The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part 2

8/12/2019 The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part 2

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The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part 2.

Robert Seymour

The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated),Part !, by Robert Seymour

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T"tle The Sketches of Seymour (Illustrated), Part !

*uthor Robert Seymour

Release +ate uly -, ../ 0EBook 123/34

anguage Engl"sh

5haracter set encod"ng *S5II

666 ST*RT 78 T9IS PR7E5T G:TE;BERG EB77< T9E S


2/26

@>hy, as I l"$e, a cat,@5r"ed B"ll, @t"s mother T"bbs tabbyD7hA #hat a larkShe lo$es "t l"ke a babbyA*nd a"nt a cats eye, Tom, as good a mark*s any bulls eyesC@*nd stra"ght @PussA &ussA@ he cr"es,

>hen, loA as Puss a&&roaches,They hear a suall,*nd see a head and f"st abo$e the #all!T"s tabbys m"stress>ho "n great d"stressoads both the urch"ns #"th her loud re&roaches,@%ou l"ttle $"lla"nsA #"ll ye shoot my catC9ere, T"nkA T"nkA T"nkA7A lor a mercyA I shall surely s"nk,T"nkA T"nkA@T"nk hears her $o"ce''and hear"ng that,Trots nearer #"th a &"t'a'&atA

@;o#, B"ll, &resent and f"re,Theres a bold un,*nd send the tabby to the old un!@BangA #ent the &"stol, and "n the m"reRolled T"nk #"thout a me#''8lo&A fell h"s m"stress "n a ste#A>h"le B"ll and Tom both fled,ea$"ng the accom&l"shd T"nk u"te f"n"shd,8or B"ll had actually d"m"n"shdThe fel"ne fa$or"te by a headAea$"ng h"s undone m"stress to be#a"l,In dee&est #oe,

*nd to her goss"&s to relate9er tabbys fate!Th"s #as her only consolat"on''for althoShe could not tell the head''she could the ta"lA

S5E;E ?!

SEPTE=BER -ST,''*; 7;% 7PP7RT:;IT%!

@I beg"n to th"nk I may as #ell go back!@

=% $"gA $at a &elter th"s "s''Enough all my hardour to tameDIn $eather l"ke th"s theres no s&ort,Its too much "n earnest for gameA

* ladle, I m"ght as #ell be,5ha"nd fast to a hold &ar"sh &um&,8or, by golesA "t comes tumbl"ng do#n,

"ke $"nk"ng,''and all of a lum&!


3/26

I cant see no #oodcock, nor sn"&eD=y dog he looks dogged and dull,=y legg"ns "s flabby as tr"&eA

The moors "s all sl"&&ry slush,Im u& to the neck "n the m"reDI dont see no chance of a shot,

*nd I long'ho# I long for a f"reA

8or my clothes "s all soakd, and they st"ck*s close as a ba"l"ff to me7hA I #"sh I #as out o th"s here,*nd at home #"th my mother at teaA

Th"s "s the fust, as I$e gotPerm"ss"on from uncle to shootD9e hadnt no &eace t"ll he g"$eTh"s &"ece, and the &o#der to bootA

*nd $ats "t all come to at lastC''There "snt no chance of a h"t,I feel the ra"ns all do#n my back,In my mouth though I ha$nt a b"tA

7A "ts #erry #eFaat"ous "ndeedA8or I shant ha$e another day soonDBut Im blo#d, "f I dont ha$e a &o&''=y eyeA I$e shot +ashA $ot a s&oonA

7A heres a &art"clar mess,

ot $"ll mother say to me no#C8or he $as her la&'dog and &et,7hA I$e slaughtered her darl"ng bo#'#o#A

S5E;E ?I!

@=other says f"shes comes from hard roes, so I chuckd "n the roe of ared'herr"ng last #eek, but I doesnt catch any f"sh yet!@

9o# beaut"ful "s the s"m&l"c"ty of unso&h"st"cated youthA Behold #"th#hat &at"ence th"s "nnocent a#a"ts a b"te, trust"ng #"th &erfect fa"th "nthe truth of h"s affect"onate mothers "chthyolog"cal kno#ledge! >"sh"ngto behold a l"$e f"sh dangl"ng at the end of h"s l"ne, he has, #"thadm"rable fores"ght, dra#n u& the bucket, that "n the ascent the f"nny&rey may not k"ck "tA It must be a hard roe "ndeed, that "s not softenedby h"s attent"onsD but, alasA he "s doomed ne$er to dra# u& a $ulgarherr"ng, or a #ell'bred f"shA

8olks #ho are a l"ttle dee&er read than the boy''(or the herr"ngA)''maysm"le at h"s fru"tless attem&t, but ho# many are there that act through

l"fe u&on the same &r"nc"&le, cast"ng the"r l"nes and f"sh"ngfor''com&l"ments, #ho ne$er obta"n e$en a n"bble''for #hyC the"r attem&tsat a&&lause, l"ke h"s red'herr"ng, are smoked! 9e does not kno# that


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the roes''#aterA

But after all, "s not such "gnorance bl"ssC''for he enjoys theant"c"&ated &leasureD and "f ant"c"&at"on be really greater than real"ty''#hat an "nterm"nable length #"ll that &leasure be to h"mA E$er andanon he dra#s u& h"s l"ne, l"ke a m"l"t"a ca&ta"n for a re$"e#D''&utsfresh ba"t on the crooked &"n, and lets "t slo#ly do#n, and &ee&s "n,

#onder"ng #hat the f"sh can be atA''and "s u"te as much "n the dark ash"s float! But he may at last, &erha&s, d"sco$er that he "s not so dee&as a #ell''and #"sely resol$e to let #ell''aloneD t#o &o"nts #h"ch may&robably be of "nf"n"te "m&ortance to h"m through l"fe, and enable h"m toturn the laugh aga"nst those #ho no# mock h"s "gnorance and s"m&l"c"ty!

