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TITLE PAGE
PROBLEMS AND PROSPECTS OF INTER-CULTURAL
MARRIAGE IN NIGERIA
BY
OGIRI, HAPPINESS KODICHINMA
REG. NO: PG/MA/09/51717
DEPARTMENT OF RELIGION AND CULTURAL STUDIES
FACULTY OF THE SOCIAL SCIENCES
UNIVERSITY OF NIGERIA, NSUKKA
FEBRUARY, 2013
ii
REQUIREMENT PAGE
THE PROBLEMS AND PROSPECTS OF INTER-CULTURAL
MARRIAGE IN NIGERIA
BY
OGIRI, HAPPINESS KODICHINMA
REG.NO: PG/MA/09/51717
A THESIS SUBMITTED TO THE DEPARTMENT OF RELIGION
AND CULTURAL STUDIES, FACULTY OF THE SOCIAL
SCIENCES, UNIVERSITY OF NIGERIA, NSUKKA IN PARTIAL
FULFILMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE AWARD
MASTER DEGREE IN RELIGION AND CULTURAL STUDIES
SUPERVISOR: REV. PROF. AGHA UKA AGHA
FEBRUARY, 2013
iii
APPROVAL PAGE
This thesis work has been supervised and approved as meeting the
requirement for the award of Masters of Arts (M.A) in Religion and
Cultural studies, University of Nigeria, Nsukka.
…….……………………….. ……….………………………
REV. PROF. AGHA UKA AGHA REV.DR.EZICHI ANYA ITUMA
(SUPERVISOR) (Ag-HEAD OF DEPARTMENT:
RELIGION CULTURAL STUDIES)
DATE: ……………………….. DATE: ………………………..
………………………………..
EXTERNAL EXAMINAL
DATE: ………………………..
iv
CERTIFICATION
We hereby certify that the candidate Ogiri, Happiness Kodichinma with
registration number PG/MA/09/51717 has duly effected the corrections
suggested by the external Examiner.
…………………………. …….. ………......................
REV. PROF. AGHA UKA AGHA REV.DR.EZICHI ANYA ITUMA
Supervisor Ag-Head of Department
v
DECLARATION
I, Ogiri, Happiness Kodichinma, a postgraduate student of Department of
Religion and Cultural Studies, University of Nigeria, Nsukka, with
Registration NumberPG/MA/09/51717, have satisfactorily completed the
entire requirement for the award of Masters of Arts (M.A) Degree in
Religion Cultural Studies.
The work embodied in this project report is original and has not been
submitted in part or full for any other Diploma or Degree of this or any
other University.
……………………….. …………………………….
REV. PROF. AGHA UKA AGHA REV.DR.EZICHI ANYA ITUMA
Supervisor Head of Department
vi
DEDICATION
This project work is dedicated to my lovely Husband Valentine and My
son Ogiri, Favour Obinna for their commitment to the success of this
work.
vii
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
In a study of this nature, the researcher cannot claim to have been wholly
responsible. It is usually a combined effort involving the researcher and
others, so that the work becomes comprehensive and a reality. In the light
of this, I revere and acknowledge the Almighty God without whom
nothing could have been done.
My special appreciation goes to my project supervisor, Rev. Prof.
Agha U. Agha, whose support and fatherly advice and supply of relevant
materials put me through in this study. My gratitude also goes to
members of the staff of the Department of Religion and Cultural Studies,
especially the Head of Department Rev. Dr. Ezichi Anya, Rev. D. C.
Ononogbu, Rev. Can. Dr. C. I. Ugwu, The Deputy Vice Chancellor
(Administration) Prof. M.I. Okwueze among others. I wish to express my
profane gratitude to M. I. Ukandu, Mrs Nneka and Onyenucheya Ozioma
whose help were indispensable.
My enormous thanks go to my beloved husband, whose sweat,
encouragement and magnanimous contribution paved way for my
completion of this academic programme
I am indebted to all the Ogiris and Chinyeres, for their untiring
efforts and inestimable contributions to my success. And to all too
numerous to mention, God bless you all.
Ogiri, Happiness Kodichinma
Department of Religion and Cultural Studies.
Faculty of The Social Sciences.
April, 2012
viii
ABSTRACT
The research examines the place of inter-cultural marriage in the context of
marriage been a universally acknowledged and very important institution in
human society, as it is the foundation of group life and a requirement for
human survival. The historical research methodology was adopted and the
research utilized both primary and secondary sources of data collection. While
the primary source of data collection was derived through oral interview from
sensible individuals, on the subject matter. The secondary sources focused on
journals and textbooks relevant to the research topic. Then it was discovered
that despite the wide acknowledgement and ideas about the nature of
intercultural marriage; its process, its purpose and other involvements such as
its scope, vary. Also, it was observed that the practice of intercultural
marriage in Nigeria, albeit a welcome development, has opened up a plethora
of issues which demand serious attention such as language barrier, culture
shock and family acceptance. With these problems, inter-cultural marriages
suffer from divorce, unbalanced cultural development in children and intra-
family crises. Finally, it contends that only through social, cultural and
religious prospects can inter-cultural marriages -in the light of the current
socio-cultural trends in Nigeria -survive in contemporary times.
ix
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Title page i
Requirement page ii
Approval page iii
Certification iv
Declaration v
Dedication vi
Acknowledgment vii
Abstract viii
Table of Contents ix
Chapter One – Introduction 1
1.1 Background of the Study 1
1.2 Statement of the Problem 2
1.3 Purpose of the Study 4
1.4 Significance of the Study 4
1.5 The Scope of the Study 5
1.6 Research Methodology 6
1.7 Definition of Terms 6
Chapter Two: Literature Review 9
2.1 Theory of Marriage 9
2.2 Comparative Marriage Systems 13
2.3 Choice of Spouses 18
2.4 Marriage in Nigeria 22
Chapter Three: Problems of Inter-cultural Marriage in Nigeria. 25
3.1 Language Barrier 25
x
3.2 Culture Shock 27
3.3 Family Acceptance 34
Chapter Four: Effects of Inter-cultural Marriage in Nigeria 38
4.1 Divorce 38
4.2 Unbalanced cultural development in children 39
4.3 Intra-family crisis 41
Chapter Five: Prospects of Inter-cultural Marriage in Nigeria 43
5.1 Social Prospects 43
5.1.1 Acceptance of Inter-cultural Marriage 43
5.1.2 Resiliency in Inter-cultural Marriage 45
5.2 Cultural Prospects 47
5.2.1 Cultural Belonging 48
5.2.2 Cultural Literacy and Adaptability 49
5.2.3 Cultural Empathy 50
5.3 Religious Prospects 51
Chapter Six: Summary and Conclusion 53
6.1 Summary of the Findings 53
6.2 Contribution to Knowledge 54
6.3 Recommendations 55
6.4 Suggestions for Further Research 57
Bibliography 59
1
CHAPTER ONE
INTRODUCTION
1.1 Background of the Study
Apart from being recognized globally as a matrimonial relationship or
union of person(s) who most often are usually of the opposite sex, marriage
is an institution which represents all the behaviours, norms, roles,
expectations, and values that are associated with legal union of a man and
woman (Gove 1986). It is one of the principal life events that mark the
passage into mature adulthood, and represents a lifelong commitment by two
people to each other (Borgatta and Edgor, 2000; Asana, 1990).
As a system, marriage is consummated, following a series of
monumental procedures as practiced and understood by cultures of the
parties involved. Different communities recognize patterns and types of
marriages according to their cultural/social worldview (Doki, 2011).
Nigeria, as a part of the wider African society, has been generally
characterized with arranged marriages, polygynous marriages and others.
The old tribal traditions are disappearing and more Nigerians are adopting
Western concepts of marriage.(Aiyetan and Kolapo, 2005). This trend has
led to an unprecedented increase in intercultural marriages in Nigeria.
2
Boateng, cited in Ardayfio-Schandorf, (1990) observed that family
background and ethnic origin which were of considerable importance in
traditional marriage practice have been replaced by love and affection
between partners.
The practice of intercultural marriage in Nigeria, albeit a welcome
development, has opened up a plethora of issues which demand serious
attention.
1.2 Statement of the Problem
The dynamics of culture and human relationships have made
researchers to observe many influences, manifestations, and occurrences in
marriage within the Nigerian society (Bohanna, 1973; Filani, 1984; Otite
and Olayinka, 1987; Ezenkwu, 1998; Umoh and Adeyemi, 2000). These
manifestations and occurrences have had significant impact on the stability
of marriage in the modern Nigerian society.
