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Dear Dr. Ray,I’m getting more and more uncomfortable with the amount of toys, gifts and general “stuff” that my children receive. Well-meaning relatives and my husband and I have overdone it. The kids have gotten less appreciative and more bored.

Too Well Off

You are asking two questions. One, how can you and your husband cut back on your excess? And two, what can you do to cut down on the supply and resupply from loving relatives? Let’s focus on you first. Then we’ll talk about your relatives behind their back.

The first law of child rearing economics is this: Don’t give materially all you are able to. The second law is like unto it: Don’t give materially all a child wants you to. Many rationales push parents into breaking these laws. Here are common ones:

1. I want to give my children what I didn’t have.2. I like to see them happy and excited.3. So many other families’ kids have it.4. We can afford it.

Let’s consider these individually.

1. I want to give my children what I didn’t have. If this means love, attention, time, affection, praise, then by all means flood them with it. It’s hard to give too much of these good things. They are gifts that can’t be broken, hoarded, or fought over – well, most of the time. (Sometimes the worst brawl can erupt over who gets to sit on Dad’s lap first.)

If your childhood was materially poor, certainly you want to give your kids a higher standard of living, but going too far may lower their level of living. Materialism can be a forerunner to self-centeredness, endless demands, ingratitude, boredom. I have seen few children lacking for character because they lacked for material perks. I have seen quite a few who lacked for it because they were indulged.

2. I like to see them happy and excited. In the short term, lots of gifts excite kids. But humans are creatures of habituation. We grow accustomed to things, and what was once exhilarating loses luster.

Consider your son’s glee upon opening his first gift on Christmas morning. He wants to linger and play. But there is a whole stack yet to consume. By gift number seven, he’s in full ripping frenzy, stopping only long enough to reach for the next surprise. Another human trait: The more we get, especially if its free, the less we appreciate it. And we often come to expect it.

3. So many other families’ kids have it. The pressure from this perception is most acute concerning the latest games, gimmicks, clothes, and ninety-dollar athletic shoes. Whether or not 999 homes of 1,000 sport the latest designer lunch-box is completely irrelevant to whether your home should have it. Good parenting is not majority parenting. You can be different. Maybe your parenting is better than most.

Will your youngster feel cheated or apart from the crowd? Possibly in this small matter. But whatever tiny, temporary identity issue this might cause will be more than offset by the lesson he’s learning about life, himself, and moderation.

4. We can afford it. I won’t dally on this one but will instead refer you back to the first law of childrearing economics. The fact that buying for your children puts little strain on your wallet bears no relationship whatsoever to what’s good for your child. Certainly you can also afford many harmful things, but you would never consider getting them. In themselves, toys and goodies aren’t trouble, but in excess quantity they can breed qualities that are.

Good parenting evolves. It’s a long process of scrutinizing, rethinking, and changing – if need be – ideas that aren’t working out well. All parents follow some notions that eventually show themselves to be faulty. Materialism is a common one. You’re a wise parent. You’ve realized that even the best of intentions can teach unintentional lessons.

Next we need to recognize the corollary to the two laws of child rearing economics we have noted: Where your child is concerned, others need to follow your laws. So, how do you cap a bottomless well of material – from within your home and without? Here are three suggestions:

1. Gently seek your relatives’ cooperation with your revamped mindset. “We’re going to cut way down on the things we buy the kids. We want to teach them more about appreciation.

MATERIAL DISCOMFORTS By Dr. Ray Guarendi

Continued on Page 2

December 2013

The Station of the Cross Catholic Radio Network Newsletter

1060 AM WQOM Boston, MA“Proclaiming the fullness of Truth with clarity and charity.”

Can you help us? We know how much you enjoy getting them things, but we want them to love you for you and not what you can buy.” Stress how much more their presence means than their presents.

2. If goodies continue to flow into your house at an unacceptable rate, you might begin an all-out campaign to reduce inventory. Together, you and the kids decide what to share with other children who have much less. Arrange for their personal delivery – to a hospital, shelter, group home, school, or church.

To avoid future accumulation, how about this rule: For every goodie that comes in, one goes out. The kids can choose. If they’re reluctant to part with anything, you can choose. ...Your children’s character is far too important for compromise on contributions you don’t agree with, no matter how well-intentioned the contributor.

3. Christmas has become as season of material excess, for children and adults. To regain some control of the spigot, prior to the holidays, you and the kids can sift through existing toys, deciding which will be given to other, more needy children. Make sure a few good items are shared, and not just the five-year-old, outgrown, untouched clutter.

