The Secret to Building Rapportby Michael Beck

There’s no question that people do business with people they like, and the key to having someone like you is to build rapport with them. But sometimes, that’s easier said than done. One of the challenges to building rapport is simply understanding what “rapport” really is.

Webster’s Dictionary defines rapport as, relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity. Nice idea, but what does that really mean and how do you create that?

Is it possible to meet a stranger and within a short period of time, create a “relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity?” The answer is “Yes”, but it often requires an intention to build rapport in order to achieve it.

It’s true that sometimes we meet someone and almost immediately feel a “connection” with them. Not only do we feel that connection, but we do so without any effort. We have a natural connection. We are kindred spirits, of a sort. In other words, we naturally have a “relation characterized by harmony, conformity, accord, or affinity.” We have created rapport without even thinking about it.

But more often, we meet a person and feel no connection whatsoever with them. Even when we want to connect and “build rapport”, we are unable to do so.

Why is that? Why are we able to have almost instant rapport with some people and almost no rapport with others?

There are a number of reasons for this, but the greatest contributor to rapport lies in our “social style” and the “social styles” of others.

The secret to building rapport with others depends upon our understanding of social styles. It rests with our ability to know our own primary social style, with our ability to read the social styles of others, and with knowing how to best relate to each social style.

Generally, we tend to best relate to people who share the same primary social style as our own. To become a more masterful

communicator and to enhance our success, it is critical to become competent in reading others and then delivering our message in a way that will be best received.

A.C.E.S - the four social styles

There are four social styles, and while I know of at least a dozen labeling systems, I call them A.C.E.S., which stands for Analytical, Commander, Expressive, and Stabilizer. Allow me provide a brief overview of each style.

Analyticals are just that – very analytical. They seek perfection. They’re organized, detail-minded, and somewhat idealistic. Analyticals can become easily depressed, and are often are moody and sarcastic.

Commanders are natural leaders. They seek control. They are high achievers, can be bold and assertive, and are often very competitive. They also can be egocentric, headstrong, and short-tempered.

Expressives are people people. They seek fun. They’re animated, cheerful, and enthusiastic. They also can be loud, overly talkative, and undisciplined.

Stabilizers are relationship builders. They seek peace. You’ll often see them as accommodating, considerate and easy-going. Stabilizers will avoid conflict, sometimes at any cost.

These brief descriptions should act to give you a sense of what each style is about, but by no means is comprehensive. Each style has a full complement of strengths and weaknesses, and no one style is better than another. In addition, most of us have a primary style and a secondary style.

Although we speak of just four styles, the combinations of traits within us are almost infinite and make us all pretty complex. To truly master these principles requires a more comprehensive program than what this article can cover.

The art of reading styles

Once we’re aware of the four styles and their traits, it behooves us to learn to read them in others. Reading social styles in others is an art that

requires practice. But the rewards of being able to read others are immeasurable.

Basically, there are two ways to pick up social style clues and build a profile on someone –observing and listening. By knowing what to look for and what to listen for, we often (but not always) are able to determine another’s social style(s).

Although we can’t go into all the necessary detail here in this article, it is helpful to get a sense of how one goes about determining a person’s social styles. Here are the fundamentals:

Observing

Clues about a person’s social styles can be picked up by observing his or her clothing, body language and /or surroundings. For example, conservative clothing may suggest a person is an Analytical, flamboyant clothing almost always marks someone as an Expressive, and a “power suit” is often worn by a Commander. As for body language, the introverted styles of Analytical and Stabilizer will usually adopt “closed” postures. That is, they will often cross their arms and/or legs and will be certain to maintain their personal space.

In contrast, the extroverted styles of Commander and Expressive have no problem getting close to someone when talking to them. They may even reach out and touch the other person’s arm to make a point.

When it comes to observing surroundings, clues can be picked up on someone by being mindful of how they keep their office. For example, Analyticals keep things orderly, while Expressives may have toys on their desk.

Listening One of the easiest ways to spot someone’s social style is through their speech. By that, I mean the pace of speech, the inflections of their speech, the volume of their speech, and the words they use.

Analyticals often speak with a measured pace, maintain an even tone and volume, and will use words that they best relate to. You’ll often hear them use phrases such as: "let me have the details", "I need more facts", or "let me think about it." Commanders will speak at a much more rapid pace, louder than an Analytical, and will use expressions like: "what’s the bottom line here?"”, "get to the point" or "how long will this take?

Expressives often speak rapidly, loudly and expressively, and will often laugh and smile.Stabilizers on the other hand, will speak more slowly and softly, and will often start conversations with discussions of leisure time or family. They may use words and phrases like: "help", "team", or "work together."

Clearly this is just an overview on how to read people. Once a person masters the ability to read others, it becomes much, much easier to build rapport quickly, which, in turn, leads to greater success.

You build rapport by matching and mirroring the other person’s social style and thereby putting them at ease. This allows them to receive the information you have with a more open mind.

After all, our goal is to help others as much as possible and in order to do that we must find a way to deliver our message effectively.

Building Rapport

Start this ONLINE ASSERTIVENESS COURSE from the first page

Find out your personality type using our free personality testIdentify problem areas in your team using our Team Dynamics Assessment

How To Be More AssertiveWhat is

assertiveness'Four stylesRights and

responsibilitiesPositive beliefs

Being directExpressing

disagreement constructivelyManaging the otherperson's behaviour

by enforcinga process

Building rapportFocusing on facts

Focusing onconsequences

Stopping put-downbehaviour

Text Book TechniquesPersonal

action planning

How To Be More Assertive: Part 8It is easier to get what you need from someone (and to find out what they need) if you have a good rapport with someone. That involves:

Using active listening skills to hear what they are saying.

Making empathetic statements, that demonstrate you understand their situation and needs.

Asking them questions about their views, or the problems they see, or the reservations they have

Finding things that you have in common and talking about them

Dealing with them face to face (not by telephone or email) and looking them in the eye

Taking an interest in the whole person, and their wider interests, not just their work or the task they are currently working on.

Building rapport is analogous to strengthening a bridge over a river: the stronger the bridge, the more it can carry. That is, the better rapport that you have in a relationship with someone, the more you can ask of them.

HOME » Business » Networking  

Ten Steps to Building Instant RapportBy Kimberly Olver 

Article Word Count: 1044 [View Summary] Comments (0)

Ads by Google

Real Team Building Events A Unique Experience for Any Budget Groups Up to 500 People www.SunBuggy.com

Are You Afraid? U Could Live the life you want If you had been shown THIS... www.the-maya.com/YOUprogram

NLP - Bandler - La Valle Persuasion Engineering™ & More Full International Schedule www.PureNLP.com

NLP Trainers Training with Dr. John Grinder Co-originator of NLP www.inspiritive.com.au

Project Management Course Learn the concepts of Project Management and its benefits here! www.PMI.org.in/Enquiry

Ads by Google

Dedicated Server Rs. 6000cPanel, Plesk with Full Root Access @ 99.95% Uptime SLA. Check Offers!Ctrls.in/Dedicated-Hosting-Servers

Leadership DevelopmentIntensive executive education for leaders and senior managersexecutive-education.nus.edu

move to airtel150 million people, India’s network Move to airtel and win a surprise.airtel.in/airtelMNP

MCA-Distance EducationFind Top MCA Colleges in India.Get Info on Admission,Forms,Fees,Dates.www.Shiksha.com/MCA_Admission_2010

Creative Problem SolvingCreative Problem Solving That Works BreakThrough Thinking to Innovatewww.BreakthroughThinking.com

Simple Income PlanFree to join plus bonus points. 7 different income possibilities.www.birdtribe.ee/extras

NEC Display SolutionsIntelligent Display Solutions For Airports, Hotels, Board Rooms etc.Necindia.in/Telephony

Starting a New Business?Develop skills to start & manage new business from SPJIMR, Mumbaisyb.spjimr.org

Parachute Advansed oilProven scientifically,it grows hair 3X faster. Learn more !Parachuteadvansed.com

Cisco CCNA CertificationGet Trained in Networking From NIIT And Take Your Career Places. ApplyNIIT.com/Networking/Cisco

Negotiation programOnline program. Enhance your career prospects for business or diplomacywww.edu.iebaeurope.com

Professional CoachingAction + focus = results Design your life, begin now!www.fastforwardcoach.com

MBA in LondonMBA with 2 year Work Permit Be in London in a Month!www.Westbound.org

One year UK MBAStart in India finish in UK 2 years post study work permitwww.benthamInstitute.com

Distance MBA CollegesFind Info about Top Distance MBA Colleges and Courses. Join Nowminglebox.com/Distance-MBA

MBA's Won't Teach YouHow to Influence & Win Over The Skills they arent aware ofwww.the-maya.com/BusinessTraining

NLP - Bandler - La VallePersuasion Engineering™ & More Full International Schedulewww.PureNLP.com

Whether you are a teacher, counselor, therapist, doctor, receptionist, sales person or friend, you know the power of instant rapport. I was recently asked to give a talk about it and it challenged my thinking. I thought to myself, "I know how to build rapport. I do it quite naturally, but I'm not sure I can break it down to teach others how to do it."