S5E;E ?II!

*mb"t"on!

@9e #as amb"t"ous, and I sle# h"m!@

>hat carr"ed 5a&ta"n Ross to the ;orth PoleC @* sh"& to be sureA@eHcla"ms some matter'of'fact gentleman! ReaderA It #as *=BITI7;A

>hat made barber Ross sur$ey the &oll, make #"gs, and &uff a#ay e$en #hen&o#der #as eH&lodedC >hat caused h"m to seek the a&&lause of the nobsamong the cockneys, and struggle to obta"n the &aradoH"cal tr"&l"cated"ctum that he #as a #erry f"rst'rate cutterA >hat made h"m a &ract"calToryC (for he boasts of turn"ng out the best #"gs "n the countryA)

>hat "nduces men to turn theatr"cal managers #hen a beggarly account ofem&ty boHes n"ghtly &ro$es the +rama "s at a d"scount''all benef"ts$"s"onary, and the &r"ce of adm"ss"on "s regarded as a taH, and the&erformers as eH'actorsC''''#hen they get scarcely enough to &ay forl"ghts, and yet burn the"r f"ngersC''*=BITI7;

The cand"date for the county cr"nges, and flatters the greasy un#ashedten'&ounders, "n order to get at the head of the &oll''so l"ke#"se thebum&k"n ("n "m"tat"on of h"s su&er"or) rubs h"s hand "n the d"rt toenable h"m to cl"ng fast, and reach the to& of the soa&d &oll, #hereonthe tem&t"ng &r"Fe "s d"s&layed! *nd, #hat &rom&ts them both to the

contestC''*=BITI7;A

>hat "s the &r"mum mob"le, of the ad$enturous *eronaut, =r! Green, oneof the most r"s"ng men of the day, #ho as&"res e$en unto the $ery clouds,and "n h"s ele$at"on looks u&on all men of #oman born as far beneathh"mC''*=BITI7;A

>hat &rom&ts the sold"er #ho s&ends half'a'cro#n out of s"H&ence a'day tothrust h"s head "nto the cannons mouth, to con$"nce the #orld that he "sdes"rous of obta"n"ng a good re&ort and that he "s fearless of thechargeC''*=BITI7;A

>hat makes the beardless school'boy lea& d"tches and o$er &osts at ther"sk of h"s neck, and boast that hell do anothers dags''or thes&ort"ng man turn good horses "nto f"lthy dogs meat, "n r"d"ng so many


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>hat mag"c "nfluence o&erates u&on the senses of the barr"ster (a scholarand a gentleman) to eHert h"s #"nn"ng elouence and "ngenu"ty "n thecause of a cl"ent, #ho, "n h"s consc"ence, he kno#s to be both morallyand legally un#orthy of the lum"nous defence &ut forth to &ro$e thetrembl"ng cul&r"t more s"nned aga"nst than s"nn"ngC''*=BITI7;A

>hat urges the $ulgar costermonger to bestr"de h"s long'eard *rab"an,and belabor h"s &ant"ng s"des #"th merc"less st"ck and "ron'shod heels to"m&el h"m to the goal "n the m"m"c race''or the sleek and &ol"shdcourt"er to l"ck the dust of h"s su&er"ors feet to obta"n a &altryr"band or a starC''*=BITI7;A

S5E;E ?III!

Better luck neHt t"me!

The lamentat"on of oe Gr"sh"n!

@7A =ollyA =ollyA $en I &o&&d my cho&s through the arey ra"l"ngs, andseed you sm"le, I thought you $os m"ne for e$erA I #enturd all for you''all''! It #arnt no great stake &ra&s, but "t #as a tender $unA Iofferd you a heart $erbally, and you sa"d ;oA I #r"t th"s ere#ollent"ne, and you returns "t $"th a b"g ;oA

@7A =olly your ;os, "s more &"erc"nger and crueller than your heyes!=eA to be used so''=eA as refused the $"dder at the 5oal ShedA (to be

sure she #ore a $"g and I d"dnt $ant a bald r"bA) =eA''but "ts o nouse talk"ngD $on may as $ell make lo$e to a lam&'&ost, and eH&ect to feed$ons flame $"th l"ghtsA But adoo to l"feD th"s ere ro&e, f"Hd roundthe best end o the neck #"ll soon scra& me, and $en Im as dead asmutton, &ra&s you may be #erry sorry!