A recent observation of people’s attitude to marriages in the country
revealed the alarming negative effect of these occurrences (Animasahun and
Fatile 2011). Factors that militate against the quality of marriage in 21st
century Nigerian society have been a discussion among Nigerian social
psychologists, religious authorities, behavioral scientists, sociologists, and
3
anthropologists (Ibokete, 2000; Aiyetan and Kolapo, 2005; Animasahun and
Fatile 2011).
Yet a substantial focus of research has reinforced cultural differences
as a source of instability, conflict, or dissatisfaction for couples (Cottrell,
1990; Hsu, 2001) rather than an opportunity for transformation (Crippen &
Brew, 2007). Many conclude that intercultural couples face higher levels of
marital challenges (Crohn, 1998; Ho, 1990); are more prone to failure
(Gurung & Duong, 1999); and are embedded with conflicts related to
dormant allegiances of worldview, family structures, and communication
patterns (Perel, 2000).
This work explores the dynamics that foster problems in intercultural
marriages in Nigeria with a view to ascertaining the prospects of such
marriages in the 21st century. It also makes the case that intercultural
marriages provide opportunities for a positive transformation of the negative
trend in marriages rather than the prevalent views portraying them as
inherently problematic (Animasahun and Fatile 2011).
4
1.3 Purpose of the Study
The purpose of the present study was to examine the nature and impact of
problems in inter-cultural marriages among Nigerians. The specific
objectives of this study are:
i. To examine the nature of inter-cultural marriage in Nigeria.
ii. To investigate and identify the problems of inter-cultural marriage in
Nigeria.
iii. Examine the effects of inter-cultural marriage.
iv. Explore the prospects of inter-cultural marriage in Nigeria with a view
to ascertaining the continuity or discontinuity of the present trend.
v. Make recommendations that will help solve the problems of inter-
cultural marriages.
1.4 Significance of the Study
i. The contribution of this study to the Nigerian society cannot be
overemphasized. This investigation hopes to address the gap in the existing
literature on inter-cultural marriages in Nigeria. Most literature on the
subject do not provide sufficient theoretical framework for considering inter-
cultural marriage.
5
ii. The study will also provide information to prospective spouses, families
and adults who need to learn about the effects of culture conflict in their
marriage.
iii. The study will be useful to future researchers on the subject.
iv. It will be an addition to the numerous literature on the subject in the
Library.
vi. The work will be useful to posterity
vii. Ethnic families may want to learn strategies for dealing with any threat
of culture conflict in their marriages and life.
1.5 The Scope of the study
The study will cover the entire Nigeria. Inter-cultural marriage,
throughout the study, is seen from the perspective of Yoruba marrying Igbo,
Efik or Hausa, etc or vice versa. This work not only examines the concept of
marriage but goes a step forward to identify the problems that affect inter-
cultural marriage in Nigeria. It also highlight the effects these problems as
well as traces the future of inter-cultural marriage in Nigeria.
6
1.6 Research Methodology
The methodology used in this study is the historical research method.
It utilized both primary and secondary sources of data collections. Since
marriage is universally acknowledged as foundation of group life and a
requirement for human survival, the primary sources of data collection
would be derived through oral interview from respondents, as a reliable
medium for understanding individual perception of the subject matter. That
the problems and prospects in intercultural marriage in Nigeria, has attracted
the attention of considerable body of literature. This study would, examine
relatively recent publications in books, journals articles and unpublished
thesis relevant to the study data would be collected, organised and analysed
critically.
1.6 Definition of Terms
Culture
The term has been variously defined by different people. Taylor
defines culture as “that complex whole which includes knowledge, belief,
art, law, morals, customs and any other capabilities and habits acquired by
man as a member of society (Popenoe, 1977: 75). Popenoe prefers to see
culture as the system of values and meanings in material objects.
7
On their part Nwosu and Kalu (1982: 3) believe culture to be the totality of
people’s way of life. For them, culture is a distinctive and transmissible
network of symbols which characterizes a designated aggregate of people.
Marriage
The term “marriage” like culture does not lend itself to a universal
definition. Agha (2003: 97) defined marriage as a close partnership of two
different people of opposite sex who have concerted to live and work
together as one entity.
Marriage, according to Amponsah (1977: 74) is a union between two people,
a man and a woman such that the children born to the woman are the
recognized legitimate off-springs of both parents.
Neolocal Residence
Neolocal residence is a type of marital residence in which a couple
establishes an independent domestic unit after marriage. In this type of
residence, the couple does not live with their parents; rather they live with
each other (Godelier, 2011: 568).
8
Matrifocal Family
Marital family is a family is that is centred on a woman and her children. In
this case the father(s) of these children are intermittently present in the life
of the family and occupy a secondary place. The children's mother is not
necessarily the wife of one of the children's fathers (Herlihy, 1996:14-26).
Matrilocal Residence
Matrilocal residence refers to domicile in a group whose core includes the
bride’s mother. In this type of marital residence, the couple lives with the
bride’s mother (Herlihy, 1996:14-26).
Patrilocal Residence
Patrilocal residence is a type of marital residence in which the core revolves
around the groom’s father. A patrifocal family is a family that is centered
around the man and his father’s family (Godelier, 2011: 568).
9
CHAPTER TWO
LITERATURE REVIEW
2. 1 Theory of Marriage
Societies differ considerably with respect to the rules governing the
way in which the roles of husband and wife should be assumed, with respect
to the specific rights and obligations which accrue to persons in these roles,
and with regard to the behavioural and jural attributes of the other affinal
roles created by marriage. Nonetheless, most anthropologists have regarded
the institution of marriage as universal in human societies, and many have
attempted to provide definitions of marriage sufficiently general to
encompass its various manifestations.
The fact, that marriage is closely linked to parenthood has led many
scholars, including Westermarck, Malinowski, and Radcliffe-Brown, to
propose theories of marriage which center on what Malinowski termed “the
principle of legitimacy.” Thus, Radcliffe-Brown writes: “Marriage is a social
arrangement by which a child is given a legitimate position in the society,
determined by parenthood in the social sense” (1950: 5).
10
Leach (1961:107) was among the first to argue that a definition of
marriage in terms of legitimacy is too limited. In his opinion, any attempt at
a universal definition of marriage is inevitably “vain,” since the “institutions
commonly classed as marriage is concerned with the allocation of a number
of distinguishable classes of rights”. He suggests that in most cases the
institution of marriage serves to allocate rights to either or both spouses; in
some cases it serves primarily to allocate rights to the husband and his wife’s
brothers.
Despite Leach’s position against a universal theory of marriage, his
formulations stimulated two fresh attempts at universal theories. Peter
(1956: 49) suggested that in light of Leach’s propositions, marriage should
be defined as “the socially recognized assumption by man and woman of the
kinship status of husband and wife” The task of the anthropologist would
then be to ascertain and delineate the particular rights and obligations
associated with these kinship roles in the particular societies being studied.
Fischer (1956) regarded Peter’s position as tautological, on the grounds that
the Oxford and Webster dictionaries defined “husband” and “wife”
respectively by phrases such as “a married man” and “a married woman.” In
a discussion of Nayar marriage, Gough (1959: 32) agrees and reaffirms the
heuristic value of a definition of marriage based on “the principle of
11
legitimacy.” In an attempt to overcome the difficulties inherent in any
formulation which defines marriage as a union of “a man and a woman,”
and in an attempt to provide a substantive definition for the concept of
legitimacy, Gough suggests that marriage be defined as
A relationship established between a woman and one or more other
persons, which provides that a child born to the woman under
circumstances not prohibited by the rules of the relationship is
accorded full birth-status rights common to normal members of his
society or social stratum.
Her effort to refine the older, more general “principle of legitimacy”
definition has yielded one, which on close examination is equally
inadequate. Operating with such a definition, no investigator could classify
as married any particular woman who had assumed the jurally recognized
kinship role of wife but who had not borne children. Of course, the
conditions under which a child would be accorded “full birth-status rights”
could be elicited by the investigator. However, for any given case, the
researcher would have to await the birth—or perhaps the conception-of a
child before he could ascertain whether conditions entailed in the husband-
wife relationship had been violated. Furthermore, Gough’s definition implies
that in any society each person having “full birth-status rights” is the child of
a relationship, which can be termed marriage. Among various peoples of the
12
world, “full birth-status rights” accrue to persons born of relationships,
which are not recognized as marriage according to prevailing jurally rules.