What I realized is that building rapport comes natural to some and others need to work at it more. It is a skill like anything else. Some of us are born with certain skills that are more effortless than others. I have no skill in the area of construction and spatial things but I know about connecting with people. But, like any skill, if you are someone who wants to get better at developing instant rapport, you can.

Here are ten steps to get you started:

1. Like People : This is a mindset. It is difficult to develop rapport with people when you don't like them. Rapport is not something you can fake. It must be genuine or the other person will likely see through your attempts. Do a mindset check and ask yourself, "Is liking other people high on my list of priorities and in line with my values"?  

2.   Attend to Your Appearance : Janet Elsea did some research to determine the factors people first notice when they meet someone. The first three factors are things about us that cannot easily be changed: skin color, gender and age. This is what you naturally bring to all your interactions with others. The things people notice that you do have control over, in order are: appearance, facial expressions, eye contact, movement, personal space and touch. You want to be neat, well-groomed, and dressed as you would be expected to for the situation. Smile. Use direct, but not piercing eye contact. Move naturally. Be comfortable in your own skin. Allow a comfortable distance between you. In the US, this is approximately 18" for casual conversation. And give a firm but not crushing handshake, if appropriate.  

3.  Be Aware of Your Effect on People: All of what was mentioned in #2 are generalities. As guidelines, they are good to follow. However, in order to be good at developing rapport, you must be tuned in to the non-verbal cues of the person to whom you are relating. If you are allowing an 18" distance and the person keeps backing away from you, you may widen the distance or possible pop in a breathe mint! Only 10% of our communication consists of the actual words we use. Forty percent is comprised of the tone of our voice and 50% is about our body language. Attune to the other person's body language and you will learn so much about the effect you are having on them. When you aren't sure, state the observation you are making and ask the question, "I notice you keep looking at my mouth. Do I have something in my teeth"? Another possibility, "I notice you don't look at me when I talk, does my eye contact with you make you uncomfortable"? Check out your perceptions if you aren't sure of what's happening.  

4. Listen : This means more than just hearing what another person is saying, while politely waiting to insert your two cents into the conversation. This means actually listening for understanding of what the person is actually saying.  

5. Maintain an Other-Centered Conversation : This means keep the conversation focused on the other person. I know you may have a witty story to share but for the most part keep the conversation on the other person. People generally will feel good about a conversation in which they've had the opportunity to talk about themselves.  

6. Become Empathic : This refers to the skill of listening to the words a person is saying and identifying the underlying emotion of what they are actually communicating and then being able to reflect that emotion back to the person.  

7. Know a Little about a Lot of Things : The more knowledgeable you can be about a variety of subjects, the more opportunities you will have to connect with people. If you know a little something about current events, politics, sports, movies, music, celebrities, the economy, culture, people, etc. you will be able to interject small comments into many conversations and find a point of commonality with others.  

8. Suspend Value Judgments/Develop Curiosity Instead : One of the things that gets us into so much trouble in our human relationships is what I call righteousness. It's the belief that our way is the "right" way and everyone else is "wrong." You may have an immediate defense to this statement and think, "I don't do that" but the reality is, we all do. In rapport building, what's best is to recognize righteousness when it rears its ugly head and switch it over to curiosity and become interested in understanding how the other person sees and does things differently than you instead of wrongly.  

9. Learn about Multi-Cultural Issues : Given the vast array of different groups of people available to you on a daily basis, some degree of cultural sensitivity is necessary to navigate through the world if building rapport is your goal. You may want to know that in Asian culture direct eye contact is typically a sign of disrespect. You may want to know that telling a Black man you didn't even "notice" his skin color may be offensive. Develop a curiosity and you can learn these things as you go.  

10. Create a Need-Satisfying Environment : In Dr. William Glasser's Choice Theory, he speaks of five basic needs that all humans have. I believe you will increase your likelihood of building instant rapport if you attend to creating ways for people to get these needs meet within their conversation with you.

The needs are survival, love & belonging, power, freedom and fun. You want people to feel safe (survival) with you so make yourself as non-threatening as possible. You want them to feel connected (love & belonging) to you and that you care about their well-being. You want them to feel listened to, respected and important (power). You want them to have choices (freedom) and to have some fun and/or learning (fun ) going on with you.

Kim Olver is a life, relationship and executive coach. Her mission is to help people get along better with the important people in their lives. She teaches people how to live from the inside out by empowering them to focus on the things they can change. She in an internationally recognized speaker, having worked in Australia and the continent of Africa, as well as all over the United States. She has consulted with the NBA and other major league player development specialists. She is the author of Leveraging Diversity at Workand the forthcoming book, Relationship Empowerment. She co-authored a book with Ken Blanchard, Les Brown, Mark Victor Hansen and Byron Katie, entitled 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life. She works with individuals, couples, parents, social service agencies, schools, corporations and the military--anyone who will benefit from gaining more effective control over their lives. She has consulted on relationships, parenting, self-development, training, leadership development, diversity, treatment programs and management styles. For more information about Kim go to Coaching for Excellence

Secrets Of Building Rapportby Peter Saks on May 8, 2009

This part of my website is fully devoted to building rapport. That is establishing connection with the other person. It's a very valuable psychological concept, it allows you

to "get in sync" with newly met individual. You can hear a lot of missconceptions about rapport, that is why I will try to make it clearer for you.

Articles on this site have been grouped in a way that will help you to understand concepts of rapport building. We will start from covering basics like what is rapport and how to build it and than talk about more advanced techniques like mirroring, leading or matching, covering all the important nuances.

That is why it's very important for you to read these articles one by one, this way you will gain as much as you can out of it.

Introduction to Building RapportThis text is introduction to building rapport, explaining what are the indications of good rapport between two people, which is crucial if you want to create incredibly deep, best friend like connection with the other person in minutes.

Rapport Building TechniquesThis article expands concepts from the former one, giving you exact techniques on how to build rapport. This are the foundation of your future success with rapport.

The Most Common Rapport Building MistakesIf you want to increase your success in building rapport with other people, you have to discover few of the most common mistakes made by rookies. If you will not read it, you are risking a catastrophic failure in your friendship building efforts.

The Most Important Rule of Rapport BuildingThis is probably the most important rule of rapport building, if you will not include it in your arsenal, it will be nearly impossible for you to create connection with the other person. Apart from rapport advantages, this psychological phenomenon will have a great impact on your life overall.

As for now it's all, however you should expect much more advanced articles to come. If you would like to learn more about how to hypnotize other people, feel free to read articles in other sections of my website.

Building Rapport

Rapport is the ultimate tool for producing results with other people and thus it is so

vital for effective communications.

Whether you know the person or not, there are 6 main steps to establishing rapport

with anyone.

When you bear in mind that 93% of all communication is down to the tonality of

your voice and your body language, building rapport is far more than just talking

about common experiences.

It’s an important point to remember but people like people when they are

like themselves and when they are not it so much more difficult to have

any sort of relationship with that person never mind an effective one!

Have you ever had times in your past when building rapport was so easy?