@Itll be too late then, =olly, $en you$e led me to the halter, to $"shas youd marr"ed me!@

*fter th"s b"tter burst of #ounded feel"ng, and, urged by the reject"onof h"s addresses, the lo$e'lorn Butcher mounted a jo"nt'stool, andste&&"ng on a fence, t#"sted the a#ful ro&e round the branch of a tree,

and then, co"l"ng "t about h"s neck, determ"ned that th"s day should be ak"ll"ng dayD $a"nly su&&os"ng, "n the d"sordered state of h"s m"nd, thatthe fl"nty'hearted =olly #ould &robably esteem her dear (l"ke $en"son)the better for be"ng hungA =yst"cally mutter"ng adooA three t"mes, "nthe most &athet"c tone, he s#ung off and "n an "nstant came to h"s latterend''for the ro&e sna&&d "n t#a"n, and he found h"mself seated on theturf belo#, #hen he $a"nly "mag"ned he #as &re&ar"ng h"mself for be"ng&laced belo# the turfA

@;oth"n but d"sa&&o"ntments "n th"s #orldD@ eHcla"med he, really feel"nghurt by the uneH&ected fall, for he had graFed h"s cal$es "n the meado#,and #as #ofully $eHed at f"nd"ng h"mself a lo$er turned off and yet

unhung!

5ast do#n and melancholy, he retraced h"s ste&s, and se"F"ng a clea$er


6/26

fury, at h"s o#n blockA

S5E;E ?I!

+ont you be saucy, Boys

@>hat are you gr"nn"ng at, boysC@ angr"ly demanded an old gentlemanseated bes"de a meander"ng stream, of t#o schoolboys, #ho #ere #atch"ngh"m from beh"nd a h"gh &al"ng at h"s rear!''@+ont you kno# a l"ttlemakes fools laugh!@

@%es, s"rA thats u"te true, for #e #ere laugh"ng at #hat you$ecaughtA@

@:m&hA I tell you #hat, my lads, "f I kne# your master, Id &ull you u&,

and ha$e you #ell dressed!@

@Tell that to the f"shes,@ re&l"ed the elder, @#hen you do get a b"teA@

@%ou saucy jackana&esA ho# dare you s&eak to me "n th"s mannerC@

@Pray, s"r, are you lord of the manorC Im sure you s&oke to us f"rst,@sa"d the younger!

@=ore than that,@ cont"nued h"s com&an"on! @>e are abo$e s&eak"ng toyou, for you are beneath usA@

The old gentleman, rather nettled at the gl"bness of the lads, stuck ahook $engefully "nto an "noffens"$e #orm, and thre# h"s l"ne!

The boys st"ll reta"ned the"r &ost, and after many #h"s&ered remarks andt"tter"ng, the younger thrust h"s handkerch"ef "nto h"s mouth to smothera burst of "rre&ress"ble laughter, #h"le the other, assum"ng a modest and&en"tent a"r, sa"d

@I beg your &ardon, s"r!@

@>hatC@ demanded the old gentleman shar&ly!

@9o&e you are not offended, s"rC@

@Get along #"th you,@ re&l"ed the unfortunate angler, "rr"tated at h"s#ant of success!

@I can tell you someth"ng, s"r,@ cont"nued the ladD''@theres no f"sh tobe had #here you are! I kno# the r"$er #ell! 8athers $ery fond of"shD he al#ays br"ngs home &lenty! If you l"ke, s"r, I can sho# you the&lace!@

9ere h"s com&an"on rolled u&on the grass and k"cked, &erfectly con$ulsed#"th laughter, luck"ly h"dden from the $"e# of the no# moll"f"ed old

gentleman!

@IndeedA@ cr"ed the angler @"s "t far from th"sC@


7/26

@;ot a uarter of a m"le,@ re&l"ed the boy!

@That "s noth"ng! I$e #alked e"ghteen th"s morn"ng,@ sa"d the oldgentleman, &ack"ng u& h"s a&&aratus! @Ill go #"th you d"rectly, andthank you too, for Im a &erfect stranger "n these &arts!@

>hen he had jo"ned them, the laugh"ng f"ts of the younger had subs"ded,

although he chose to fall "n the rear! @;o#, to she# you ho# much more&rof"table "t "s to res&ect than to mock at your su&er"ors "n years,theres a (let me see)''theres a half&enny for you to &urchase cakes!@

@Thank ye, s"r,@ sa"d he, and turn"ng to h"s com&an"on #"th a #"nk @9ereB"ll, run to 5umm"ns and buy a ha&orth of e"ghts''#ell make the mostof "t''and Ill come to you as soon as I$e sho#n the gentleman thef"sh!@

@Sho# me the &lace, and Ill f"nd the f"sh,@ sa"d the ant"c"&at"ngangler!

7n they trudged!

@=ust #e go through the to#nC@ asked h"s com&an"on, as he marched #"thh"s long rod "n one hand and h"s can "n the other!

@%es, s"r, "t a"nt farD@ and he #alked on at a u"cker &ace, #h"le allthe cro#d of rust"cs gaFed at t e eHtraord"nary a&&earance of the armed>alton"an, for "t ha&&ened to be market'day! *fter &arad"ng h"m "n th"sfash"on nearly through the to#n, he &resently t#"tched h"m by h"scoat'slee$e!

@ook there, s"rA@ cr"ed he, &o"nt"ng to a #ell'stocked f"shmongers!

@Beaut"fulA''#hat a uant"tyA@ eHcla"med the $enerable &"scator!

