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The Superwoman Syndrome

Nobody objects to a woman being a good writer, or sculptor, or geneticist if at thesame time she manages to be a good wife, good mother, good looking, good

tempered, well groomed and unaggressive.-Leslie M. McIntyre

The new Superwoman is ordinary in that she is neither rich nor famous. She isextraordinary in that she tries to be everything to everyone - juggling family life,social life, and commitments outside the home (i.e. participation on school PTA,

society committee). The new Superwoman 'has it all' by 'doing it all' withsuperlative standards and ends up feeling overwhelmed, overextended,overworked and under-appreciated.

Ever wondered where this term "Superwoman Syndrome" originated?

The Superwoman Syndrome joined the syndrome list in 1984, with Marjorie

Hansen Shaevitz's book of the same title. In the 1989 book, "Second Shift,"Professor Arlie Hochschild and Anne Machung revealed the toll superhero status

takes on women as they punch the clock at home and at work. Since then, theterm has become synonymous with the unreal expectations placed on workingwomen who try to be mom, wife and employee in a single bound.

At the height of the women's movement, women were told they could bewhatever they wanted, so dream big. When women tried that, they soon had to

face and address the real obstacles in the career path. Overcoming those, even toa degree, which was considerably short of complete success, took extraordinary

effort. If one was also married, or had a significant other, the burdens of thehousehold were an additional strain and the issue of whether or not to have

children often translated into whether or not to have a successful career or justresign oneself to being primarily a housewife.

Performing multiple and conflicting roles has become a fact of life for alarge number of women.

A woman put it this way: "The hand that rocks the cradle also cradles the phone,sweeps the floor, writes memos, and meets deadlines."

So what happens when women try to meet these high standards and unrealistic

expectations? In simple words and one that most working women, and theirfamilies, will identify with?. Stress.

The combination of being a worker outside the home and a mother causestremendous stress: the expectations are great, the supports minimal; the needsare unremitting; and the propensity for worry and guiltis enormous.Expected to keep a tidy house, feed nutritious meals to the family, do regularhousehold chores, and meet professional performance standards, women are left

feeling inadequate and anxious - that is, if they ever have a few minutes to stopand think.

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It's no secret that excessive stress creates unhappiness and can alienate onefrom the important relationships in one's life. It can leave feelings of sadness,anger, fear, guilt, and helplessness. Spiritually, there may be a feeling of beingbetrayed and alone, wondering where God is in all this.

As in Trudy J. Morgan-Cole words, "Don't keep working till you drop, rather, dropto your knees -or into a comfortable chair-right now and ask God to refill and

restore you.Taking time to renew your spirit isn't selfish-it's essential.

One needs to take this time out because excessive stress is detrimental. Stress-related illnesses such as ulcers, migraine headaches, high blood pressure, andheart problems are becoming more and more common amongst even relativelyyounger people.

Almost by definition, "superwomen" have high standards and want things donetheir own way. When others do the job differently, women tend to be angry ordisappointed and feel it's better to do it themselves. This too adds to their work

and makes life difficult.

But part of giving up control over everything is "letting go" of these standards abit and not forgetting to let the person who does the job know you appreciate it.

Some other tips that help find balance in life are:

Develop a support network: Building effective working relationships withfamily, peers, coworkers, and bosses can enhance the quality of your life.

Prioritize personal and professional responsibilities. This helps in being focusedand getting important things done first.

Set realistic expectations: Superwoman and Super mom are fictional

characters

Plan your time: . Use schedules to manage your time more efficiently at work -you will find that you accomplish much more during your working hours and maynot need to stay back late. Similarly, plan times at home as well.

Learn to delegate: Part of it is letting go and asking for help and mostimportantly, allowing people to help. It really does not make one less efficient.

It is equally important that if you are one of those who are going through the

"superwoman syndrome", or a husband and family member of one that you takenote, recognize what they might be putting themselves through and tell themthatit's really not important to do itallwell.

They may need to hear that they need to consider stop trying to "do it all" andstart doing what matters, well.