Space out Christmas gift opening, so Noel can savor the gift

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MATERIAL DISCOMFORTS Continued from Page 1

I hope all of you had a healthy, restful, and enjoyable Thanksgiving. The holiday break afforded me the opportunity to give thanks to the Lord for His many blessings, especially all the people in my life – my family, friends, coworkers, and each one of you.

It is a privilege to know so many people who are passionate and committed to spreading God’s Word. I am also repeatedly amazed by your extraordinary generosity, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting our evangelization efforts.

As members of The Station of the Cross family, we should all give thanks to Jesus and His Blessed Mother for giving us the gift of Catholic radio. It is humbling to know that God has entrusted each one of us – our staff, listeners, volunteers, and supporters – with the enormous responsibility of sustaining, sharing, and growing this apostolate. Yet, as Scripture tells us, He is the vine and we are the branches. As long as we remain part of the vine, our efforts will always bear much fruit.

There is no better time to produce a plentiful harvest than during the Christmas season, and our exciting Advent programming schedule will help us do exactly that. Please check out the great shows that are on tap for this holy time of the year.

Let us use the season of Advent to come to know Jesus, Mary, and Joseph better as we prepare our hearts and minds for the celebration of our Lord’s birth. Come, let us adore Him.

PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE: GIVING THANKS AND PREPARING FOR OUR LORD’S BIRTH by Jim Wright

and appreciate the giver. If too much flows in, hold over some for opening after Christmas.

You can make an even stronger statement about sharing by having the kids choose one or two unopened gifts to be given to a less-fortunate child. Because the package contents are unknown, a child will truly be sharing and not just discarding the least favorite gift.

...Isn’t all this just “forcing” kids to share or to be less materialistic? Sure it is. Much of character is instilled initially by making kids do or not do things against their wishes.

At first most kids do resist giving up what is “theirs” or are upset about not getting more. As they mature, however, they begin to grasp the deeper reason behind the action. They feel better about giving than getting, and learn to be content and grateful for what they have rather than upset over what they don’t have.

If kids naturally refused excess, you wouldn’t have asked the question you did.

Dr. Ray Guarendi is a clinical psychologist and father of ten children. He is the author of several books and is a host on the Doctor is In. The above Q & A was originally published in Dr. Ray’s book, “Discipline that Lasts a Lifetime” and is reprinted here with his permission.

Christmas is a time for giving, and what better gift is there than saving another person’s soul? When you give to Catholic radio, you are helping not only yourself but countless others – people who are trying to deepen their Catholic faith, those who have left the faith, and individuals from other denomi-nations and religious traditions who are interested in learning about Catholicism.

As you bond with family members and help those in need this Christmas season, I graciously ask that you please remember the needs of your family at The Station of the Cross. Your gift to Catholic Radio is one that will not wear out, collect dust, or get discarded. It is a priceless gift that will bear fruit for all eternity.

Thank you for your generosity, and may God bless you and your family this Christmas season.

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St. Joseph has been referred to as Joseph “the silent” since St. Joseph never speaks in any of the Gospels. Such is the humility and the role of this great saint, where everything he does is out of great love and service to his family so that his family may be fully revealed to the world.

St. Joseph is the protector; the one who, rather than abandoning or divorcing the pregnant Blessed Mother, takes her into his home so as to protect her and the God-Child within her womb. He is the one who pounds on the doors of Bethlehem seeking a place of protection and shelter for the family that God has entrusted to his care. That’s right, God has entrusted His own family, the hope and salvation of all mankind, into the hands of the poor worker Joseph. This same Joseph, at the prompting of the angel, takes flight into a foreign land because someone has plotted to murder the baby boy that Mary has given birth to. He leaves everything he has known behind, trusting in God, to embrace an unknown and uncertain future.

Mary has been beautifully described as the new Ark of the Covenant. Just as the old Ark bore the Ten Commandments and was the sign of God’s covenant with his chosen people, the new covenant has become flesh in her womb in the child, Jesus. In this way, we can see Mary as the Tabernacle, the one who contains the Word Made Flesh, just as our tabernacles today contain Jesus Christ, really, truly, and substantially present in the Eucharist.

Recently, St. Joseph was added to the Eucharistic prayers that are said at Mass. The Vatican said at that time that “St. Joseph stands as an exemplary model of the kindness and humility that the Christian faith raises to a great destiny, and demonstrates the ordinary and simple virtues necessary for men to be good and genuine followers of Christ.”

When we think of St. Joseph and his role and destiny as humble protector and guardian of the Holy Family, it is easy to also see how he is truly the protector not only of the first Tabernacle, Mary, but also of the Word Made Flesh in the Eucharist.