@I thought youd l"ke "t, s"r''thats the &lace for f"sh, s"r,''goodmorn"ng!@

@EhA #hat''you young dogC@

@Thats #here father gets all h"s, I assure you, s"r,''good morn"ng,@sa"d the youth, and mak"ng a mock re$erence, bounded off as fast as h"slegs could carry h"m!

S5E;E ?!

@y, Sarah, youre drunkA I am u"te ashamed o you!@

@ell, $ots the odds as long as youre ha&&yA@

ack #as an "t"nerant $ender of greens, and h"s s&ouse #as a &er"&atet"cd"str"butor of the f"nny tr"be, (s&rats, herr"ngs or mackerel, accord"ng

to the season,) and both &"cked u& a tolerable l"$el"hood by the"rres&ect"$e call"ngs!


8/26

f"rst attracted to the subseuent object of h"s elect"on by the #"t of a&ass"ng boy, #ho asked the damsel ho# she sold her carrotsC acks eyes#ere "n an "nstant turned to#ards one #hom he cons"dered a com&et"tor "nthe trade''#hen he beheld the &hys"ognomy of h"s Sarah beam"ng #"thsm"les beneath an abundant cro& of sunny ha"rA

@%ou are a beauty and no m"stake,@ eHcla"med the green grocer "n

adm"rat"on!

@8lummeryA@ re&l"ed the damsel''the dee& blush of modesty mantl"ng hercheeks! ack rested h"s basket on a &ost bes"de her stall, and drankdee& draughts of lo$e, #h"le Sarahs del"cate f"ngers #ere sk"lfullyem&loyed "n undress"ng a &ound of #r"ggl"ng eels for a customer!

@Thems r"glar $o&&ersA@ remarked ack!

@Three to a &ound,@ ans#ered Sarah, and so they sl"&&ed naturally "ntod"scourse u&on trade, "ts &ros&ects and &rof"ts, and gradually a h"nt of&artnersh"& #as thro#n out!

Sarah laughed at h"s "ns"nuat"ng address, and d"s&layed a set of teeththat r"$alled cr"m&ed skate "n the"r #h"teness''a month after#ards theybecame man and #"fe! 8or some years they to"led on together''he, l"ke acater&"llar, gett"ng a l"$"ng out of cabbages, and she, l"ke anundertaker, out of de&arted solesA atterly, ho#e$er, ack d"sco$eredthat h"s s&ouse #as rather add"cted to summut short, "n fact, that shedrank l"ke a f"sh, although the be$erage she affected #as a leetlestronger than #ater! The"r &rof"t (unl"ke =ahomet) &erm"tted them thesame baneful "ndulgence''and ke&t them both "n s&"r"tsA

The"r trade, ho#e$er, fell off for they #ere often unable to carry the"r

baskets!

The last t"me #e beheld them, Sarah #as s"tt"ng "n the cool"ng current ofa gutter, #"th her heels u&on the curb (alasA ho# much d"d she need acurbA) #h"le ack, ha$"ng d"s&osed of h"s basket, had obta"ned a &ost "na &ubl"c s"tuat"on, #as hold"ng forth on the "m&ro&r"ety of her conduct!

@9o# can you let yourself do#n soC@ sa"d he,''@%oure drunk''drunk,Sarah, drunkA@

@7ny a l"ttle ele$ated, ack!@

@Ele$atedA''floord you mean!@

@ellD $ots the odds as long as youre ha&&yC@

ack f"nd"ng all remonstrance #as $a"n, brought h"mself u&, and reel"ngfor#ard, #ent as stra"ght home''as he could, lea$"ng h"s s&ouse (l"kemany a deserted #"fe) soak"ng her clay, because he refused to su&&ortherA

S5E;E ?I!

@a#k a'mercyA Im go"ng #rongA and got to #alk all that #ay back


9/26

* &edestr"an may get robbed of h"s money on the h"gh#ay, but a cross'roadfreuently robs h"m of t"me and &at"enceD for #hen ha&ly he cons"dersh"mself at h"s journeys end, an "m&ert"nent f"nger'&ost, offer"ng h"mthe tardy and un&leasant "nformat"on that he has #andered from h"s track,makes h"m turn about and #heel about, l"ke "m 5ro#, "n anyth"ng but a

&leasant humor!

It #ere #ell "f e$ery #ayfarer #ere l"ke the sa"lor, #ho #hen offered au"d from the bacoo boH of a smoker, sa"d, I ne$er che#s theshort'cutA and "n the same s&"r"t, #e strongly ad$"se h"m, before hetakes the short'cut to th"nk of the returnsA

Should the #eather &ro$e ra"ny, the hungry tra$eller may certa"nly get a#et on the road, although he star$es before he reaches the #"shed'for"nn!

*s there "s l"ke#"se no more chance of meet"ng a good tem&ered gu"de on a

cross'road, than of f"nd"ng eggs and bacon, "n an ed"ble state, at leaston a common''and as he can no more &ull "n the summer'ra"ns than he canthe re"ns of a runa#ay stall"onD the result "s, the "neH&er"enced youthlud"crously re&resents so many &ounds of dr"&&"ng, and although he maybe th"rsty, he #"ll ha$e no cause to com&la"n that he "s''dryA The bestmode for an honest man to go round the country, "s to take astra"ght'for#ard course, es&ec"ally #hen the surcharged clouds do rulethe hor"Fon #"th slo&"ng l"nes of ra"nA Bes"des, "t "s by no means a&leasant th"ng for a man #"th a scanty #ardrobe, to f"nd h"s clothesrunn"ng a#ay at a most un&leasant rate, #h"le he can scarcely drag oneclay'encumbered leg after the other!

