Transformational Ministry

Part 10. The Covenant of Forgiveness

All Bible quotations are NKJV unless otherwise noted.

Overview of Transformation

Five “R”s– Regeneration– Revelation– Repentance– Restitution– Renewing of the mind

Summary of Restitution• The cycle of renewal: Restitution is part of the Gospel

• The role of restitution– Reactive restitution: trying to undo the damage– Proactive restitution: taking steps to change future behavior

– Proactive restitution often leads to further revelation

– The cycle continues until we instinctively react godly

• Types of pride– Self-centeredness (peacock): unable to see others’ viewpoint

– Self-consciousness (turtle): low self-esteem• Barriers to healing

– Peacock: between Revelation and Repentance– Turtle: between Repentance and Restitution

• Practice restitution using Proverbs, Eph. 4:25-6:9

When to Apply the Covenant of Forgiveness

• It applies to every area of interpersonal relationships

• Used when sin brings a strain or break in relationships

• It is essential in the Christian home, the church, on teams, etc.

• Its regular practice brings about renewal

The Biblical Basis• The Bible is very specific about resolving conflict

15 “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.… 21 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven. --Matt. 18:15-22

• A major problem is we refuse to do what the Bible says

• You will need these skills for the rest of your life

Background for the Covenant of Forgiveness

• Requires 2 people: Villain and Victim

• Most villains are Peacocks and victims Turtles– People fight from their roles– Turtles are villains, too– The obvious villain is not always the greater

– Turtles fight just as well; they just look better

• Matt. 18 works against normal roles– The steps outlined may not seem to make a lot of sense

– It often does not appear that it will work

– It is God’s command

Step 1: The Victim Confronts the Villain• Ideally, the villain should realize his

villainy without being told• Victim’s tendency is to take the beating and continue to look godly– They may actually feel godly– They go to great length to receive sympathy

• Victims don’t want to confront villains– Then they won’t be victims any more– They can’t withdraw and gain sympathy– They lose the ability to manipulate

• Turtles normally run the relationship, in spite of appearances– The villain becomes a responder to the victim’s manipulation

– The best way to change the relationship is for the victim to change

Step 1: Victim Confronts: Prerequisites

• Have a clear purpose for the confrontation– It is not to exact a pound of flesh or “get even”

– Goal is “gaining your brother”, i.e., reconciliation (Matt. 18:15)

• A motive should be to benefit the villain by bringing revelation– Everything we do should be motivated by love– Victim needs to figure out how villain benefits

– Of course, we mean long-term benefits – The victim may wind up paying twice for the villain’s crime: once when it happened and the second time at confrontation.

– Even if the confrontation goes well, preparing for it causes the victim anguish and turmoil

Step 1: Victim Confronts: How• Victim should confront in a godly way

• Needs to remove the logs from his own eye (Matt. 7:1-5)1 “Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

• Approach in loving and humble attitude• Must repent of any personal contribution to the problem• Such repentance often leads to God’s granting light to the villain so that he repents without being confronted

Step 1: Victim Confronts: When

• Signs that confrontation is necessary:– Victim does not want to confront the villain• Turtles are naturally passive• Acting as an active minister of God’s grace will at least cause growth for the victim

– Villain can be helped by confrontation• The victim needs to go in love• Forgiveness must already be given for the damage done so it can be done for the villain’s good

Step 1: Victim Confronts: During Confrontation

• Victim needs to have an open spirit• Needs to get the villain’s perspective on things

• Victims are self-centered, too• The victim may have more specks in his/her eye that must be promptly removed in order to walk in the Spirit

Step 1: Victim Confronts: Shepherding a Victim

• Find God’s point of view when counseling a victim (Prov. 18:17)

The first one to plead his cause seems right, Until his neighbor comes and examines him.

• Do not focus on the villain (where the victim wants you to focus)

• Help the victim to get any logs out• Never jump to conclusions; remain open• The problem is often not what the victim thinks

• Getting a victim to confront may require facing a lot of turtle barriers

Step 2: Villain Repents• The villain repents, confesses, asks for forgiveness, and offers restitution

• The spirit of the villain is crucial• He needs to listen thoroughly, looking for illumination

• He should view it as an opportunity to grow (Rom. 5:3-4)

• He has to accept the victim’s point of view

• He has to acknowledge wrongdoing and confess sin

• The victim needs to see the villain’s spirit is humble

• In being humble, the villain works against his normal role

• Any statement with “but” in it is not full repentance

Steps 3 and 4

• 3. The victim forgives the villain (more later)

