Saluting the Finest in Local Theater

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Hackberry's scrambles its

morning menu

INSIDE...

PLUS: AND YOU GET A MIXTAPE! • PAGE 7 | TOO HOPPY FOR WISCO?• PAGE 9 | EMILY'S LEARNING CURVE • PAGE 11

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VOLUME 11, NO. 18 | MAY 19, 2011La Crosse's Free Press

THESUPPIES

2// May 19, 2011 Second SupperCOMMUNITY

TELL US A JOKE:A man asks a member of the teachers union why theyshould be the only ones not affected by the economy. She responds “It’s for the children.” The man replies, “You mean the same children who will eventually have to pay all of the enormous government debt created by all those pensions and benefits?”The teacher replies, “This is why we don’t spend much time teach-ing them economics.”

WHAT'S THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia on DVD

WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW?: Is this a trick question?

IF A GENIE GRANTED YOU ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU ASK FOR? Eternal life for my family and I. But not the crappy kind where I am trapped in that kingdom with that one guy who drowned all those people in that flood. He’s creepy.

WHAT PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH?Penn Gillette

FIRST CONCERT YOU WENT TO: U2

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF SECOND SUPPER? The social network of course...and that one guy known only as Shuggypop.

HOW DO YOU KNOW SHAYLEE? We are going steady.

— Compiled by Shuggypop Jackson,shuggypop.jackson@secondsupper.com

NAME AND AGE: Joshua James Lancour, 23

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Denver, CO

CURRENT JOB: Retention Representative at Century Link

DREAM JOB: Entrepreneur

LAST THING YOU GOOGLED: Daniel Radcliffe Nude with Horse

IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, WHERE WOULD IT BE? New York, New York

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE: Visit every continent

WHAT IS YOUR PET PEEVE? People staring at me while I’m eating with that look in their eyes...you know that look that says, ”I want to try that but I’m not going to ask you until you only have 2 bites left."

WHAT IS YOUR BEVERAGE OF CHOICE? Sprechers Orange Dream laced with a caffeine pill.

CELEBRITY CRUSH: John Stossel

WHAT BOOK ARE YOU CURRENTLY READING?The Wealth of Nations

WHAT IS YOUR GUILTIEST PLEASURE? Romantic comedies

Social Networking

L'EditorDear Reader, Good people of La Crosse, we’ve heard your cries. You’ve said it to my face, posted it on Facebook and filled up our office voice-mail with earnest pleas. You really, really want to vote for our annual Best of La Crosse awards. But when you went to our website (www.secondsupper.com), the ballot was no-where to be found. I feel your pain — believe me I do. As for what the holdup is, I can’t exactly say. Our tech gurus tell me they’re working on it, that everything is going to be fine. Of course, they told me the same thing last issue when I OK’d a special ad endorsing online voting, and now I’m sitting here two weeks in a row with a face like an Egg McMuffin. So thanks for your patience in bearing with us, and I’m especially grateful to those anonymous voters who went out of their way to turn in a ballot. It’s been encouraging to come into work and find folded-up paper ballots jimmied into the door frame. And I want to give a special shout out to the voter who spent 44 cents of his own money to mail in the ballot I opened this afternoon. Thank you, guy with a blue pen. I like Taco John’s and AM 580, too. Now it is with much trepidation that I type out remainder of this sentence, but please visit www.secondsupper.com today to fill out your ballot for our second annual

Best of La Crosse awards! The tech gurus swear it’s going to work this time — seri-ously — so go over to www.secondsupper.com to cast your vote (and of course there’s nothing stopping you from checking back in a few times over the coming weeks to ensure it’s still up there). And if, heaven forbid, online voting continues to crash, we’ll find some way to make this election happen. Just like last year, all those paper ballots will count in the final tally. So continue to bring your ballots to our office, mail them to 614 Main St., or leave them at a Second Supper distribution point. The paper ballots were in the May 5 issue with Jim Piela on the cover (whose Pump House show was amazing, by the way), so fish that one out and mark down your favorites. Man, has this been exhausting! — which brings me to my next announcement. Next weekend our nation celebrates Memo-rial Day, and Second Supper will be joining our fellow Americans by going on vacation. It’s just for one week, we promise. Then we’ll come back rested and inspired — and ready to count all those online ballots! So please go to www.secondsupper.com and cast your vote. Our servers are ready to great you now!

— Adam Bissen

Second Supper May 19, 2011 // 3

TheTop

FIRST THINGS FIRST

Most produced high-school plays1. Almost, Maine2. A Midsummer Night's Dream 3. You Can't Take It With You 4. Noises Off 5. Twelve Angry Men 6. Alice in Wonderland7. The Crucible

Stupid sayings1. I know, right?2. I'm not going to lie... 3. Blah, Blah, Blah4. Holler!5. Text it!6. Winning, duh. 7. Like ... really?

Drum up some fun Check out some true talent and culture this weekend at Echo Valley Farm in Ontario, Wisconsin. Helen Bond and Fodé Camara of Motherland Rhythm Community will present tradi-tional West African drumming techniques and will offer lessons, as well. Drums will be available for use or purchase, and your free-will donation goes to support nonprofits Motherland Rhythm Community and Echo Valley Hope. The event takes place Friday May 20th, 5-7 p.m., Saturday, 10 a.m. into the evening, and Sunday, 10 a.m.-1 p.m. For more information, call (608) 337-4871.

Make Joni Mitchell proud Boost your karma and show your appreciation for our region's best asset this weekend by attending the 19th An-nual Mississippi River Clean Up. In the past 18 years, the

Clean Up has collected over 130 tons of debris, including recyclable materi-als, tires, appliances and batteries. Vol-unteers are asked to meet at 8 a.m. on Saturday, May 21st at the Clinton Street, Goose Island West, Upper Brice Prairie,

or 7th Street boat landings. And don't think your good deeds will go punished: an Appreciation (for your valiant efforts) Lunch at the Copeland Park Shelter will be held from 12 p.m.-2 p.m. featuring a free meal as well as door prizes for volunteers. Get your Mother Earth on!

Things To Do

14

2Jah, Trempealeau! Yes, it's that time again, and I'm sure you can smell the walnut burgers already. Reggae Fest 2011 is upon us,

so head on up to the Historic Trempealeau Hotel on Saturday for your chance to get in on the action. This years fest features performances from T.U.G.G. from 2 til 5 p.m., the International Reggae All-Stars from 5 to 8 p.m., and the Royal Ancient Society Movement to close the outdoor

performance. Doors open at 1 p.m., with festivities extend-ing long into the night as T.U.G.G. performs a second set indoors. Make a day trip of it and enjoy the scenery on a bike trip up the trail to Trempealeau!

Cook Hmong cuisine Tantalize your tastebuds and learn to cook authentic Hmong dishes! This Tuesday, watch as a chef prepares and teaches how to make traditional Hmong dishes. The cost is $20 ($10 for students), and preregistration is required. To register, or for more information, call 608-781-5744 or email xong79@gmail.com.

