming at you all day? Of course you couldn’t. A teacher would come back thankful, happy and willing to work harder. Kids on the other hand... you know, they are never thankful.” No matter what the point of view is, it’s going to happen. Ken Garff says that the school owes them one. Without anyone willing to deliberate, we are left only to guess what that could possibly mean.

Old Tradition, new felony

When the custodian began noticing lights on in lockers after hours, he reported it. The proof was all on the school’s cameras. “lights on in lockers, that aint right!” –custodian.“The day my phone got taken away in class was the day I never text in class again. I lost $500 of sales that day.” –Brady Celencia(11)

Not only by phones are sales and trades being made, but also by myspace. “the system is ex-tremly simple, and with ‘code’ words, no one ever catches us.” –Gwen Tolevich(10) There has been discussion at the board of education, to ban such items as: car batteries, dirt, seeds, and lamps here at Granger. “Cheepest I’ve ever seen em. Specially since sup-plys arent hard to come by” –Igor Davison(12) “Borrowed my dad’s car bat-tery, scooped some dirt from

Senior Ball took a turn for the worst

Senior class of 2009, this year may not be the best. Our senior class of 2009’s Senior Ball was scheduled to be held at Rice Ec-cles Tower on the 6th floor. I have heard many seniors excited about this year’s ball, and the fact that it was held at Rice Eccles Tower. There has been a little dilemma about this year’s ball, and its loca-tion. Our senior ball is now held at Golden Corral. Since our senior ball was taken elsewhere, the cost and price to get in is now cheap. It’s much cheaper now due to the fact of the delay of the location. Instead of having to pay $20 dollars to get in, you can now get in for just $10 plus an all you can eat buffet provided by the cooks at Golden Corral. As long as there’s food, then I’m good. I mean come on seniors, its okay that our school Senior Ball is held at Golden Corral.

Not many schools have an op-portunity to reserve a buffet res-taurant for Senior Ball. It also saves our school more money. There was a problem with our reservation set up at Rice Eccles. Apparently another high school (who would like to remain anony-mous) has also scheduled for Rice Eccles for the 4th of April, before we did. We had thought there was going to be a big controversy, but instead the other high school was willing to let us have the Tower for the 4th. How nice of them, right? Well some of our Granger High students got involved in a fight with one of their senior class officers. I guess their class officers were really upset, and found out that the student they had problems with attended Granger. Knowing that, they had problems with a Granger High Student; their student body president got really upset and contacted our school saying that

they are for sure taking the 4th of April at the Tower. There was no contract signed to prove that they were willing to let us have the 4th of April so we couldn’t really do much, but to let them keep their planned date, since they were first to sign up a reservation. It was a cruel thing for them to do, but we can’t really do much about it, but to take our senior dance elsewhere. Therefore my dear and fellow classmates of this year’s 2009 class come out to Golden Cor-ral on April 4th, 2009 and have a

blast. It’s h o n e s t l y not that bad, it’s c h e a p e r and it helps both

the school and yourselves save a bunch of money. There will be an all you can eat buffet provided, and it can’t get any better than that. So come out and have fun, you still can! It shouldn’t matter where it’s held, just as long as its fun.

Hey men you better

start asking!

Granger’s flower bed, planted the goods and got a heat lamp, and that was pretty much all the I needed to start up a great business.” –Porchia Flemen-dez With this growing issue, lock-ers will be getting checked, offenders getting prosecuted. “growing herb(AKA gonjo, mary jane, weed, the green, you know, the good stuff), has been a continuing problem here at Granger. It will no lon-ger be tolerated.” –Murdock

“Senior Ball is ru-ined”- Leah Johnson, Senior Class officer

6 Tri-Color-Times

Granger High School

April Fools 2009 Volume LI, Issue 9

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The Utah Jazz is coming to Granger!NEXT year’s basketball teams will be much more successful than ever before. Why, you might ask? It is because the Girls’ and Boys’ basketball coaches had a decent conversation with the Utah Jazz Basketball team. The coaches talked about how good the Lancer Basketball teams are, but how much they could improve. The Jazz team decided to sign a six week contract with Granger High to give the next teams and the coaches a heads up on practices to help them improve to start winning some games. One reason why the Jazz signed the contract was because they found out that Granger will be rebuilt in a couple of years and will no longer have basket ball. Not the entire Jazz team will come to help out. They will be divided into two teams and each team will

come for three weeks then they will switch. Carlos Boozer, Kyle Korver, and Deron Williams will be the three main captains, and they will be here all six weeks. The coaches had to sign a contract, which explains they have to take the entire team to a free Jazz basketball game every time they win. One reason why they had to sign this contract is to