I bet you’ve also had times when you thought, “Oh, what am I going to do and say

next?”

We have all been there!

We have also all been there when you’ve wanted to be quiet and relaxed when all of

a sudden a friend or colleague comes jumping in and full of energy, wanting to talk

your head off? How did you feel?

I bet there have also been times when you’ve been full of energy and the other

person wants to relax! You go arrggghhhhh!Ok, so let’s get to the 6 things you need to do to build rapport.

1. Match the persons sensory modality

What I mean here is to match and mirror the way that they think and talk.

Remember when we were talking about visual, auditory and kinesthetic modalities?

Well, this is about putting it into practice.

Listen for the indicator words that the person is using and use words/phrases from

the same modality.

Also, look out for eye movements to spot thinking patterns.

2. Mirror the persons Physiology

By copying the persons posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, movements and

even their eye blinking, will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind that

this person is like me!

3. Matching their voice

You should match the tone, tempo, timbre and the volume of the person’s voice.

You should also make use of matching the key words that they use a lot.

Examples of this may be: “Alright”, “Actually”, “You know what I mean”

4. Matching their breathing

You should match the persons breathing to the same pace. Matching the in and out

breath.

5. Matching how they deal with information

You should match persons CHUNK SIZE of how they deal with information.

For example are they detailed or do they talk and think in big pictures.

If you get this wrong you will find it very difficult indeed to build rapport as the

detailed person will be yearning for more information and the big picture person will

soon be yawning!

6. Matching common experiences

After all, what are you going to talk about!

This is all about finding some commonality to talk about. Matching experiences,

interests, backgrounds, values and beliefs.

One point to bare in mind is that you need to be subtle when you are matching and

mirroring. Don’t go over the top!Typically however, the other person will be fo cussing so much on what they have to

say that they will not even notice.

Calibration is one way of determining whether you are in rapport with someone.

This basically means that you need to develop your ability to notice to such an extent

that you can begin to see people’s reactions to communications.

If the person seems to be comfortable with what you are doing, more than likely you

are building rapport.

Look at for their eye movement, the muscles around the eyes, their lip movement,

and twitches or changes in breathing.

Increasing levels of rapport

Matching Modalities

Matching the persons physiology

Matching their voice

Matching their breathing patterns

Matching how they deal with information

Chunk Size

Matching common experiences

MEGA RAPPORT LEVELS!!!!!!!!So test it all out!

Next time is all about HOW TO MAKE SMALL TALK with people!

It will be an enlightening experience believe me!

BUILDING RAPPORT

Author Unknown*

(BBB Autism Support Network; printable article #2)

We say that two people have established rapport when closeness, empathy and mutual liking characterize their

relationship. In the absence of rapport, people may show little interest in interacting spontaneously and enthusiastically

with one another.

As we see next, rapport building is a critical feature of our approach to intervention. It is an ongoing part of the

intervention, not just a stage that occurs once at the beginning and is then dropped.

Furthermore, rapport building is not a mechanical set of procedures but is based on sharing, cooperation, and mutual

give-and-take. Because rapport involves an interactive relationship, it helps to overcome the passivity that people with

disabilities often show or, worse, are encouraged to show. Rapport is therefore an important part of a communicationbased approach to intervention, which assumes a speaker and a listener who want to interact with one another.

The presence of either the speaker of the listener acts as a signal (or “discriminative stimulus” in scientific terminology)

for the other person to initiate and maintain communication. The signal or cue is effective because in the past the

speaker and the listener have shared a variety of enjoyable activities and events through communicating with one

another.

Sometimes, however, the presence of one person does not signal to the other person that communicative behavior will

pay off. There are several reasons why this situation might develop. For example, a parent may have a long history of

battling with a child at meals or at bedtime. Because of this negative history, the presence of the parent in these

contexts becomes a signal for problem behavior rather than a signal for communication. A second example concerns a

new staff member in a group home who is just getting to know a particular resident. The two individuals have not yet

established a relationship in which communication is reliably followed by pleasant interactions. Therefore the presence of

the staff member may be a signal for the resident to seek out other people and activities, in effect ignoring the new staff

member rather than communicating with him or her.

In situations such as these two, it may be worthwhile to consider using the following rapport-building procedures.

MAKE YOURSELF INTO A SIGNAL FOR REINFORCEMENT

If you associate yourself repeatedly with a wide variety of activities, people and things that the person values, then

eventually your presence will become a signal that many rewarding activities and events are available with you. (In

technical terms, your presence becomes a “generalized reinforcer”) The purpose of associating yourself with positive

experiences is to begin reversing any hostility or indifference that the person with disabilities may feel toward you. In

time, that person will view you as someone worth attending to and interacting with.

EXAMPLE: VAL

At first, Val had a poor relationship with Joan. Sometimes, Joan would angrily tell Val to stop spitting and cursing. Also,

when Val hit others or grabbed someone’s hair, Joan and her aides would have to restrain Val momentarily for protection.

Because Val did not like to be held in this manner, she frequently became angrier and even more aggressive toward Joan.

Over time, Joan became a person Val tried to avoid.

To remedy this situation, Joan began by drawing up a list of things that she thought Val enjoyed the most. The list

included singing, doing her nails, putting on cosmetics, and talking with Val about weekend activities at home as well as

her artwork. BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK

www.bbbautism.com

My Documents//printable_articles/article_2_building_rapport

2

During the first few days of rapport building, Joan provided these activities to Val without asking her to do anything to

get them (“reinforcers were dispensed noncontingently,” in scientific terms.) Joan helped Val to put on cosmetics. She

turned on some popular music and san songs with Val.

Because Val liked to get strong reactions from others (such as she got whenever she displayed problem behavior), Joan

made sure that whenever she and Val were talking, the conversation generated a strong reaction from her. For example,

when the two were talking about Val’s weekend shopping expedition, Joan was enthusiastic and animated rather than

quiet and matter-of-fact. Joan knew that she was beginning to make progress when Val began to laugh regularly and

make conversation spontaneously in the context of these activities.

EXAMPLE: JUAN

When Bill joined the group home, he was assigned to work closely with Juan in order to enhance Juan’s community living

skills. The other staff told Bill that Juan was for the most part indifferent to social interaction. This made it difficult for

Bill to establish rapport with Juan.

At first, Juan completely ignored bill and spent most of his time sitting on the couch, starting at the television. To remedy

this situation, Bill found out from the other staff what sorts of things Juan Liked. Also, he observed Juan for himself. Bill

was able to develop a list of things that Juan liked that included food items such as ice cream, cookies, juice, and

oranges. Contrary to what the other staff had said, it appeared that Juan sometimes liked people to talk to him in a

friendly way although he could not talk. Bill began to build rapport by going up to Juan and handing him some cookies

and orange slices. As fast as Juan ate them, Bill was there with more. While Juan was eating, Bill kept up a steady

stream of talk about life in the home and aspects of life in the community that Juan had recently experienced, such as

neighborhood walks and going shopping. After a few days of this type of interaction, Juan was paying attention to Bill

whenever Bill entered the room and was more interested in being near Bill than in sitting on the couch in front of the

television.

COMMENT: SOME INITIAL ISSUES IN RAPPORT-BUILDING

Val is an example of an individual whose history of negative interactions with other people could prevent communication

skills from developing further. Juan is an example of an individual whose lack of experience in interacting with another

person could prevent the development of communication skills. \

Although Val was a rather friendly, social person and Juan was not, rapport building was essential for both in order to

provide a foundation on which to build genuine communicative interaction.

Val liked to talk about her artwork but Juan did not. Therefore, artwork was a conversational topic in working with Val but

not in working with Juan. Juan liked oranges but Val was not interested in them. Therefore, oranges were freely given

out to Juan but were not part of any interaction with Val. Do not assume that what one person likes is what everyone

likes. If you do, you will not be treating the person as an individual and rapport probably will not develop.

In the beginning, provide situations that the person likes without conditions (noncontingently). Do not ask the person

with disabilities to earn these reinforcers or to ask for them. If you do, he or she may refuse to work and a battle will

begin. Also, he or she may not yet know how to ask for the things he or she likes and may become frustrated and

tantrum.