Make Al Gore proud Learn about climate change in Wisconsin from Dr. Stanley

Temple, Professor Emeritus at UW-Madison and member of Wisconsin Initiative on Cli-mate Change Impacts. Temple will discuss the effects of climate change in our home state as well as things we can do to help protect good ol' Wisco. The talk is free, and will begin at 7 p.m. at Kickapoo Valley

Reserve, S3661 State Road 131 in La Farge.

3

5

4// May 19, 2011 Second SupperCOMMUNITY

It’s that time of year again when we at Second Supper salute the best of the best of local theatre in our version of the Tony Awards. We were going to hold an elaborate ceremony this year with a lovely opening number featuring a tap dance routine by ed-itor Adam Bissen, but we blew our budget on Pabst Blue Ribbon. Instead, we humbly pres-ent our second-annual Suppies in newsprint, a fine coda to the timeless art of theatre crit-cism. And now, without further ado...

Best Musical“The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” Viterbo

This Viterbo production spelled success with a bevy of strong performances, a wonderful set, and an emotionally involving story. And they didn’t have to ask for it to be used in a sentence, either.

Honorable Mention: “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” UW-La Crosse

The Suppies: Honoring the Best in Local TheaterBy Jonathan Majakjonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

Best Play“The Last Days of Judas”

In the words of that great theologian Lady GaGa, we’re still in love with “Judas.” UW-L’s provocative show that detailed the hypotheti-cal trial of Judas Iscariot took the Bible from the pulpit to the footlights and delivered a blistering tale of friendship, betrayal and re-demption.

Honorable mention: “Art,” UW-La Crosse

Best Ensemble“The Marvelous Wonderettes,” The Muse The-atre

The four Marvelous Wonderettes---Katie Bakalars, Emily Bourland, Shannon McDon-ald, and Kendall Yorkey---delivered sharp co-medic performances filled with wit, style and grace all while vying for prom queen in the show. And nobody even had to be dumped with pig’s blood either.

Honorable mention: “The Hostage,” Viterbo

Best Costume Design“Servant of Two Masters,” Viterbo

As designed by Viterbo professor Jeffrey Stolz, the sumptuous period costumes in the show served the two masters of style and sub-stance, at every point enhancing the wonder-fully kooky romantic comedy.

Honorable mention: “Dracula,” UW-La Crosse

Best Set Design“West Side Story,” La Crosse Community The-atre

The fact that Dillon McArdle was able to make the tiny space of LCT feel like the bus-tling streets of 1950s New York proves he not only deserves a Suppie but also some sort of Nobel Prize.

Honorable mention: “The 25th Annual Put-nam County Spelling Bee,” Viterbo

Best Actress, MusicalSamantha Pauly, “The Last Five Years”

In her role as struggling actress Cathy, re-counting her relationship from end till beginning, Pauly delivered not just power-house vocals but an emotionally resonating performance that showed the wide spectrum of what is to be in love.

Honorable Mention: Emily Bourland, “Swee-ney Todd,” The Muse Theatre

Best Actor, MusicalJustin Cooke, “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels”

As unpolished con artist Freddy Benson, Cooke dance, sang and conned his way into

our hearts with a delightfully unself-con-scious and high energy performance.

Honorable Mention: Jake Voss, “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels"

Best Actor, PlayTroy Iverson, “Doubt,” La Crosse Community Theatre

Iverson took us to church with his intense tour de force performance as an embattled priest dealing with abuse accusations that left us doubting his character’s guilt/inno-cence but not his talent.

Honorable mention: J. Michael Hartigan, “On Golden Pond,” La Crosse Community Theatre

Best Actress, PlayKatie Bakalars, “The Shape of Things,” The Pump House

As the graduate student from hell, Bakalars took a morally dubious character and gave her a sense of depth that didn’t remove the sting of her actions but instead made it dif-ficult for audiences to come to an easy opin-ion.

Honorable Mention: Suzanne Young, “On Golden Pond,” La Crosse Community Theatre

Best Supporting Actor, MusicalAustin Hernandez, “Dirty Rotten Scoundrels,” UW-La Crosse

As the wonderfully unscrupulous police chief Andre Thibault, Hernandez was able to make us laugh at the tiniest moments and even swoon a little in his big romance num-ber “Like Zis, Like Zat.”

Honorable Mention: Cameron Meilicke, “25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee,” Vit-erbo

Best Supporting Actress, MusicalEmily Pearse, “West Side Story,” La Crosse Community Theatre

Dancing, acting and handling an accent, Emily Pearse in her role as Anita did all three with finger-snapping finesse while also lead-ing a stirring rendition of the classic tune “America.”

Honorable mention: Katie Bakalars, “Rent,” UW-La Crosse

Best Supporting Actor, PlayTim McCarren, “Dracula,” UW-La Crosse

McCarren sunk his teeth into the role of de-ranged Renfield and ended up giving one of the best performances we’ve seen in La Crosse.

Honorable mention: Adam Petchel, “Becky’s

New Car,” The Pump House

Best Supporting Actress, PlayJessica Afton Everett, “Doubt,” La Crosse Community Theatre

As the nun Sister James, Everett gave a stir-ring portrayal of a young woman being pulled in two directions; her scene when she stands-up, however briefly, to Sister Aloysius was one of our favorite scenes the whole the-atre season.

Honorable mention: Emily Bourland, “The Shape of Things,” The Pump House

Biggest Scene Stealer, ActorHope Parow, “The Last Days of Judas”

From her dancing entrance to her declar-ing that Mary Magdalene was a “bitch that got clout” to her consoling of Judas, Parow simultaneously embraced and subverted the stereotypes of her sassy St. Monica character.

Honorable mention: Molly Pach, “The Hos-tage” and Sarah Kroth, “The Last Days of Ju-das”

Best Musical Number“All About Ruprecht” from “Dirty Rotten Scoun-drels”

Jake Voss and Justin Cooke proved to be one of the best comedic duos of the season in this number that found Cooke pretending to be Voss’ slightly deranged brother Rupre-cht to scare off the Oklahoma heiress by Col-leen Schulz.

Honorable mention: “God That’s Good” from “Sweeney Todd,” The Muse Theatre and “Me and My Baby,” from “Chicago,” La Crosse Community Theatre

Favorite Actor of the SeasonTim McCarren

With his roles in “Art,” “The Last Days of Ju-das,” “Twelfth Night” and “Dracula,” McCar-ren has shown that he’s an acting force to be reckon with.

Honorable Mention: Scott Gibson-Uebele

Favorite Actress of the SeasonSamantha Pauly

With roles in “Rent,” “25th Putnam County Spelling Bee,” “Company,” and “The Last Five Years,” Pauly has shown acting versatility and dynamic vocals.