It "s a d"ff"cult tr"al, too, of a mans &h"loso&hy, after trudg"ng o$era long f"eld, to be encountered by the mockery of a haA haA''fenceA 9eutters a fe# b"tter eH&let"$es, &erha&s, but nought a$a"ls h"s ra"l"ngaga"nst such a fence as thatA

The sho#er #h"ch makes all nature sm"le, only causes h"m to laugh''on the#rong s"de of h"s mouth, for he regards "t as a tem&erance man does aregular soakerA

ReaderA ne$er attem&t a bye'#ay on a #et day, #"th a st"ck and bundle atyour back''("f you ha$e a #ater&roof trunk, you may "ndeed #eather"t)''but go a'head on the turn&"ke road''the #ay of all ma"ls''lea$"ng

long and short commons to the goose and donkey''and the &robab"l"ty "s,that you may not only I make a s"gn before you d"e, but get a feed''and ashelter!

S5E;E ?II!

@Im demd "f I can e$er h"t em!@

It "s a most eHtraord"nary th"ng, &on my $erac"ty I go out as regularlyas the year, and yet I ne$er br"ng do#n an "nd"$"dual b"rd!


10/26

best shot''but not be"ng the best shot "n the #orld myself''I su&&ose "sthe "dent"cal reason #hy I ne$er h"t any th"ng! I th"nk "t must ar"sefrom a natural defect "n my s"ghtD for #hen I su&&ose a co$ey as near''asmy m"ser of an uncle''they are &robably as d"stant''as my n"nety'n"nthcous"nA

Such a rum goA''the other day I had a troo& of fello#s at my heels,

laugh"ng l"ke madD and #hat do you th"nkC''#hen I doffed my shoot"ngjacket, I found some #ag had stuck the to& of a &r"nted &lacard on myback, #"th the horr"d #ords, @* young Gentleman m"ss"ngA@

It #as only last #eek, a #hole fl"ght of s&arro#s rose at my $ery feet''If"red''bangA''no goA''but I heard a suallD and ele$at"ng my glass, loA Ibeheld a cottage #"th"n a fe# yards of my muFFle''the $ulgar &easant tookthe trouble to lea& h"s fence, and "nform me I had broken h"s #"ndo#s''ofcourse I #as com&elled to &ay h"m for h"s &anes!

To be sure he d"d rather "nd"cate a d"s&os"t"on to take a#ay mygun''#h"ch I certa"nly should ne$er ha$e rel"nu"shed #"thout a

struggle''and so I forked out the d"bs, "n order to kee& the &"eceA Imu"te &os"t"$e, ho#e$er, that the $agabond o$er'charged me, and I k"cked,as #as u"te natural, you kno#, under such c"rcumstancesA

I really ha$e an "m&erfect not"on of d"s&os"ng of my shoot"ng'tackle''butIm such an unfortunate de$"l, that I really bel"e$e #hen I &ost em u&for sale''my gun #"ll not go offA''dem meA

S5E;E ?III!

@9a$e you read the leader "n th"s &a&er, =r! Br"sketC@

@;oA I ne$er touch a ne#s&a&erD they are all so #erry #enal, and 7$o"d ofsent"mentA@

B7B!7A heres a hart"cle ag"n the fools,"ch our &oor Br"t"sh ;at"on so m"srules*nd dont they sho# em u& #"th all the"r tr"cks''By goshA I th"nk theyd better cut the"r st"cksD

They ne$er can sur#"$e such cuts as these "sA

BRIS


11/26

B7B!7A Br"sket, Im afeard as youre a RadC

BRIS"rg"ns "n #h"te a'lea&"ng out o #"nders''ot some old codger cotches, and so h"nders''8rom j"n"ng her true'lo$e to t"e the knot,>ho broken'hearted d"es u&on the s&otA

B7B!Thats #erry f"neA''but g"$e me &ol"t"cs''

Theres summat st"rr"ng e$en "n the tr"cks7f them $ots "n to kee& the tothers out,''9o# I Should l"ke to hear the fellers s&outA8or some on em ha$e s"ch a lot o cheek,If they #arnt sto&&d theyd go "t for a #eek!

BRIS


12/26

a'shoot"n, and &ack"n u& my hammun"t"on, and some san#"dges, I b"dsadoo to th"s #"le smoky to#n, $"th the "ntent"on of gett"n a l"ttleha"r! ellA on I goes a'$"ssh"n and th"nk"n on noth"n, and ha&&y asthe bumblebees as $os a'numm"ng around me! ellA ater an hour or mores$alk"ng, not an house nor a br"ck $os #"s"ble!

;atur, "n all her #erdur, $os sm"l"n l"ke a fat babby "n "ts maternal

harmsA But, as somebody has "t''

@=an ne$er a"nt, but alays to be blessd,@

and Im blessd "f that a"nt true too, as you shall see &resently! ellAI &o&s at $on b"rd and then at anotherD but $ether the &oor creturs $osunaccustomd to guns, and so $os fr"ghtend, I dont kno#, but someho# Icouldnt h"t em no'ho#!

ellA and so I $os j"st a'charg"n ag"n $en a great he'fello#, "n a ruffcoat and &art"clar large $"skers, accostes me (c"#"lly I must say, butrayther fam"ller)''

@B"rds shyC@ says he!