In either case, any rapport building will come to an end. The idea at this stage is for the person with disabilities to learn

that you are associated with many positive, interesting, and valued experiences and are definitely someone worth paying

attention to.

Rapport building is not something that you do once and then drop in order to move on to something else. Rather, it is

something that must continue as long as you have a relationship with the person with disabilities. The initial rapport-BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK

www.bbbautism.com

My Documents//printable_articles/article_2_building_rapport

3

building procedure that we just described should take place many times each day. Typically, we have used this initial

procedure to 2 or 3 days before adding to it.

How will you know when you are succeeding? You will know when the person becomes more responsive to you. He or

she will look at you more often, stay close to you, and continue to interact with you, not walk away, once you have

approached him or her. He or she will seem happy to see you and smile, laugh, or, if verbal, talk to you when you are

around and ask for you when you are not around. In short, the person will appear to be enjoying him/herself around

you.

The last point, concerning enjoyment and happiness, is important and deserves further comment. Rapport building is not

a mechanical procedure. You should not become a vending machine dispensing positive experiences. The idea is for you

and the individual to interact with one another within a context of sharing entertaining and rewarding activities and

generally enjoying each other’s company. These interactions may strike you or others as “goofing off,” but that is not a

problem as long as it leads to an ongoing positive relationship. Ultimately, rapport building is intended to establish a

friendship that can provide a basis for teaching that person that there are other ways besides problem behavior for

achieving important goals. Therefore, spontaneous, enthusiastic and emotionally satisfying interactions are the hallmark

of success in building rapport.

Checklist of Things To Do

1. Draw up a list of activities and items such as foods, games and topics of conversation that are preferred by

the person with whom you are working. (These are known as “individualized reinforcers.”

2. Provide these reinforcers for free. Do not ask the person to work for them and do not make the person

request them. The aim is not just to carry out technical procedures but rather for both parties to enjoy

themselves. Rapport building should continue throughout the entire intervention process. It is ongoing.

3. Continue to provide the activities and items for several days (however long it takes) until successful. Success

means that the person looks at you when you are nearby, tries to stay close to you, continues to interact with

you after you have approached, and talks to you if he or she can. Success also means that he or she will

smile and laugh when you are around and otherwise seems to enjoy your company. With autistic kids,

“autistic leading” is a prime indicator that rapport has been built.

MAKE YOURSELF INTO A SIGNAL FOR APPROACH AND SIMPLE COMMUNICATION

Now that the person with disabilities is consistently paying attention to you, it is time to ensure that he or she will initiate

interacts. You want the person to approach you when appropriate and ultimately to communicate with you in any way

that he or she can. In this phase of intervention, the person begins to learn that he or she can influence you in order to

get things of value (reinforcers) without resorting to problem behavior.

EXAMPLE: JUAN

When Juan had learned to attend to Bill whenever Bill entered the room, Bill decided that it was time for Juan to learn to

initiate interactions.

Until now, Bill had initiated all the interactions. Now, when Bill entered a room, he would stand 5 to 10 feet away from

Juan and wait for him to approach. At first, Juan looked eagerly at Bill but did not move toward him. After one or two

minutes, Juan became impatient and made some grunting sounds. Bill still did not move. At this point, Juan got out of

his chair and walked over to Bill. Bill immediately responded by giving Juan some coffee and cookies and talking to him

about the day’s events. BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK

www.bbbautism.com

My Documents//printable_articles/article_2_building_rapport

4

Over the next 2 days Bill repeated this procedure at least a dozen times using a variety of items. When Juan was reliably

approaching Bill, they went on to the next step: when Juan approached Bill, Bill did not offer any reinforcers. After a

minute, Juan said, “Orngy,” a word that Bill recognized as “orange.” Bill immediately gave Juan an orange slice and

began talking to him.

Since Juan had almost no speech, Bill was constantly on the lookout for word approximations to which he could respond.

Another opportunity came an hour later when Juan approached Bill and asked for “keem,” an approximation of ice cream.

Again, Bill gave Juan what he wanted and started talking to him about his favorite flavors of ice cream.

During the next 3 days, Bill repeated the procedure several dozen times. By the end of this phase, Juan was reliably

approaching Bill and using all of his word approximations, at various times, to request desired foods and activities. Juan

was on his way to learning that there was a direct relationship between saying specific words (“orngy”) and obtaining

specific consequences (getting an orange to eat).

EXAMPLE: GARY

Gary’s mother, Mrs. Ibsen, had been successful in getting Gary to attend to her and now she wanted to move on to the

next stage of rapport building. She had taught Gary to approach her using the procedure just described for Juan. When

approach was established in this way, she decided it was time to encourage simple communication. Because Gary, unlike

Juan, could talk, Mrs. Ibsen now required that Gary talk before she would give him what he wanted.

When Gary approached her and looked at his tape recorder up on the shelf, Mrs. Ibsen smiled at him but did not provide

the recorder.

After less than a minute, Gary said, in a loud voice, “Music, please,” and Mrs. Ibsen immediately handed him the

recorder, allowing him to put in his favorite tape and play it. While the tape ran, Mrs. Ibsen sang along with Gary and

later talked to him about the songs to which they had listened.

A few hours later, Gary approached his mother in the kitchen while she was preparing food. Mrs. Ibsen repeated what

she had done earlier, waiting for Gary to say something. When Gary remained silent for about 30 seconds, Mrs. Ibsen

looked at him and said, “Sandwich?” When Gary repeated this statement, Mrs. Ibsen said, “Sure, Gary,” and handed him

the bread, mayonnaise, lettuce, and turkey so that Gary could make a sandwich for himself.

The next day, in the same situation, Mrs. Ibsen did not have to cue Gary to ask for a sandwich. He spontaneously

requested one. Over the next few days, Gary began to request many different things after he approached his mother

and she honored all of his requests.

COMMENT: LINKING RAPPORT-BUILDING AND COMMUNICATION

People with developmental disabilities are often not encouraged to take an active role in controlling their own lives. It is

sometimes easier to do things for them and this approach encourages them to be passive. To counteract this passivity, it

is important not to be satisfied when your child, student, or group home resident, for example, simply pays attention to

you and appears happy to see you.

You must move beyond this beginning level of rapport building and make yourself into a signal for approach and

communication, a signal that works because you are associated with many positive, valued and interesting things.

When you are establishing this part of intervention, you may find that behavior problems continue to occur. If this

happens, ask yourself if you are demanding too much of the person. For example, Bill could have withheld oranges when

Juan said “orngy” and made him pronounce the word better. That would have been a pointless strategy because it would

have delayed his getting what he wanted for too long, causing him to become frustrated and possibly aggressive. Later

in the intervention, you can make more demands on the person, but for now the idea is to encourage him or her to use BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK

www.bbbautism.com

My Documents//printable_articles/article_2_building_rapport

5

whatever communication he or she has in order to influence you. This strategy teaches the person that positive approach

and communication pay off and therefore problem behavior is not necessary.

Sometimes, as with Gary, the person does not ask for what he or she wants, although you know that the person knows

how to ask. If this situation develops, do what Gary’s mother did. That is, help (prompt) the person to make the request.

Do not use this procedure every time, however, because then the person may always wait for you to provide prompts

and become too passive. Instead, wait up to 60 seconds before providing the prompt, or prompt only every second or

third time that the person fails to make the request. If you adopt this strategy, the person will soon learn that it is better

to communicate right away because not communication simply means that one has to wait until one’s mother or teacher

decides to give a prompt and that could mean waiting a long time.

Communication takes many forms. Clearly the way that Juan communicated was very different from the way that Gary

communicated. If the person with whom you are working does not speak, you can still carry out this phase of rapport

building. However, instead of waiting for the person to use speech, you may have to accept grunts, accompanied and/or

pointing, simple sign language, picture cards or perhaps allow the person to lead you by the hand to where the desired

object or activity is (a.k.a. “autistic leading”) The important thing is to honor whatever type of communication the person

is able to use.