If a general accepted theory of marriage is to be formulated, it would
seem that the one proposed by Peter should serve as a model. Fischer’s
criticism of Peter’s definition may be disregarded, since dictionary
definitions are usually unsatisfactory bases for discussions of roles. The
roles of husband and wife must be defined in terms of the essential rights
and obligations and the behavioural attributes entailed in them in any
particular society. Gough and Fischer are justified in their concern that
confronted with different forms of mating, the anthropologist employing
Peter’s definition would be unable to decide which institutions should be
referred to as “marriage,” as “concubinage,” etc. However, if the statement
were modified so as to define marriage as the jurally valid and socially (or
publicly) recognized assumption of the kinship roles of husband and wife,
there would be few or no problems concerning the distinction between
marriage and its socially recognized alternatives. Such a proviso emphasizes
that the publicly acknowledged kinship roles created by marriage—as
opposed to its alternatives—derive support from the juridico-political
domain of the society. Of course, there may be more than one jurally valid
way of assuming the roles of husband and wife—as is the case in present-
13
day Nigeria which recognizes marriages contracted according to one or more
sets of “customary laws” as well as marriages contracted in accordance with
legal codes based on Western models.
It becomes obvious that the study of inter-cultural marriage must rest
on the premise that all societies recognise kinship roles which are founded
“in law” as well as those which are based ultimately on actual, assumed, or
presumed genetic relation-ships. Fundamental to the understanding of the
concept of “lawfully based” kinship is the fact that human mating is
everywhere subject to socially derived regulations. While it is normally
expected that marriage will lead to parenthood, the roles of husband and
wife need not be defined by reference to children who will come to be
regarded as legitimate offspring of individuals in these roles. The roles of
husband and wife should be defined in terms of the rights and obligations
which attach to them, and marriage must be defined as the lawfully or jurally
recognized assumption of these roles.
2.2 Comparative Marriage Systems
Though it is very difficult to define marriage, the concept connotes a
contract by which a conjugal relationship is formalised as an enduring
condition. Others like Murdock (1949:n.d) see marriage as existing when a
14
sexual union extends into some form of economic co-operation. Anyebe
(1985: 13) on the other hand sees it as a voluntary relationship of one man
and a woman (or group of women) to the exclusion of all others. To
Goodenongh (1970:22), marriage is a social contract in which a person of
either sex (corporate or individual) in person or by proxy has a subsisting
claim to the right of sexual access to his/her partner(s) in which it is
culturally acceptable for children.
From these definitions, it is at least clear that marriage involves at
least two people (most commonly of the opposite sex) who agreed to live
together (or sometimes apart) in a relationship capable of producing children
who are recognised as legitimate constituents of the society.
The object of marriage in society has been changing over time. In the
very early stages of humanity, the marriage contract could have been
predominantly entered into for survival reasons (Anyebe, 1985: 13). The
imperative then could have been to ensure continuity of species since only
marriage could have given the couple better chances of making it through to
their children’s maturity by combining to get shelter, food, water and
security. Prior to this, when marriage could have been absent, the lone
woman impregnated by a casual contact could have been left alone to give
birth even at the mercy of the elements, beasts and even other humans.
15
Marriage could have therefore given the woman more chances of surviving
the hazards of pregnancies and nurturing children to maturity.
Further human development could have thrown up convenience as an
additional meaning of marriage (Anyebe, 1985: 13). This was the era of
“arranged marriages” in which the poor contracted marriages as a strategy to
pool resources and to connect through space and time. The rich could have
on the other hand, married as a strategy to combine wealth and property. In
between these two reasons are other related to sexual gratification, religious
obligation (depending) on the society and economic reasons.
There are two main forms of marriage across cultures. These are
plural marriages and singular marriages. Plural marriages are referred to in
anthropological parlance as polygamy and have two basic variants. The first
polygamy is the marriage form in which a husband has several wives while
the second, polyandry is the opposite where the wife has several husbands.
About 80% of societies recorded by anthropologists are polygamous
(Bergstrom 1994:15) thus making polygamy the most popular form of
marriage in the world.
Singular marriages otherwise referred to as monogamy are exclusive
marriages in which one has a single spouse for life (Bergstrom 1994:15).
Between the two main forms is a complex range of variations depending on
16
the different histories and cultures of mankind. While marriage may be
contracted through the exchange of sisters in other societies, in others, it is
through paying the appropriate dowry or bride price as the case may be.
Other variations are predicated on the rules of endogamy and
exogamy. While endogamous marriages occur between members of the
same social or kin groups, exogamous marriages occur between members of
different social/kin groups (Bergstrom 1994:17). Without exception, all
human societies-even those that are endogamous-recognize incest and
prohibit sexual relations and marriage between people who are “closely
related by blood”. Examples include brother/sister and parent/child
relationships, though specific incest rules and sanctions for dealing with
breaches may vary from one culture to the other.
Another aspect of marriage that underscores the complex differences
in the marriage institution across cultures is the issue of residency rules.
Each marriage system has it own unique rule guiding where the couple
would reside. There are all together about seven residency rules. These are
neolocal, patrilocal, matrilocal, matrifocal, avunculocal, ambilocal and
natalocal. Neolocal residence rule requires each partner to a marriage to
move out of his/ parents home to a new and neutral residence, which
becomes the core of an independent nuclear family. Neolocal residences are
17
common in complex societies with a high rate of geographical and labour
mobility as well as in simple hunting and gathering societies in which
nomadic movements are part of the subsistence strategy. In the patrilocal
residence rule, the couple reside in the man’s father’s house, their offspring
are counted as part of the extended family which overtime develops into a
patrilineage. In its simplest form, this rule involves the movement of the
woman to the man’s house upon marriage. This is sometimes referred to as
virilocal residence. (Laura, 1949:273)
Matrilocal residence on the other hand evolves the movement of the man
upon marriage to the wife’s place. Their children become part of the
matrilocal extended family which also developed over time into a
matrilineage. Uxorilocal residence is the simplest form of matrilocal
residence and involves the husband moving to join the wife in her place of
birth. The next residency type, matrifocal arises when a woman and her
children and daughter’s children (Grand children) have to establish a home
without their husbands or adult men. Matrifocal residences are often as a
result of war or situations when the husband(s) are unable to support their
wives. It is therefore not a common residence rule in most cultures.
Avunculocal residence rule is a two-stage rule. The first stage
involves the virilocal rule in which the wife joins her husband in his father’s
18
place after being married. The second stage is when their children are
matured and the couple is required to relocate his family to live with his
mother’s brothers – who together with him make up an avuncolocal
extended family. (David, 1953:53-57) avunculocal residences are
characteristic of matrilineal societies. In ambilocal residence rule, the couple
makes the decision to either join the wife’s parents or the husband’s parents.
Whoever they agree to join an ambilocal extended family is created. In the
last residency rule, natolocal partners to the marriage remain apart. Each
with his/her parents. Children for obvious reasons remain with the mother.
Natolocal residences are characteristics of matrilinear societies and in
societies like the Ashanti where the rule is common, settlements are in large
towns where husbands and wives can be within reach of each other.(Harold,
1964:n.p)
Given all these complexities in the institution of marriage, any deep
understanding of the institution must not only be situated in the context of a
particular culture and tradition, but also a specific time period.
2.3 Choice of Spouses
In all societies, socially derived limitations are placed on the range of
persons from among whom spouses may be chosen. Social-exchange
19
theories focus on the contextual characteristics of the larger marriage
market, where individuals compare the assets and liabilities of prospective
spouses. Mate selection criteria include income, wealth, home- versus
labour-market production, and physical attractiveness. Once the benefits of
marriage outweigh the benefits of remaining single for both partners, a legal
union is formed (Winch, 1963: 18).
The specialization and trading model adopts a rational-choice
perspective that views men and women as attempting to maximize personal
gains through marriage. This model asserts that individuals exchange
personal assets—be it income, wealth, home production, child rearing skills,
or physical attractiveness-for a partner with the highest overall value on a
related set of assets. Historically, men have specialized in and traded on their
economic production, whereas women have specialized in and traded on
their domestic production (Kiernan, 2004:210).