Honorable Mention: Katie Bakalars

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CONSCIENTIOUS COMMERCE:

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Second Supper May 19, 2011 // 5COMMUNITY

My first official visit to the restaurant above the organic grocery store that I’ve never actually purchased groceries at got off to an awkward start. Little did I know that a small elevator (were stairs out of fashion?) takes you up to the breakfast/lunch loft above. Thus I spent several minutes walking around the wall of the downstairs grocery searching for an arrow or a sign pointing me to my goal. It wasn’t until I had circled the entire store that I found the elevator and put two and two together. Not one of my more intuitive moments. But as it turns out, the embarrassment was worth it. Hackberry’s is a mid-size breakfast and lunch eatery in a loft above the People’s Food Co-op that looks out onto Cameron Park and the hackberry trees that give the restaurant its name. The restaurant itself is all dining area, with a few booths for those who like to slouch and a number of tables spread out across the wooden floor that cheerfully bounces as the waitress passes by. In the back one can find a sparsely filled dessert cooler behind very clean windows and an oddly out-of-place bar. Though the restaurant closes at 3 p.m., now, they used to offer a full dinner menu, which begets the fully stocked bar and the drinks menu still on the tables. Of course, if you’ve seen too many episodes of Mad Men and follow the

Hackberry’s scrambles its morning menuBy Marcel DunnSpecial to Second Supper

general rule of thumb that it is in fact five o’clock somewhere, one could always enjoy a martini with brunch. Fortunately, we’ve learned a lot about liver disease since the ‘60s, so I ordered cof-fee while I pondered the menu. For break-fast, they offer a variety of healthy, organic-conscious dishes that range from cinnamon French toast to an insanely large breakfast burrito. I’ve always found that the menu decisions are tougher to make at the restau-rants that I have a good feeling about and this little bistro was no exception. Would it be the French toast with homemade cinna-mon bread, the huevos rancheros on flat-bread, the grande breakfast burrito, or the buckwheat crepes? Because I’ve had a lot of really thin pancakes and French toast in my day, it had to be the burrito and the huevos rancheros. In hindsight, this was a stupid idea. Probably the most foolish idea I’ve had in this series of reviews. Yes, I was warned that the burrito was large, but I honestly ex-pected nothing larger than a Chipotle-sized concoction. Wrong. I don’t often enjoy using words that pass for middle-school slang these days, but this requires laymen’s terms. It was a beast, plain and simple. Inside of this monstrosity lesser folk might call a pillow stuffed with food was smoked chicken (they were out of the ado-bo marinated pork), scrambled eggs from happy, free-range chickens, chunks of po-tato, cheddar jack cheese and a little onion

Hackberry's, located about The People's Food Co-op , recently revamped its menu and is is now open at 7 a.m. for breakfast.

and bell pepper. Of course there are many ways in which a collection of this much food could go horribly wrong, but Hackberry’s gets it right. The cheese was melted in just the right amount atop fluffy eggs, well-done potato and juicy chicken that reminded me of one of my favorite barbeque joints, in Ames, Iowa, of all places. The other plate on my table was a smaller portion of a pretty standard Tex-Mex dish. Atop the grilled pieces of flat-bread and scrambled eggs that I asked to replace the standard poached was a smoth-ering of enchilada sauce and cheese with sautéed onions and bell peppers. Though a little too generous, the sauce was spicy and perfectly complimented the flatbread,

and the cilantro sprinkled on top was a nice touch. In fact, I couldn’t help but think that the sauce would have made a nice compli-ment with the burrito as well. Having recently overhauled their menu, I wasn’t sure what to expect from Hackber-ry’s, but I came away pleasantly surprised. The set-up of the floor space, the decoration and design, and the organic menu wouldn’t be out of place in a city more known for it’s food and “green” ideals, like say San Fran-cisco. Yet I for one am glad that it’s here, in our little corner of Wisconsin, providing a healthier alternative for those that enjoy the most important meal of the day. And by all means, bring a friend for that damn burrito.

ÊAÊTREMPEALEAUÊHOTELÊPRODUCTIONTicketsÊ$15Êadvance,Ê$20ÊdayÊofÊshowÊorÊonlineÊatÊwww.Tempealeauhotel.com

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6// May 19, 2011 Second SupperARTS

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The Arts Review

Medium: FilmRoboCop (1987) Directors: Paul VerhoevenCast: Peter Weller, Nancy Allen, Kurtwood SmithWriters: Edward Neumeier, Michael Miner It can be a great thing to watch a movie as a child and see one film, and then watch it again as an adult and see something com-pletely different. It’s kind of appropriate, given the current state of our country, that I recently rediscovered this classic tale of Amer-ican decline. The dirty cyborg ultra-violence in the RoboCop film series morbidly evolved into a sleek kid’s franchise (which I, as a one-time aspiring robot policeman, loved), but the real genius of this toy robot flick is in the subtext. Like John Carpenter’s They Live, which on the surface is an alien invasion story and an epic alleyway brawl, RoboCop has a heart of punk. Its great subversion is envisioning the end result of Reaganomics, a world of gas-guzzling wrecks and corporate feudalism. Detroit and its media serve as a microcosm

Bizarro Masterpiece Theatre

for the rest of the nation, with talking heads attempting to distract the peasantry from the cataclysm surrounding them. The Benny Hill-esque TV pervert who chuckles “I’d buy that for a dollar!” is actually a fairly sinister figure in a society where businesses own everything worth having and leave everything else to rot. The twin cancers of unchecked privatiza-tion and overblown defense spending come to a head in RoboCop, as Detroit’s largest cor-poration buys out the city’s police force and begins a process of replacing the beat cops with massively weaponized machines. Execu-tives scheme against each other in each one’s attempt to get his pet project greenlit, yet the flaws of a drone police force are immediately realized when a boardroom demonstration ends with a walking tank glitching and gun-ning down a hapless executive. RoboCop comes about as a direct result of that incompetence. He’s a step up from the walking tank due to his consisting of a human mind placed in a robot’s body. The acquisition of the murdered policeman who would be RoboCop leads to another interest-ing moral dilemma: the question of human beings as property. It’s assured by the tech people that RoboCop will not have the mem-ories of his former life, but of course that isn’t how things turn out. However, that doesn’t stop the corporation from treating RoboCop, memories or no memories, as their product, to use and abuse at will. Of course, RoboCop gets all triumphant action hero, putting his boot in Red Forman’s ass, causing one of the most disturbing toxic waste spills in film history, and generally sav-ing the day. Yet the underlying theme of un-checked corporatism in RoboCop is much more interesting (and relevant) than the game of Cyborg Cops and Robbers that it dis-guised itself as. Clever trick!

— Brett Emerson

Go to Cracked.com, and you’ll find that the satirical website you were expecting also offers a surprising wealth of real-world infor-mation. While the Cracked brand spent de-cades viewed as Mad Magazine’s little broth-er, the Cracked of today is a highly articulate forum discussing history, science, and pop culture. Were it not for the wisecracks in-terspersed between each article’s heavy re-search, Cracked might be mistaken for an offbeat yet respectable tutor. The most popular feature on the Cracked site is the list, a daily rundown of groups of related subjects which tend to read little more than “X [things] that [do some-thing].” Sounds formulaic, but this simple template has grown to become crack for trivia junkies. You Might Be a Zombie is an encapsula-tion of this style, drawing together lists old and new to reward old fans of Cracked and serve as an introduction to everyone else. It’s really intended to be a taste, a lure to the website which produces the equivalent of this book’s content in about two months. Yet it’s a great excerpt. Within, readers will

Medium: LiteratureStimulus: Cracked.com — You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad NewsAnno: 2011

thrill to tales of terrifying animals, all forms of corruption, and the truth behind many of our public myths. The book’s title describes the final list which explains the ways a zom-bie attack could actually happen (which is pretty funny, considering that Cracked has also published a list discussing how a zombie attack would utterly fail). The book works rather well, beyond a few points. The first is that the transition from website to book takes out the interac-tivity of reading a Cracked list. On the web-site, these lists are heavy with links serving as instant footnotes that back up whatever point is being made. The book has no foot-notes of any kind, and without that array of instant evidence, its content feels much less authoritative. Also, the web is a cornucopia of strange photographs, which — often ac-companied by a snappy caption — are often used by the Cracked writers as punchlines to their points. Undoubtedly due to the prob-lems involved in acquiring printing rights to such photos, there are no pictures in the book mocking the cast of Jersey Shore; in-stead, there are sparse exhibits of very basic, captionless drawings which don’t have the same effect. Yet while the website is superior, these points do little to dim the enjoyment of the book. You Might Be a Zombie is a faithful and fascinating adaptation that captures the Cracked style as well as possible. Read this, then go to the website and get fully addicted.