• 4. Restitution by the villain

Scripts for the Covenant of Forgiveness•Victim: “You sinned, and

you did so by …”–Victim must name the sin with a Biblical label–“My husband is not sensitive” is not helpful

•Villain: “I sinned by …. I was wrong.”–Admission of guilt–He should allow cross-examination–Cross-examination can lead to deeper repentance of attitudes

•Victim: “I forgive you.”–Cancels the debt

•Victim: “You hurt me”–No sin is exposed–Victim remains self-centered

•Villain: “I’m sorry”–Sorrow is just remorse–Not the same as repentance–“I’m sorry you took fault”

•Victim: “That’s OK”–Sin is never OK.–The victim has let the villain off the hook, and no change occurs–Pretends the debt wasn’t real

Comparison of Scripts

• The ideal script assumes that everyone is walking in the Spirit– Confrontation goes against the Victim’s grain

– Admission of guilt goes against the Villain’s grain

– The humble servant is the opposite position of his normal script

• The wrong script accomplishes nothing

Step 3: What is Forgiveness?

• A three-fold promise1. Not to throw what happened back in the villain’s

face2. Not to tell other people3. Not to rehearse it in his mind

• The fact that forgiveness is a promise is why we call this the Covenant of Forgiveness

• The victim takes the place of Jesus in suffering unjustly

• This is commendable before God (1 Pe. 2:20)For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God.

Step 4: What is Restitution?

• Restitution is a plan for trying not to repeat the patterns

• It is a plan, not a promise– Not: “I promise I’ll never do that again”– Rather: “I’m going to do this to make sure we can deal with things in an ongoing way until new patterns are established.”

• The plan is difficult for the villain, but results in changing both parties

Plan B, Part A• The Victim confronts, but the Villain does not listen• Now need one or two witnesses (often a church leader)

– More people are beginning to see him as a villain– Third parties can determine where the fault lies and help each party to take appropriate responsibility

• If the victim does not want the third party, maybe things are not as bad as the victim makes it out to be– Often the victim is not as helpless after all– Control of information is a form of manipulation– God’s wisdom provides the third party to help both

• What is the scope of Matt. 18?– If your brother sins against you– It is important to define what sin is– Failure to meet expectations is not the same as sin– Bringing in another party can help the victim learn much if the problem was in expectations

Plan B, Part B

• The villain doesn’t listen to the witnesses

• Now bring it to the community• The community tries to bring the brother to repentance

• Often the erring brother finally comes to his senses here

• There are a lot of resources that God can use here for both the villain and the victim

Plan B, Part C

• There is still no repentance• Now the villain is put out of the assembly

• The discipline is not because of sin, but because of unwillingness to receive the light

• It is sometimes necessary for the reclamation of their soul (1 Cor. 5:5)

deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus

Conclusion of Transformational Ministry

• A paradigm for problem solving– Too often we are guilty of superficially trying to help people

– We try verses or quick 3-step solutions to get them to behave better

• The principles of transformational ministry are not simple or easy

• Don’t sin as the false prophets (Jer. 6:14)They have also healed the hurt of My people slightly, Saying, ‘Peace, peace!’ When there is no peace.

• Use the following thought problem (parable) to evaluate yourself– Problems may be solved at different levels– The parable is designed to understand the different levels and illuminate on which level we tend to work

A Parable

• While driving the car, the “idiot light” comes one. Possible actions:– Realizing that it is only an indicator of windshield-wiper fluid, and seeing that the day is beautiful, the husband simply continues along and ignores the light.

– His wife, who also drives the car, becomes irritated with the light—which her husband seems to have no interest in fixing—and sticks a colorful sticker over the nagging light.

– Their son, who also uses the car, keeps opening the hood every few weeks and adding more fluid, which continues to be lost at a rapid rate since the cap to the fluid container is missing.

• Real solution: fix the container by calling the dealer, ordering the cap and putting it on the container

Analysis of the Parable•On a deeper level, character flaws are being illuminated–The husband is showing himself irresponsible for the upkeep of the car

–The wife puts a sticker on the dash rather than confront her husband•On a rainy day, this could lead to an accident•Ignoring the oil light could lead to an engine meltdown

–None of the characters are addressing the real problem to transform peoples’ character

•We need to be sensitive to which level we feel comfortable–God will likely call us to go to a deeper level–If we don’t know our comfort level, we’ll likely slide back to it

–We must always be pressing forward and upward