Career-entry theory is derived from job-search theory, which asserts
that potential workers look for employment in the labour market until they
find a job that satisfies the minimum qualifications necessary for acceptable
employment. From the perspective of the worker, the sorting of individuals
into jobs is maximized when the number of jobs available in the market
increases. An analogous situation occurs during the process of spousal
20
selection. A person wishing to form a marital union searches for a spouse in
the marriage market. As with employment, individuals usually have a
predetermined idea of the minimal characteristics necessary before a
potential spouse is deemed acceptable. Once in the marriage market,
individuals compete with others to find a spouse. High levels of human
capital in women decrease the probability of marriage by extending
women’s marital search process and simultaneously raising their reservation
wage for potential husbands. More importantly, from a career-entry
perspective, men’s economic volatility lowers the probability of marriage by
creating long-term financial uncertainty for both men and the women who
choose to marry them (Bumpass & Hsien-Hen, 2000:23).
Psychodynamic theories often focus on how childhood experiences
and family background influence partner selection. Individuals may model
their potential spouses after their opposite-sex parents, or they may create
images of the ideal spouse based on childhood experiences.
Filter theory posits that we sift through potential mates based on
predetermined criteria-often ascribed characteristics such as race and class.
Homogamy filters include finding a potential mate that matches your
characteristics such as propinquity, physical attractiveness, race, education,
21
income, and religion. Propinquity is typically the strongest homogamy filter.
Heterogamy filters include selecting a mate based on characteristics that are
opposite such as gender. (Bramlett& Mosher, 2002: 137)
Societies which prescribe that a spouse be chosen from among one or
more designated categories of persons have been said to possess closed
marriage systems. Those in which such prescriptions do not exist have been
characterized as having open marriage systems. The designation of a
marriage system as “closed” is not meant to suggest total absence of choice
in the process of mate selection. This point is illustrated by Klass (1966:62),
who shows that in Bengal (and in other parts of India), while caste affiliation
delimits the broad category of persons from which a spouse is chosen, a man
who must choose husbands for his daughters or “wards” does so from within
a relatively narrow selection of eligible males known to certain of his
kinsmen.
The most frequently cited closed marriage systems are found among
the indigenous societies of Australia. Some of these societies, for example
the Kariera, practice what anthropologists term “symmetrical cross-cousin
marriage,” wherein pairs of local groups engage in the “simultaneous or
nearly simultaneous exchange of women” (Leach, 1961:59).
22
In open marriage systems, the only group of persons unequivocally
proscribed as marriage partners are those to whom the incest taboo is
extended. There are no normative prescriptions relating to groups from
which spouses should be chosen. Nonetheless, many studies indicate that
demographic, ecological, and sociological factors enter into the choice of
spouse. Age, residential propinquity, class, religion, ethnicity, education, and
occupation have been isolated as important determinants in the choice of
marital partners. Likewise, parents and peer groups are often instrumental in
delimiting for each individual the field from which a spouse will be chosen.
2.4 Marriage in Nigeria
Marriage in Nigeria takes place under three legal systems (Center for
Reproductive Rights 2003, 83): Islamic (Maliki school of law), civil
(statutory law), and customary (tribal/traditional law) (Danish Immigration
Service, 2005: 68). In general, marriages in the north of the country are
under Islamic law, while those in the south are under statutory law.
However, even when couples marry under statutory law, customary laws
generally prevail in personal matters (Danish Immigration Service, 2005:
68). Customary law tends to vary "from one ethnic group to another, from
23
state to state, and most often from one town to another" (Ewelukwa, 2002:
434).
Two major types of marriage exist in Nigeria: monogamy, a marriage
of one man to one woman, and polygyny, a marriage of one man to two or
more wives (Ewelukwa, 2002: 434). In most cultural groups in Nigeria,
traditional marriage is usually an arrangement between two families as
opposed to an arrangement between two individuals. Accordingly, there is
pressure on the bride and bridegroom to make the marriage work as any
problem will usually affect both families and strain the otherwise cordial
relationship between them. In most Nigerian cultures, the man usually pays
the dowry or bride-price and is thus considered the head of the family.
Adultery is acceptable for men, but forbidden for women.
Basically, two forms of marriages which greatly influence inter-
cultural marriage are common in Nigeria (Bolaji, 1984:65). One was the
betrothal of a girl to a young man chosen by the families of the young people
concerned. This may be predicated by close family ties, which may range
from political ties, religious ties, and historical ties to mere friendship
between such families. The second category of marriage partner selection
(which makes for the increase in inter-cultural marriage) now prevalent in
24
Nigeria is the one in which individuals concerned personally chose their own
partners. This may not be unconnected with the increased pace of
modernization whereby emphasis is shifting from extended family ties,
which formally existed in most of the rural areas (Orubuloye, 1987: 32).
Ogunjuyigbe and Adeyemi (2003: 56) revealed in their study that most
Yoruba men would prefer arranged marriages for their children for security
purpose. This is to ensure a peaceful, successful and comfortable married
life for their children.
25
CHAPTER THREE
PROBLEMS OF INTER-CULTURAL MARRIAGES
3.1 Language Barrier
Nigeria is the third most ethnically and linguistically diverse country
in the world, after New Guinea and Indonesia (Ethnologue). Nigeria has at
least five hundred languages, although the exact number remains unknown
since new languages are regularly being recorded for the first time, while
others are disappearing. This ethnolinguistic diversity has very significant
implications in almost every area of life. Common language, behavior
patterns, and values form the base upon which members of the culture
exchange meaning with one another in conducting their daily affairs. These
similarities generally allow people to predict the responses of others to
certain kinds of messages and to take for granted some basic shared
assumptions about the nature of reality.
In monocultural communication, difference represents the potential
for misunderstanding and friction. Thus, social difference of all kinds is
discouraged. Intercultural communication—communication between people
of different cultures—cannot allow the easy assumption of similarity. By
definition, cultures are different in their languages, behaviour patterns, and
values. So an attempt to use one’s self as a predictor of shared assumptions
26
and responses to messages is unlikely to work. Because cultures embody
such variety in patterns of perception and behaviour, approaches to
communication in cross-cultural situations guard against inappropriate
assumptions of similarity and encourage the consideration of difference.
Communication is a common source of discord in marriage due to the
inherent differences in the communication styles of various cultures
(Kreider, 2000: 25). Patterns of communication are imprinted early and
typically persist through adulthood. Miscommunication can occur because of
the tendency to send and interpret messages based on one’s own cultural
code and cues for communication. Specifically, discrepant styles of
communication and values related to childrearing are common examples of
cross-cultural challenges experienced as an intercultural couple. The wife
may want to inculcate her language to the child at an early age
unconsciously or even consciously. This may not go down well with the
husband who may feel that his language should be the major language the
child should learn. According to Bola, Yoruba woman married to an Igbo
man:
I had the language barrier problem with my husband. He’s Igbo
and I’m Yoruba. He insisted that our children learn the Igbo
language first. I guess he could say that because he taught me
Igbo language...I didn’t agree at first but he was hell-bent on his
view. So I gave in. Our children speak Igbo language; I intend
to teach them Yoruba though…
27
Even among intercultural couples, language barrier creates a problem. This
is especially the case if one spouse does not know how to speak the language
of his/her spouse. A spouse who is Yoruba may struggle to learn or
communicate in Igbo language if he/she is married to an Igbo man/woman.
Rabiu, an Hausa woman married to an Ibibio man opines that:
Within the first two years of our marriage, I suffered terribly as
result of my inability to hear and speak Ibibio, my husband’s
language. I vowed to learn the language and in six months I
started hearing Ibibio, but I didn’t let anyone in the house know.
Within a year, I was fluent in speaking Ibibio. You could imagine
the joy! It was then that I discovered that my in-laws could
actually use derogatory words about me in my presence. One
day, I gave them a big shock, when they were talking about
getting another wife for my husband- I told them not to dare me
in their own language. They simply moped at me speechless!
This has brought about the resort to Pidgin English and Standard English as
the lingua franca in most intercultural homes.
3.2 Culture Shock
The concept of ‘culture shock’ was first introduced by Oberg (1958)
who indicated with it the distress experienced by the sojourner as a result of
loosing all familiar cues, signs and symbols from his physical and social
environment. According to the researcher the psychological consequences
can be a sense of loss and feelings of deprivation, confusion, anxiety, disgust
and indignation. A considerable literature has already been compiled on the
questions of culture shock and adaptation. However, there is an agreement
28
that the constant demand of coping with differences in climate, food, and
social norms leads to frustration and sometimes to a sense of worthlessness
(Brislin 1981: 138).