How will you know if you are successful? The answer is that the person will nag you a lot by approaching you frequently

and making requests. You will probably find this developmental annoying at times because it prevents you from doing

other things. But ask yourself this question: Would you rather be nagged or punched in the face? Would you rather be

nagged or have the person bang his or her head in front of you until he or she is bloody?

Most people learn to tolerate the nagging because it is short term and decreases problem behavior. If the nagging is too

much for you, try to break up the day so that other people are available to assume part of the responsibility. In any case,

remember that this phase of intervention lasts only a few days and soon you will have an opportunity to use additional

interventions that will sharply reduce nagging.

Checklist of Things To Do

1. Wait for the person to approach you before providing free reinforcers, and continue this procedure for a few

days.

2. Once the person is reliably approaching you, wait for up to 1 minute for him/her to make a request and then

provide the reinforcer. The form of the request does not have to be speech; it can be sign language,

gesture, PECS or any communication the person can use.

3. If the person does not make a request within 1 minute, use a prompt. Do not overdo prompting, but prompt

intermittently as necessary and/or wait up to 1 minute before providing the prompt.

4. Monitor for success. Success means that the person is frequently approaching you to make requests.

Remember nagging can be annoying but it is temporary and better than self-injury and aggression.

HELP THE PERSON WITH DISABILITIES TO BECOME LIKEABLE TO YOU

We have been focusing on ways to make yourself likeable to the person with disabilities. An equally important point,

frequently overlooked, is that the person with disabilities should be likeable to you. In order for you to encourage

communication, you must be a responsive listener. You are not likely to be responsive if you do not like the other person.

Instead, you may avoid him or her wherever possible and try to keep you social interaction to a minimum. The result is

that neither communication skills nor friendships are being built.

In reality, many teachers and direct support staff find some people with disabilities physically unattractive, boring, or

fearsome. It is not good to deny these feelings when they exist by assuming that one ought not to have them. When BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK

www.bbbautism.com

My Documents//printable_articles/article_2_building_rapport

6

these feelings exist, they often lead to a pattern of avoidance and even rejection. Therefore, it is better to be honest and

acknowledge the feelings by actively confronting them. In our culture, friendship formation often depends on

considerations of personal appearance and sheared interests. Therefore, we will concentrate on these two factors.

EXAMPLE: PERSONAL APPEARANCE; JUAN

Juan was physically unattractive to most people in his group home. His clothes had a disheveled, institutional appearance

and did not reflect community standards of how a person his age should dress.

His face was covered with acne and his hair was unkempt. Juan frequently had body odor and sometimes-bad breath as

well. His table manners were poor and he frequently got food on his clothing and in his hair. At several meetings some

staff admitted that although they had been successful in getting Juan to approach them and communicate, they were

uncomfortable when Juan did come near because of his appearance and personal hygiene.

Staff was assured by the group home manager that their reactions to Juan were natural given societal values and that

they should not feel ashamed. Instead, the manager said that the staff members should ask themselves what

expectations they have for physical appearance and personal hygiene for people who did not have disabilities, for

example their friends and relatives. The expectations that the staff had for persons without disabilities became the basis

for developing a program for Juan to ensure that whenever possible he would be helped to the same standards as people

who did not have disabilities.

The program that was developed for Juan had several elements. First, many of his clothes were given away for recycling.

Then, Juan was taken periodically to the shopping mall, and staff presented him with a number of plausible options for

clothing. If Juan indicated a preference for an item, that item was purchased. If not, the staff made the choice.

The goal of these outings was to select clothing that would evoke positive comments from the people with whom Juan

interacted daily. A competition ensued among the staff to see who could help Juan select the most socially admired

wardrobe.

Second, Juan was taken to the dermatologist who prescribed medication for his acne, which subsequently cleared up.

Third, a program was put into effect that systematically monitored and taught Juan to brush his teeth several times a day

as well as to floss. Showering skills were another target of intervention as was the application of deodorant.

Grooming intervention also included regular visits to a barber who focused on giving Juan a stylish but subdued haircut.

Juan learned to brush and comb his hair as needed and his progress in this area was also monitored. Finally, a schedule

was developed for improving Juan’s table manners and cleanliness.

COMMENT: PERSONAL APPEARANCE IS A SERIOUS CONSIDERATION

Some people may reject the focus on grooming or clothing as shallow and beneath the dignity of anyone who is serious

about trying to help individuals with disabilities. That attitude is a mistake. That attitude implies that we ought to have

lower expectations for certain individuals just because they have disabilities. It is equivalent to making excuses for these

individuals based on the notion that in some basic way they are different.

Making excuses is demeaning, counterproductive, and unnecessary. It is demeaning because it sets people with

disabilities apart from the rest of us and is therefore a form of rejection.

It is counterproductive because making excuses ensures that nothing is done about the impact the individual has on

others and therefore new learning experiences and the possibility of forming friendships with others is denied. BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK

www.bbbautism.com

My Documents//printable_articles/article_2_building_rapport

7

It is unnecessary because many programs can effectively teach an individual with disabilities how to fit in better with

community standards and, therefore, to make that individual more likeable to others.

Of course, an improvement in physical appearance does not by itself guarantee likeability and there are some aspects of

appearance that cannot be changed. Nonetheless, addressing this issue can sometimes start the process of helping the

person to be accepted by others. For example, staff enjoyed the shopping outings with Juan and he became a center of

attention when he put on his new clothes and when he was later seen by others in them.

His clothing became a topic of conversation and, although he could not speak, Juan appeared to enjoy being the star

attraction.

We would like to also note that when the staff took Juan to the shopping mall to buy new clothes, they were effectively

beginning the process of broadening his life. Juan had previously been excluded from most community outings. Now, he

was provided with the experience of shopping in the community mall, of going for haircuts, and of being see in public as

the well groomed, well-dressed man he had become.

Furthermore, Juan experienced an increase in personal control since he was asked to indicate, for instance, what his

clothing preferences were and which aftershave lotion he liked best. Juan’s stylish haircut, the scent of his aftershave

lotion, and his improved complexion had a positive effect on the attitude of others toward him.

These factors as well as the dramatic gains he made in the area of personal hygiene changed the way people viewed him.

He now seemed much more like other people in the community and staff became more responsive to his approaches and

his communicative overtures.

Indeed, based on the example of Juan, you may want to consider improving likeability before you try to enhance

approach and communication. If you feel that an individual’s personal appearance is so unacceptable by community

standards that few people would want to interact with him/her, then you may want to address acceptability as your first

priority, only later focusing on approach and communication.

Checklist of Things To Do

1. Draw up a list of reasons why you do not want to interact more with the person with disabilities. The list

may include many things such as personal hygiene, grooming, style of clothing, and physical condition.

2. For each reason, write down what would need to change in order for you to feel like interacting more with

the person, for example, eliminating body odor.

3. Draw up a plan to achieve each goal, for example, to teach the person to shower more effectively and to use

deodorant on a regular basis.

4. Maintain all programs and monitor for success. Success means that you no longer feel uncomfortable about

the person’s physical appearance and more readily accept approaches and communicative overtures from the

person. In addition, the focus on improved physical appearance provides opportunities for additional

community outings and a more varied life.

EXAMPLE: SHARED INTERESTS; GARY

Gary’s family often looked forward to respite care for Gary so that they could leave the house and pursue their

independent interests.

For years, they had viewed Gary as someone they had to take care of rather than someone with whom they could enjoy

life.

Gary’s mother, Mrs. Ibsen, had spoken of this problem openly and with some guilt. BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK

www.bbbautism.com

My Documents//printable_articles/article_2_building_rapport

8

One day, the behavior consultant with whom Mrs. Ibsen was working pointed out that perhaps the family found Gary

boring. After some discussion, everyone in the family agreed that it was more fun to be with someone who had the same

interests, and each member of the family thought about what activities both they and Gary could share.

Gary’s brother loved rock music and so did Gary, so several times a week Gary and his brother listened to rock music

together. Gary’s brother did not see this activity as a burden since it was something that he liked to do anyway. Gary

and his brother shared a common interest and enjoyed singing together, collecting rock posters, and occasionally going to

concerts.