— Brett Emerson

Second Supper May 19, 2011 // 7MUSIC

My initial response to Does It Offend You’s follow-up to its excellent debut, You Have No Idea What You’re Getting Your-self Into, is that the new album is The Em-pire Strikes Back to its predecessor’s A New Hope. Whereas the band’s first album was a swashbuckling adventure through synthy pop rock, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You is a much darker record. On it, Does It Offend You trades in good cheer for violent out-bursts and harsh beats that border on Hulk Smash industrial. Lest this darkness be mistakenly inter-preted as a bad thing, consider that the most arresting tracks on this work tend to be the most furious. The album’s best track is its opener, the punishing “We Are the Dead.” While it features a few ravey sound clips, the song owes as much to KMDFM as it does to the KLF. The manic songs tend to be the pock-ets of the album that eschew the singing of James Rushent in favor of vocal samples, guest singers, or nearly no words at all. “Yeah!” is the closest the disc comes to a true instrumental, a robotic rally march fueled by spastic drumbeats and a cheering mob. The big brassy menace of “Wondering” is compli-mented by the deft rhymes of guest vocalist

Medium: AlbumStimulus: Does It Offend You, Yeah? — Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You Anno: 2011

Trip, who goes on about Batman and Bill Hicks. The vocals of the bouncy “Wrestler” come entirely from a speech by pro wrestling cult figure Paul Heyman, brilliantly compli-menting the rush of the music. The strang-est track on the album, “The Monkeys Are Coming,” features a YouTube clip in which a clearly disturbed man rants about drugs, monkeys, crap eating, and fellatio (in that counterproductive order). Despite all expec-tations, it’s a brilliantly aggressive tune. None of this is to say that Does It Of-fend You broke the knob off at smashy and shouty. Though nothing on Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You is as bright as its predeces-sor, there are a few songs which turn down the violent gloom. “Wrong Time Wrong Planet” is the zenith of the slow, a smooth

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Contrary to popular belief, we did not in fact tell Harpo to beat you, but we are let-ting people know that your talk show is com-ing to an end next Wednesday, Oprah. After 25 years of book clubs, favorite things and an inordinate amount of appearances from John Travolta, Oprah is calling it quits to focus on her magazine, her television network OWN and building a village for her followers called Winfrey Town. OK, the last one we made up, but come on, you’d at least look at brochure for that place. Anyway, in honor of this we’ve put together this mix we’re simply titling “You Get a Mixtape! And You Get a Mixtape!” Since announcing the end of her show, Oprah has pretty much turned the last season of her show into the “Mea Culpa Hour” as scores of people who may have been pissed off with her or she may be annoyed with came onto the program to have an audience with her royal Oprah-ness. Roseanne, former life coach Iyanla Vanzant and even “Million Little Pieces” writer James Frey have made reap-pearances on the program as Oprah milks long dead tensions for multiple shows, speak-ing fully in all those Oprah-isms of “finding your true self” and blah blah “I’ve listened to The Secret” one too many times blah blah blah. This leads us to our first song, “Her Hol-

The Majak Mixtape

low Ways” from Danger Mouse’s new album “Rome,” because you know Oprah could not give a shit about if James Frey cries himself to sleep at night. Our next song is “What She Brings” from Damon and Naomi’s album “False Beats and True Hearts.” While ending her show, Oprah has launched her network OWN, which is pretty much the place where female celebri-ties have come to get reality shows and Dr. Phil gets some more money for reruns of his programs. People have acted surprised at the idea it’s not a huge hit, given it’s associated with Oprah. So we’re just going to pretend that movie adaptation of “Beloved” never hap-pened? Sounds good to us. It’s one of those things that we love about Oprah, her ability to fake sincerity at every turn. There are very few people who can spend whole episodes exalting the luxurious-ness of a robe and then turn around and talk about the meaninglessness of material things and the need for spiritual well-being. Talking out of both sides of one’s mouth has never been done under such extraordinarily good lighting. We end the Mixtape with “I’m Here” from the musical version of “The Color Pur-ple” that Oprah produced because no matter what, Oprah is going to be lingering presence. Almost as long as Tom Cruise’s foot impres-sions on her couch.

Buy: Danger Mouse, “Rome” YouTube: Beyonce’s new music video “Girls (Who Run the World)” Read: The Majak Mixtape’s coverage of the Suppies at www.majakkingdom.blogspot.com

Get your daily dose of all the wig-snatching antics of The Majak Mixtape at The Majak Kingdom

blog www.majakkingdom.blogspot.com

By Jonathan Majakjonathan.majak@secondsupper.com

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electro-crooner where the constant basslines occasionally give way to fireworks. The closing “Broken Arms” is practically a space ballad that, while it feels wholly out of place in the context of the album, is a great song in its own right. The closest this album comes to the band’s former self is in “Pull out My Insides,” an upbeat, cheerful song which still manages to convey the band’s new wistfulness. Ultimately, the important question here is not whether Does It Offend You’s new album is as good as its first. They’re both excellent, though completely different, works. Instead, its value depends on the lis-tener’s mood. If you’re up for a snarling bit of electronic dementia, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You will prove to be a very, very good choice.

— Brett Emerson

8// May 19, 2011 Second SupperMUSIC

music directory // May 20 to May 26

AESOP ROCK // MAY 21Triple Rock Social Club • $17

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE // MAY 21First Avenue • $30.75

THE ARCTIC MONKEYS // MAY 28First Avenue • $23.75

IRON & WINE // JUNE 8 First Avenue • $27.75

THE MOODY BLUES // JUNE 9Orpheum Theatre • $50-$100

PANIC! AT THE DISCO // JUNE 11 First Avenue • $23.50

OKKERVIL RIVER // JUNE 12First Avenue • $15.75

SATURDAY,

FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St.Don Harvey (acoustic) • 7:30 p.m.

HOG WILD BAR // 3210 State Hwy 35, HolmenJacob Martin (country) • 9 p.m.

JB'SSPEAKEASY // 717 Rose St.Nimbus, Perverse Engineer (psyche-delic rock, prog, trance) • 10 p.m.

LA CROSSE QUEEN // Riverside ParkThe Journeymen (acoustic) • 6 p.m.

May 21

THURSDAY,

CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N.Hipster DJ (pretentious indie) • 10 p.m.

DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St.Paulie (one-man-band) • 10 p.m.

JAVA VINO // 1505 Losey Blvd. S. Dan Collins and a Piano (pop rock) • 6:30 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.Open Mic Night • 8:30 p.m.

THE STARLITE LOUNGE // 222 Pearl St.Kies & Kompanie (Jazz) • 5 p.m.

May 26

This Friday night the Root Note will be hosting Madison-based acoustic folk pop act Daniel and the Lion who are on a CD release tour for their latest album Sweet Teeth. These bearded, flannel-toting gentlemen have gained a dedicated following in the Madison area with their sparse, heartfelt lyricism and their inextricably soulful and gentle instrumentation that evokes the exact passion and emotion that good folk music is all about. This all-ages show begins at the Root Note at 8:30 p.m. There will be a $3 cover. It will be good.

SUNDAY,

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Som’n Jazz (jazz) • 10 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St.Adam Palm & Chubba (Palm Sunday) • 4 p.m.

May 22WEDNESDAY,

BOOT HILL PUB // 1501 St. Andrew St.Jerry Anderson and Neil Duresky (Pia-no/vocal) •5:30 p.m.

CAVALIER LOUNGE // 114 5th Ave. N.Reggae vs. Hip Hop (rare vinyl) • 10 p.m.

DEL’S BAR // 229 Third St.Adam Palm Band (rock) • 10 p.m.

May 25

TUESDAY,

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Paulie (one-man band) • 10 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.3rd Relation Jazz Trio • p.m.

FRIDAY,

AMERICAN LEGION (ONA) // 731 Sandlake Rd.Time & ½ Band (variety) • 7:30 p.m.

BOOT HILL PUB // 1501 St. Andrew St.Mike James and Gary Urness (duo) • 6 p.m.

FREIGHT HOUSE // 107 Vine St.Don Harvey (acoustic) • 6 p.m.

JB'SSPEAKEASY // 717 Rose St.Porcupine, SoSo Radio (rock) • 10 p.m.

NORTH SIDE OASIS // 620 Gillette St.Jaymz Dank & the TYE band (debut) • 9 p.m.

PEARL STREET BREWERY // 1401 St. Andrew St.Kin Pickin’ (jamgrass) • 8 p.m.

PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S.Dust Bowl Blues Band (blues) • 8 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Big Daddy Cade & Friends (blues) • 10 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St.Cheech & The Feelin' ('Last Waltz' post-show) • 10 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.Daniel and the Lion CD release party (acoustic duo) • 8:30 p.m.

THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St.Kies and Kompanie (jazz) • 8 p.m.

May 20

May 24

Minneapolispopulation 387,970

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Dave Orr (man about town) • 10 p.m.

RECOVERY ROOM // 901 7th St. S.Kin Pickin' (jam grass) • 10 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.The Color Pharmacy (indie) • 8:30 p.m.

MY SECOND HOME // 2104 George St.Northside Jam • 6 p.m.

just a roadie away

NELL'S CITY GRILL // 1111 S. Third St.Karl Friedline (baritone) • 6 p.m.

NORTH SIDE OASIS // 620 Gillette St.Jaymz Dank & the TYE band (second show) • 9 p.m.

PIGGY'S BLUES LOUNGE // 501 Front St. S.Dust Bowl Blues Band (blues) • 8 p.m.

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.The Kokopellians (jamgrass) • 10 p.m.

THE WATERFRONT TAVERN // 328 Front St.Dan Sebranek (jazz quartet) • 8 p.m.

THE JOINT // 324 Jay St.White Iron Band (bar rock) • 10 p.m.

THE WAREHOUSE // 324 Pearl St.Allstar Weekend, Action Item (pop/rock) • 6:30 p.m.

MONDAY,

POPCORN TAVERN // 308 S. Fourth St.Shawn’s Open Jam • 10 p.m.

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.Carolina Story (folk duo) • 8:30 p.m.

May 23

THE ROOT NOTE // 114 4th St. S.Whitney Mann and Cliff Mitchell(Sunday Over Easy) • noon

Second Supper May 19, 2011 // 9YOUR GUIDE TO CONSUMPTION

The Best Food & Drink Specials in TownLOCATION SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY SATURDAYBODEGA BREW PUB122 4th St.782-0677

$2 BBQ Pork Sliders 2-Fers, Buy any regularly priced food item and get one of equal or lesser value for free

$4 Rueben Sliders Fish Tacos: 1 / $2.50, 2 / $5.00, 3 / $6.50.

BROTHERS306 Pearl St. 784-0522

CLOSED$1 Wells, $5 Domestic pitchersAll specials 9 p.m. to close

Wristband Night: AUC2D domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands. All specials 9 p.m. to close

15-cent wings, $1.50 Keystone Lights, $1.50 rail mixers; $2.50 call drinks. 2 For 1 CaptainsAll specials 9 p.m. to close.

Wristband Night: AUC2D, Domestic taps, rail mixers and Long Islands. $2.50 SoCo & Jack. All specials 9 to close.

$1 Bazooka Joes, $2 Cherry Bombs, $3 Long Islands, $3 3 Olives Mixers All specials 9 to close.

$1 Bazooka Joes, $2 Cherry Bombs, $3 Long Islands, $3 Bacardi Mixers All specials 9 to close.

CARLIE'S ON THIRD115 3rd St. S782-7550

CLOSED CLOSED CLOSED5 domestic taps for $1; $2 domestic pitchers

$2 domestic pints and $2 rail mix-ers; $1 shots of Doctor (3 flavors);

All specials 9 to close. $3 Bacardi mixers; $3 Three Olives vocka mixers (8 flavors); $2 domes-tic pints and $2 rail mixers

EAGLES NEST1914 Campbell Road782-7764

$5 domestic pitchers $1.50 domestic taps and rail drinks, 4 p.m. to close

Bird Brain Trivia 8 p.m.; $1.50 do-mestic bottles and rails 4 p.m. to close

Wing Night - 25-cent wings (dine-in only); $1 Miller High Life silos and PBR silos; $1.50 taps and rail drinks; $2 craft taps. All specials 4 to close.

$1.50 domestic bottles and rail drinks, $2 craft bottles, 4 p.m. to close

Happy Hour: 2 for 1 domestic bottles and rail drinks, 3 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Karaoke 9 p.m. to close

FEATURESW3923 State Highway 16786-9000

Free Beer: 5:30-6:30 p.m.Free Wings: 6:30-7:30 p.m.Free Bowling: After 9 p.m.