Using some empirical data Furnham & Bochner (1982) proved the
relationship between culture distance and social difficulty. The more distant
the spouse’s native culture from his/her spouse’s culture is, the more
difficult his or her adaptation becomes. The scholars view culture shock not
as a deficiency in the personality or cultural socialization of a spouse but
rather as a lack of given social skills with which to negotiate social situations
in the family (Furnham 1988). Comparing the data of different Canadian
studies Berry, King and Boski (1988) conclude that the adjustment results in
acculturation. The latter term is defined by them as ‘culture change that
results from continuous firsthand contact between two distinct cultural
groups’. According to the authors acculturation may also be expressed in
physical, social, cultural and psychological changes.
Gudykunst & Hammer (1988: 132) discover that intercultural
adaptation is a function of uncertainty reduction. Most often culture shock
appears out of uncertainty. The latter is understood as individuals’ inability
to predict their own and others’ beliefs and attitudes (cognitive uncertainty)
as well as their own and others’ behavior in a given situation (behavioral
29
uncertainty) (Gudykunst 1989). The reduction of uncertainty means for
sojourners to overcome their culture shock.
Although many scholars underline the negative experiences related to
culture shock, there are some positive interpretations of it too. For instance,
Adler (1979:30) defines culture shock as a cross-cultural learning
experience. As a result of it individuals become aware of their own growth,
learning and change. It is in this direction that the positive outcomes of
culture shock should be sought. Among the best strategies to cope with
culture shock is the increasing of individuals’ communication competence,
expressed in their knowledge of the host country as well as in their empathy
(Rothwell 2000). Empathy is the ability of the individual to see the world
through the eyes of the others and thus to better understand their thoughts
and feelings. How does all these relate to intercultural marriages?
Culture shock for individuals in intercultural marriages includes
outsider status, cultural losses, and divided cultural homes. What is unique is
that these experiences are reactions to the culture of an intimate partner.
Chidinma Afolabi, an Igbo lady married to a Yoruba man, shares her
experience:
It is extremely difficult for me to be away from my family and I
have come to feel very lonely and isolated…because I don’t
have my family [or] social network.
30
A common theme among intercultural partners is the persistence of
discrepant identity status. The alternating out-group membership of partners
in an intercultural relationship has destabilizing and isolating effects on each
partner at different times. This dynamic frequently remains invisible to the
in-group partner who can rely on his/her own cultural codes to interpret
social interactions. Eke Ibiam, an Efik woman married to an Igbo man,
says: “I always feel like I am at a game and I am the only one who doesn’t
know the rules”.
Hauwa Kanayo, an Hausa woman married to an Igbo man, opines:
It’s like I didn’t really have a place [in Awka, Anambra
State]... The family treats me as a guest…on one hand I am a
mother which confers a special status, but as a wife I’m not
quite up to par because I couldn’t properly look after my man…
and I didn’t speak the language anyway. It was pretty isolating,
and Emeka [her husband] would say that everything was just
“too complicated” to explain.
Ceremonies that punctuate important traditions are common
transgressions of implicit rules by cultural outsiders. Rules surrounding
these occasions are embedded at an early age, and those surrounding the
significance and meaning of food are a frequent source of violation and
cause for mutual offense. Value is what is seen as good or bad, right or
wrong, true or false, important or unimportant. Values tell us a lot about who
a person is. Couples from the same cultural group sometimes have different
31
value systems, and couples from different cultural groups almost always
have different value systems. Value differences cause disagreements and
misunderstandings between the couple, which may lead to many conflicts.
Hauwa, explains that:
His mom would offer me fufu to eat… And, culturally, to just
say “Yes” would be like you were expecting it… So, I say
something like, “Oh, no thanks.” And that would be my cultural
way of responding, and we are supposed to do it probably three
times. She is supposed to offer again. And I am supposed to say
“no, no, no” and by the third time, I say “OK.” So… initially I
felt hurt… I think Emeka and her family [thought], “she said
she doesn’t want it, so if she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t want it
and if she did she would say so.” Sometimes, my expectations
caused quarrels for me and Emeka, after we have left their
family house.
In order for intercultural couples to overcome value differences, there needs
to be tolerance from both parties. It helps when there are more similarities
than differences in their value systems.
The type of food peculiar to a cultural group also becomes a
problem in some intercultural marriages. In this context, certain factors
come to play: the nature of the meal, how the meal is prepared, what time
the meal is served, where the meal is eaten, and how it is eaten. People
from different cultures usually prefer different types of foods, even people
from the same culture who are from different locations have a problem
with food. How would a Yoruba man feel about eating egusi soup most
32
times he has his meals, or how would an Igbo woman raised in Igboland
feel about eating amala and ewedu? Eating customs from different cultures
can cause problems. In some cultures the time a woman takes to prepare a
meal is significant of how much she loves her spouse, and in other cultures
the spouse won’t care if the wife picked up the meal at the drive through as
long as he gets fed. So if food is really the way into a man's heart, what is a
woman to do when the man does not like her specific choices of meals, and
she doesn't like his, should she sacrifice herself and eat what he prefers?
Chika said:
I didn’t like the amala and ewedu thing one bit... the sight alone
was disgusting. I think I underestimated the impact my
preferences would have on my marriage because I fell in love
with Funke... and to my greatest dismay she couldn’t practically
live without amala and ewedu. Till now, that is like three years
into the marriage, I can’t just bring myself to eat amala...i just
watch her enjoy her food while i eat fufu or something else...
For some cultures mealtime is family time, yet for some others mealtime
may just be whatever time the person gets hungry. If the person is used to
eating at specific times during the day and making a feast out of every meal,
they may find themselves in trouble when the spouse is eating at random
times of the day, not in the dinner table, but on the sofa watching TV, or the
spouse simply does not eat at home but instead takes it on the go because of
his busy schedule does not permit him time to sit down and eat with the
33
family. What if the couple does not share the same manners or etiquette at
the dinner table, who is to say which one is the correct form, and how will
the argument be settled? For many eating is a common and non-threatening
event of their daily lives, for others, especially intercultural couples, eating
can become a form of pitfall in the relationship.
Gender roles cause problems when each individual holds different
beliefs about how the other person should behave (Crippen, 2011: 15). In
some cultures, women are given more liberties and freedoms, but in other
cultures, like African culture, the female is heavily expected to serve the
man. When the culture from these different societies unite some problems
arise especially if the man of the Western society is marrying a woman of a
non Western society and is under the impression that she is going to serve
him when no other woman from his the same culture would do this, and the
woman is marrying him because she believes he is going to offer her more
liberty and freedom, like no other man in culture could offer. Couples from
cultures with opposing expectations regarding gender roles have problems:
I basically grew up at home and was used to my mum doing
most of the work, not that my dad was idle, but you see there’s
this thing in Edda about woman being kind of strong and being
able to provide for her family-i don’t know where it comes
from but it’s just there... so when I got married to Flora-she’s
from Akwa Ibom State- I sort of found myself expecting her to
behave like my mum...it took me quite a while to note that
34
because I felt it was normal, after all where i come from that’s
normal.
3.3 Family Acceptance
Families with multiple cultural identities often experience cross-
cultural cleavages or externally-imposed divisions as a result of the broader
social environment, and differences in socialization across extended
families. Some of these cleavages include discrimination, preferences for
endogamy, and discrepant family systems. Discrimination and ethnic
stratification are often accepted as normal by partners who were socialized
as part of a dominant culture with presumptions of identity, privilege and
insider status. In addition to the broader social cleavages confronting diverse
family systems, there can be challenges associated with integrating families
from disparate cultural backgrounds that did not necessarily sanction
exogamy, nor value diversity within the extended family. In-laws are a
frightening issue in any marriage. Disapproving in-laws are an issue in the
majority of intercultural marriages.
[My in-laws] felt that he should marry an Igbo girl. They felt
that I wouldn’t understand the culture, that I wouldn’t
understand how an Igbo man needs to be taken care of…that I
wouldn’t know how to cook Igbo food, that I wouldn’t know
how to make him happy. [Eke Ibiam]
My family always had hopes that I would marry a Yoruba
man…I think they accept [my marriage] because they HAVE
to. I mean, that’s what they do, but I wonder how left out they
might feel. [Funke]
35
The problem with in-laws is that depending on their culture; they hold
different views regarding what rights they have over their children, even
after their children marry. In some cultures, the parents believe their children
are owners of their life and have the right to decide anything for themselves
once they marry or turn a certain age. In other cultures, parents hold the
belief that since they raised and took care of the children when they were
young, the children owe them eternal respect and gratitude, part of this
respect and gratitude is conceived as parents having the authority over their
child and the spouse of the child. Patriarchal authority becomes an issue if
one person holds customs where their parents do not have any say in their
children's married life. Miriam said:
My parents want to be involved in all of our decisions for when
it comes to picking a house or how we landscape something… I
have never had them be a part of it, that’s just the way our
family is. And it’s a little too much for [Miriam] I think... I
think if we lived [near my family] there would be more
problems. [Anya]
I realize now that his family was miles away and I didn’t have
to deal with them on a day-to-day basis. If they had been here, I
doubt that we would still be together because it would have
been too great of a leap for me to behave in the role that they
would have wanted me to behave in.