Utah Jazz on Grangers courtmotivate the teams and make the teams want to win. The Granger teams will need to work hard, spend more time in practices, and strive towards success. Training will not be taught at the Granger gym. Instead, both teams will go practice in the Utah Jazz gym. Another bonus is if the Lancers win at least eight games next year instead, the Jazz will

provide new, specially designed Lancer Jerseys for the team. Unfortunately, once the new school is built there will be limited sports available at Granger. Every trophy they receive will be placed in a glass trophy case at the front of the school in remembrance of the once proud Granger Lancer basketball teams.

Ever since cell phones first came out they have been a teenagers best friend and now more than ever the cell phones is going to bring new meaning to the word convenient. Cell phones are becoming a aid for passing classes, that’s right! Teachers are now accepting homework from text messaging. At first teachers hated electronic device but ever since they opened up to the idea of portable music players, Teachers have become more fond of technology. Masie Julian (11) says “Now that my teacher are finally technologically hip, I’m actually learning so much more” Teachers wish they would‘ve come up with this idea earlier. Drama teacher Byan fuller was the first to accept assignments from his students by cell phones, which was a video recording of dramatic monologue. Since then teachers have picked up on the idea and have been taking full advantage some teachers are beginning to like this

Texting homework

Continues on pg. 7

Welcome Jazz

7Tri-Color-TimesGranger High School

March 2009 Volume LI, Issue 9

en t e rta inmen t

SIR JELLY BEAN reached the school hallway from upon the shoelace. The shoelace whipped here and there, eventually crushing him into a large water fountain. Sir Jelly Bean awoke, minutes later, and began to stumble along the hallway. Katie Rubio, who gracefully sauntered the halls, surprisingly took notice of a wee orange jelly bean. Her stomach growled with hunger so she, without warning, baseball dived onto Sir Jelly Bean. Rapidly brandishing his sword, he sliced her lip ferociously. However, his actions were insufficiently behind schedule, allowing Katie to brutally remove his left arm with her teeth and spit him onto the floor. Crippled, Sir Jelly Bean rose once again. His left shoulder oozed orange jelly. He sheathed

his sword and seized his left shoulder with his right hand. Sir Jelly Bean pushed onward in search for his family, despite his wound. He heard a massive swoosh sound from above his noggin and, instantly, he dove to the right. However, it was not enough. Sir Jelly Bean’s right leg was squashed between a generously proportioned 260 page Italian Vogue and the floor. Before he could feel the full effect of the incident, the magazine was thrust into the air, hauling Sir Jelly Bean along with it. His leg was undeniably immovable from the vogue fashion edition and orange jelly oozed onto the back cover. A bulky, sausage-like finger flicked Sir Jelly Bean from the magazine and his wee little body was hurled into the air. SPLOT! Exhausted and in agonizing pain, he lay motionless upon the Granger High School’s linoleum flooring. His tiny heart beat irregularly. Gazing into the ceiling

The Adventures of Sir Jelly Bean of Knightengale Jelly

lights above, u n e x p e c t e d l y, Harry Hoobert grazed past Sir Jelly Bean. Fashioned within Harry’s right hand was the large green bag full of Sir Jelly Bean’s family. With as much effort as his body possessed, Sir Jelly Bean flipped onto his belly and began to crawl after Harry. SQUASH! The unnoticed, wee little orange jelly bean of Knightengale Jelly was compressed beneath an enormous Vans shoe.To Be Continued….

HoroscopesWhat is coming in

your futureAriesMarch 21 – April 19Your bellybutton is your safe place, but the lint makes you sneeze. Find a new safe place, I suggest behind your ear.

