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The Young Peace MakerLesson 7: The Five A’s for Resolving Conflict
Lesson Goal:
To help students understand how to respond to conflict appropriately.
Lesson Objectives:
● Students will learn what the 5 A’s are and how to use them.
● Students will learn how to ask for forgiveness when needed.
Key Principle:
The 5 A’s can resolve conflict.
Review: Understanding Conflict
● Conflict starts when we have selfish desires of the heart.
● We choose how we respond to conflict based on those selfish desires.
● Those choices have consequences.
Review: The My-way Approach
Something happens that triggers thoughts and desires inside of you. In response:● You have a selfish desire.● This desire leads to a bad choice.● This bad choice results in a bad consequence.● This bad consequence leads to bad feelings.
Review: The Wise-way Approach
Instead of giving into selfish desires:● You recognize your selfishness and even admit that
selfishness outwardly.● This selfLESSness will lead to a good choice.● This good choice will result in a good consequence.● This good consequence will lead to good feelings.
THE SLIPPERY SLOPE
Which of the slippery slope responses are wise?
5 Ways We Play The Blame Game
● We blame others for our choices.● We cover up our choices and hope no one
finds out.● We make excuses for doing wrong or not
doing right.● We pretend we did nothing wrong.● We lie about our choices.
Double Trouble
Double Trouble is getting a consequence for your bad choice AND a consequence for playing the blame game.
Bad Choice + Blame Game = DOUBLE TROUBLE
Feeling Like a Victim
What is a victim?● Someone who is cheated, fooled, or injured by
someone else.● When you are seriously hurt by another’s bad choice,
you are a victim and it is right to get help.● However, some people think of themselves as victims
all the time and believe their problems are someone else’s fault.
Conflict as an Opportunity
● Most of us think of conflict as a problem that will always cause pain or embarrassment.
● However, if we handle our conflict in a wise way, good things can happen.○ We can learn to understand and appreciate others and serve
them by loving them, being kind, speaking kind words, and being thoughtful.
○ We can learn more about ourselves and grow into a more mature and wise adult by recognizing our weaknesses and confessing our heart issues.
Story Time
Pointless Put-downs● Featuring Connie & Nikki
Using the Five A’s
Recognize - Understand that you made a bad choice and be willing to take responsibility with a desire to make the change needed.Confess - You admit openly and honestly to ALL the people you hurt/offended that your choice was wrong.Forgive - You make a promise not to hold a person’s bad choices against him/her.
The First “A” - Admit
● Admit what you did wrong.● This means you take responsibility for your bad
choices.● It’s natural to think other’s bad choices are
worse than yours, but you must admit yours first to begin resolving conflict.
● You need to admit you were wrong to ALL involved.
Examples of Admitting
● “I admit I was angry and disrespectful, and I was wrong to talk back to you.”
● “I admit I was wrong and selfish when I left you out of the group. I was jealous because my friends seemed to like you better than me.”
● “I admit I was wrong when I…”** Notice there are no BUTS when admitting!
The Second “A” - Apologize
● Apologize for how your choice affected someone else.
● When you apologize, you tell the person how sorry you are for hurting him/her.○ “I am sorry for hurting your feelings.”○ “I am sorry for embarrassing you in front of your
friends.”○ “I am sorry for…”
The Second “A” - Apologize● Admitting and apologizing for your bad choice does NOT
mean the fault is all yours. You are taking responsibility for you and how your choices affected someone else.
● It is important to understand there is a difference between sorrow for getting caught and sorrow for doing wrong.○ When you are sorry for getting caught, you will likely continue to
make the same bad choices over again.○ When you are truly sorry for doing wrong, you will have a desire to
change your choices.○ Don’t apologize for choices you did not make to cover for someone.
The Third “A” - Accept
● Accept the consequences for your choices.● When you accept consequences w/o arguing or
pouting, you show that you are genuinely sorry for what you did.
● Sometimes we think when we admit, apologize, and ask forgiveness for a bad choice, we should be released from the consequences. This is NOT true.
● Some people might show mercy and release you from consequences, but you should be prepared to accept the consequence.
The Third “A” - Accept
Some things you can say to show you are accepting your consequences:● “I understand why I need to stay home from
the game tonight.”● “I understand why I need to get a zero on
my math test, since I cheated.”● “I understand why I need to…”
The Fourth “A” - Ask
● Ask for forgiveness from anyone you wronged by your bad choice.
● Many times, people will quickly say, “I forgive you”. Other times, you may need to give the person time to think about your request.
● If someone is having trouble forgiving you, you may need to ask yourself if your apology was sincere and complete. If not, try again and wait patiently.
The Fifth “A” - Alter
● Alter your choices.● This mean you change your bad choices to good
choices in the future. ● You can tell others how you plan to change so they
can help you.● Alter is defined as “to make or become different”.
If you are genuinely admitting to and apologizing for a bad choice, you should want to become different and make a better choice.
Examples of Altering a Choice
● “Next time I will ask for permission to stay out later instead of choosing not to come home on time.”
● “Next time I will be kind instead of saying something mean just to make people laugh.
● “Next time I will...instead of…”
How can Connie Use the 5 A’s?
Connie could say to Nikki:● 1st A: “I admit I was wrong to make fun of you about the game
last night. I wanted to show off for our friends.”● 2nd A: “I am sorry for embarrassing you in front of the kids at
school.”● 3rd A: “I know that what I did was wrong and I need to tell the
whole class that I shouldn’t have teased you like I did.”● 4th A: “Will you please forgive me?”● 5th A: “Next time, I will not laugh at you when you make mistakes
in softball. I’ll try to encourage you instead.”
Connie’s Admission
● Connie’s admission was good and sincere.● Nikki would need to say to Connie, “I forgive you”.● Nikki would also need to use the 5 A’s to confess she was
wrong to tease Connie about her low grades. ● Connie still needs to apologize to Mrs. Johnson’s class.● If this happens, the girls have worked through their conflict
and can become friends again. ● Even if Nikki does NOT use the 5 A’s, Connie still did the right
thing by acknowledging her bad choices. Sometimes when we do the right thing, it helps others make good choices too.
Wrapping Up: Using the Five A’s
Recognize - Understand that you made a bad choice and be willing to take responsibility with a desire to make the change needed.Confess - You admit openly and honestly to ALL the people you hurt/offended that your choice was wrong.Forgive - You make a promise not to hold a person’s bad choices against him/her.
Wrapping Up: The Five A’s
● Admit what you did wrong.● Apologize for how your choice affected the
person.● Accept the consequences for your choice.● Ask for forgiveness.● Alter your choice in the future.
What’s Next?
Lesson 8: The Freedom of ForgivenessKey Principle: Forgiveness is a choice.