@>erryD''a"nt h"t noth"n,@ says I!

@Ill tell you $ot "t "s, young gentleman,@ says he, @"ts the une$ennesso the groundA@

@+$e th"nk soC@ says I!

@Sure on "t,@ says heD @Im a hold sojerA


13/26

S5E;E ??!

The 5ourtsh"& of =r! >"gg"ns!

*mong the $ery fe# fash"onable fo"bles to #h"ch =r! >"gg"ns #as add"cted,#as the smok"ng of c"gars! *ttracted by the a&&earance of a small boHmarked =arylands''one &enny each, $ery much resembl"ng lettuce'lea$es#"th the yello# jaund"ce, he #alked "nto the chandlers sho& #here they#ere d"s&layed!

@et us look at them c"gars,@ sa"d he, and then, for the f"rst t"me,glanc"ng at the smart, good'look"ng m"stress of the em&or"um, he added,@"f you &lease, maam''@

@5erta"ny, s"r!@

* &retty l"ttle f"st that, ho#some$erA thought >"gg"ns, as she &laced theboH before h"m!

@"ll you ha$e a l"ghtC@

@Thankye, maam,@ sa"d he, ramm"ng the c"gar "nto h"s mouth, as "f hereally "ntended to bolt "t!

She t#"sted a sl"& of #aste, and l"ght"ng "t, &resented "t to heradm"r"ng customer, for "t #as e$"dent, from the ra&t manner "n #h"ch hescanned her, that he #as dee&ly sm"tten by her &ersonal a&&earance!

She colored, coughed del"cately, as the smoke t"ckled the tons"ls of herthroat, and looked full at the youth! Such a lookA as >"gg"ns asserted!@Im afeared as the smoke "s d"sagreeable,@ sa"d he!

@7hA dear no, not at all, I assure youD I l"kes "t of all th"ngs! I cantab"de a &"&e no'ho#, but I$e u"te a &re$alence (&red"lect"onC) fors"ggers!@ So >"gg"ns &uffed and chatted a#ayD and at last, del"ghted#"th the s&r"ghtly con$ersat"on of the lady, seated h"mself on thesmall'beer barrel, and so far forgot h"s economy "n the fasc"nat"on ofh"s enterta"ner, that he &urchased a second! *t th"s fa$ourablejuncture, =rs! >arner, (for she #as a #"do# ackno#ledg"ng

f"$e'and't#enty) ordered the gr"nn"ng sho&'boy, #ho #as cho&&"ng thelum&, to take home them ere d"&s to a customer #ho l"$ed at somed"stance! >"gg"ns, not a#are of the ruse, felt &leased #"th theabsence of one #ho #as certa"nly de tro& "n the engross"ngtete'a'tete! >e #"ll &ass o$er th"s &rel"m"nary con$ersat"onD for a#hole #eek the same scene #as rene#ed, and at last =rs! >arner and =r!>"gg"ns used to shake hands at &art"ng!

@+o you he$er go outC@ sa"d >"ggns!

@S"ldom'#erry s"ldom,@ re&l"ed the #"do#!

@os you ne$er at the "te 5und"c, or the hEagle, or any of them &laceson a SundayC@


14/26

9ereu&on the enamoured >"gg"ns sa"d, @9o# ha&&y he should be,@ etc!, andthe #"do# sa"d, @She #as sure for her &art,@ etc! and so the affa"r #assettled! 7n the follo#"ng Sunday the gallant =r! >"gg"ns f"gged out, "nh"s best, escorted the del"ghted and del"ghtful =rs! >arner to that &laceof fash"onable resort, the >h"te 5ondu"t, and d"d the th"ng sohandsomely, that the lady #as u"te charmed! Seated "n one of the snug

arbors of that suburban establ"shment, she &oured out the hot tea, andthe s#a"n the most burn"ng $o#s of attachment! @=r! "gg"ns, do you takesugarC@ demanded the fa"r #"do#! @%es, my ha"ngel,@ ans#ered he,em&hat"cally! @I lo$es all #ots s#eet,@ and then he ga$e her such atender sueeFeA @+one''do''you naughty manA@ cr"ed she, ta&&"ng h"m onthe knuckles #"th the &lated sugar'tongs, and then cast do#n her eyes#"th such a rogu"sh modesty, that he re&eated the o&erat"on for the sakeof that ra$"sh"ng eH&ress"on! Po"nt"ng h"s kn"fe at a &at of butter, he&oet"cally eHcla"med, @=y heart "s j"st l"ke that''and you ha$e made ah"m&ress"on on "t as t"me #"ll ne$er &ut outA@ @I d"dnt th"nk as you#ere u"te so soft ne"ther,@ sa"d the #"do#! @I ham,@ re&l"ed thesu"tor''@and there,@ cont"nued he, cutt"ng a hot roll, and "ntroduc"ng

the &at, @I melts as eas"ly afore the glance of your beaut"ful heyesA@Resol$ed to carry on the cam&a"gn #"th s&"r"t, he called for t#o glassesof brandy and #ater, st"ff, and three c"garsA *nd no#, becom"ngsent"mental and commun"cat"$e, he declared, #"th h"s hand u&on h"s heart,that @h"f there $os a s"ngle th"ng "n l"fe as #ould make h"m com&letelyha&&y, "t $os a $"feA@

S5E;E ??I!