Taurus April 20 – May 20 You will receive a lot of money. Use it wisely; try to bribe all your teachers. It’s the only way you’ll pass.

Gemini May 21- June 21The mouse cannot move if it is not plugged in. use the keyboard instead.

Cancer June 22- July 22 Your desks miss you, go to class!

Leo July 23- August 22 Stay indoors, hidden from the angry daisy armies. Once they find you, the end will come.VirgoAugust 23- September 22 Stairs will turn into slides and elevators into cages, stay on level ground.

Libra September 23- October 22Dreams of butt rashes and warts haunt you, sit in designated areas only.

ScorpioOctober 23- November 21 Stay away from sloppy joe sandwiches, a tooth is lurking in unidentifiable meat, just for you.

SagittariusNovember22- December 21Recycling might save the planet, but not you. A recycling truck wants you splattered!

CapricornDecember 22- January 19The sun is dangerous, use a tanning bed instead.

AquariusJanuary 20- February 18Stop texting! Carlisle will roll the dice, you most likely wont like the outcome. PicesFebruary 19-March 20The gerbil your mom said went on vacation is not coming back. It likes Cancun too much.

more than manual homework. Alexia Mendez said “its so much easier to not have those pestering kids in class instead I have them draw what I need them to and then picture message it to me.” It seems to be the latest and greatest. But its also sparking controversy from some of the brighter students who don’t have any phones “Its not far that the dumb kids get nice phones and lots of the smart kids don’t have nothing” said Tyler Brandy (12) however that seems to not be taking no effect on parents and teachers whom are the loving this new method to the fullest. Teachers are begging to make assignments made specifically for cell phone users and pretty soon it will be the end of all public school attendance.

Cell phones continued from pg. 6

8 Tri-Color-Times

Granger High School

What’s sluffing? I’ve never done that before.

I’ll never give into peer pressure.

I can’t kiss you until you commit.

No, I’d rather go do homework.

You’re such a good kid, Cristy.

I’m not sure if I can I need to clean the rest of the school.

We don’t have time to party, I have chores to do.

Let’s apologize and be the bigger person.

Let’s donate all of our money to the school.

We should go volunteer.Let’s clean this school up.

OMG, Kevin! Watch your anguage.

There’s no need for that here at Granger.

I don’t play video games anymore. I’d rather go to school.

You have a really nice sweater.

How was your day?

I’m so sorry.

No, I’m waiting ‘til I’m married.

Let’s go to the library and study.

No, I can’t. I’m studying tonight.

Have a good day.

Why be EMO? It’s such a nice day, I’m so happy.

School lunch is great and so healthy.

You don’t need to be so rude.Granger High School is not ghetto!

I love to learn.Learning is my new hobby.

Ready for our study date?I love school.

We can’t be late for school.

Do you hear weird things in the hall? I hear them all the time. So with that for motivation, I started recording the strange things I heard. I now cruise the halls, quietly eavesdropping on many conversations, collecting the most random comments here for your enjoyment.

What did they just say?

HSN

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April 1st @ Granger High

Night Forum w/Obama;

Ways Granger kids could pre-vent Global Warming.

7pm

April 1st @ The E Center

N’sync

w/The Backstreet Boys, 98 degrees & Aaron Carter

6:30pm

April 1st @ East High

High School Musical tour!

3pm

April 1st @ The Great Saltair

Marilyn Manson and the Spooky Kids

7pm

April 1st @ In the Venue

Motion City Soundtrack

w/Snoop Dog

Guess who’s coming to

town!Upcoming events in Salt lake City

8pm

April 1st @ The Avalon

Vampire Weekend

w/In Flames & Bring Me the Horizon

6pm

April 1st @ Kingsburry hall

The Beatles

w/U2

6pm

April 1st @ The Avalon

The Tupac is NOT Dead Tour

w/50 cent & Eminem

4:20pm

April 1st @ The Murray Theatre

Mariah Carrie

5pm

April 1st @ Nowhere to be Seen

The Gorillaz & a new member that’

*April 1st HAPPY MOON BOOT DAY!!! Hope your wearing you’re moon boots!

April Fools 2009 Volume LI, Issue 9

en t e rta inmen t