Gary’s father did not like rock music, but he was an avid jogger. Gary’s father noticed that his son would sometimes

imitate him when he saw his father jogging. Therefore, it seemed reasonable that Gary and his father would go to the

neighborhood park several times a week and run around the track. To everyone’s surprise, Gary liked this activity and

seemed happy whenever his father invited him to go to the park. Gary and his father shared a common interest and

Gary frequently asked to go jogging. He developed curiosity about the equipment that went along with jogging (running

gear, stop watches, water bottles) and his father and he would sometimes talk about these things.

Mrs. Ibsen and her daughter were not interested in either rock music or jogging but enjoyed weekly expeditions to the

pizza parlor. Because Gary loved pizza too, it seemed reasonable that he would accompany his mother and sister to the

pizza parlor and eat there as a part of a family outing. While there, Gary talked about the food a lot and gradually

learned about many topping possibilities.

COMMENT: SHARED INTERESTS MAY SERVE MANY POSITIVE FUNCTIONS

Shared interests are the basis for liking and friendship among people who do not have disabilities and there is no reason

why they should not also be the basis for developing liking and friendship for people who do have disabilities.

It is unreasonable and unnecessary to expect parents, teachers, or residential staff to befriend a person with disabilities

who does not share any interests with them. With a little effort, it is frequently possible to identify several activities that

are mutually enjoyable and that can serve as a basis for genuine liking and spontaneous interaction. In addition, as the

example makes clear, common interests also serve as a springboard for developing communication skills because there is

something that both partners want to talk about.

Shared interests also provided a springboard for enhancing Gary’s lifestyle. In the past, Gary spent most of his time

sitting at home, not participating in community activities. Now, he attended concerts with his brother, jogged in the

neighborhood with his father, and frequented the local pizzeria with his mother and sister.

People in the community began to recognize Gary and there was greater variety in his social circle. His brother’s friends

talked to him about music. The regulars in the park greeted him as he jogged with his father and asked how his training

was going. Occasionally, other people would join Gary and his father, jogging along with them, and adding further

opportunities to socialize.

The staff at the pizzeria as well as some of the other customers made small talk with Gary, especially as they got to know

him better.

In general, Gary experienced greater personal control. For example, he helped choose new tapes with his brother and

was involved in planning concert outings. He got to pick the jogging route each day and was in charge of the jogging

gear. He chose half of the toppings at each pizzeria visit, ordered the food, and began learning to count money and pay

for the food.

As with Juan, rapport building provided an early opportunity in intervention for people around Gary to enable him to

expand his life and to allow him to experience more control over his life. BBB AUTISM SUPPORT NETWORK

www.bbbautism.com

My Documents//printable_articles/article_2_building_rapport

9

Checklist of Things To Do

1. Draw up a list of activities that are of common interest to the person with disabilities and the person without

disabilities.

2. Whenever possible, try to match the two people so that they frequently engage in activities that are mutually

enjoyable.

3. Continue the procedure on an ongoing basis and monitor for success. Success means that the person with

disabilities frequently requests that the other person join him or her in the desired activity and that the

person without disabilities frequently initiates the activity spontaneously, appearing happy to do so. In

addition, the focus on shared interests provides opportunities for additional community outings, great

personal control, and, in general, a more varied life.

I would love to credit this author, but I received this as a handout at a workshop once and there was no

information on it other than “Chapter 7”.

If anyone recognizes it please contact me with the name of the book and the author. Thank you, Liz

(elkowen_99@yahoo.com)

A notice to our readers...

The founders and contributors of BBB Autism Support Network are not physicians; we are parents contributing

in a totally voluntary capacity.

This article may reference books, other articles and websites that may be of interest to the reader. The editor makes

no presentation or warranty with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the information contained on any of these

websites, articles or in the books, and specifically disclaims any liability for any information contained on, or omissions

from, these articles books or websites. Reference to them herein shall not be construed to be an endorsement of these

web sites or books or of the information contained thereon, by the editor.

RapportFrom Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

For other uses, see Rapport (disambiguation).

Look

up rapport in Wiktionary, the

free dictionary.

Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of subconscious communication. It is

commonality of perspective: being "in sync" with, or being "on the same wavelength" as the person with whom

you are talking.

There are a number of techniques that are supposed to be beneficial in building rapport such

as: matching your body language (i.e., posture,gesture, etc.); maintaining eye contact; and

matching breathing rhythm. Some of these techniques are exploited in neuro-linguistic programming.[1]

A classic if unusual example of rapport can be found in the book Uncommon Therapy by Jay Haley, about

the psychotherapeutic intervention techniques of Milton Erickson. Erickson developed the ability to enter the

world view of his patients and, from that vantage point (having established rapport), he was able to make

extremely effective interventions (to help his patients overcome life problems).

Contents

[hide]

1 Building rapport

o 1.1 Methods

2 See also

3 References

4 External links

[edit]Building rapport

Building rapport is one of the most fundamental sales techniques. In sales, rapport is used to build relationships

with others quickly and to gain their trust and confidence. It is a very powerful tool that veteran salespeople

naturally employ, which allows them to close more deals with less effort.

[edit]Methods

Mirroring

Mirroring means getting into rhythm with the person on as many levels as possible.[2]

Emotional Mirroring - Empathizing with someone's emotional state by being on 'their side'. You must apply the

skill of being a good listener in this situation so as you can listen for key words and problems that arise when

speaking with the person. This is so you can talk about these issues and question them to better your

understanding of what they are saying and show your empathy towards them (Arnold, E and Boggs, K. 2007).

Posture mirroring - Matching the tone of a person's body language not through direct imitation, as this can

appear as mockery, but through mirorring the general message of their posture and energy.

Tone and Tempo Mirroring Matching the tone, tempo, inflection, and volume of a person's voice.

Reciprocity

Giving gifts or doing favors without asking for something in return triggers feelings of obligation [3]

Commonality

Commonality is the technique of deliberately finding something in common with a person or a customer in order

to build a sense of comeradery and trust. This is done through shared interests, dislikes, and situations. [4]

The Importance of Rapport BuildingRapport building can be done by matching and mirroring a person’s expressions such as physiology that includes breathing, gestures, posture and facial expressions; tonality that includes quality, speed, pitch and volume; and words that comprise of predicates used.

Rapport building skills can be used in any area of your life and on any person, as per Neuro-linguistic courses. Rapport building might be required within your family, for your spouse or children. You can avoid conflicts with your spouse or better understand the thought processes of your child once a good rapport is developed. It is very important in professional life as well, for getting along with superiors, teammates and subordinates. Rapport building is vital to group meetings, discussions or decision-making, where a good rapport can avoid conflicts, misunderstandings and arguments.  Using Neuro-linguistic training, you can establish a good rapport with your team leader, or leader of a group.

After a strong rapport is built, you can better express your ideas and viewpoints to the leader, and the leader will be able to understand and acknowledge your efforts and skills.

Sponsored Links

ConclusionAs per Neuro-linguistic courses; in order to establish that a rapport has been built with a person; you can test and monitor certain indications. After you mirror and match your physiology, tonality and words to the other person, you might experience an initial uncomfortable feeling in your stomach. This feeling will later on be replaced with a feeling of warmth and unity. You will detect a color change in the person, as well as a blushing feeling within you. You will start to feel comfortable with the other person. Using Neuro-linguistic training, a connection will be formed through which you will be able to understand the implicit thoughts of the person. The other person might express a similar feeling in words, indicating that he too is now feeling at home.

Finally try to make a change in your position or voice. If you take the lead, find out if the other person will follow. You can do something different, such as scratching your ear, shifting into a new position or changing your pitch or tone of voice. Once a good rapport has been built, the other person will unconsciously follow you. He will try to match your action, by shifting position or changing his tone as well. When these tests are successful, it indicates that a solid rapport has been built.

Rapport building is an integral part of the communication process. Lack, or absence, of rapport can

fundamentally affect the outcome of any conversation.  Christine Knott shares her top tips with us…Isn’t it

true that sometimes we just ‘click’ with some people and get on really well with them? In such instances

the conversation runs smoothly, it is enjoyable and the results are so much better than when the

communication is strained and we fail to ‘gel’ with the person we are talking to.

