The LifeSpaceNeurobiological

Systems

*WPW RP

3-Story Brain

Developmental

Pathways of

Social Maturity

Reparative

Parenting

Strategies

The WisdomPath Way Reparative Parenting ApproachA Therapeutic Parent-Child Coaching Model

Children are biologically hardwired to learn from parents in the hundreds of thousands of naturally occurring LifeSpace moments in which a child is learning the “Social Contract” “How to be human” “This is what we do and how we do it”

Resource parents, adoptive parents and kinship caregivers are our best resource and our best chance to help children affected by trauma to: Heal Mature Develop character & competence

Why REPARATIVE Parenting ?

WHAT TRAUMA LOOKS LIKE IN CHILDREN

Aggressive-hitting, kicking, biting, use of objects to hurt a parent or another child; Property destruction; holes in walls, breaking objects, breaking windows; throwing and

destroying valuable items; Sexualized behaviors toward other children in the home or at school; Argumentative, oppositional, defiant; Withdrawn, avoidant, shut down, dissociative; Hyper-arousal or under-arousal; Hyper-reactive to touch, sound, stimulation; Excessive need to be in control; High-reactive refusal to follow simple directives and to limits & boundaries; Disordered eating; anorexia, bulimia, overeating; Running away; Drug/alcohol usage/overdose; Stealing; Lying, anti-social conduct; Enuresis; encopresis, feces smearing, pica; School delinquency, school refusal, suspensions & expulsions; Depression; self-harm; cutting, suicidal threats/attempts; Anxiety; panic attacks; Homicidal ideation/threats; bullying; social isolation

Oppositional Defiant Disorder Attention Deficit DisorderMajor Depression/Persistent Depressive Disorder Anxiety DisordersMood Dysregulation Disorder Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Reactive Attachment Disorder Conduct Disorder Substance Dependence or Abuse Anorexia/Bulimia

Standard DSM V Diagnoses

Neurophysiology•*Prenatal exposure (FASD)•*Brain size/architecture

•*Head trauma/Birth Trauma•*Sensory Integrative Function•*Diurnal Cortisol Levels•*Sympathetic/parasympathetic dominance

•*Sleep/Appetite•*Autism Spectrum or Tourette disorder •*Medical or congenital conditions

Psychosocial Info

*Child’s LifeSpace narrative*LifeSpace context historically and currently, i.e., family dynamics; type of and exposure to trauma*Quality of Attachment Bond

*Attachment Disruptions*Child strengths*Family strengths

Assessments

*Trauma/ACES Score*CANS*Strengths & Difficulties Questionnaire*Connors (Parent & Teacher)*Psychological evaluations*IEPs

*Speech and Language

WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING

Th

e L

ifeS

pace

LifeSpace

Shared, co-constructed, multicultural, richly diverse social milieu;

The role of the parent is to teach the culture-specific Social Contract:

“This is what we do and how we do it”

“We work, we love, we play, we have a code of conduct”

“We work first and then we play”

“We don’t always get what we want”

Quality of the Attachment Bond; Parenting Style; Effects of trauma on compliance to

rules and directions; acceptance of limits/boundaries, and identification with the social contract/moral code; “This is what we do and how we do it”)

Seven ‘tasks’ of the new brain that

must be accomplished well for the

child develops character & competence

The LifeSpace Authority Inception Period

Two Parent Expectations When I give you a direction it needs to be followed

without undue protest. When I set a limit or boundary it needs to be

accepted without undue protest.

Three Universal RulesWe don’t use aggression to solve problemsWe do not take what isn’t oursWe tell the truth

Two Truths We work first and then we play We don’t always get what we want

Genetic vulnerabilities and/or prenatal stress/prenatal alcohol drug exposure

Attachment Disruptions; anxious, avoidant, disorganized, dismissive

Sensory Processing/Integration *Sensitivity/Dysfunction/Disorder

Sensory Processing/Integration *Sensitivity/Dysfunction/Disorder

Poor emotion management and poor self-regulation

Impaired competency and low self-confidence

Impaired connection to social contract; socially immature

Brain remains preoccupied with its‘barely there’ roots and basic survival

Hard to Understand

Neurobiological Systems

*WPW RP 3-Story Brain

SNS/Amygdala

Should Be “In Charge”

BUT…

Cannot Manage Emotions

Cannot Control Stress Reactions

Cannot Control I Want/Don’t Want

Always on guard for threats;

Over-reactive stress response

Trauma-informed view of self,

others, & the world

STUCK

TEMPERAMENT

Parents Teach:Social Contract/How to be a good human

“This is what we do and how we do it”We love, we work, we play…

We have rules, values, morals, manners

Parents Use:Authority/Confidence/Modeling

Direct and Indirect Teaching & CoachingApproval & Disapproval

Warmth & High Demandingness

The LifeSpace Reparative Authority Inception Period

HealingMaturationConnectionFit & Belong

Parents Use:Consistent, contingent

age-appropriate, pre-coached

correction/consequences

CharacterCompetenceSocial Skills

Values

Remember that this is what you do…

Teaching Children “We Work First and Then We Play”

Children/teens do

better if they can

“see” their work and

then “see” when their

“play” is coming

Let them know the work

they have and when

they can play

Be sure to have several

work and play times

“Nothing else happens

until work is done…”

Full stop Privilege Pause

until work is done

Re-Do and Amends

Teaching Children “We Don’t Always Get What We Want”

Ignore

Pestering/Badgering

Remind only once

that pestering,

badgering, whining is

“Not what we do”

Say only once:

“I am not going to

argue, no means no”

Full stop Privilege Pause

Run a timer until it stops

Add up “wait time”

Re-Do and Amends

Helping Children/Teens Feel Grounded and Safe

1. You give a reasonable directionor set a

reasonable limit/boundary

2.Your child/teen protests..

Resist/Refuses Direction Or

Pesters/Badgers About Limit/Boundary

3.“Nothing else happens until you do”

Full Privilege Pauseuntil direction is followed

and/or pestering/badgering stops

5.Start your timer…“Amount of time it takes you to follow direction or stop

pestering/bullying will be added on to your privilege pause after you follow direction

and/or stop pestering/bullying”

7.Re-Do and Amends

WAIT FOR RETURN OF PRIVILEGES

It’s Over

4.Continues to protest

Resist/RefuseOr

Pester/Badger

6.Completes directive or stops

pestering/badgering

“This is what we do and how we do it…”

Parents/Reparative Parents are the Key to

Co-Constructing/Re-Constructing Children’s Brains

What Therapeutic Reparative Parents Do

Interactions that teach the social contract of “this is what we do and how we do it;”

Provide love, warmth, safety, and protection;

Provide soothing, comfort, teaching how to calm down and ask for help & support;

Name emotions; validating, soothing, coaching management of big feelings;

Establish and hold limits and boundaries; “We don’t get everything we want;”

Establish rules; expect compliance to directions; “We work first and then we play.”

How it Builds the Child/Teen’s Brain

Child/teen believes, “I fit and I belong”

Child/teen believes, “I matter”

Develops mature self-regulation skills for stress

management; long-term solutions vs short-term

fight/flight

Develops strong emotion management skills

Learns to be part of the social world; develops

self-discipline & control over “I wants”

Develops self-discipline, character and competency

Thank you…

Dr. Kate Messina