St. Joseph, guardian of the Tabernacle and the Eucharist, pray for us!

Chris Kelley is the Station Manager of WQOM 1060 AM in Boston, MA, one of six stations in The Station of the Cross Catholic Radio Network. He can be reached at ckelley@wqom.org.

ST. JOSEPH, THE PROTECTOR OF JESUS AND MARY by Christopher Kelley

Beginning December 17, as the final phase of preparation for Christmas, the Church recites or chants the O Antiphons preceding the Magnificat during Vespers of the Liturgy of the Hours.

The O Antiphons express the Church’s longing and expectation for the Messiah, her startled wonderment at the fullness of grace which the Christ Child is about to bestow on the world. Their theme is the majesty of the Savior, His wisdom, His faithfulness and sanctity, His justice and mercy, His covenant with His chosen people who in their ingratitude broke faith with Him. They are concerned with His power and love as King and Redeemer of the world, His relation to every soul as Emmanuel, God-with-us (Bernard Strasser, With Christ Through the Year).

The Benedictine monks arranged these antiphons with a definite purpose. If one starts with the last title and takes the first letter of each one — Emmanuel, Rex, Oriens, Clavis, Radix, Adonai, Sapientia — the Latin words ero cras are formed, meaning, “Tomorrow, I will come.” Therefore, the Lord Jesus, whose coming we have prepared for in Advent and whom we have addressed in these seven Messianic titles, now speaks to us, “Tomorrow, I will come.” So the “O Antiphons” not only bring intensity to our Advent preparation, but bring it to a joyful conclusion (Fr. William Saunders).

In a few weeks, we will hear one of the best known and most beloved stories in Scripture – the three Magi. These three kings were searching for our Lord, and when they found Him they offered Him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Emeritus Pope Benedict XVI points out in God and the World that it was the simple people who were the first to come, but the wise were not excluded. Indeed, people from all walks of life came to behold the Lord; the poor, the rich, the simple, the wise.

The wealthy kings brought material gifts, while the poor brought the gift of their very selves; their childlike faith, trust, and joy; their sufferings; their deepest prayers and longings. All the gifts were precious in God’s eyes. Every person, regardless of his or her circumstances, is invited to come to Jesus, to pay Him homage, tell others about Him, and give whatever they can. What gift can you bring?

O ANTIPHONS

WHAT GIFT CAN YOU BRING?

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PROGRAMMING 1060 AM WQOM THE STATION OF THE CROSS DECEMBER 2013

IN DECEMBER’S ISSUE:Material DiscomfortsGiving ThanksWays to Help the StationSpecial Advent ProgrammingSt. Joseph the ProtectorWhat Gift Can You Bring?

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OVERVIEW FOR THE MONTH OF DECEMBER

The month of December is dedicated to the

IMMACULATE CONCEPTIONwhich is celebrated on December 8

(The feast has been transferred to December 9 this year.)

The first 24 days of December fall during the liturgical season known as Advent and are represented by the liturgical color purple. The remaining days of December mark the beginning of the Christmas season. The liturgical color changes to white or gold — a symbol of joy, purity and innocence.

The liturgy of Advent focuses on remembering Christ’s first coming at Bethlehem which then directs our mind to Christ’s Second Coming at the end of time. The readings focus on the people of the Old Testament awaiting the Messiah, John the Baptist, heralding the way for Christ and the Blessed Virgin Mary and her maternal preparations.

DECEMBER 2013 HOLY FATHER’SINTENTIONS:

General:That children who are victims of abandonment or violence may find the love and protection they need.

Missionary: That Christians, enlightened by the Word Incarnate, may prepare

humanity for the Savior’s coming.

DECEMBER FEAST DAYSThe main Feasts of Advent are St. Francis Xavier (December 3), St. John Damascene (December 4), St. Nicholas (December 6), St. Ambrose (December 7), Immaculate Conception (December 9 – usually December 8), St. Damascus (December 11), Our Lady of Guadalupe (December 12), St. Lucy (December 13), St. John of the Cross (December 14) and St. Peter Canisius (December 21).

Christmastide begins with the First Vespers (Evening Prayer) of Christmas on December 24th and ends on the Sunday after Epiphany. The Christmas octave includes some major feasts: St. Stephen (December 26), St. John the Evangelist (December 27), Holy Innocents (December 28) and the feast of the Holy Family (December 29). The octave closes on January 1, the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God.

The feast of St. Juan Diego (December 9) is superseded by the Feast of the Immaculate Conception which was moved because it fell on Sunday. St. Thomas Becket (December 29) is superseded by the Feast of the Holy Family.

Excerpts from CatholicCulture.org

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