Telephone conversations in call centres are a prime example of how rapport can help the outcome. You

may have a limited time to allocate to your caller so you need to use that time effectively to get the

information you need to be able to provide the best service. Good rapport will get you there faster.

Good rapport isn’t about ‘making best friends’ with your caller. It means creating a comfortable ‘state’

where all parties converse freely and comfortably. The extra benefit is that it makes the time you spend

with your caller more enjoyable.

Here are some tips for creating good rapport.

Open the call with a smileBelieve it, a smile can be heard and a ‘smiling voice’ is more welcoming and relaxing. Your caller will

subconsciously appreciate it and like you.

Start the conversation with a ‘warm up’A simple question that will let your caller know you are human! This could be ‘how is your day so far?’ or

‘how is the weather where you are today? Better than here, I hope!’ Most people will respond to you in a

friendly manner and it helps to relax you and your caller by ‘breaking the ice’. Reply to their answer with a

relevant but positive response and then move the call forward:

‘That’s great, I’m glad you are having a good day. How can I help with your call today?’ or ‘So the weather

is as bad as it is here, never mind, the sun could be out tomorrow for us. How can I help with your call

today?’

Listen wellAvoid distractions and allow yourself to concentrate on your caller and their conversation.

Let the caller know you are listeningLet the caller know you are listening by responding with gentle and soft ‘ums’ and ‘ahs’ as they speak.

Allow the speaker to finish what they are saying – practise this with every call. If you interrupt, your caller

could become frustrated.

Use words that your caller usesUse words that your caller uses in their conversation, especially any adjectives – the words they use to

describe something. They have chosen to use the words, so they have a relevance to the content, an

alternative word may not have the same meaning for them.

Example: your caller says ‘The results were excellent’.

In this instance the word ‘excellent’ was chosen because it reflects what the speaker felt. To build rapport

use the same word back at any relevant time. Example: ‘I agree with what you said earlier, the results

were excellent’. If you were to reply with: ‘I agree with what you said earlier, the results were ok’, it will

subconsciously confuse your caller because they didn’t say ‘ok’; their chosen word was ‘excellent’.

Show empathy with your callerTo show empathy means to share in  another’s emotions, thoughts, or feelings, and is a great way of

building rapport. Empathy can be shown by using phrases such as: ‘I understand what you mean’. ‘I can

see where you are coming from’. ‘That must have made you feel really good’, ‘I understand why you

would think that way’.

Be yourself and relaxIf you are uptight or trying to be someone or something you are not, it will act as a barrier to building

rapport.

Go off scriptIf you read a script as part of your job, put your own personality into it so that it sounds as though the

words are your words and that you are not reading from a piece of paper. Use inflection, modulation and

pitch to help make the script interesting for the listener. Your caller will thank you for it. Isn’t it true that we

sometimes ‘switch off’ when we hear what sounds like a script being read to us?

Be friendlyBe friendly. It is possible to remain professional and courteous and still be friendly. This is easily achieved

by using good inflection and modulation in your voice, by showing an interest in your caller’s conversation

and by sharing laughter and lighthearted moments when the opportunity to do so arises during the call.

Enjoy your rapport building. It will make your calls more productive and  pleasant for both you and your

caller.

Building Rapport

by Señor Fingers

Rapport n 1: relation of trust between people. 2: a feeling of sympathetic understanding [syn: compatibility]. 3: in accord, harmony. 4: having a mutual, especially a private, understanding.

I used to marvel at my friend Ace.

He would approach girls and they’d end up telling him their life stories and falling in love with him. I learned the most about rapport from this guy because he was a natural. He could really feel people out and even get clues about their personality and background just from looking at them.

He would make commentaries on groups of people and describe the relationship and dynamic between them based on their body language and relative position to each other. Truly amazing!

I would watch him approach and he would always give the target a good once over with the eyes, squinting thoughtfully. He would then turn to me and break her down, saying she doesn’t like her job, she’s probably from out of town, etc.

It was amazing how spot on this guy was. He used this skill to create instant connections with people.

The secret to acquiring this skill? Quite simple really. Pay attention! People give you so many non-verbal clues that you are doing yourself a disservice by ignoring them.

- The Guessing Gaze

This is your first rapport exercise. Do exactly like Ace and make stories up about the people you see. You don’t have to approach them (although you know I will recommend it for practice). Simply observe them.

How are they dressed? What is their posture? Do they make eye contact? How do they react to their environment and other people? In other words, pace this person. Put yourself in their skin and try to understand where they are coming from. Develop your intuition!

- Fluff Rapport

Getting in tune with visual cues is only the beginning. People will provide a wealth of information with their words if you, that’s right, pay attention to what they say.

First you have to get the fluff down though, try not to tell her any of this info until she asks for it. Names, addresses, birthdays, jobs etc would all fall under this category. It’s okay to divulge this info, but keep things moving along otherwise you will slip into boring Interview Mode.

- Wide Rapport

You direct the conversation to the external world and create a shared reality. After I fluff a bit, I close in on her in this broad fashion, because it is disarming and casual. We exchange simple ideas and perceptions and find things in common, and as I gain trust I circle ever closer and ultimately switch into...

- Deep Rapport

You direct the conversation to the internal world and unravel the person you just met. It’s amazing because when you create deep rapport you are essentially distorting time. You accelerate the process of knowing someone by reaching deep down, past their social masks and find out who they really are.

It’s interesting how sometimes I can meet a total stranger and end up connecting with them to the point where I understand them better than their closest friends do. I don’t even do anything that special. I just listen and ask the right questions.

« NLP Business Leadership and Perceptual Positions

NLP Anchoring Example, Installing State in Training »

Practical Rapport Building for InterviewsYou will find lots written about rapport all over the internet. As such the main body of this report is all about how to really create great rapport quickly and easily. We will talk about how many NLP Practitioners get it wrong, the key ingredients to get it right. This is an extract from The Persuasion Skills Black Book which develops some of these themes into a specific process to take covert control of a conversation by using your covert persuasion skills.  

What is Rapport - a Basic Explanation

First, let us define rapport and discuss how so many NLPers get it so wrong. For a more full discussion on the standard view of rapport just type the word into a search engine. You will find a lot written and I would rather cover different ground. For our purpose it is just a method for increasing the responsiveness of your subject. This often involves some sort of liking or mutual respect but doesn’t have to.

As this is about influence and persuasion we don’t just want to build rapport but also to take control and lead the conversation to where you want it to go. 

Standard NLP Rapport Process 

The standard NLP approach is all about matching and mirroring body language, breathing, words and anything else your subject lets you. The basic idea being that people like people that are like themselves. This happens on an unconscious level and by matching or mirroring a subject you gain this rapport. At a foundation level this works, but there are several issues with it.

Matching and mirroring is more a rapport indicator than a rapport maker.

This is supposed to happen on an unconscious level.

You are not leading your subject; in fact you are spending all your attention just pacing them.

Whilst you are doing all of this aren’t you supposed to be in a conversation as well?

I love meeting new NLP practitioners because I tilt my head at odd angles, scratch myself in private and delicate areas and develop strange facial twitches whilst watching them desperately trying to mechanically match and mirror my body language. As you get move practised you can get them to fall off chairs by leaning and hyperventilate through constantly changing your breathing patterns.

A good NLP practitioner training course   will show you a number of great rapport techniques that really work and you can use in any situation. For this report we will focus on an easy foundation concept that will work almost anywhere and any situation and The  Persuasion Skills Black Book   will give you a specific process that lets you covertly take charge in specific one to one circumstances.But this is a simplistic view. For more complete coverage of Rapport have a look at Tom and Kim’s Essential Skills. These guys do a lot about how rapport really works and I recommend their products and seminars.

Rapport in One Easy Step

The quickest, easiest and simplest way to gain rapport is to assume you have it already. In most situations this works perfectly. If you imagine the person you are talking to is a very dear and close friend; the way you speak, your body language and your attitude towards them is very subtly different from normal. On an unconscious level you will be sending signals that the subject will respond to and you will be leading them into feelings of familiarity and responsiveness.