Taco buffet 11-2;$1 Pabst bottles and $1 bowling after 9

All you care to eat pizza buffet, 11-2(Holmen)

All you care to eat fish fry 4-10; un-limited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99

Prime rib dinner 4-10; unlimited Glow-N-Bowl $9.99

FISH'S BAR & GRILL1452 Caledonia St.782-6446

Bar Menu Bar Menu La Crosse's Best Tacos:Beef $2, Chicken $2.50

Bar Menu La Crosse's Best Tacos:Beef $2, Chicken $2.50Dog in a Diaper, $5

Fish’s Fish Taco $3.50 La Crosse's Best Tacos:Beef $2, Chicken $2.50Chimis and Burritos, $5

FLIPSIDE PUB & GRILL400 Lang Drive784-2242

All you can eat wings, includes a choice of potatoe, slaw and a frosted pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99

Wisconsin cheese steak sandwich with a pint of beer, $8.99

Ladies Night, $1 off all drinks, 4 to close; Pint-Aritas $3 (lime or straw-berry)

All you can eat boneless wings, in-cludes a choice of potatoe, slaw and a frosted pint, 4-9:30 p.m., $8.99

HOWIE’S1125 La Crosse St. 784-7400

Happy hour 4 to 9 p.m.; 9 p.m. to close: Night Before Class - $3 pitch-ers of the beast

9 p.m. to close: $3.50 domestic pitchers

9 p.m. to close: $1 rails, $2.50 pitch-ers, beer pong

$5 all you can drink 9 p.m. to close: $1.25 rails, $1.75 bottles/cans

9 p.m. to close: $2 Captain mixers, $2 bottles/cans, $3 Jager bombs

9 p.m. to close: $2 Bacardi mixers, $2 domestic pints, $1.50 shots blackberry brandy

IMPULSE214 Main St. 782-6010www.impulseoflacrosse.com

CLOSED CLOSED$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; ($7 after 11p.m.): karaoke 10 p.m. to close

$5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close; ($7 after 11p.m.): karaoke 10 p.m. to close

Free Wing Night (while supplies last); $5 AUC2D wristbands: domestic taps, rail mixers, Long Islands, 9 p.m. to close ($7 after 11p.m.):; live DJ

$5 AUC2D Wristbands 9 p.m. to close ($10 after 11p.m.): Domestic Taps, Rail Mixers, Long Islands;Live DJ, Dancing 9 p.m. to close

$5 AUC2D Wristbands 9 p.m. to close ($10 after 11p.m.): Domestic Taps, Rail Mixers, Long Islands;Live DJ, Dancing 9 p.m. to close

JB’S SPEAKEASY717 Rose St.796-1161

$1.75 domestic bottles, $1.75 Dom bottles and rails, $2.50 Bombs

Monday Madness: $1.75 domestics and rails, $2.50 Bombs, $1 off all top shelf and specialty beers

Tuesday Boozeday $1 off all liquor drinks and 50 cents off all shots, $2 Bombs

Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m. Happy Hour 5 to 7 p.m.

SCHMIDTY’S3119 State Road788-5110

$1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.)Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Hat Night: Buy 1 drink, get 1 free w/ hat (4:30 to close); $1.50 chili dogs (after 8 p.m.)

Rail drinks $2 (4:30 to close); After 8 p.m. specials: $5 skewer of shrimp,l $1.79 burger, $1.50 chili dogs

Buckets of beer $10, Boston Bobby's drummies 10 for $2 (4:30 to close), $1.79 burger (after 8 p.m.)

Margaritas $4 (Straw, rasp, mango, peach and reg); After 8 p.m. specials: $5 skewer of shrimp, $1.79 burger

Breakfast 8 a.m. to 2 p.m.; lunch buffet 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., $6.99

SLOOPY'S ALMA MATER163 Copeland Ave. 785-0245

$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos;: $11 buckets during pro and college foot-ball games.

Tacos: $11 buckets during pro and college football games. Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.; $2 pints all day

12-inch pizza $8.99Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

14-inch pizza, $2 off;WingsHappy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

$1.89 hamburger + toppings Ladies night, 2 for 1 drinks (6-close), Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

Fish Dinner Special-$7.89 Happy Hour 2 to 6 p.m.

$1.50 Tacos, $4.99 nachos; $11 buckets during pro and college foot-ball games.

THE LIBRARY123 3rd St.784-8020

$1 Taps & Rails during the game ; $6 wristbands starting at 7pm.

Half price tequilla, $1 domestic taps and rails

K$2 Double rails and all bottles; $3 Double call drinks

Wristband night, $2 cherry bombs, 50¢ shots (3 flavors); $2.50 Tuaca, Jack Daniel's & SoCo Mixers

$2 U-Call-its for domestic taps, domestic bottles, rail mixers & select call mixers.

$2 U-Call-its for domestic taps, domestic bottles, rail mixers & select call mixers

TOP SHOTS137 4th St.782-6622

$5 Pitchers/$2 bottles of Miller prod-ucts (11-4pm) $2 Corona Bottles, $2 Kilo Kai Mixers , $3 Bloodys (7-1 a.m.)

$1.75 Miller/Bud Light Taps, $2.25 MIcro/Craft Taps, $2.50 Cherry Bombs (7-1 a.m.)

$1.75 Rails, $1.50 Domestic Taps, $3.50 Jager Bombs (7-1 a.m.)

$2 domestic bottles, $2.50 Skyy/Absolut mixers, $2 Dr. shots (7-1 a.m.)

5 Domestic Bottles for $10, $5 Micro/Import Bottles $11.50, $7 Micro/Craft Pitchers (7-1 a.m.)

$2 Captain Mixers, $2. Long Island Mixers, $3 Effen Vodka Mixers (7-1 a.m.)

$5 Miller/Bud Light Pitchers, $2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1 a.m.)

POPCORN TAVERN308 4th St. S. 782-9069

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$1.75 PBR Bottles$2.50 Captain mixers$2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2.50 Captain mixers $2 Grain Belt

$2 Coors & Coors Light Bottles, $2.50 Skyy mixers, $2.50 Captain mixers $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

$2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans $2 16oz Old Style & Lost Lake cans

WHO'S ON THIRD126 3rd St. N.782-9467

Happy Hour until 10 p.m.$1.50 domestic taps, $2 rails from 10 to close

$1.50 taps PBR, $1.50 rails $2 domestic bottles, $3 call doubles

$2 taps, $3 Jack and Captain doubles

$2 Miller products,$8.50 fish bowls

$2 domestic taps,$3 Three Olives products

Stone IPAStone Brewing CompanyEscondido, California

The Beer Review

The Wisconsin microbrew market can be a tough beer nut to crack. Consider, oh, the New Glarus Brewing Company, which was once distributed around the country but pulled back to focus exclusively on Wiscon-sin. They still sold approximately 100,000 barrels of beer last year, a 17 percent in-crease from 2009, which earned them the No. 21 ranking on a trade group’s recent list of America’s largest craft breweries. That’s pretty good business for just one state, so you might understand if distributors looked at Sconnie livers like little ATMs. But in a state crowded with quality breweries and lo-

cal pride, selling beer here isn’t as easy as it looks. Now consider the Stone Brewery, a West Coast powerhouse that distributes in 35 states and was ranked the nation’s 14th largest mi-crobrewery by the same Brewer’s Association list. Superbly reviewed and beloved around the country, Stone spent years trying to crack the Wisconsin market, but last November they finally pulled up stakes to try their luck in Minnesota. The brewery crouched the move in euphemisms — “We are exiting the state due to challenges in keeping a volume flow that would ensure frequent shipments of fresh beer” — but Sconnies just didn’t buy much Stone. Were their offerings too hoppy and bitter for our Midwestern palette? Who knows, but I had to sneak this flagship IPA back from Minneapolis to find out for my-self.