The 5ourtsh"& of =r! >"gg"ns!

=r! >"gg"ns #as so "ntoH"cated #"th lo$e, brandy'and'#ater and c"gars,that he scarcely kne# ho# he reached home! 9e only remembered that he#as $ery d"FFy, and that h"s charm"ng #"do#''h"s gu"de and fr"end''hadremonstrated #"th h"m u&on the ele$at"on of h"s style, and the"rregular"ty of h"s &rogress"on!

>"th h"s head "n h"s hand, and a strong @d"sh of tea@ #"thout m"lk,before h"m, he #as com&os"ng h"mself for bus"ness the follo#"ng morn"ng,#hen an uneH&ected $"s"tor #as announced!

@Please, s"r, theres =rs! >arners s boy as #ants to s&eak $"th you,@sa"d h"s landlady!

@Sho# h"m u&,@ langu"dly re&l"ed our lo$er, thro#"ng h"s ach"ng head fromh"s r"ght to h"s left hand!

@ell, "m, $ots the matterA@ demanded he''@9o#s your m"ssusC@

@She a"nt no m"ssus o m"ne no longer,@ re&l"ed "m!

@9o#C@

@I tell you $ot "t "s, s"r, she &rom"sed to g"$e me a sh"ll"n'a#eek anmy feedD an she a"nt done $un th"ng nor t otherD for Im blessd "f I


15/26

8athers go"n to summon her!@

@Its some m"stake, sureC@

@Its no m"stake tho,@ &ers"sted "m, @an I can tell you she a"nt gota farden to bless herself $"thA''an shes o$er head'and'ears "n debttoo, I can tell youD an she &ays nobody''&utt"n em all off, $"th

&rom"ses to &ay #en shes marr"ed!@

@=y heyeA@ eHcla"med the eHc"ted >"gg"ns, thro#n all a'back by th"s $eryagreeable "ntent"on u&on h"s funds!

@=ore nor that, s"r,@ cont"nued the re$engeful "m, @I kno# she th"nks asshes hooked a &reshus flat, an means to marry you outr"ght j"st for $otshe can get! *n $ont she scatter the d"bsC''thats allD shes theeHtra$agantest ooman as he$er I came an"gh to!@

@But, (dear meA ) she has a good stock''C@

@+umm"es, s"r, all dumm"es!@

@+umm"esC@

@%es, s"rD the sugars on the shel$es "s all dumm"es''#ooden uns, done u&"n &a&erA The herr"n tub "s ony got a fe# at to&''the rests allsha$"ns an #aste!''Theres &lenty o salt to be sure''but the #errysoa&'boH "s all made u&!@

@*nd sos my m"ndA@ em&hat"cally eHcla"med the deluded >"gg"ns, sla&&"ngthe breakfast'table #"th h"s clenched f"st!

@"m''"m''youre a honest lad, and theres half'a'cro#n for you''@

@Thankye for me, s"r,@ sa"d the errand'boy, gr"nn"ng #"th del"ght''@and''and youll cut the m"ssus, S"rA@

@8or e$erA''@

@9oorayA I sa"d as ho# Id ha$e my re#engeA@ cr"ed the lad, and &ull"ngthe front of h"s stra"ght ha"r, as an a&ology for a bo#, he retreatedfrom the room!

@>hat an esca&eA@ sol"lou"Fed >"gg"ns'' @Should nt I ha b"n &ro&erly

ham&eredC thats all! ;o more "ns"nn"#at"ng #"do#s for meA''@

*nd so ended the 5ourtsh"& of =r! >"gg"ns!

S5E;E ??II!

The It"nerant =us"c"an!

* #ander"ng son of *&ollo, #"th a shock"ng bad hat, enc"rcled by amelancholy &"ece of rusty cra&e, and arrayed "n garments that had onceshone #"th reno$ated s&lendour "n that mart of second'hand hab"l"ments


16/26

street by blo#"ng u&on an old clar"onet, and do"ng the 8ollo#, harkA of>eber the most &al&able "njust"ce!

The red hand of the greasy cook ta&&ed at the k"tchen'#"ndo# belo#, andshe scolded "naud"bly''but he st"ll cont"nued to amuse''h"mself, asregardless of the cooks scold"ng as of the area'ra"l"ng aga"nst #h"ch heleaned, tun"ng h"s d"scordant lay!

9"s stra"n "ndeed a&&eared endless, and he st"ll &erse$ered "n tortur"ngthe amb"ent a"r #"th, a&&arently, as l"ttle &ros&ect of blo#"ng h"mselfout as an asthmat"c man #ould &oss"bly ha$e of eHt"ngu"sh"ng a smoky l"nk#"th a #heeFe''or a hungry cadger #"thout a &ennyA

The master of the mans"on #as suffer"ng under a touch of the gout,accom&an"ed by a gna#"ng tooth'acheA''The horr"d no"se #"thout made h"strembl"ng ner$es jangle l"ke the loose str"ngs of an untuned gu"tar!

* fur"ous tug at the bell brought do#n the s"lken ro&e and brought u& anorb"cular footman!