Of course on your practitioner we will build rapport techniques that have a lot more sophistication and allow you to, for example:

Covertly change your subjects emotions Build rapport with groups Implant suggestionsAnd a huge range of other things but they all start with the same basic premise of assuming you already have rapport. If you don’t have the time or money for a complete NLP Practitioner course yet, feel free to have a look at the Essential Skills   web site where you can find a lot more information about rapport.If you want to understand how to gain very powerful levels of rapport in the context of job interviews have a look at Using Hypnotic Interview Skills   for Job Interviews.

In the next section we will talk about a specific process that covertly lets you take complete control of a conversation and is ideal for situation such as job interviews, sales or networking.

Covert Conversation ControlIn the Persuasion Skills Black Book I take you through a specific technique that allows you to take control of a conversation whilst increasing the subject’s responsiveness and creating feelings of warmth, familiarity and friendliness. It works great in most situations but has a

special effect with people you are meeting for the first time. I explain it in the context of a job interview because it is the perfect situation for this technique. You can then adapt the process for any situation you care to choose. You can download the Persuasion Skills Black Book straight away for only $47 dollars right now to see this process.

Once you have covertly taken control of the situation and the conversation and have built rapport on a deep level you can use your hypnotic language, influencing processes and all the good stuff you will learn in The Persuasion Skills Black Book. You will find other articles on the website that will give you an idea as to where you can now take this.

Specific versions of many powerful techniques geared towards interview situations can be found on my Succeding at Job Interviews   using NLP Persuasion Programme. This would include taking covert control through rapport.There are even stronger, more powerful and sophisticated techniques for building rapport and gain unconscious control of a conversation. All of which you will learn on any good practitioner course or through the Essential Skills   website. But I have taught this process to many job candidates and whilst it doesn’t always guarantee a good interview I have yet to find anyone saying it did not make a significant difference.

Rapport is a magical feeling of trust when we feel we are on the same wavelength with another person. When you meet someone you may instantly like him/her. We all have felt this. But we do not know how to crate it. Here are some simple techniques as advocated by the founders of NLP. Parents, teachers, doctors, therapists, salesmen and professionals are all benefiting from them. Use them when dealing with your troublesome teenager or boss or employee and see the difference yourselves. These are especially useful when you want to establish a good opening with someone. You stand/sit, walk or run like the way that person does. Adapt your posture so that it is a mirror image of him. This is not mimicry or mere imitation. You watch him closely, notice hw he stands or sits and hold his head and limbs. Adopt yourself and slowly come to them. If they fold their hands and lean back or of they cross their legs you do them too. Even shaking hands can be adopted. Do this discreetly. Subtlety is the key. If you follow them quickly it may appear as if you are mimicking them. Make your matching and mirroring outside their awareness. Match their voice also. If they speak in hushed voice, or in loud strenuous tones, you do the same. If they speak fast or slow you follow their way. Follow their pitch. If their voice is high-pitched let yours be like that. If they speak in low pitch adapt that. 

. Repeat what they say. Do not argue or disagree. Instead, just repeat the main ideas and phrases when you reply. Finally, you can try to match their breathing rhythm by observing the heaving and fall of the chest After a few moments of matching and mirroring, gently begin to use the voice tone and posture which is comfortable with for you. If you have established rapport the other person will begin to follow you. Rapport is like a dance where one leads and the other follows. If she does not follow you, continue until he/she follows your lead. 

Why is this effective? Researchers say that matching the posture, gestures and voice tone breathing and all sned signals to the subconscious mind which say: “Hey, I am like you.” Since most of us like those who are like ourselves, you have made great strides in your endeavor to move closer to him.

More About : Rapport building 

Imagine building instant rapport with everyone you meet!

Some people just seem to know how to get along with anyone, and find meeting new people and building

rapport with them both easy and fun. That's great for them, but what if you find yourself feeling awkward

with people, and not knowing how to get any connection going?

You may know in your head that you need 'rapport' in order to connect with other people, build

relationships, make friends, and, of course, influence people - but where is the manual?

So how do you build rapport?

In the simplest terms, rapport is the feeling of 'being on the same wavelength' or 'in tune' with another

person. You are building rapport with someone when they start to have the feeling that you really

understand where they are 'coming from'. Feeling understood gives us a strong sense of connection.

Having a sense of connection means that we are more likely to listen to the person who has given us this

feeling.

How rapport building skills help you succeed

You can get someone 'on side' very quickly when you develop your rapport building skills. And that

means you can soon become more successful in so many other ways. Whether it's for job interviews,

dating, getting on at work, or building your social life, enhanced rapport building skills will do so much for

you.

Rapport: becoming a people person with hypnosis

Rapport building skills- can be mastered so much more effectively with hypnosis. You'll quickly be able to

develop that open mindset which allows you to see through the eyes of the other person - and establish

instant connection. Your unconscious mind will help you become confident in social situations so you can

use your new skills freely.

Instant Rapport will get you very deeply relaxed and instill in your mind the essence of good rapport

building.

How to Build Rapportoriginated by:Persuasive.net, Eric, Anonymous, Elyne (see all)

Article

Edit Discuss View History

People are generally more receptive to people like themselves. Whether that's right or wrong, it's built-in

to the most primitive parts of our brain[1][2] and it's something that you can tap into in various ways, but

especially through subtle mimicry. For example, there was a study done in which an interviewer talked to

participants and then dropped several pens on the floor. Participants who were mimicked during the

conversation were two to three times more likely to pick up the pens![2]In everyday life, building rapport

can help with persuasion, sales, teamwork, dating and getting bigger tips.

edit Steps

1. 1

Mirror their body language.

Ads by Google

How To Sing - Really Sing

 Breakthrough Method Releases Your Unique Voice! Watch Videos

www.TheSingingZone.com

o Posture/Body Movement: Wait 10 seconds, and then shift your body in the same way.

o Gestures: Use the same hand gestures they use, but only when it’s your turn to talk.

o Facial Expressions: Match their facial expressions instantly. If they raise their eyebrows, raise yours to

acknowledge their emotion.o Head Nods: When they nod their head, nod yours instantly to signal agreement or affirmation.

2. 2

Mimic their tonality.

o Accents: Copy their accent slightly. You don’t want to come across as mocking them, but listen to how

they pronounce words. Mimic them just enough to hint that you might have lived in their part of the

country at some point in your life. Many people do this naturally to some extent, and saying that accents

rub off on you easily may be a sufficient excuse if they react negatively to it.o Do they talk loud or soft? You’ll want to talk at their volume level at all times.

o Mimic the depth of their voice. People talk in one of three ways: through their nose, throat, or chest.

Figuring it out won’t be too difficult. Compare them to the descriptions below and shift the depth of your

voice a little bit closer to theirs.

Throat: A very throaty person will sound similar to Kermit the Frog

Nose: A person who talks through their nose will sound a bit like they’re congested.

Chest: People who talk to their chest usually sound very deep and loud.

3. 3

During the conversation, breathe like they breathe. This will create a hypnotic synchronization.

4. 4

Match their rate of speech. Some people talk really really fast, and some people talk very s-l-o-w-l-y. If

they talk slow and you talk fast, what’s the first thing that might come to someone's mind? Usually when

you hear someone who speaks really fast, your brain links them to a slick fast talking sales person. We

automatically go into defense mode: “warning, warning, salesman, salesman!” The opposite scenario

would be when you talk slowly to someone who speaks fast. They might think that you're not very

intelligent. Another thing to listen for is their cadence, or the rhythm, of their speech. Do they speak in

bursts, or at a steady rhythm?[2]

5. 5

Repeat and approve. This is so simple yet but probably one that most people often forget. After they

speak, make sure you repeat a very brief synopsis of what they say and then approve (excellent, great,

amazing, that’s exciting). This shows that you are indeed listening. For some odd reason, people like it

when you listen! Learning How to Be a Good Listener helps establish empathy, which is crucial building

block of rapport.

6. 6

Assume you already have rapport. Talk to the person as if they're a close friend whom you completely

trust, and who completely trusts you. If you act in this manner, you will send out subconscious signals

encouraging the other person to view you the same way.[3]