Intercultural families find it beneficial to move away from both of their
families to avoid this type of problem. Distancing themselves from the
36
family may help alleviate the in-laws problem, but it can also contribute to
issues of separation from a main source of support. Couples need to take into
consideration the pros and cons of being away from the in-laws before they
make the final decision to move away.
The family is often another source of discrimination for those in
intercultural marriages. The majority of people in intercultural marriages
have said that they have had to face one or both parents express serious
concern to outright disapproval of their choice to marry interculturally. This
disapproval can be expressed verbally or by certain family members refusing
to come to important events such as weddings, holiday celebrations, or
family reunions. In some extreme cases, members of intercultural marriages
have reported having lost all contact for years at a time with once close
members of their families (Crippen, 2008).
The influence of parents on the lives of their children leads to failure in
marriage. Some controversial parents do not seem to understand that married
couples have their lives to leave and decision they make concerning what
affects their lives. These parents try to interfere into their children’s lives
and that finally puts the couples in confusion as to who to listen to when the
ideas contradicts one another. It is more common if from the beginning the
parents were not comfortable with the marriage and especially if the
37
marriage is an intercultural one. It has unfortunately become a common
thing in Nigeria that when parents especially women are advising their
daughters on how to leave in their matrimonial homes. According to one
respondent, Hauwa, the first thing you hear them say is that: Na miji ba
zanin goyo ba ne meaning, (a man is not some one who you give hundred
percent of your heart to). From this point the women goes into her blessed
home with such negative notion. As soon as a littlie problem-which is part of
any social life, emerges, her point of reference becomes the above statement
instead of patience and understanding.
On the side of the man, when it is discovered that a man is giving his
entire love, care and concern to his wife, as she deserves, his parents
interpret that to mean he has been giving ‘love portion’ or have been
‘charmed’.
38
CHAPTER FOUR
EFFECTS OF PROBLEMS IN INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES
4.1 Divorce
Divorce as a social psychological problem is quite common in most
societies today. Even before the decision of divorce arises, there are a
number of factors, which can influence people or a couple towards a
divorce. The quality and amount of time involved in a couple’s premarital
relationship can be a good indicator of later causes of divorce. Problems
that develop before marriage do not disappear and often lead to the causes of
divorce down the road. These problems can often even amplify themselves
during a marriage. Intercultural marriages are prone to problems of social
integration. Social integration as the degree of interaction between
individuals and the larger community is emerging as an important factor
related to the incidence of divorce (Gofwen, 2000: 62). In addition, the rate
of divorce increases in urban areas. The greater likelihood of divorce in the
urban centres may be caused by the higher rate of lower levels of socio-
cultural integration with extended families, ethnic neighbourhoods (Robert,
1991). The urban centres are influenced by social dynamics such as
sophisticated lifestyles, feminist ideology and culture, materialism, the need
to live “the good life” etc. All these greatly affect marriage. John (1992)
39
observed that when husband and wife belong to the same religious faith, the
rate of divorce is lower than if they belong to different religious faiths.
The effects of divorce are not far fetched. One of which is a broken
home. To day we are full of experiences of how broken homes, as a result of
divorce have ruined the future of many potential youths. More often than not
leading them to different kinds of immoral behavours, among them
commercial sexual practices from the side of the female ones, thereby
exposes them to the dreaded HIV/AIDS disease or unwanted pregnancy.
Most boys from broken homes find armed robbery as the only way of
sustaining themselves, as their parents will more often than not abandon
their responsibilities.
4.2 Unbalanced Cultural Development in Children
A cursory look at intercultural marriages reveal many advantages in
the raising of children (Crippen, 2011). However, a more critical look shows
otherwise. The models of raising children vary from culture to culture, and
deciding which method to use poses a problem for many intercultural
couples. Thus, they usually resort to trial and error. Parents of such children
can decide to try various things while raising their children, such as one-
sided adoption of the culture of the dominant spouse, or they can combine
elements of both cultures. Such children benefit from the exposure of both
40
parents, but the child may also easily suffer from contradicting each parent
when he does what the mother or father prefers, in this case the child will be
placed in a loose/ loose situation.
The issue of cultural identity is the most popular problem that children
from intercultural marriages face (Gofwen, 2000: 76). An identity crisis
arises when the child can't decide what group he belongs to. Children obtain
a sense of identity from their parents, but when both parents posses different
identities the child will face trouble. The child may try to choose one
identity over the other, but then one parent will try to pull him in one
direction, and the other parent will try to pull him in a different direction.
When the child finally decides, the parent who was not chosen will give the
child negative feedback on his choice. This problem can lead children into
emotional instability and a great resentment towards their parents, because
they did not receive the support they longed for. Another problem children
from intercultural marriages face is when the parents and child agree on an
identity but then society does not agree with their choice. The child blames
the parents for the negative feedback society gives them; this adds to the
resentment that children hold against their parents.
Pett (2002) noted that the instability that may result from the tension
in intercultural marriages make children in such families prone to deviant
41
behavious such as juvenile delinquency, alcoholism, prostitution, dropping
out from school, drug addiction. This is because when the family life is
unsatisfactory, the children often develop personality difficulties and
behavioural pattern due to poor socialization, hence turn to delinquent acts
to cope with their defects.
4.3 Intra-Family Crises
One of the most common problems that intercultural couples face is
discrimination. The minimal social support intercultural couples receive
greatly affects their marital stability of such marriages (Hendricksen &
Watts, 1999). Diminished social support detracts from sense of community,
family, and workplace involvement that those in intercultural marriages have
access to (Kris and Killian, 2009). The stress of deciding to enter into an
intercultural marriage and the discrimination experienced in society makes
these couples need familial support even more than same-culture couples.
However, due to their families’ negative views on intercultural
marriage; needed family support is often not available, which is even more
detrimental due to the couples’ already limited social networks (Mc Namara
et. al, 1999:121). McNamara et.al (1999:121) also found that common
family gatherings that bring together both sides of the intercultural couple’s
family are usually extremely stressful for each partner and often leaves them
42
drained. Thus, many intercultural couples report preferring to stay at home
where they can be assured that they will not be discriminated against
(Hibbler & Shinew, 2002). Social support has been said to be helpful in the
formation of intercultural relationships, but also for the very survival of the
marriage (Zebroski, 1999).
In the traditional Yoruba society in Nigeria, most marriages are
arranged by the parents on both sides (Bolaji, 1984). Basically, two forms of
arranged marriages were common among the Yoruba. One was the betrothal
of a girl before she was born and the second, chosen by the families of the
young ones concerned. The third category of marriage partner selection now
prevalent among the Yoruba is the one in which individuals concerned
personally chose their own partners. This may not be unconnected with the
increased pace of modernization whereby emphasis is shifting from
extended family ties, which formally existed in most of the rural areas
(Orubuloye, 1987). Ogunjuyigbe and Adeyemi (2003) revealed in their study
that most Yoruba men would prefer arranged marriages for their children for
security purpose. This is to ensure a peaceful, successful and comfortable
married life for their children.
43
CHAPTER FIVE
PROSPECTS OF INTERCULTURAL MARRIAGES IN NIGERIA
5.1 Social Prospects
5.1.1 Acceptance of Intercultural Marriages
Despite seeming potentially disruptive and conflict-prone, studies
have shown that acceptance of intercultural marriages is increasing at a rapid
pace and an increasing number of intercultural couples are reporting that
their families have openly accepted their intercultural relationship, and they
feel comfortable speaking about their relationship in public (Rosenblatt et.
al., 1995; Waters, 2000; Fears & Deane, 2001; Lee & Bean, 2004). Ting-
Toomey (1999) in his study buttressed that intercultural marriages facilitate
adaptive outcomes such as cognitive flexibility, improved social competence
and increased self-awareness, while Kim (2001) noted that such marriages
foster personal growth.