@>"ll"am@

@%es, s"r!@

@+''' that, etc!A and send h"m to, etc!A@

@%es, s"r!@

*nd a#ay gl"ded the l"$er"ed rotund"ty!''

*&&ear"ng at the street'door, the mus"c"an took h"s "nstrument from h"s

l"&s, and, a&&roach"ng the ste&s, touched h"s sorry bea$er #"th the s"deof h"s left hand!

@Theres three'&ence for you,@ sa"d the men"al, @and master #"shes youdmo$e on!@

@Three&ence, "ndeedA@ mumbled the man! @I ne$er mo$es on under s"H&encedye th"nk I doesnt kno# the #alley o &eace and u"etnessC@

@8ello#A@ cr"ed the "rate footman, #"th a &om&ous a"r''@=aster des"res asyoull go on!@

@>erry #ell@''re&l"ed the other, touch"ng h"s hat, #h"le the domest"c#addled back, and closed the door, &lum"ng h"mself u&on ha$"ng settledthe mus"c"anD but he had no sooner $an"shed, than the stra"n #as taken u&aga"n more u&roar"ously than e$er!

7ut he rushed aga"n "n a t#"nkl"ng''

@8ello#A I say''manA $ot do you meanC@

@y, no# d"dnt you tell me to go onC@

@I meant go off!@

@Then $y dont you s&eak &la"n h"ngl"sh,@ sa"d the clar"on"stD @but, Isay, lug out tother bro#ns, or I shall say $ot the flute sa"d $en h"s


17/26

@ot $os thatC@

@y, hed be blo#d "f he #ouldA@

@%oure a o#dac"ous fello#!@

@T"&A@ #as the lacon"c ans#er, accom&an"ed by an eH&ress"$e t#"ddl"ng ofthe f"ngers!

@ell, there then,@ ans#ered the footman, reluctantly g"$"ng h"m the&r"ce of h"s s"lence!

@Thankye,@ sa"d the mus"c"an, @and "n t"me to come, old fello#, ne$er donoth"n by hal$es''ce&t "ts a cal$es headA@

S5E;E ??III!

7hA lor, heres a norr"d th"ng!

The 5onfess"ons of a S&ortsman!

@ell, for three year, as sure as the Se&tembers comes, I takes thef"eld, but someho# or another I ne$er takes noth"n elseA =y guns agood un and no m"stakeA''Percuss"ons and the best +artford, and all thattoo! =y ha"m a"nt am"ss ne"therD so theres a fault some#here, thatscerta"n! The f"rst t"me as I hentered on the "n#"gorat"ng and manly

s&ort, I $alks my #erry legs off, and sees noth"n but cro#s and thatere sort o small game!

@I $os so aggra#ated, that at last I lets fly at em "n #erry s&"te, j"stas they $os a send"n of the"r b"lls "nto an orse for a d"nner!

@BangA goes the &"eceD''ca#A ca#A goes the b"rdsD and I dessay I d"d forsome on em, but I dont kno#, for someho# I $os "n s"ch a &reshus hurryto bag my game, that I jum&s clean o$er $un bank, and by golesA &lum&"nto a d"tch on tother s"de, u& to my #erry neckA

@The mud stuck to me l"ke $aHD and f"nd"n "t all o$er $"th me, and no

chance o break"ng a co$er o th"s sort, I da#dled about t"ll dusk, and$os #erry glad to cra#l home and jum& "nto bed! I $os so &ut out thatI stayed at home the rest o that season!

@The second year come, and my hardor $os ag"n "nflamed! 5otch mea'shoot"n at cro#s, says I!''ell, a$ay I goes a'$h"stl"ng to myself,$en &resently I see a solentary b"rd on the #"ngD a &ar"#"dge, byj"ngoA says I''I cocks''&resents, and h"ts "tA 9oorayA do#n "t tumbles,and afore I could load and &r"me ag"n, a #hole lot o em comes out fromamong the trees! 9eres luck says ID and j"st shouldered my &"ece, $enI gets s"ch a $o& beh"nd as sent me at full length!

@ots that forC says I!

@ot are you a shoot"n at my &"geons forC says a great hulk"ng,


18/26

@* heH&lanat"on folleredD and "n course I &a"d the damage, $"ch stood mea matter of a su$r"n, for he sa"d hed take h"s da$y as ho# "t $os a#aluable tumblerA''I ne$er sees a go o rum and $ater but $ot I th"nkson "t! Th"s $os a s"ckener!

@The th"rd year I $os hout ag"n as fresh as a da"sy, $en I made a ha"m at

a s&arrer, or a lark, or summ"t o that k"nd''h"t "t, "n course, and $oson the &"nt o go"ng forard, $en loA on turn"ng my #"s"on ato& o thebank afore me, I seed a norr"d th"ngA''a ser&ent, or a rattle'snake, orsometh"nk a'curl"ng "tself u& and a h"ss"ng l"ke funA

@I trembled l"ke a has&en'leaf, and'd"dnt I bolt as fast as my #errylegs #ould carry me, thats allC

@S"nce that t"me I may say, #"th the cha& "n the stage'&lay, that my&arent has ke&t myself, h"s only son, at home, for I see no s&ort "n s"chr"gs, and &erfer a l"ttle &eace at home to the best gun "n the f"eldA@''

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19/26

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