Purchase: Six-pack of Stone IPA from Ken and Norm’s Liquor in Minneapolis, $10.49 Style: American IPA Strength: 6.9 percent ABV Packaging: The handsome two-tone paint-ed label features a white gargoyle atop a green block logo. The tiny side text is famously arro-gant and lauds this “gem” at length. Appearance: The beer pours a rusty gold color with a fantastically foamy white head that sticks wonderfully to the glass. Aroma: This is one pungent brew. It’s like uncapping a California stash jar with huge notes of pine and citrus, good spice charac-ter and esters of apple skins. If this isn’t the most aromatic single IPA in America, it’s the stinkiest one I’ve found. Taste: The first notes are powerfully spicy and make the tongue recoil at the raw power of hops. The complexity deepens as it slides

along the tongue, unveiling an exceptional herbal character along with biting lemon and pineapple notes, subtle sweetness, and a faint-ly effervescent ester like unripe raspberries. Mouthfeel: Medium-bodied but resiny and chewy. Drinkability: This is a high-gravity, impos-ing IPA, but with each sip it warms to the pal-ette and reveals its complexity. For that, I’d say it’s especially drinkable, but you’ve got to be a hop fiend. Ratings: BeerAdvocate readers grade this an A (it’s their third-highest ranked IPA), while RateBeer scores it a rare 100. Stone IPA isn’t a perfect beer, but it certainly is damn good and I wish I drank more of it when it was around. I guess you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

— Adam Bissen

10// May 19, 2011 Second SupperDIVERSIONS

Answers to May 12 puzzle"Dance Party"—Busting a Few Moves.

Maze Efflux By Erich Boldt

614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601

Phone: (608) 782-7001Online: secondsupper.com

Publisher: Roger Bartelroger.bartel@secondsupper.com

Editor in Chief: Adam Bissen adam.bissen@secondsupper.com

Student Editor: Emily Faeth emily.faeth@secondsupper.com

Sales: Mike Keithmike.keith@secondsupper.com

Sales: Ansel Ericksenansel.ericksen@secondsupper.com

Sales: Michael Butterismichael.butteris@secondsupper.com

Regular Contributors: Amy Alkon, Erich Boldt, Jenn Bushman,

Nick Cabreza, Mary Catanese, Jason Crider, Ashly Conrad, Ben DeLine, Marcel Dunn,

Brett Emerson, Shuggypop Jackson, Jona-than Majak, Matt Jones, Briana Rupel, Julie Schneider, Stephanie Schultz, Nate Willer

Second Supper is a weekly alternative newspaper published by

Bartanese Enterprises LLC, 614 Main St., La Crosse, WI 54601

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ACROSS1 "If I ___ nickel for every time..."5 Mine car9 Chemistry 101 models14 Off-base designa-tion15 Othello's enemy16 "Don't Know Why" singer Jones17 "I mean, isn't she worth, like, a ___ dollars?" (line from the pilot of "Will & Grace")19 Rapper with the 2011 album "Detox"20 Like Keats' poetic urn21 French Stewart's response when asked to "write a number" in an SNL "Celebrity Jeopardy!" skit23 Snake variety

24 Brand name yo-deled in ads26 ___ Lingus (Irish airline)27 Rock's ___ Speed-wagon28 Opera set in Egypt30 Part of some Hog-warts classes32 Go against34 More, in Mexico35 "Mazel ___!"36 With 38-across, number of geese it took to supply feath-ers for "Grandma's Feather Bed"38 See 36-across40 Outburst popular-ized in the 1990s41 Rapper ___ Def42 Comedian Lam-panelli45 Ancient area in modern Bulgaria,

Greece and Turkey48 Discard50 Tokyo's country, in Olympics shorthand51 "___ Como Va" (Santana song)52 Surname in a Tim Allen Christmas movie54 From Bangkok or Beijing56 Number of trom-bones in an Urbie Green title58 Granddaddy of fitness gurus Jack60 Make pig noises61 "Imaginary" num-ber in a game show skit on the BBC's "That Mitchell and Webb Look"63 "Today" co-anchor Matt64 Reggae performer ___-Mouse65 ___-ball (arcade game)66 "The king," in Cancun67 Like "haxored" and "pwn'd"68 Olive and family from "Popeye" DOWN 1 Country legend Merle2 Scholarship recipient3 Went to slumberland4 She falls at the be-ginning of her story5 Tequila on TV6 Reason for saving

7 Earlier than now8 March, but not walk9 Leader between Bre-zhnev and Chernenko10 Shredded11 Trial12 DC competitor, in the comic book world13 Thin window curtains18 Pre-euro currency22 Twinkie maker25 Small batteries29 Response to an invitation31 Stunt jumper Knievel33 Frank Oz character37 High science38 Appear to be39 Ballet great Vaslav41 ___ Dew (rebrand-ed soft drink)43 Springer, e.g.44 Building wings45 Mess with some-one's hair46 Book near a pew47 Fix a bartending mistake49 Packet at a drive-thru53 Photographer Adams55 "OK, if you ___..."57 Peach or pecan59 Med. student's study62 "___ Haw"

©2011 Jonesin' Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com)

"Numb & Number"What do you mean they don't exist?

By Matt Jones

Second Supper May 19, 2011 // 11

$1.75 - Miller/Bud Taps$2.25 Micro/Craft Taps$2.50 Cherry Bombs(7-1am)

$5 Miller Lite/Bud Light Pitchers$2.25 Leinies Bottles (7-1am)

top shots joke of the week

Good People, Good Drinks, Good Times

SUNDAY TUESDAY THURSDAYMONDAY WEDNESDAY FRIDAY$5 Pitchers $2 Bottles of Miller Products (11-4 pm)$2 Corona Bottles$2 Kilo Kai Mixers $3 Bloody’s (7-1am)

$1.75 Rails$1.50 Domestic Taps$3.50 Jager Bombs(7-1am)

$2 Domestic Bottles$2.50 Skyy/AbsoluteMixers$2 Dr. Shots (7-1am)

5 Domestic Bottles 4 $10$5 Micro/Import Bottles$11.50, $7 Micro/CraftPitchers (7-1am)

$2 Captain Mixers$2 Long Islands

Mixers (7-1am)

Check outour new Beers

on Tap!

SATURDAY

How many audience members does it take tochange a light bulb?

Three. One to do it, one child to cry and another to say, "ROSE, HE'S CHANGING THE LIGHT BULB."