One of the respondents noted that:
In many ways, our marriage has made other people to see that it
[intercultural marriage] can actually work. Two of my friends
have married Igbo guys and I think they are quite comfortable.
Today, my mother jokes about the time my husband came for my
hand in marriage. We laugh over it and that shows that they have
become more acceptable to the fact that marriages like ours are not
such a bad thing [Bola].
44
The increased acceptance of intercultural marriage could be traced to the
decline in endogamy. This tendency as articulated by Jibo (2001) can be
explained at five levels. First, the introduction of the cash economy led to
increased liberalization of world-views. Young men in search of jobs
ventured into heterogeneous urban centres far away from their homes where
they established liaison with women (not from their cultures) some of whom
they ended up marrying. The 1969 civil war also increased the scope of
intercultural marriages. According to Jibo (2001), many Tiv people enlisted
in the army and were thrown at the war front where as a strategy of
conquest, they were encouraged to marry Ibo women.
Many of such marriages exist amongst the officers’ corps and men of
the Nigerian Army. Another level, according to Jibo (2001), is related to
increased economic prosperity as a result of cumulative earnings from
farming, trade and wage employment. This has empowered travel, mixing
and settlements in heterogeneous areas leading to more intercultural
marriages. The next level is the “international dimension”. Nigerian
communities are growing in Diaspora especially in North America and
Europe.
Most members of these communities in Diaspora are professionals
(with permanent residency status in these areas) who have since married
45
women of other cultures and races thus expanding the exogamic circle of
Nigerians.
Today, there is more consideration of the feelings and opinions of
women in the marriage process. The transformation of Nigerian society with
its attendant implications has expanded the consideration given to women’s
feelings by all stake holders in the marriage contract. Now a man has to first
seek the approval of his intended wife before approaching her people for
support. It is rare to beat and force a woman into marriage. Women can
more openly turn down marriage proposals from men and the reasons can be
anything from old age to ‘lack of love’. Sometimes it is even possible for a
couple to marry against the expressed wish of their parents. This has tended
to undermine the hitherto dominant influence of elders in society especially
on matters of marriage and has opened the way for more intercultural
marriages.
5.1.2 Resiliency in Intercultural Marriages
Though cultural differences are seen as sources of instability, conflict,
or dissatisfaction for couples, studies have shown that many of the people
engaged in intercultural marriages tend to have stable marital life (Monahan,
1966; Crester and Leon, 1985; Ho and Johnson, 1990, Kreider, 2000;
46
Crippen and Brew, 2007). Marital stability is also affected by the particular
cultural combination (Monahan, 1970; Ho and Johnson, 1990; Jones, 1996).
Cultural prejudice is often cited as a main reason why, in some cultural
groups, out-marriages are rare and in others are more common. In addition,
cultural prejudice has been shown to affect the resiliency of the marriage
based on the partner's ability to cope with the prejudice (Chan and
Wethington 1998).
Chan and Wethington (1998) identified several factors that could
facilitate resiliency in intercultural marriages. First, intercultural marriages
tend to be more stable and involve fewer conflicts than other types of
relationships due to the early awareness of differences. This predisposes the
couples to broach issues otherwise taking for granted. Second, whereas
intercultural couples and families face unique challenges, they tend to
develop mature coping and conflict-resolution styles. Third, given that well-
functioning intercultural couples often have higher levels of education, they
tend to have superior resources for coping with the problems they encounter.
Bola said:
It has opened my eyes to dealing with difference,
adapting to different ways of doing things, being more
tolerant about difference, more open-minded.
47
I hope I am developing a little more sensitivity to the
people around me. I think that is a good thing. [Rabiu]
Finally, intercultural couples tend to build support networks of like-minded
people and build strong bonds with each other as a means to overcome
adversity.
5.2 Cultural Prospects
For individuals in intercultural marriages, cultural competency can be
enhanced through the development of a broader frame of reference,
increased cultural sensitivity, and tolerance for diversity. Most couples in
such marriages have continued to experience what could be expressed as an
“opening up of the world” which has helped them to think outside of their
closed cultural mindset. This has enhanced people’s way of thinking and
dealing with problems. Kalu said:
In many ways, she has opened up my world, and she has
helped me think outside of the Edda mindset. This has
enhanced my own way of thinking and dealing with
problems. I have learned to be more considerate and
caring towards people of other tribes and backgrounds. I
think I have developed a more inclusive worldview.
It really challenges my perspectives that were a given…
there is a bigger culture, a different way that they see it,
and that can be a very valid way of seeing things. So I
think we have less focus on trying to change each other
and more focus on trying to understand. [Funke]
48
Within the context of intercultural parenthood, intercultural marriages have
provided other transformative opportunities for individuals and couples,
such as access to other models of parenting and the opportunity to confront
and negotiate imprinted cultural values. Chidinma said
Coming from a different set of values, it does bring about
a lot more discussion and reflection and that’s a good
thing... And I think we discussed that a lot more than we
would have had to if we were both Yoruba or if we were
both Igbo because I guess we would have just assumed
that we were going to do certain things. It’s almost like
we were liberated because the rulebooks were a little
more open.
It is easier to disregard traditional parenting practices that
either of us disagrees with because we are married to
someone who wasn’t raised with the same model. Instead
of just doing things by rote, we are forced to confront our
differences and discuss what is best for our family
situation. [Emeka]
Intercultural parents perceive innumerable benefits, opportunities, and
privileges associated with being in culturally diverse households. These
opportunities include cultural belonging, increased cultural literacy,
culturally adaptability, and heightened empathy.
5.2.1 Cultural Belonging
Although cited in the literature as a source of confusion for spouses
and children (Tim-Tommey, 2001), the dual heritage status of intercultural
marriage also conveys a sense of connectedness. Intercultural couples have
49
been recorded to have a feeling of access to the ‘best of both worlds’ (Tim-
Tommey, 2001). They feel an affinity with people of their spouses’ cultures.
Children of intercultural marriages feel this affinity from the cultures of both
parents. Ibiam said
I think the beauty of it is, when they meet somebody who
is Efik, they feel an affinity. Or if they meet someone
who is Igbo, they feel an affinity. It breaks down barriers;
they have all of these multiple levels of connections, as
opposed to just one... I think they seek friends who are
culturally diverse. They have this multi-cultural point of
view. Thus, intercultural marriages break down barriers
by creating multiple levels of connections and cultural
diversity, as opposed to just one.
5.2.3 Cultural literacy and adaptability
Cultural literacy and an enhanced cultural adaptability are other
examples of opportunities for couples exposed directly to more than one
culture. Specifically, expanded worldview and multilingualism are
transformative opportunities for couples and their children living in
culturally diverse households. They can see that the world is not just Igbo,
Hausa, Yoruba, Efik, or any ethnic group they came from. They have a
broader frame of reference, more open-minded. They benefit from different
approaches, in terms of travelling and being exposed to both of families and
cultures. Hauwa said
50
I feel we have benefited from differences...certainly we
have benefited in terms of us travelling and being
exposed to both of our families. We have visited Awka
several times and Kano. So we have exposure to different
ways of life, which we both think is beneficial.
Further, the ability to code switch, or switch cultural codes according
to context, is another adaptive, transferable skill for intercultural couples and
their children who learn to negotiate cultural differences within their
families.
5.2.4 Cultural empathy
Finally, a heightened cultural awareness and empathy are significant
benefits for intercultural couples. Specifically, sensitivity to and appreciation
for cultural differences are interpersonal skills that can be developed from
the experience of living in a culturally diverse household. Nnamdi said
Bola no longer has rigid beliefs about, “this is how all
people are,” because she has in-laws [especially my
mom] that are so different if nothing else. I don’t know,
but if you are from really similar backgrounds you
probably don’t think about it or talk about [cultural
differences]…or if they do, then [they don’t have] the
experience of living and experiencing different cultures.
My experiences have taught me to be very
accommodating. [Rabiu]
51
5.3 Religious Prospects
Over the years, religion is a factor that has been considered important
by intercultural couples in Nigeria. The traditional view has deemed it
important that individuals who desire to marry should have the same
religious belief since differences in religious belief may be a disruptive force
in their marriage life. This view assumes that religion could be a binding
force to hold marriage together for those with the same religious belief. This
fact is supported by the study of Adeyemi (2011) that found that people are
so particular about the demographic characteristic of their prospective
spouses. In this study aimed at establishing the causes of marital instability,
59% of university students surveyed indicated that they will not marry from
another religious group that is not theirs but from the same religious group.
The reason for this being that religious differences cause marital instability
and may lead to divorce.
This continues to be the major problem of intercultural marriages
involving Christian and Muslim couples as both couples are quick to
disagree on the religion of their children. Most marriages in which the man
is a Muslim tend to turn entirely Muslim with time. Nneka said
I think that is one of the things I regret in my marriage to
Tunde. Initially [Tunde was Muslim], he didn’t bother or
so it seemed, till he started changing...and one day, he
52
said all of us would start going to the mosque down the
street. That was the beginning of our troubles. I have
started making moves for divorce-I just can’t stomach it.
Even where the woman decides not to become a Muslim, the tendency
is for the man to prefer that the children become Muslims. It is important to
note, however that with the increasing secularization of the Nigerian society
which has made people to place more emphasis on non-religious
characteristics in choosing a spouse, more couples who do not belong to the
same religion are on the rise.
It is quite pertinent to point out that whatever sign of hope there is for
Muslim-Christian marriages have received a huge blow by the recent spate
of bombings by the “boko haram” whom non-Muslims erroneously regard as
representative of Muslims.
In all, therefore, there seems to be a room for religious tolerance in
intercultural marriages, but this room is bound to become constricted as the
religious atmosphere of the country is jeopardized. The extent to which the
external factors affect intercultural marriages in Nigeria is a matter that is
not within the scope of the present work.
53
CHAPTER SIX
SUMMARY AND CONCLUSION
6.1 Summary of the findings
It was discovered in this study that:
1. The increasing rate of intercultural marriage in Nigeria has been well
documented in the literature (Lee & Bean, 2004, Jibo, 2001, Torkula,
2007), although the practice of endogamy is dominant (Karis &
Killian, 2009). In the broad literature on intercultural couples, there
has been a lack of empirical research to support conclusions about the
role of cultural differences in intercultural relationships and families
(Sullivan & Cottone, 2006).
2. Although all relationships are inherently complex, dimensions of
difference are magnified for intercultural couples and families because
they combine at least two distinct cultural reference groups, different
levels of acculturation, and influences on social location such as
family, peers, school, and work (Molina, Estrada, & Burnett, 2004).
3. Cultural differences are as a source of instability, conflict, or
dissatisfaction for couples (Cottrell, 1990; Hsu, 2001). Intercultural
couples face serious marital challenges; are more prone to failure; and
are embedded with conflicts related to dormant allegiances of
54
worldview, family structures, and communication patterns (Perel,
2000). This study identified issues such as language barrier, culture
shock and diminished family acceptance. Divorce, unbalanced
development in children and intra-family crises were observed as
some of the effects of marital instability in intercultural marriages.
4. For intercultural marriages to last, a degree of cultural adjustment
must occur, which can facilitate adaptive outcomes such as cognitive
flexibility, improved social competence (Ting-Toomey, 1999),
increased self-awareness, and personal growth (Kim, 2008).
On the whole, it was observed that though intercultural couples face
unique problems, such marriages have the potential of producing resilient
and mature spouses. Intercultural couples and families may express vastly
divergent cultural values, norms, and expectations, or they may have areas
of commonality that supersede all other aspects of difference. Their
commonality is in their diversity, or interculturalness, and the dynamics that
characterize it.
6.2 Contribution to Knowledge
It is the assumption of the researcher that the work will contribute
significantly to knowledge in the following ways:
55
1. The work provides a comprehensive understanding of the concept and
practice of marriage in Nigeria.
2. It provides the much-needed information on the problems faced by
intercultural couples in Nigeria, as well as the effects of such
problems on not only spouses but on the children of intercultural
marriages.
3. The work, through its literature review, contributes to the collation of
research work on intercultural marriages in Nigeria.
4. It will also serve as a point of take-off for researchers intending to do
more research on the prospects of intercultural marriage in Nigeria.
6.3 Recommendations
The following recommendations are made in view of the problems
faced by couples in intercultural marriages:
(1) Couples who intend to go into intercultural marriages must understand
clearly from the start that their companions will bring to the marriage
habits and attitudes learned from his/her family and friends. Even if the
(prospective) spouse's family or friends make no direct efforts to interfere
in the marriage, he/she will come to the marriage with patterns of thinking,
acting, and speaking that he/she developed from parents, relatives, and
56
acquaintances. Observing his/her family and friends may help in
understanding him/her and know what to expect. Will your spouse's friends
and in-laws be the kind of people you will want to be visiting with
frequently, especially after you have children? Does the person you are
considering marrying make wise choice of his/her closest friends? And
how will your spouse react to your family and friends? These matters
ought to be discussed carefully before marriage and after marriage.
(2) It is advisable to determine to marry a person only if he/she shows a
commitment to good relationships and good influences. After marriage,
continue to study God's word together and re-evaluate the influence the
family and friends have on you, on your marriage, and on your children.
(3) Third parties in marriage could also help in either the success or
failure in matrimonial homes. Third party here is suggested to mean people
living around couples. For example, a situation where a husband gathers a
great number of family members around him instead of giving them the
necessary things that could enable them start up their own lives and take
their future into their own hands, and expects his wife to become more or
less a house maid in trying to satisfy the teaming number of people, who
more often then not cannot be satisfied hundred percent. Every spouse
must know that among in-laws, friends and family members are
57
mischievous ones who are never comfortable with seeing positive things
happen, but will do everything humanly possible to disrupt the peaceful
coexistence that prevails in an intercultural marriage.
(4) Husbands in intercultural marriages must also know that women need
hundred percent love, care, concern and attention. It is a truism to say that
a husband cannot share the same love with his close ones. That does not
mean husbands in intercultural marriages should neglect their family
members, but they must know that they have their own lives to live. This
phenomenon is more common with problematic mothers who live with
their sons. Parents on their side should learn to allow their children decide
whom they want to live their lives with and how they want to live. Gone
are the days when parents were seeing to exercising absolute control on
their children. Also family members should be friends in progress rather
than enemies of progress.
6.4 Suggestions for Further Research
This study opens up room for further research in many areas.
(1) Further research is needed with regard to understanding the problems
in marriage caused by cultural differences between other cultures and the
Igbo culture.
58
(2) Further research needs to be done on the nature of intercultural
marriages involving Nigerians and people from foreign cultures. This will
aid an understanding and appreciation of diverse cultures and peaceful
coexistence of these ethnic groups and their fate in the face of
globalization.
(3) Further researchers should look at other factors that can cause divorce
such as personality factors, hereditary factors and so on. In addition to that,
they should increase their sample to have a full representation of the
population.
(4) Furthermore, experts should also look at ways to curb high rate of
divorce in our society today by working with these factors that have been
revealed ad mediators.
59
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Questionnaire
A Study of the Problems and Prospects of Intercultural Marriage in Nigeria
A. Personal Data
1. Age....................
2. Sex.....................
3. Marital Status: Single.........Married.................., others (please
specify)..................................................
4. Years of marriage...........................
5. Family Size: Spouse(s)..................., children..................,
Dependents.........................
6. Education: Uneducated......................, Primary school.................,
Secondary School......................... Tertiary education...................
B. Views on the Nature of Intercultural Marriage
7. Are you married to a spouse from a cultural/ethnic group different
from yours?....................... (please specify culture/ethnic
group/tribe)................................
8. How did you feel when you were proposed to by your
spouse/accepted to marry your spouse? (Please specify type of
emotion e.g happy, fear, worry)
9. Why did you feel in such a way?............................................
10. How did your parents react to your decision to marry your
spouse?.......................................................................
11. How would describe your marriage so far?....................................
12. Would you have desired to marry from your cultural group,
knowing what you know now?.............................why?................
13. What advantages/opportunities have you experienced as a result of
marrying your spouse?.........................................
14. What disadvantages/pitfalls have you experienced as a result of
marrying outside your cultural group?......................................
64
15. How has your marriage helped or affected your
children?....................................................
C. Prospects of intercultural marriage
16. Do you think that marriage between people of different cultural
groups should be encouraged?...................................why?..............
17. Do you think that people are more tolerant/receptive of
intercultural marriages now than
before?........................why?.............................
18. Do you think that intercultural couples have more lasting
marriages than couples from the same culture?...............why?.....
19. Do you think that intercultural couples stand a better chance at
resolving marital issues/conflicts than couples from same
culture?.....................why?...............................
20. Do you think that children from intercultural marriages fare better
than those from same-culture marriages?...................why?...............
in what areas?............................................
21. What are the different areas that intercultural couples can work on
in order to improve marital stability?......................................