I graduated on Saturday, and I'm terrified. The last...five?...six? years of my life, I've been simultaneously telling myself to focus on the present moment — this class, this test, this essay — and keeping my eyes on the prize, so to speak. I've been telling myself, “Just one more year. One more semester. One more month.” I envisioned peace, respite from the early mornings and half-studied-for tests that have haunted me all these long, arduous years. I imagined I'd walk across that stage, ecstatic, and the hands held out to shake mine would be my ticket into the more exciting, fulfilling world of “real” adulthood. But now? Terrified. When I did walk across the stage, the experience was surreal. In that moment, I felt nothing like the exhilaration I was so accustomed to during heated grammar debates or discussions of the nature of Truth and Beauty. Joe Gow's face swam before me and before I had a chance to acknowledge the moment, I'd crossed the stage amid the

Learning CurveBy Emily Faethemily.faeth@secondsupper.com

hundreds of camera clicks that filled the auditorium. I was confused — who were these people, and what, exactly, was I being congratulated for? When people introduce themselves, they always say what they do — their position in society, whether they're an accountant or a newspaper reporter or a student or a veterinarian. For most of my adult life, I've introduced myself as an English major. And now I can't. Maybe I'm taking this too seriously — I'm too young for a midlife crisis. But I've come to realize that I didn't simply choose my major arbitrarily. This world of words — it's real. I'm just not sure how to figure myself into it anymore. I'm not going to get all philosophical on you — but like the commencement speaker on Saturday said, entering the world of college is like stepping into a gray place — a place where there is no wrong or right, where the facts are only factors, and everything is in-between. So if there's anything I truly learned during my stint at UW-L, I learned to never make snap judgements; everything can always be conditioned, everything is forever in question. And like I learned from a wise professor, who learned from the wise Jacques Derrida, Truth is forever deferred. Despite knowing all of this — knowing that everything is, in essence, changeable, amorphous, I'm still scared. I know what being a college student is like. I'm used to the rigor and bullshit of classes, papers, deadlines, tests. But I don't know anything other than that. Job applications and paying rent on time are more foreign to me than organic chemistry, which I only got a B in. These are things there are no classes for, and only experience can teach the expertise

required to navigate The Real World. The real world lessons I've learned have mostly been gleaned from years of observing bar drama, friends, fights, and the innumerable things I've gotten out of writing for this paper. But I still don't feel ready. And there were definitely times I thought I wouldn't make it — weeks I'd waste getting too caught up in social drama and forgetting that my real purpose, the reason I've been acquiring thousands of dollars of debt, was just to get through all of this. But maybe in some ways, attending college is a way to experience the best of both worlds: broken hearts and mediocre GPAs, successes and failures in both Academia and the School of Hard Knocks. I sometimes felt sorry for those people who locked themselves away in their dorm rooms, letting the world outside the Ivory Tower pass them by while they toiled away at verb conjugation and philosophy finals. They are the people who succeeded far more than I did. But I wonder, how will they react when confronted with the hard Truths of the outside world? Earlier this week, I had the unfortunate responsibility of attending the memorial service of a friend who passed away merely days, hours really, after crossing the threshold into new motherhood. I sat in that stiff room, listening to stories of my too-young friend, and I think I had something close to an epiphany. We are always too young to die, so carpe diem, seize this opportunity to make those stories they'll tell even greater. It's cliche, but cliches are often based on something like truth. So I have to get to know me again. I am not my major, not just a baccalaureate candidate in English Rhetoric and Writing.

I'm a girl — woman, even — who likes to play with words, to ponder, stretch and manipulate syntax, but also someone who loves her cats, her family, a person who loves to travel, a sushi fanatic, a punk rock girl. It's been a rough few weeks: the death of a dear friend, the dissolution of my relationship, leaving the institution I've called home for the majority of my adult life. But it's going to be OK. All I have to do is return to that moment, summer term, Reality Lit class, when we plundered the depths of those great words that still echo in my mind whenever I'm feeling lost, like now. Be Here Now. Thank you Ram Dass, thank you Dr. Konas, and thank you, UW-L, for bringing me here.

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12// May 19, 2011 Second SupperTHE LAST WORD

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caring” guy prepares you for what’s to come with “We’ve gotta talk” —- not “Hey, Babe, put on your strappiest dress and meet me under the disco balls.” (Considerate guy that he is, surely he told you how beautiful you looked when the colored lights reflected off the mascara streaking down your cheeks.) What changed for him? Without drilling a hole into his brain and watching all the worker ants running around the factory, it’s hard to say. Maybe his feelings just fizzled, or maybe he was only up for romancing you into a relationship and not the relationship itself. Whatever his reason for leaving, he sure didn’t need to pop up again to reiterate that he doesn’t want you —- just in case you missed that when he was teaching you his cool new dance move: twirl the girlfriend around and kick her to the curb. Ask yourself whether it’s actually out of character for Mr. Wonderful to rather cruelly and abruptly transform into Mr. I’ll Be Wandering Off Now. Getting impatient in your search for a great guy can lead you to stick a bag over the head of a sorta-great guy or even a not-so-great guy and insist you’ve got your man. Your therapeutic professional would call this “confirmation bias” —- favoring information that confirms some belief you hold and shoving away any information that doesn’t. So, maybe you tell yourself that a man’s treated you really well when he just treated you to some romantic dinners and did some of those nice boyfriend things like bringing you flowers and repairing your garden hose.

Under the cover of nightclub

I met an amazing guy —- the kind I swore didn’t exist: thoughtful, caring, and incredibly secure. He seemed to love me. We were together exactly nine months when he called and suggested we go dancing. Ten minutes after I arrived at the club, he broke up with me. He claimed he didn’t know what had happened, but he just couldn’t be with me anymore. I left, heartbroken —- a complete wreck. Two weeks later, he called to see how I was and said, “Everything about you is what I want, but for some reason, I just don’t want you.” I’ve had a history of going for men who treated me like crap, but he treated me incredibly well. The lesson I’ve gleaned? Even if a guy’s really good to you, you can’t trust him. Help! I don’t want to become some bitter, jaded old woman.

—- Devastated

Sometimes, treating a woman like crap comes with a substantial grace period. Sure, breakups happen, but a truly “thoughtful,

The Advice GoddessBy Amy Alkonamy.alkon@secondsupper.com

Any guy can learn to do that sort of stuff by reading “10 Ways To Make A Woman Cross-Eyed With Lust For You” in any number of men’s magazines. To figure out whether a man is more than the sum of his smooth moves, look at whether he’s compassionate, whether he shows empathy —- for you and others —- and especially when he doesn’t think anybody’s looking. Of course, getting to the truth takes being okay with the truth - even if it ends up setting you a lot freer than you wanted to be. Since it’s always possible the candles and moonlight are a prelude to the track shoes, it’s best to live with the hope that love will last but without the expectation that it will. That’s probably the single best way to avoid becoming that “bitter, jaded old woman.” Then again, somebody’s got to take care of all the neighborhood’s stray cats.

Bus case scenario

My best friend is a man for whom my feelings continue to grow. He’s been stuck chasing his ex-girlfriend who lives four hours away. She sees him once a month for a booty call. I fall asleep thinking about him and daydream about him while on dates with other men. He’s acknowledged that if his ex weren’t in the picture, he’d explore a relationship with me. Please help.

—-Longing

“IF his ex weren’t in the picture…!” You can always find your way to an “if.” It’s fun to vacation in if-land for a moment or two —- like, if I had a TV show, I'd have a cook

and a driver and a monkey to massage my feet under my desk. But, I don't have a TV show, and monkeys throw feces. And this guy doesn’t want to explore a relationship with you or he’d be doing it instead of driving eight hours in hopes of servicing his ex back into a relationship with him. You can either live your life or sit around if-ing about what could be … his truck gets repossessed, and no bus lines go to ex-girlfriendville, so he looks deep into your general direction and says the words you’ve been waiting so long to hear: “Can I borrow your car for a coupla days?”